You have options and decisions to make as it relate to what you give your attention to. You need obsessesion if you to be free from depression. You need to give attention to something else not the demise of your mother. Your retentive memory is being affected by your attentive memory. You give too many unnecessary attention to the demise of your helpless mother; you think you are doing her or yourself a favour by being hostile to people who need your help because you can't help her when she was alive? Stop living in reflection and reminiscence of someone who died; let the dead bury the dead and follow JESUS CHRIST. You won't be so bitter and worrying about the dead if you are true believer and follower of JESUS CHRIST. " Be like JESUS everyday in your life, be like JESUS everyday in your life, be like JESUS in HIS beauty; be like JESUS everyday"

Hmmmm! You need counseling. Your mental health needs to be examined, because it's hereditary. You should render help to people whenever you can. Preferably, go to orphanage homes, where kids are helpless, and at the mercy of helpers. You are not the reason for your mother's death.

oldienavie:
I know you have only written just a few from what you have passed through.
Let me tell you some things.
Nigeria is an evil place, majority of people in Nigeria are evil too, therefore the average person grow up in the midst of abuse, torture, pain etc.
95% of people in Nigeria are traumatised from the pain and evil they grew up with, the worse thing is that this has now be normalised and the result is a country lacking in empathy, desensitized to pain and evil in all its fabric.
You see police men, killing people without remorse, swapping inmates for the highest bidder and allowing the guilty walk free.

I have written all this so that you know you are not alone, some people on this group have been abused by their own parents sexually for years, how do you heal that kind of trauma, no justice nothing.

Every body expects you to man up and move on.

Now this is my little advise from someone who also had a traumatic childhood like you, but in my own case, people would argue that I should be grateful cos some people have it worse.

The fact you are alive is a priviledge, try to forgive yourself, move away from anything, family, friends that triggers the thought of the past .
This might sound somehow but try to look for a lady that loves you sincerely(this might be difficult but still possible considering the average lady out there is a gold digger) and pour your love into her.

Lastly, dream of having your own family and have a plan to raise your kids and family with the opportunity that you did not have.

The joy you get from a beautiful family will make you forget the past.

I wish you all the best.

I wish it was as easy as you make it look.

Pele. Truth is, this life is not one you can go at alone without God. What you have just described is a typical example of 'such is life' and the real cause if all these is the devil not God so know where to channel your hatred and anger. God doesn't intervene in human affairs just because we call ourselves Christians. Christianity is not a title or something you are born into. It is really knowing the God of the gospel and obeying his will. When you are in his will, he will direct you, shield you and protect you. Your parents have lived their own lives and gone their way. Its your turn now... Do not make it a generational curse. The fate of your parents should not be your fate too as your case may be worse than theirs! Seek God through Christ today! Search for a post about holy ghost school here on nairaland and do accordingly. May God help you as you search for answers.

No other way bro than to give your life to Jesus,the joy of the lord makes all things easy and it's there to strengthen you

My brother try God, give your life to Jesus Christ. In him will fine all the answers you are looking for. I can lead to Christ if you are ready now.

Don't be angry at God, or the world.

Remember that you are only human; so forgive yourself, if there's any area you need to.

Understand that it might not have been possible for you to save your mom; so take it easy with the burden in your heart.

A bitter tree will hardly produce sweet fruits. Also, sadness and negativity are infectious, so if people run away from you, then don't blame them: you just need to change.

Read the word of God from Genesis to Revelation; it has all the answers you need. And I mean this!

Think of it, this same God has witnessed all the tragedies and cruelty of mankind from the beginning: war, slavery, hunger, famine, pestilence, sickness, disease, genocide, human sacrifice, ritual killings, abortions, etc. He has seen it all, and yet watched on. So sorry, but yours is just a tiny bit.

Come to think of it, even as you "sit" there and feel sad, some other people are held captive, hungry and naked in dark jungles in this same country. Who will save them?

Life is an opportunity to become the best you can be daily: so don't let it waste.

Please forgive yourself, and heal your soul with kindness towards yourself and others, including your dad.

Don't allow your challenges break you down.

Please rise from the dust and ashes.

You write and punctuate so well; this means that you are intelligent afterall. So find the right place to apply yourself.

