Iyaebe:
89% of the blame goes to the school while 11% goes to the parents for not acting fast.

ModelLook:


But if the Parents had trained their children well from the start, don't you think there won't be anything like CULTISM being practised by them in the first place.

After all, charity begins at home.

A well brought up child shouldn't even think of anything related to Cultism at that age.

ModelLook:
Looking at this Dowen College Saga.

How these evil young secondary school boys run a CULT group in the school and killed an innocent JSS1 boy.

How the parents quickly hide them from persecution.

How the school are covering the story up and hiding the identity of the boys and parents.

I am beginning to wonder, who is to blame for this whole situation.

Is it THE PARENTS OR THE SCHOOL?

Some people say Bad Parenting is the genesis of it all because if the parents are training their children well, small secondary school kids of ages 11 to 16 shouldn't know anything that has to do with CULTISM at that age.

Some say Bad School training is the genesis. That the school is meant to train the students well and eradicate anything unlawfull in it. After all, the parents are paying huge sums of money for that.

Some say none are to blame?

After all, Train up a Child in the way he should go.

To you, who is to blame in this case. Is it Bad Parenting or Bad School Training

What are your thoughts?

brain54:
A thread for trading blames.

Magnoliaa:


Lol. Soo what is your own perspective? What would you rather see be done?

MMotimo:
“School training “ should not be a thing. This is where a lot of people get it wrong, especially with Naija boarding schools. Training a child is first and foremost a parental responsibility. It is not the duty of the school, neighbours, society, other family members, etc.

The same people that are not ready to train their kids are the same ones that want to birth 4,5,6. . . . . If you are not ready to train your kids in the ways of right and wrong, do society a favour and don’t have them.

Training kids takes time and effort, not just money. If pursuing money means you can’t raise your kids right, then don’t have them! If you’re not pursuing money but you just don’t have the inclination/ability to train your children, don’t have them just so that you can unleash them on society. Only God knows how Nairaland’s child rape convict, Oyinbogoju/Powerhouse5050 was raised.

I just saw a thread, someone was asking whether to do food business or yahoo. That tells you that there is something fundamentally wrong with his upbringing. This is someone who seriously thinks criminal activity is a valid money making business, to the extent of seeking public opinion about choosing between a legitimate and illegitimate venture.

sisisioge:


My sister, I couldn't help crying.....it is so sad. Do you know that some parents are wary of correcting their erring kids in this same Nigeria? As in they dont want to get in that situation where they put their feet down and get the kids corrected because they dont want to seem to hash on their lovely kids. No one is saying you bring back those abusive beatings we took from our parents but hey....the good old rod will always discourage bad behaviour. See now....see our society, see the leaders we are breeding for tomorrow. Children are supposed to be sweet and innocent fa....people are now raising cold blooded killers! May God help us.

Hathor5:


How do we know their parents didn't discipline, correct or even beat them?

sisisioge:


Because of the dastard act they committed. Do you know that behaviours are shaped by the consequences we ascribe to their outcomes? Children who have been taken through the principle of behavioural reinforcement will already know that there would be consequences for their ill actions. For those who have been getting away with their ill behaviours, they tend to continue in that fashion.

For example, those kids broke their fellow kid's legs knowing fully well that that kind of injury could not be hidden, they left bruises on his body....they feed him poison...haaa, dont you think if they knew they would be purnished for melting torture on their colleague they would still have done it? They probably have done so.ething like this before and were not reprimand.

Back in the days, it was a taboo for my sister and I to fight....when we fight, we get beaten regardless of who was in the wrong. We were conditioned to expect punishment for acts of violence....as such, I grew up disliking violence. I will rather discuss the matter or completely avoid it as if my mom will still beat me if I fight. It is well.

Hathor5:
How do we know their parents didn't discipline, correct or even beat them?

brain54:
Getting justice for the innocent life cut short is what matters right now. A thorough investigation should be done and all those found culpable should face the law.

Magnoliaa:


This is an angle I'm interested in as well. Although, in the case of those particular boys, IF THE SPECULATIONS ARE TRUE, that one of the boy's parents came to pick him up and to fly him out, and the others are hiding the other kids - then there is every reason to believe the parents are culpable here. And even breed such behaviours in their kids. I cannot imagine covering for a child like that. This is criminal. The parents should have come out or clean, releasing their kids to the authorities or reaching to the victim's parents, assuming their kids ran away and they don't know of their whereabouts? Just anything to show that they are not in support of their children's acts or whatever, assuming they were the kinds who just so happened to have kids who went the bad side despite all discipline and good training.

