ChiomaCa:
Hello everyone, I'm in need of an advice, I got married to a

I need advice dear mummy and daddy please is this a red light?

Be careful, ensure he does not Infect you with stds

Jman06:
Hahahaha...keep deceiving yourself! We the rich men know what we want. We want more fresh, young and hot babes! We don't want ugly evening newspapers like @pocohantas!

Your case is a pitiable one as far as this topic is concerned. You are ugly, broke and outdated! I wonder the kind of rich man that would look your way when there are younger, fresher, succulent and hotter girls joining the dating market everyday. We rich men look for girls between 18 and 24yo. Not oldies like you who have aged like milk!

#RichMan'sVibe#

Odiegwu. You rich men indeed.

Jman06:
Hahahaha...keep deceiving yourself! We the rich men know what we want. We want more fresh, young and hot babes! We don't want ugly evening newspapers like @pocohantas!

Your case is a pitiable one as far as this topic is concerned. You are ugly, broke and outdated! I wonder the kind of rich man that would look your way when there are younger, fresher, succulent and hotter girls joining the dating market everyday. We rich men look for girls between 18 and 24yo. Not oldies like you who have aged like milk!

#RichMan'sVibe#

boss make I drop aza with Faith

pocohantas:


Odiegwu. You rich men indeed.

Lol...I'm in the same level as Obi Cubana you know

odinson1:
The truth is,you are no longer attractive to Him. You are probably Fat and Getting old,or you don't dress seductively Anymore.

I don't condone cheating except one is being denied sex by his partner,then he has all Justification to cheat. Now my question is,do you Deny him sex?

Are you trying to deny the Fact that Women generally "grow wings" when taken to Abroad?

This woman's issue is clearly not a case like that,so don't use it as an excuse to Justify those Ungrateful women

So, in short, you're trying to put the blame of her husband's reckless lifestyle on her? You were convinced that he hadn't been doing that before Op joined him abroad. You sounded like you forgot that he's already addicted to it. Or, addiction no dey your own dictionary?

pocohantas:


Odiegwu. You rich men indeed.

Meanwhile, sorry about the bolded part. I think that was too harsh, but you say na cruise I dey catch sha.

KillIgbohoN0W:
[s] When you were prostituting with him you didn't alert us. Now that he has dumped you for fresher prostitutes, you are complaining.

A man like that definitely married you because of all the porn styles you gave him which you no longer give in marriage.

This is why one must be true to him/herself. If you hoe around while single and attract a man that's about that life then better continue being his hoe in marriage. Any attempt to reset and become "normal" will result in this type of issue.

Be yourself at all times so that even in marriage there'll be no difference with who you attracted. [/s]

Why would you talk authoritatively like this about someone you didn't know, someone you have never met before? You need psychiatric evaluation ASAP

GerogeI:


Look, leave all these stupid comments here.
Obviously your husband was alone in Canada and formed a dirty habit to relieve his sexual urges. At least appreciate he is not using a side chick. Prostitutes are not really a threat to you compared to a side chick. That's 1.

2. His habit is not a judgement on you or your beauty or how desirable it is. Men are built to be polygamous, do having different prostitutes will become kind of addictive.

3. You can shoot the roof or cry your eyes out, but this is an addictive habit, and your husband cannot stop so easily just cause he is sorry and regrets. Be realistic, its an addiction and requires long term work.

4. Yes, you are right. The guy has no Chemistry for you any more. Might not be your looks or anything. Might just be you sexual behaviour. Maybe he likes freaky. Maybe you have become boring in bed.


Your way forward.
Have an honest conversation about what turns him off sex with you. What he looks forward to in sex, and what you look forward to in sex. And where you too can meet in a middle ground.

Maybe those prostitutes can teach you a few things about his sexual behaviour and preferences that he would not open up about. You can take their contact and pay them to tell you more about him.

Your husband can overcome the addiction if you work with him. If you too can get comfortable enough for him to let you know when you are a turn off. A sex therapist might be good too, even though they cost First is for you guys to be on same page about the goal of overcoming the addiction and be open to each other.

Omo, I've been following all advice here but damn, this is the sickest.

Madam should get contacts of prostitutes her husband bangs and pay them to teach her about him?
EB things oo

He is not religious as you claimed. He is a pretender.

Let’s hear from your husband first.
I fear women
Once you take a woman to a foreign country she will change and try to cook up story and push for divorce.
Guys you won’t understand it, just come over and witness it happening

Jman06:
Meanwhile, sorry about the bolded part. I think that was too harsh, but you say na cruise I dey catch sha.

Nothing to be sorry about. After all these years on Nairaland, you need to so better for it to hurt.

Vyolet:

Omo, I've been following all advice here but damn, this is the sickest.