Get busy on a means of earning money.

Marry a nice lady who would agree to marry you: have two or three kids so that you can have new objects of kindness and affection; be kind to your wife and kids, this will gradually change your life.

But please I beg you, do not have a child out of wedlock; it's too risky for someone in your emotional state.

Do only good things; bad things will hurt your heart. Hurting people will only hurt you more. (No abortions also)

A heart that does not have JOY can never be happy: this one is a mystery.

Please, consistently ask God to restore your JOY so that you can be happy.

You will be restored by God's mercy.

(Please I am not preaching, I'm just telling you what I think I know)

I'm not a religious person but I suggest you talk to an experienced man of God for spiritual counseling, you can also talk to a therapist if you can afford it. You should learn to forgive yourself as you can't change what already happened. Engage in more social masculine activities to fight depression and build up your will power.
God bless and help you.

Hand over your life to Jesus.He loves you

oldienavie:
I know you have only written just a few from what you have passed through.
Let me tell you some things.
Nigeria is an evil place, majority of people in Nigeria are evil too, therefore the average person grow up in the midst of abuse, torture, pain etc.
95% of people in Nigeria are traumatised from the pain and evil they grew up with, the worse thing is that this has now be normalised and the result is a country lacking in empathy, desensitized to pain and evil in all its fabric.
You see police men, killing people without remorse, swapping inmates for the highest bidder and allowing the guilty walk free.

I have written all this so that you know you are not alone, some people on this group have been abused by their own parents sexually for years, how do you heal that kind of trauma, no justice nothing.

Every body expects you to man up and move on.

Now this is my little advise from someone who also had a traumatic childhood like you, but in my own case, people would argue that I should be grateful cos some people have it worse.

The fact you are alive is a priviledge, try to forgive yourself, move away from anything, family, friends that triggers the thought of the past .
This might sound somehow but try to look for a lady that loves you sincerely(this might be difficult but still possible considering the average lady out there is a gold digger) and pour your love into her.

Lastly, dream of having your own family and have a plan to raise your kids and family with the opportunity that you did not have.

The joy you get from a beautiful family will make you forget the past.

I wish you all the best.

and one more thing... He should learn how to be comforting. His parents made a mistake of not learning it, but he should learn it, gradual by gradual. It will be a beautiful journey I promise.

Your problem is simple my friend... Hand your life over to Jesus.

He can make something beautiful out of your ashes. That's what he specializes in.

And then Surround yourself with genuinely Happy people. This you can find in a living church.

Exprofressor:
I will try to be brief as I can. Pls read on

I was born in a broken home from two different tribes in the country.
My late mom was a lecturer in one of the state polytechnics though she resigned her job when she couldn't cope with her mental illness. Me and my siblings were only in primary school then

My dad showed no concern for her health and came back to his hometown engaging himself in politics that have benefitted him nothing.

Me and my elder bro grew up with our dad while my two little sisters stayed with my mom, though we lost our last born the year 2005

I grew up with asthma and lacked mother's care. My dad and extended family even my grannies disliked me because they taught I was slow and couldn't cope with my mates

The truth is that my asthma was severe. I couldn't move an itch without my inhaler. The abuse got worse when in my early youth I couldn't do basic work to earn like my mates by working on building sites.

I was called lazy and the day I tried to prove I wasn't lazy, I nearly died of cement dust

My mom died last year April
She died poor and in pains due to liver disease.

I didn't remember giving my mom anything substantial before her demise, though i didn't have, but I feel I wasted my early youth by not making use of the best opportunity that presented itself after I left secondary which would have bettered me

Few years before her death she pleaded I move to stay with her. I couldn't because she lives in Northern Nigeria and there's no job in the area. I am in deep pains!

My mum mental health resulted to her adding hypo in her food and water claiming it's a cure for BP.(she also have BP)
I feel I am responsible for her death and hate myself for not reaching for my mom when she needs me. If I was around she wouldn't have drank hypo occasionally thereby destroying her liver


Now I feel I am becoming a demon. I hate helping people, infact when I see people in need I withhold any kind of help because God didn't give me chance to offer help to the woman I love most. I think because I couldn't do for my late mom no one is worth it.

