Tzar:

MR HELPER!

you can say that again

Quick ejaculation is sexual problem that has solution. But the man must be able to let go of his ego.

Kobojunkie:
Medical expert? The man is a 10second man, not a sick man.

Maryliola:
Hey guys

I’m making this post because I don’t want to be judged and I can’t turn my on people in my real life because they may not understand. Well I’ve been married for 2 plus years I’m 27 with a son. I’m going to get personal so embrace yourself.

Myself and my husband have a good relationship, almost too good because I literally see him like my brother. This is to the point where our romantic/lover side of our relationship is kinda dead. I see him naked, it’s like looking at my brother naked. I don’t feel turned on, or excited. We talk and gist like friends, but romantically things are flat. Our sex life is mediocre I guess. He doesn’t do oralll sexxx and he ejaculates very fast. I’m talking 10 seconds, and it’s every single time despite taking different preventative measures. I know that I’m extremely clean as I’m very observant of myself and he also tells me all the time. Yet orall sexxx is disgusting to him and “dehumanising”. There’s no passion when we kiss, its forced most times.


Lately I’ve been finding myself fantasising about being touched by a man , almost every night . A man that will give me orall sexx a man that will turn me on and blow me away. I don’t want to be judged here, but this is genuinely how I’ve been feeling. I don’t want to put pressure on my husband as he has other things to worry about.
A man that will kiss me in all the right places and make me feel like a woman. Sometimes I believe I’m being delusional, or unrealistic. I’m trying to get rid of these thoughts, but I really don’t know how. I have never cheated on my husband and I don’t think I have the guts to do it. I really just want to know how married people cope when that spark is gone. When you begin to look at your spouse like a brother or sister, and romantically the vibes are not there.

Let me also say that I’ve addressed this to him many times, but he stands he’s not willing to compromise.

Help!

Mods, I need this on front page as I need help for people to see this.

First, you are not crazy. This thing happens sometimes, but for a 27 yrs old to already be going through this stage is very troubling.

My questions for you are:
1. Before you got married how was your sex life?
2. Was he always a 10 Sec dude?
3. Was he giving you MouthAction?
4. Do you take a very good care of your private part?
5. How old is your child?
6. Do you guys go out alone together (date night)?
7. Who is this man you’re constantly thinking about?
8. Are you still in love?

In order to give a good advise, i need answers to these questions.

Iyaebe:
Hope you won't demand for what you don't like?that'll amount to selfishness.

You rest nau, life is not about sex and mouth action, if you so much like it and your hubby does not, but a dog and enjoy all the mouth action you want...

Iyaebe:
That's an insult to the husband

Does it look he cares.... How would you make love to your wife for just ten seconds and not look for a solution

Kobojunkie:
What I would recommend is you work on ways to channel that extra energy into something else. If you no get passion or work, find yourself one. If you already have a job, find other hobbies to help reroute your mind back to that of benefit and away from that which is not of benefit to your marriage and life

As for the dynamics of your relationship, if seeing a psychiatrist for professional counseling will help, please do not hesitate at all. Also, you can engage your husband in more husband and wife -ish activities, maybe with other couples, to help you begin to see him more as a partner than as a brother.

As to the love-making, maybe you can both enroll is sex therapy together as well.

I read your story and I immediately thought of another story from a couple of weeks back..https://www.nairaland.com/6744817/quarrel-because-sex#105660528

you have succeeded in saying nothing, all this channel your energy into something else will make her frustrated and probably leave the marriage.. sex is God's gift to mankind , focusing on other things wouldn't stop her hormones from being released

Henrypraise:


You rest nau, life is not about sex and mouth action, if you so much like it and your hubby does not, but a dog and enjoy all the mouth action you want...

My issue here is: if the dude wasn’t giving MouthAction before they got married, she shouldn’t expect him to start giving after their marriage… it simply doesn’t work this way.

If MouthAction was her thing, why didn’t she discuss or demand for such before marrying the dude? You can’t expect the dude to give what he doesn’t have…MouthAction is special, but it is simply not for everybody.

Was the dude a 10 Sec man before they got married or he just turned into one? Marriage doesn’t cure a 10 sec dude. It is what it is.

