neonly:


Not abt sex or calming nerves it abt our behavior in front of d kids it very unhealthy

Stop replying Kobojunkie, she's a Die-hard NL feminist. She has no value to add to your home. Her words would make you feel that's how all women behave,,,, which isn't the fact. You need the help of a counsellor & not a feminist.

neonly:




D Gods must have reveal dis to u
I swear any time am out of Lagos
I come back looking heather fresher happier
But before u know again depression come it and I being to loose weight
Dat not even d issue I can sacrifice anything to my family happiness but dis days is getting worst as if she know my weak point

It is not totally right to sacrifice yourself for family happiness. If anything happens to you family will adjust in less than 6 months.

If you leave are you planning to leave with the kids? They might be happier with you. Age is not on your side, I believe that after 40 people should try to make themselves happy.
At this point you need to either cling to your partner like never before or take a break from the relationship.
Your mental health is key.
You can only cling to your partner if she realises that this marriage is about to break and is willing to cling to you until the storm passes.

So you have to talk with your spouse? Ask her if she is tired? Let her know that you are tired as well. Ask her if she is willing to communicate and cross this stage. Then tell her what you do not like that she is doing and LISTEN to her reasons why she is doing it. If there is a stalemate, both of you should still come together and discuss how you plan to separate temporarily amicably.

From the connotation of your submission, your demeanor shows that you've always been a wannabe kind and wannabe libertarian man. On the other hand, the vices you enable from the inception of your relationship with her or the once you meted out against her have reared their ugly heads.

The solution to your marital problem glaringly lies in your hand.

[quote author=Kobojunkie post=106218202]
Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.
You are wise. The highlighted, will never be taught anywhere for free.
Thank you

ufotty2001:
I have a girlfriend all what she think of is how she will collect money from me and career.. !!! She has never ask me how is business? How is life?? How are you managing... All are calls are complain that she need this or that..

That's a leech

AlphaAlex:
Your situation is pathetic but anyway this is not the time to be emotional. You have to be very practical and put your foot down . If she’s not helping the marriage move forward call her to order and address the issue if she’s still disobedient then you kick her ass out and get A professional maid or something else. No allow any woman stress you with wahala you’re already providing for your kids the least she can do is make sure you’re okay too .

Very practical I must say !!!

ahnie:
Forget I love you in marriage.marriage is hard,forget being married to your best friend, marriage is hard!hard!!and hard!!!

I think marriage should be scrapped completely coz it's an unending pit....

Haba @ the bolded words
No be u cook sweet looking rice for hubby on a thread few days ago wey all of us con dey envy? Why u con dey yarn like this? I saw somewhere u stated u wan be feminist? Hope all is well sha...Abeg no let women like Kobojunkie mislead u o

wonderr:
Am sorry to ask this question hope she is not the one taking care of the most responsibilities at home?

Nope I do 99% on me

[quote author=Kobojunkie post=106218202]
So, you want to ruin your 15-year old marriage for the sake of your ego?
■ You go to market
■ Cook
■ clean the house
■ wash the children uniform
....
So you do these things in your own home and you expect what, a medal? The person that used to do them before, I am guessing your wife, she no be human being like you?

So your wife is interested in her career, and you are what? Against your "friend" doing well in her career or what? And let me guess, communication has degraded between you two and probably between your egos are butting heads at this point and rather than working on that, you are instead thinking of ways to end your relationship?

Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.
Die to your ego if you must and learn to grow rather than destroy your marriage over petty things such as what you listed here. [/quo

Abeg,, u never marry am sure of that.. u dey try wan make sense but u are saying nothing.. there is a problem here don't try to twist it..

Rubbiish:

Haba @ the bolded words
No be u cook sweet looking rice for hubby on a thread few days ago wey all of us con dey envy? Why u con dey yarn like this? I saw somewhere u stated u wan be feminist? Hope all is well sha...Abeg no let women like Kobojunkie mislead u o

Lol

okoroemeka:
when I told my father that I want to marry,he laughed and sat me down and asked me if I have seen him and my mother fight,I said no,he asked again if I have ever seen people come to settle dispute for them,I said no,he told me so long I have decided to get married I will be responsible for whatever happens,that I will never call him if we have problems obviously he will not come ,that it is me that will settle the dispute, asking strangers on nnairaland what you will do in your marriage is wrong,take the bull by the horns,talk to your wife,allow her to vent her anger so you might understand what went wrong,she is a woman,you can easily control her if you know how.

Wrong? How? Did he divulge their Identities (his own wife and children)? He has done nothing wrong here. He is only looking for a platform to get help. Well, you've ended up helping him yourself with your advice, exactly the reason why he came online.

