It's a long read, but bare with me ...

Some of the traits I'm about to highlight are possessed by some certain sets of individuals with a personality disorder called Narcisism. The aftermath of being in a relationship with these folks is a distorted reality, depleted Ego and self esteem. You are abandoned at critical moments, you fell for an emotionally unavailable human you thought was real and capable of love , you never knew it was a facade and pretentious love. It's not you, this is how they treat every other person close to them, family and friends. They are unhealthy and toxic. They don'twant accountability and don't wanna owe it, they hate commitment and anything breeding love and goodness, they are envious of you and your happy state of mind and would availably use you for money, status , food or a place to live. They are disordered people.

I have heard of ladies who proudly boast of themselves being the ones to actually call a good relationships quit . They leave a trail of unsettled relationship without closure, and move from one lover to the other very quickly. If you track their history you would see this repetitive pattern. These are toxic, emotionally unavailable and unhealthy sets of people you should never get involved with. This set of females were likely neglected and traumatised during childhood by either a loved one or parent who seemed to have loved them and set them on a high pedestal but later abandoned them. It leaves them hating that parent forever, if it's a female, she would probably hate her father for leaving her mother . She will mostly hate the male gender and will eventually be void of empathy . This will make her hate both genders and never comit or build trust and bond with anyone. The trauma built them this way. They lack Object constancy which explains why even during a little argument or misunderstanding , they will find it hard to see you as someone they love and someone they are angry with. It's either black or white. If you wronged them, you are seen as bad forever , it doesn't matter how much good you've done for them . They will never forgive you. You will be devalued and abandoned. They always pretend to be nice to outsiders who haven't seen them beyond their mask or familiarised with them.

You've probably always wondered why they are so mean and cruel to you indoors and very nice to people outside. They have this split personality. Truly they don't see you or no other person other than their selves. They care not for you or anyone and will never do. They are self absorbed.


typing

Modified..**

They hate bonds , they don't have to ability to create a bond with anyone. They have never loved anyone and can never be in love. they are users and abusers. This is why it's easy for them to abandon the relationship like you never happened, even when you feel you've got something good going on.

They never have real friends. Check their history of long lasting friendships, they have none. Because they use people and discard them, they lack object constancy. Once you don't serve a need to them, it doesn't matter how much or how long you've been there for them, they will devlaue and discard you once the chips are down.

These same ladies can barely keep and maintain a good, loving, long term romantic relationship and they likely have a history of abandoning and discarding their partners at critical moments without closure .
You are the victim and target, they will come for you if you have something of importance to them like status, money and power. They love to target empathic, successful, healthy and happy people. This is because they are not happy with themselves , they have to drain you by using you to regulate their emotions because you are their new source of supply.

They usually have 3 cycles in every romantic relationship, the idealisation, devalue and discard stages.

typing

Feels like you're describing me there on the first post.

IDEALISATION

As you show interest, empathise and begin to love them, they will love bomb you during the idealisation stage , they will mirror your likes and fake empathy. They will put you on a high pedastal even on your first meeting. They will try rush intimacy and sexual intimacy with you as soon as possible. They will tell you how they were victimised in all their previous relationships (first red flag) , they will play the victim card to seek attention and empathy from you, and they had no fault in it . Slowly as they begin to idealise you , treat you as a king and make you feel loved, you will feel like you've found the one. but these are all act of mirroring you , because these are actually your traits; you're kind , empathic and capable of love. They are incapable of love .

They are self absorbed, with high sense of entitlement, they are energy suckers.
Ladies like this are called Narcissists, and yes there are female Narcissists as well as their male misogynistic counterparts . They are incapable of love and all lack empathy and are self absorbed. This is why they can't maintain a good loving long term relationship.

A typical Narcissist is manipulaitve, self absorbed , they posses low self esteem , but project confidence to hide their low esteem . They love attention, grandiose appraisal and he/she is magnificently obsessed with their beauty/handsomeness , they are abusive with money , they gaslight you during arguments to distort your reality. There is no conflict resolution with these people because they are never willing to take the blame. Don't try to call them out during arguments if you notice their abuse or mistreatment towards you, because they will give you the silent treatment and ignore your for days or even weeks(another sign) .

typing

You are so right about all this. Having a spouse or a sister or friend with these sick disposition is fine. You will be hurt but you can take a good look at yourself and take a walk out of the relationship. Your placenta wasn't buried there.


But what do you do when these narcissistic persons are your dad and your mom?