This lady should have seen all these things before saying “I DO”.
A lot of people don’t understand that marriage doesn’t make certain things better, but completely the opposite (it makes certain things worse)

TomMary:
you have succeeded in saying nothing, all this channel your energy into something else will make her frustrated and probably leave the marriage.. sex is God's gift to mankind , focusing on other things wouldn't stop her hormones from being released

So your suggestion is that rather than finding an outlet for all that energy which has already built up over time, this according to her story mind you, she should continue to walk around a ticking time bomb ready to explode - hormones rule over her body and mental - and probably ruin her marriage relationship anyways?

Sex is God's gift to mankind and this woman is sexually frustrated in her marriage? Did God tell you that her marriage is then a mistake or something?

Read through the rest of the post you responded to to see what else I suggested.

Hathor5:


It hasn't crossed your mind that I might be one of them?

If you work 8 to 5 pm and u have kids to cater for and u still have high sex drive, most times (not occasionally), then I rest my case

Maryliola:
like I said I’m clean, I don’t think he would’ve married me if I was dirty as he is also very clean. But why can’t you give head? Have you tried it before?

I also think its a thing of phycological pride some men have.

I said that in one of my post in this your thread.

Does your husband have a big ego?

nairamaniac:


I have done my research on this using close friends and relatives as case studies.

Out of like 30guys very very close to me, I found out that like 10 of them can't afford to give mouth action.


And it's beyond coincidence that those are the proudest set of friends and relatives I have/know.

It makes them believe they are loosing charge to the woman.

Some men see sex as a means of humbling/defeating/conquering the woman-race.

Are you married? Are these guys married ? Are u sure u have 20 out of 30 that give mouth action ?

For married folks, it’s hard to find mouth action and it’s just the norm...

Married people don’t fantasize things like that ... don’t make it sound like people who aren’t doing it are not normal... it’s married people who are doing it that are abnormal cos these things are things learnt from porn and immorality...

It’s ok if two people are cool with it but stop sounding like it Shld be part of marriage ...

Conduct a poll even here on Nl and u will realize 95% of married people will say NO to it...

Does that sound like pride?

HazzanTazzan:


Are you married? Are these guys married ? Are u sure u have 20 out of 30 that give mouth action ?

For married folks, it’s hard to find mouth action and it’s just the norm...

Married people don’t fantasize things like that ... don’t make it sound like people who aren’t doing it are not normal... it’s married people who are doing it that are abnormal cos these things are things learnt from porn and immorality...

It’s ok if two people are cool with it but stop sounding like it Shld be part of marriage ...

Conduct a poll even here on Nl and u will realize 95% of married people will say NO to it...

Does that sound like pride?

Well u are right. The more years people spend in marriage, the less they fantasize about things like that.

But it's better to do these things out of duty rather than pleasure.

Or combination of both.

That's where love/responsibility comes in.

Forget bout me being married or not. I rather don't get profiled here.

But I understand all u mean and agree to large extent.
Thanx!

.........

Clinghton:
I believe it was the spark that brought you guys together now it's lost, visit a sex therapist. Try convincing your hubby to follow you.

Some couples marry without any (or at least mutual) chemistry hoping that it will come after marriage as the years go by.

I notice that it's a common occurrence especially amongst churchy/religious folks, who are usually made to believe that sexual attraction is carnal and/or against the will of God.

I feel that this woman was never sexually attracted to the husband from the word go. They probably met in church, where agape love is encouraged, while romantic love discouraged, as it's construed as lust by most religious establishments. She was hoping that the marriage certificate would bring down the man's (probably religious) inhibitions, but to her surprise the man remains as stiff as an iron rod.

She wants a MAN. He doesn't even have to go down on her, I think she just wants somebody who turns into beast mode while making love. Somebody vulgar and dirty and hôrny. Somebody who can forget for a moment that he's an usher or choir member in his church and go crazy at the site of her nakéd body. That's what she wants, I can almost guarantee you.

Anyway, since the man isn't keen on doing anything to meet her halfway, I'll suggest she should make peace with her situation and learn how to finger herself to her satisfaction.