Madam should get contacts of prostitutes her husband bangs and pay them to teach her about him?
EB things oo

Welcome to Nairaland. I dey even wonder who train these guys. No single conscience o.

ShenTeh:


Auntie, you are still asking if this is a red light. No, it is black light.

Now seriously, like most victims, there's a tendency to blame yourself instead of the 'criminal'. Please don't blame yourself. The one who needs help here is your husband.
Stop making him see you as an easy forgiver. He knows you are very weak and are entirely financially dependent on him. Trust me when push gets to shove, his people would believe whatever he says against what you do. Save yourself.

He is an irresponsible man who has no business in marriage. If indeed you are in Canada, file for divorce with the evidence you have.

Hypocrisy sucks.

Edit. For those quoting me with bitterness and angst, I have nothing against you. I do hope you hold the same views if it were the husband that came to the www to complain that his religious wife has been seeing gigolos in a country he and his father sponsored her to.

I know you’re dump# you just open your mouth and talk anything that comes out of it, I know you don’t have a husband like this, you want her to join your single mother geng abi. Ode# oponu#

It's gonna take a miracle for him to change.
But if he genuinely loves u, he'll change. .
African women dey tolerate things weh oyibo women no fit condone. .
African women na d best. .Accept it or not!

Never ever tolerate infidelity. .

jasmy:


I know you’re dump# you just open your mouth and talk anything that comes out of it, I know you don’t have an husband like this, you want her to join your single mother geng abi. Ode# oponu#

How did you come to the conclusion that I am female, that I am a single mother, and that I am the reason your life is miserable? All of that because my opinion differs from yours.

You have no reason to have a part where knowledge is trading. Your education is to fill empty coconut shells with stuff that mimicks the substance. But for sheer volume, you have zero use of that grey matter that dots your skull.

Quote me all you like. My job here is done.

ShenTeh:


How did you come to the conclusion that I am female, that I am a single mother, and that I am the reason your life is miserable? All of that because my opinion differs from yours.

You have no reason to have a part where knowledge is trading. Your education is to fill empty coconut shells with stuff that mimicks the substance. But for sheer volume, you have zero use of that grey matter that dots your skull.

Quote me all you like. My job here is done.

If you like talk all grammar for this world. Na so them go de talk grammar without 1m in their bank account. All I know is you’re dump, and if you’re a man, you’re very foolish for that kind of advice. Idiots

Kwinesther:
Would you have referred to that serious issue as being "small" If it was the wife doing them?

divorce is the last resort in any marriage
their marriage is pretty young
U only gave an advice based on ur age and exposure
if U know what it means to be divorced
U wouldn't wish it on ur worst enemy
The meaning of marriage itself is the union of two imperfect people
U should be willing to tolerate and forgive ur partner a lot before they even commit the offence and U should always seek a way to assist them in over coming their challenges.
I have similar traits to this guy (I mean the OP husband)
it' doesn't make him a bad person
he only wants to explore but unfortunately he's not being careful enough
for him to change, the wife has to engage him
it's not a hard task
quite difficult but very possible

Let me tell you something from psychological point of view , one he is addicted to what he's doing don't be surprised he started these things since when he was very young ... Secondly stop reporting him rather keep talking to him, trust me he regrets what he does ... Be very patient with him and be careful yourself not to get infected ... Have therapy sessions with him, ask him why he keeps going back to it ... Keep praying and remain honest with yourself ...

JONNYSPUTE:
...Yes since she has complained and he refused to stop.

What if she contracts STD and eventually die? Is that the best?

Let her divorce him and be safe and Alice to cater for her daughter

In the holy book, adultery is the only bases for divorce.

How do you know she will no die faster as a divorcee?

That it worked for you, do you think it will work for another?

Do you also thing divorce is the only way to deal with the problem?

cococandy:
okay. Sorry I misunderstood

use your glasses next time ho

atarapa:
Let me give you small fish from the pot. The way to stop him is for you to look and dress sexy and be romantic. Don't just lie down like stick during s...e.....X move your body and wine those waist.

wine your waist baby girl

MNDY:


Disfigure? Like, she doesn't want people to see it disfigured? Pornstars/gays would not be doing anal if its health implications had no preventive remedy. And to her utmost surprise, she may actually find it very enjoyable. Even you too. *winks*

I hate anal sex

Your husband is religious, he doesn't have the fear of God.

Sterope:
It MIGHT not could

She is under no duty to unearth these fantasies that he didn't discuss with her or become his object of fantasy. I see it as a form of blackmail like it is either she acts as a prostitute and enjoy anal sex to keep her man, remain stick and miserable or leave. None of us know how wild his fantasises run, we don't even know if he likes having multiple prostitutes too. Are we going to ask her to change her name, her hair, her voice every blessed day to satisfy his urges.