From all indications, the parents in question have done none of the above. Who are they? I mean, look at what Ireti Doyle did concerning her own swindler daughter too. She came out to disassociate herself from the girl, so that people can see that, 'Look oh, this is what my child did and I'm not in support.' And a good parent would go further to be open, looking for means to help the victims find closure. 'Here's my child. I'm handing him over for killing someone. Oh, I don't know where my child is, but I'll do everything within my power to flush him out, maybe cut off some things I'm providing for him. I'm ready to work with the authorities. Oh, thank God you've caught my son. Yes. Let him be arrested and tried. Let him face the law and the consequences for his actions. I have the money and means to help him, but I won't...' You get. Just DIFFERENT ways the kind of parents you're talking about might have acted. If they are good parents and were efficient, but had kids who still went awry by virtue of their nature, then they should do right by the society and their neighbors by handing over such kids. For punishment. For correction. For reproof. That is what is right and just and ethical. Since it's gone beyond a civil matter, or slight misunderstandings, and has resulted in the death of another individual and a significant threat to the society (cultism), then consanguineal and parental/maternal/paternal feelings of protection should have nothing to do with the issue anymore.

Hathor5:
I agree.

What I disagree with is that you need to beat kids to instill values in them and to teach them empathy.

Iyaebe:
89% of the blame goes to the school while 11% goes to the parents for not acting fast.

sisisioge:


My sister, I couldn't help crying.....it is so sad. Do you know that some parents are wary of correcting their erring kids in this same Nigeria? As in they dont want to get in that situation where they put their feet down and get the kids corrected because they dont want to seem to hash on their lovely kids. No one is saying you bring back those abusive beatings we took from our parents but hey....the good old rod will always discourage bad behaviour. See now....see our society, see the leaders we are breeding for tomorrow. Children are supposed to be sweet and innocent fa....people are now raising cold blooded killers! May God help us.

Magnoliaa:


A question: do you personally believe there should be ZERO beating? Or you believe there are some cases, rare instances, where the cane would be justified? What do you make of the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' phrase? Also, what do you think of a stranger correcting a child? Whether the parents are around or not - is that right at all?

Hathor5:


What I disagree with is that you need to beat kids to instill values in them and to teach them empathy.

Magnoliaa:


This is an angle I'm interested in as well. Although, in the case of those particular boys, IF THE SPECULATIONS ARE TRUE, that one of the boy's parents came to pick him up and to fly him out, and the others are hiding the other kids - then there is every reason to believe the parents are culpable here. And even breed such behaviours in their kids. I cannot imagine covering for a child like that. This is criminal. The parents should have come out or clean, releasing their kids to the authorities or reaching to the victim's parents, assuming their kids ran away and they don't know of their whereabouts? Just anything to show that they are not in support of their children's acts or whatever, assuming they were the kinds who just so happened to have kids who went the bad side despite all discipline and good training.

From all indications, the parents in question have done none of the above. Who are they? I mean, look at what Ireti Doyle did concerning her own swindler daughter too. She came out to disassociate herself from the girl, so that people can see that, 'Look oh, this is what my child did and I'm not in support.' And a good parent would go further to be open, looking for means to help the victims find closure. 'Here's my child. I'm handing him over for killing someone. Oh, I don't know where my child is, but I'll do everything within my power to flush him out, maybe cut off some things I'm providing for him. I'm ready to work with the authorities. Oh, thank God you've caught my son. Yes. Let him be arrested and tried. Let him face the law and the consequences for his actions. I have the money and means to help him, but I won't...' You get. Just DIFFERENT ways the kind of parents you're talking about might have acted. If they are good parents and were efficient, but had kids who still went awry by virtue of their nature, then they should do right by the society and their neighbors by handing over such kids. For punishment. For correction. For reproof. That is what is right and just and ethical. Since it's gone beyond a civil matter, or slight misunderstandings, and has resulted in the death of another individual and a significant threat to the society (cultism), then consanguineal and parental/maternal/paternal feelings of protection should have nothing to do with the issue anymore.



Lol. They don't have to be mutually exclusive? But no problem if you see it as a blame fest rather than a discourse and means of sharing perspectives that'll throw more light on the phenomenon. Do we just keep administering justice on and on and on that takes time, resources, manpower, etc., if the bad behaviours necessitating the justice can be reduced and addressed?

MMotimo:


Similar to another sentiment that says your kids have to suffer for them to be emotionally strong and for them to be appreciative of their privilege/advantages. #urbanmyths

Magnoliaa:


That one is tricky. And I don't know if there can be a constructive and positive beating oh, but yeah, I get if there are other means of training kids, effective ways actually, they should be employed. Beating is a lazy, quick-fix cop out. Because if the same goal can be achieved without beating, then what is the point?

The Nigerian style of parenting is a unique style that is funny to watch. I think they are permissive authoritarians, sort of. Thing is, both authoritarian parenting and permissive parenting will lead to issues like this, but trust the pro-authoritarians to conflate authoritativeness with permissiveness. And believing that it is not beating children - a foreign style - that is the reason for this. Meanwhile, beating children, asin torturing them and leaving them be (no beating, no shouts, no rules, zilch) will both cause issues like these as far as I'm concerned. Just two sides of a coin.

A question: do you personally believe there should be ZERO beating? Or you believe there are some cases, rare instances, where the cane would be justified? What do you make of the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' phrase? Also, what do you think of a stranger correcting a child? Whether the parents are around or not - is that right at all?