Tobedated:


gods of egypt!. it is your mind that is twisted and in urgent need of a reset chai you don't belong in this generation

Yes. I don’t belong to this generation! It is your mind that is twisted and messed up. Where else do you get the ability to indulge in such a dirty act. What you do is out of the overflow of your thoughts!! Shameful!!!

princewarri1985:
Nothing is clean about a pussy, it's meant to receive dick not one idiot putting his mouth there with all manner of discharge coming out from the opening down there, i even feel like throwing up right now, yuck! Some men dey try sha, them go come still use that mouth eat too

Do you feel the same about blow jobs?

samsard:
I guess the same principle is what you guys use to justify anal rimming?
Nothing like washes well. No self-respecting and health conscious man should put his mouth there. Have you heard about the correlation between MouthAction and increased risk of mouth cancer? Yeah, "the vagina is clean" yen yen yen

What do you think about blow jobs?

muykem:
Do what I said. I didn't ask you for money and this instructions is harmful to you and your family. Two months from now, quote me on the result and I will answer you.

Please can you repost the instructions by quoting me... thanks

fxexperts:


That's why they life. This life nor balance. Good guys gets married to them Oloshos. While bad guys get the good girls. Am Sure OP had a lot of sexual fantasies with randy men when she was single, and her husband was a virgin before marriage. She saw a good man and jumped to marry him and the husband was carried away by Op seductive body type. I think that is the root cause of her problem.

lol....you're funny.

It may not be so ooooo? Men that give head are not many, both good and bad guys. A lot of men don't do oral, but like you said, na them sabi marry wives wey dey like oral pass.

nairamaniac:


Well u are right. The more years people spend in marriage, the less they fantasize about things like that.

But it's better to do these things out of duty rather than pleasure.

Or combination of both. I still have most of my friends still giving their wives mouth actions till date, cos those were the things that satisfy her before they got married.

Anyman who wants to do things out of self convinience, especially in performing his bedroom duties isn't really ready for marriage.
Except if they grew out of bond/love/peace with time.

That's where love/responsibility comes in.

Forget bout me being married or not. I rather don't get profiled here.

But I understand all u mean and agree to large extent.
Thanx!

Yes for people who have been doing it before marriage, if both parties have done it before marriage either together or with someone else, it would be easy to continue in marriage ...

But I still put it to you that people who were not like that in their youth will never find it easy to do in marriage ...

The OP must have been getting mouth action from someone before she met this man she married... she can’t expect this man who has never done it to begin doing it for her just cos she is used to it...

In short, marriage is complicated and you have to cope with some things... you can’t have it all in marriage ... u decide to leave one partner cos ure lacking one thing and u go to a new partner where u will get that thing but you will lack a whole lot more

elantraceey:



Lmao..... So you think being busy with being independent will automatically reduce libido and remove fantasies? You're highly mistaking.

do u like head

.

HazzanTazzan:
The OP must have been getting mouth action from someone before she met this man she married.

This cracked me up really bahd meeehn

U said it as if you have caught the op red handed several times.

HazzanTazzan:


Yes for people who have been doing it before marriage, if both parties have done it before marriage either together or with someone else, it would be easy to continue in marriage ...

But I still put it to you that people who were not like that in their youth will never find it easy to do in marriage ...

The OP must have been getting mouth action from someone before she met this man she married... she can’t expect this man who has never done it to begin doing it for her just cos she is used to it...

In short, marriage is complicated and you have to cope with some things... you can’t have it all in marriage ... u decide to leave one partner cos ure lacking one thing and u go to a new partner where u will get that thing but you will lack a whole lot more

Anyway I'm not married.


But even as a bachelor, I go all out to please girl friend's I love, especially on bed.

I know I would do much more in marriage.

I don't see marriage as fun/play first.

I see it more as Work/Growth/developement.

That's where people get it wrong.

U are right, no perfect situation in marriage.

Klass99:


Farfalla, the chief analyst! See as you analyze the matter finish. I don't think it was a lack of sexual attraction on her part.

The hubby is just selfish and has issues below the belt, rather than address his issues he is carrying on like his partner's sexual needs don't count.