Ultimately, he is the one with the power to decide whether he wants to keep his marriage. For that he need to seek help, stick to it and she can choose to support that if that is what she wants as well.

Story, sexual Psychology is deep ehhen, not for immature minds to understand and is not subject to this relationship justice you are trying to preach
The woman needs to pull him back to save her marriage, he needs help, might not even know it and she has to be his light at the end of the tunnel
All this your grandstanding solves nothing and I don't want to continue this conversation with you

KillIgbohoN0W:
When you were prostituting with him you didn't alert us. Now that he has dumped you for fresher prostitutes, you are complaining.

A man like that definitely married you because of all the porn styles you gave him which you no longer give in marriage.

This is why one must be true to him/herself. If you hoe around while single and attract a man that's about that life then better continue being his hoe in marriage. Any attempt to reset and become "normal" will result in this type of issue.


Be yourself at all times so that even in marriage there'll be no difference with who you attracted.

Well said,

Madam, try to follow the above.

Join him to watch porn, encourage him to get sexy light for the bedroom, get an iPad special for the bedroom to watch porn, connect to big screen.

Let him buy you intimacy gadgets, from big to small but magic wind is the best, my wife love it

You are not a fucking sex psychologist!

EmmyDJourno:


Story, sexual Psychology is deep ehhen, not for immature minds to understand and is not subject to this relationship justice you are trying to preach
The woman needs to pull him back to save her marriage, he needs help, might not even know it and she has to be his light at the end of the tunnel
All this your grandstanding solves nothing and I don't want to continue this conversation with you

Mariangeles:






ChiomaCa run from an unrepentant adulterous man ooo! He's not worth it!

you are not even married.

ChiomaCa:
Hello everyone, I'm in need of an advice, I got married to a man 5yrs+ ago. He relocated some months after marriage to Canada, I went to meet him 2 years after. And we had a baby 10months after my arrival.
I need advice dear mummy and daddy please is this a red light?

1. Immediately I arrived his place, I noticed he flirt alot onlline, Sex chats, Video sex chats, Visit porn sites, visit Prostitue Sites, and the rest.

these have been his coping mechanisms against the job stress and sexual frustartions before you came to join him....

2. I caught him red-handed twice and he begged and pleaded not to do such again. I forgive him and I believe maybe because of the distance we had in two years:

if he has been into it for two years...you shouldnt expect him to be off it in two months...

3. We move on and I promise myself not to even go near his Laptop or mobile phone anymore:

This might have helped...but what you actually need is to be in his face like so everyday..directly or indirectly....send him on errands... ask him for help with things.....basically.....get him busy enough to always remember you and begin to wean him off the two-year mandatory bachelorhood he's had before your arrival...

4. I adhered to that for more than a year, which I'm still doing that till December 23 of 2021: May not change anything....

5. My daughter threw his I-watch inside water. Then I picked it up to drain for some minutes, after I drianed, I realised a message popped up , which Read " Do you enjoy me yesterday Do I book you for tomorrow again" ...... leave this persons alone...your whole matter is entirely with your husband....

6. I was forced to check what's this. I saw hell. In short, he visited two different Prostitues in a hotel to book 30 minutes session with them for $160 and $220, I also saw other messages asking for Anal sex from these Escorts. I realised, he visited them 3rd, 1st 22nd of December. During these period, I was the one begging him for sex. He said he's not interested that he's Fixed with many activities and Shifts at work:

see.....I told you this man is stressed/has grown a wider appetite..... he needs outlets for that frustration....can't discuss them with you.....needs raw animalistic f*cking but you're mummy's girl.... you married him for his nice-and cool-ness.....he can't ask you for anal sex...cant ask you for Mouth Gig....can't ask u to just show up randomly near at the nearest hotel to his workplace and send him snapshot of you in lingerie...or wearing the sexiest outfit he's seen you in in years...and holding a goblet of wine .....you're too responsible for that afterall.....How do you praise God with this mouth with which you've swallowed d*rk......?

Plus .....you're now a moommy...you're mostly about the kids now....cant grab/spank him playfully and subtlely....