Kestolove:
Divorce and marry another, responsible girls full area no husband

For your mind you don give advice, shey?

Kobojunkie:
Op has yet to respond to those questions.. still waiting to read from him.
Unless he opens up even more, there's no way of really telling.

So how did you conclude that the reason OP was complaining about doing the house chores, groceries purchase, taking care of the kids and on top of all that, being the breadwinner, was because of his ego?

Shokoloko:


It is not totally right to sacrifice yourself for family happiness. If anything happens to you family will adjust in less than 6 months.

If you leave are you planning to leave with the kids? They might be happier with you. Age is not on your side, I believe that after 40 people should try to make themselves happy.
At this point you need to either cling to your partner like never before or take a break from the relationship.
Your mental health is key.
You can only cling to your partner if she realises that this marriage is about to break and is willing to cling to you until the storm passes.

So you have to talk with your spouse? Ask her if she is tired? Let her know that you are tired as well. Ask her if she is willing to communicate and cross this stage. Then tell her what you do not like that she is doing and LISTEN to her reasons why she is doing it. If there is a stalemate, both of you should still come together and discuss how you plan to separate temporarily amicably.

On d contrary I have ask her if she tired abt d relationship and she said no with a smile on her face I can never forget d evening dat was one of d reason dat gave me hope abt us

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

That's the fate that befalls all so called "good" husbands. You take up domestic duties abandoned by your wife instead of reining her in as a real man, only to come online to threaten us with ending your marriage. It is men like you that demonize other men that insist on putting their wives in their place. Ironically, their own marriages flourish but that of wussies crumble.

Homeboiy:
The worst of it all be say the children go first buy their mama motor if they grow

Your own go be schnapps

No go kill your self o

Not any more

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will theyj feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

Divorce her fast. Emeka Ike did sane thing wen her wife chose pastor Chris okotie over their marriage

Somblaq:
One thing I understand with women is that women are tree, There grow based on how there are nutured.
Some men over pamper women and with that they can do rubbish and you will still beg them at last. Most of all these depends on the hand you gave her during ur early dating and marriage life. She may be doing some little rubbish that instead being bold to say I don't like this u were thinking she will change with time.
Bro just keep praying for her, there's nothing God can not do. I don't support divorce unless on the basis of adultery.

The bold is the major foundation cause of most marital issues people post here. A lot of men over pamper women in the early stage of marriage & during courtship, when they can no longer continue with the pampering, then problem set in, because the women are already used to it. Men should learn to be real
& be their true self from the on set.

neonly:
Am not good writer please trying to make it short

Everything just falling apart in my house
Sometimes I hear some folks saying I will tolerate rubbish in marriage but honestly it easier say than done if it actually happen to you
Where did I get it wrong sef
We use to be good friends before church matter enter
Now she does nothing in the house
I go to work come back to go to market and cook clean the house wash the children uniforms for the younger ones

All she is interested now is her own career
What my fate when I grow old
Is this not a red flag for me
What will be the fate of my wonderful innocent children how will they feel not growing up with their mother and father together all these are pounding in my head
the issues are too much I can't type it all am really depressed but sha life goes on
But my children what will be their fate

The problem here is not really the chores or church or career, the problem is break in communication. A home is a system of different components working together, to achieve success every component needs to be clearly defined as to how they will function. As a result of lack of communication the parties responsible for each component are doing what they deem right. I will advise you get professional help from a counsellor quickly, there is already resentment in the air, should this metamorphose to the next level, the marriage will be irredeemable. Get help soonest.

Tinyemeka:

So how did you conclude that the reason OP was complaining about doing the house chores, groceries purchase, taking care of the kids and on top of all that, being the breadwinner, was because of his ego?

The house is his and the children are also his. The only reason anyone would believe his/herself too big to do chores in his/her own home is the ego.

Bro this Is bitter but its the best advise.

You gotta let her go bro. You've totally lost the battle and somehow she knows you can't do anything about it and thats why she's acting this way. Its either you can't provide for the family or you're too weak but the best thing to do is to divorce and find a younger wife to marry . Think about your future bro. A word is enough for the wise

SimplyFacts:


Stop replying Kobojunkie, she's a Die-hard NL feminist. She has no value to add to your home. Her words would make you feel that's how all women behave,,,, which isn't the fact. You need the help of a counsellor & not a feminist.

I can handle anybody idea or yans bro's no bi me bring my yarsh come out side
Thks sha

neonly:



On d contrary I have ask her if she tired abt d relationship and she said no with a smile on her face I can never forget d evening dat was one of d reason dat gave me hope abt us

So it is weird that she is answering such a serious question with a smile. She is supposed to be worried and curious: that question is pregnant.
But lets assume she is someone that smiles all the time
In that case you need to tell her that you are tired and unhappy. When people are about to lose something they either grab and hold it tight or they turn away. If you tell her. That will give her an opportunity to express herself.