The man can't give what he doesnt have. If he was never like that pre-marriage, it's gonna be hard during-marriage.

But this op needs to run the ops favorite food on her punna inorder for the husband to start getting down low.

Like me I love ice cream and cakes.

If any woman rubs that on her punna and say I should eat with my tongue, I wont even think twice.

Even if she's a witch, I must proceed

.

Maryliola:
that’s the thing, I still give him head even though he doesn’t give it to me. And I know he enjoys it because he cums extremely quick and he tells me I’m the best he’s had. So I don’t know why he can’t return the favour.

1. It's possible he tried it before and it was a disgusting experience for him. Perhaps he finds it unnatural.

2. It's possible he's never tried it and is unsure of his skill in this forte. Perhaps he's afraid of putting up a disappointing performance, like that of one trying to give you head and in the process ends up looking like a guy chewing an overripe mango.

I still think he shouldn't be coerced to do what he feels uncomfortable doing. Let him do the other stuff. Kissing, fingering, etc. He fingers you, right? Please tell me he fingers you. Or does he also skip that?

Did you meet in church? Or a Shiloh-like conference if I may ask?

Klass99:


Farfalla, the chief analyst! See as you analyze the matter finish. I don't think it was a lack of sexual attraction on her part.

I didn't bother to go through the whole 20 pages or so, so I'm picking up small small information.
I initially thought she was dealing with a sexual prude, only to learn that he not only receives head from the OP, he also compliments her on her performance but he just won't go down on her for reasons best known to him.

Oh well...

Klass99:


Lol , mad man!

Na we dey run am

ezugegere:
You both need to make conscious efforts to make your marriage work. I think the major problem here is his inability to last, which can be solved.
Don't try to pressure him into MouthAction since he finds it disgusting. I too don't like it. I don't think it's healthy.

But if your woman agrees to give you a blowjobb you would quickly whip out ya diick, sit back, relax and enjoy right? Una never talk the madness wey dey inside una head. It is disgusting and not healthy....what kind of dirty women do you date sef??

Maryliola:
Hey guys

I’m making this post because I don’t want to be judged and I can’t turn my on people in my real life because they may not understand. Well I’ve been married for 2 plus years I’m 27 with a son. I’m going to get personal so embrace yourself.

Myself and my husband have a good relationship, almost too good because I literally see him like my brother. This is to the point where our romantic/lover side of our relationship is kinda dead. I see him naked, it’s like looking at my brother naked. I don’t feel turned on, or excited. We talk and gist like friends, but romantically things are flat. Our sex life is mediocre I guess. He doesn’t do oralll sexxx and he ejaculates very fast. I’m talking 10 seconds, and it’s every single time despite taking different preventative measures. I know that I’m extremely clean as I’m very observant of myself and he also tells me all the time. Yet orall sexxx is disgusting to him and “dehumanising”. There’s no passion when we kiss, its forced most times.


Lately I’ve been finding myself fantasising about being touched by a man , almost every night . A man that will give me orall sexx a man that will turn me on and blow me away. I don’t want to be judged here, but this is genuinely how I’ve been feeling. I don’t want to put pressure on my husband as he has other things to worry about.
A man that will kiss me in all the right places and make me feel like a woman. Sometimes I believe I’m being delusional, or unrealistic. I’m trying to get rid of these thoughts, but I really don’t know how. I have never cheated on my husband and I don’t think I have the guts to do it. I really just want to know how married people cope when that spark is gone. When you begin to look at your spouse like a brother or sister, and romantically the vibes are not there.

Let me also say that I’ve addressed this to him many times, but he stands he’s not willing to compromise.

Help!

Mods, I need this on front page as I need help for people to see this.

Your husband is a huge problem here. He last only 10 seconds, he isn’t willing to compromise, never ever wants to try MouthAction. Na wa oo. Which kind man be that? I can bet he doesn’t even make any effort to reignite the spark in the marriage or maybe hasn’t even noticed something is wrong et or taken it seriously. The key to a successful marriage especially when it comes to sex is flexibility. If your man no gree move, one day you go taya kpatakpata begin dey seriously consider outside waka.

Kindly urge him to follow YINKA TNT on Facebook maybe that could help.