7. I was in the house hopping my husband as gone to work, not knowing he's doing something else within his short break and free time..... :

That's the very time to target.....let him be for a while....act like all s well..feed him well if you still can....begin to give him ashawo vibes... for God's sake flirt with ur man.....he'll at first ignore it....treat him to a glass of wine after work....ensure you take some too..... then drop down...relax onto your femininity and really have the maddest of seks with your husband..... following this... schedule random midweek showups at/near his workplace..... call d man up... tell him you're in the area and will like to just see him before returning to your way.... have him show up at d hotel....come to your room....take a glass of wine.. ferk him...(make sure to collect the money you paid for hotel room from him... maybe by the weekend help him get a small wristwatch from it/them) the next time...park a few metres to his place.. just before breaktime ....call ur man up/call any friends u know he has there..that you're outside and have to see him ....give him lunch....roll up the car doors...join him in the backseat...and take him.... the more erotic moments he shares with you..the less he time he has to follow escorts....

what a man eats is the only portion he has gotten in his life's labours..... the kids...family spendings..rents...etc..those are foryou...he mostly just needs food for his belly...and food/endorphins for his brain....how he gets that will determine his approach...some people just sleep ....some drink....but for many men...sex releases the most amounts of stress relief...by sex ..I mean ferk/bangs...and not love making ..... he will so begin to glow when you guys return to your former selves....


8. Immediately I saw this, I was devastated,I was mad at my self. We are very religious. Why all these for God sake, this is the 3rd time, what have I done to myself, have made a wrong choice?:

When survival is no longer a man's problem...something must keep him pumped.....its not you or him.....its his need and yours...but for some reason..he thinks you'd judge how he wants to be served.... you know him to be religious... you're the very one who should let that religion stay outside ....and for the public... while you feed his animal in private...cos whether you like it or not.... he's got one


9. I called his brother back in Nigeria and I inform and sent all what I saw to him, he called and talked to him, the next day, my husband came to me, apologize and promised not to do that again. I accept and forgive him:

Wrong move.... this will only make him want to hide it further from you.....its better to joke about it with him.... tell him to begin paying you ashawo levy every week....which you'd use to get one nice thing...for yourself and/or him......he is hiding from your judgement ..is why he went to pay a hooker for the type of sex he likes....he doesn't depend on you financially.... shame is a wrong tactic to apply....

10. Few days ago, I have been having this kind of feeling, I feel like I'm not beautiful because why will my husband prefer a Prostitue than me:

you see now? how's a prostitute different from you?.....cos you're educated?...run a company..... are accomplished..... to him.. you're both women..... and the dopamine/endorphin/oxytocin/whatever pleasure hormone is released during sex loads he gets from her is more than from yours.... that's your real sexual value right there... not that you are not beautiful...he's just gotten used to getting fed from those sources...you now have to also love-vendor up a bit.... and entice his brain to start seeking the satisfaction from you....

11. I hate myself, I think about it every minutes, whenever I see him, my mind keep breathing fast. I'm sad and I'm not happy, I don't know what to do....: this is not needed...you only need to brave up...and employ psychology with him....

12. I can't discuss with my parents, because they see my husband as the most religious person. you do this....you'd likely lose him forever if you're not careful...i'd advise you let your folks be...

13. He doesn't talk much, keep friends nor drink. : I can promise you that 1. he now does...he just doesn't do them with you.... and/or 2. that's the very reason where his urge for real/non-religious/"ungodly" sex is much more intense..... he wont be sated with the vanilla missionary sex you have been feeding him since...he now has a larger appetite...u have to expand your kitchen...beef up the menu you serve him...before blaming him for not eating....

in summary: I'm not used to doing this....but I hope with the above few pints of mine...I have been able to convince and not confuse you...that Sex is as important to a man as food...but that like cocaine/other pain medications...you have to increase the dosage as the user gets familiar with the substance in use.


No pun is intended..I do hope you're able to become more social...and find a way to infuse life into you guys' relationships.... men are babies...you have to feed his ego..if you want him to feed your tratra (replace the -ra-s with -o-)..that he even owes your mom and you for his traveling is a dampener for his ego.... your femininity is the only way to maintain keep his insecurity at bay...

Do pardon me if this doesn't resonate with you...just speaking from small experience

franchasng:
lol


How some men fancy fvcking known escorts or prostitutes beat my imagination.


A side chick is even better, but a prostitute

mumu .
What's the difference.

Laurene:
mumu .
What's the difference.

The Miss goody-two-slippers thinks there is...

faithfull18:
Your husband is religious, he doesn't have the fear of God.

and you know this how? ....

No matter what you do, do not consider divorce yet if at all ..... if he is not being physical with you. Try to save your family. What you are currently facing pales to insignificance compared to what single mom's and their kids face here in canada.

I have seen kids growing without their fathers becoming societal wrecks
I have seen single moms being passed around for sex by married and single men without any commitments
Single black women hardly get attention here much more single mums. I have seen single mums hustle for male attention in same city where their divorced husbands have remarried.

They encourage you to divorce but abandon you after divorce. Has anybody bothered to check the fate of these divorced women 2 or 3 yrs after?

Feel free to research the fate of Nigerian single mums from calgary, Edmonton, Toronto, Vancouver, BC etc ...... bitter lifes with lots of regret

Do everything to save your family.