It's life damaging experience. You cannot just walk away when your dad is well to do and can impact your life. It's sick.

The lies, the manipulation and endless use and abuse can tip you over.


Let me hold my peace and let you do your thing.

Adios

THE DEVALUE

As you begin to notice and unsmask some certain traits , you begin to spot some inconsistency in their behaviours and as you try to call it out to them as a matter of need for urgent resolution, they'll never engage or interact with you during this confrontation. This is a toxic form of control. The aim is to shut you up. It's very manipulative and abusive. They will devalue you by giving you the silent treatment. If they try to utter any word, it will be a form of gaslighting, they will utter words like " you're being crazy, or no that's not true, you're over thinking or too emotional". To make it worst, they will Stonewall you and that's when they try to act busy, either by pressing their phones or walking around the house and lifting furnitures or doing random chores. All this is for them to avoid being accountable to you or responsible for their actions. They will rather see it as a threat . In the mind of the Narcissist, they are like, 'How dare you discover my true nature, how dare you see me through my games and man as imperfect ?

You will always feel lonely around these folks. You will find yourself constantly walking on eggshells and landmines because you don't know when you might do or say anything that will cause them to rage or ignore you . They will breadcrumb you and will be emotionally unavailable most of the time during the devalue stage. A little display of empathy or show of intimacy to you will last you for weeks, months or a whole year because you never know when you will get that again.

They love to hold grudges for a long time over minor issues and disagreements. They will isolate you from family members and friends, they will ruin special moments like birthdays, promotion or picnics, because they hate happy moments if it's not about them. YOu will often be the one begging for love and asking them to change, while they punish and give you the silent treatment for trying to question them. If they are having a bad day, all hell will break lose on you. Even if it's their fault for having a failure or bad day, they will blame you and make you suffer for it. This how evil and manipulative these folks are. They blame shift and use you to regulate their emotions. RUN FOR YOU LIFE!!!


They will ignore you during conflict resolutions, if they were to utter a single word, it will be verbal abuse or statements like " gosh I'm stuck, I'm sick of all this" or " you're too sensitive , or you're crazy , you're over analysing things" . This is very hurtful and toxic. At this moment , you have to be very careful with them because they could be so cruel to you and you could also harm them by reacting off their abuse . This is where their true self is unmasked, during conflict resolutions.


The constant effect it will have on you as a significant other to this person, is a shattered ego and depleted self confidence. A normal healthy person will want to resonate and resolute with you and they will feel bad for making you hurt , and they will apologise and try to amend, but the goal of the female Narcissist is to tear down your self esteem and confidence, to make you unhappy? why else would anyone do that to you?

For calling them out on their behaviours, they will devalue you also by withholding all form of intimacy, both psychologically and sexually as a form of punishment. They will never be emotionally vulnerable to you. They will hate you even for loving them, and they will be on the search to groom their next supply which will be your replacement. To get them back, you have to play according to their rules... you have to see them as perfect . The same things they gave you willingly from the onset will be withheld, and for the same traits you possessed which made them attracted to you ( a kind and empathic heart), you will be hated.

Fuvvvk shirtttt

I tire ooo

SenecaTheYonger:
Feels like you're describing me there on the first post.

Lol I come in peace

Y

THE DISCARD

The female Narcissist now knows you've seen through them. They weren't the "loving" type of person you thought they were. they mirrored you and stringed you all along. As your health begins to deteriorate or inflow of money begins to shorten , or let's say crisis or something happened to you which made you low for a while , either emotionally , psychologically and financially, they will begin to look for ways to abandon you. This is because they lack empathy and are self absorbed. You are about to take all the attention from them. You were meant to serve them, to praise them and to provide for them, emotionally, financially and mentally. They are emotionally unavailable people. Because you aren't able to do all this and now you need them, they will discard you without closure like you never happened. You will be left confused with a depleted self esteem, shattered ego , deteriorated health and mental state.

I've been around these folks too long, you should never let them come close, both male and female , your risk losing everything including yourself.

Nice read. Same where I dropped one Faith, the werey want to use me to massage her shattered ego..

Rubbish

What my eyes have seen!!!

All I can say is... Omo

I go read all dis things because of girl, watin jus full nairaland now na things about girls.nawa ooo

Robert Greene's "The Narcissist" comes to mind.

Reading

SpiritlifeNG

U composed this??
Wow

Miracood2:
SpiritlifeNG

U composed this??
Wow

yeaa... happy Sunday

I have seen this in both male and female,if you dey behave like pikin or do anyhow I move on.