I also feel that you are overwhelmed by the chores at home. You might need a househelp

Sonnobax15:

Na wa oh......May thunder never forget to fire anybody wey say marriage institution no hard pass normal higher institution

Op,calm down first....In fact take a chili pill . It's definitely gonna be alright.......

Sometimes when I come across stories like this,I begin to wonder what really compels people to change after getting so close to each other...... People who are supposed to be the better halves of each other now becoming a bone in one partner's throat....No be so e suppose be na

Op,be a gentle man....Call her and sit her down.....Na you be the chairman of that family . No dey mumu around simply because say your Banny get better hustling ground pass you . Ginger up,be a man here bro . Clear her all her fvck up and if she try jump up jump up,make sure say you treat her fvck up accordingly

Na man you be.

Kestolove:
Divorce and marry another, responsible girls full area no husband

Girls are always nice and good b4 marriage. As I'm talking to your my neighbor cooks n clean the house ever since the wife got a job of 50k. She contributes nothing, Even wen she receives the salary.

Buh na de sane man way de hail him wife b4 marriage. So sister , watin i understand for this life be say, if lion no chop goat, goat go chop grass. If husband is harsh now, de wive will be calm, if de wife is harsh de husband will be calm

Kestolove:
Divorce and marry another, responsible girls full area no husband

They will turn irresponsible at the end

Kobojunkie:

[s]So, you want to ruin your 15-year old marriage for the sake of your ego?
■ You go to market
■ Cook
■ clean the house
■ wash the children uniform
....
So you do these things in your own home and you expect what, a medal? The person that used to do them before, I am guessing your wife, she no be human being like you?

So your wife is interested in her career, and you are what? Against your "friend" doing well in her career or what? And let me guess, communication has degraded between you two and probably between your egos are butting heads at this point and rather than working on that, you are instead thinking of ways to end your relationship?

Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.
Die to your ego if you must and learn to grow rather than destroy your marriage over petty things such as what you listed here[/s].

Very useless comment full of assumptions!

okoroemeka:
when I told my father that I want to marry,he laughed and sat me down and asked me if I have seen him and my mother fight,I said no,he asked again if I have ever seen people come to settle dispute for them,I said no,he told me so long I have decided to get married I will be responsible for whatever happens,that I will never call him if we have problems obviously he will not come ,that it is me that will settle the dispute, asking strangers on nnairaland what you will do in your marriage is wrong,take the bull by the horns,talk to your wife,allow her to vent her anger so you might understand what went wrong,she is a woman,you can easily control her if you know how.

Una never see movie...

Shokoloko:


It is not totally right to sacrifice yourself for family happiness. If anything happens to you family will adjust in less than 6 months.

If you leave are you planning to leave with the kids? They might be happier with you. Age is not on your side, I believe that after 40 people should try to make themselves happy.
At this point you need to either cling to your partner like never before or take a break from the relationship.
Your mental health is key.
You can only cling to your partner if she realises that this marriage is about to break and is willing to cling to you until the storm passes.

So you have to talk with your spouse? Ask her if she is tired? Let her know that you are tired as well. Ask her if she is willing to communicate and cross this stage. Then tell her what you do not like that she is doing and LISTEN to her reasons why she is doing it. If there is a stalemate, both of you should still come together and discuss how you plan to separate temporarily amicably.

@bolded, is often a recipe for disaster coz as interim separation helps to figure out if we indeed love/miss our partner, it also has the tendency to create a vacuum; presenting us with the chance to ponder better on reasons we don't need our partners anymore.

Very dicey!

Kobojunkie:

So, you want to ruin your 15-year old marriage for the sake of your ego?
■ You go to market
■ Cook
■ clean the house
■ wash the children uniform
....
So you do these things in your own home and you expect what, a medal? The person that used to do them before, I am guessing your wife, she no be human being like you?

So your wife is interested in her career, and you are what? Against your "friend" doing well in her career or what? And let me guess, communication has degraded between you two and probably between your egos are butting heads at this point and rather than working on that, you are instead thinking of ways to end your relationship?

Look, no two marriages are created the same and no two individuals in a marriage are exact copies of themselves. You and your wife are meant to design your own marriage in a way that works for you, not go around comparing yourselves to others out there.
Die to your ego if you must and learn to grow rather than destroy your marriage over petty things such as what you listed here.

The way I dey look you so, e no be like sey your head correct.