My lack of empathy is growing by the day.
My girlfriend left, saying she couldn't cope, she says I have to start forgiving myself.
Do you believe I refused rendering help to my dad when he had accident? This was even before my mom died

I have taught about suicide but I can't just imagine how my bro will feel. Despite causing him pains too, he have always tolerated me and I know the damage my death will cause him. I wish I was never his brother


Pls I am tired of being angry and depressed
Is there a remedy for me? Sometime I think I behave abnormal, I really don't know if I am mentally insufficient too

Jesus christ is the only solution to your problems, but first you will have to forgive yourself and people that may have hurt you. Forget the past and move on. Also you must genuinely give your life to Jesus christ.

Please find a marriage counseling place.
When you get married and have some kids a max of 3 kids please. I am talking from my heart here, and experience. If you see your son or daughter having bad breath and body odour, don't wait for them to tell you. You tell them and rush them to hospital. That is part of what it means to be comforting
I have parents who are not comforting and I hate them getting in my way of happiness.
I am suffering of anger and depression too. Sometimes my mood is extra high and sometimes extra low. I do want revenge on them, I hate them, I doubt if they are my father and mother, the only reasonable explanation I could come up with is that I was human trafficked into the family, but at least they are my parents, not father and mother, I only call them that so that they won't kill me. They are my parents so I only forgive them.

Op i was once in your shoes, d best approach is to recognise that you are a mortal and as a mortal being that we are, we are born to make mistakes and when we realise we try to make amends. let your past remain in d dark and prepare to get united with your creator and tend to your real purpose in life. Shalom

NwaScore442:


Are u slow... literally

You will be in the better position to know. That's why I sometimes think maybe I am mentally insufficient

BillionKnights:


Dude.. I feel your pain..
But first you must draw closer to God, learn to forgive yourself, afterwards, think of all those who have wronged you In the past, then pray extensively for God to give you the heart to forgive these people so you won't have to ever hold a grudge against them..
Always study the Bible to receive guidance and pray regularly for more healing.. Sorry for your loss bro..
Wish you the best.

Thank you

od501:


How old are you?

In three months time I will be 28

Bro, I know how you feel, but I assure you have a better tomorrow. Your need to give your life to God by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal saviour. I recommend find a Mountain of Fire church and register for a deliverance session, commit yourself in studying the word of God and pray always. So, God help you,in Jesus name.

Anniemae:


You know if you want to talk to anyone..I'd be free to talk with you..
Talking about your pains and all..makes it better..I think.

Thank you so much

Exprofressor:
I will try to be brief as I can. Pls read on

I was born in a broken home from two different tribes in the country.
My late mom was a lecturer in one of the state polytechnics though she resigned her job when she couldn't cope with her mental illness. Me and my siblings were only in primary school then

My dad showed no concern for her health and came back to his hometown engaging himself in politics that have benefitted him nothing.

Me and my elder bro grew up with our dad while my two little sisters stayed with my mom, though we lost our last born the year 2005

I grew up with asthma and lacked mother's care. My dad and extended family even my grannies disliked me because they taught I was slow and couldn't cope with my mates

The truth is that my asthma was severe. I couldn't move an itch without my inhaler. The abuse got worse when in my early youth I couldn't do basic work to earn like my mates by working on building sites.

I was called lazy and the day I tried to prove I wasn't lazy, I nearly died of cement dust

My mom died last year April
She died poor and in pains due to liver disease.

I didn't remember giving my mom anything substantial before her demise, though i didn't have, but I feel I wasted my early youth by not making use of the best opportunity that presented itself after I left secondary which would have bettered me

Few years before her death she pleaded I move to stay with her. I couldn't because she lives in Northern Nigeria and there's no job in the area. I am in deep pains!

My mum mental health resulted to her adding hypo in her food and water claiming it's a cure for BP.(she also have BP)
I feel I am responsible for her death and hate myself for not reaching for my mom when she needs me. If I was around she wouldn't have drank hypo occasionally thereby destroying her liver


Now I feel I am becoming a demon. I hate helping people, infact when I see people in need I withhold any kind of help because God didn't give me chance to offer help to the woman I love most. I think because I couldn't do for my late mom no one is worth it.

My lack of empathy is growing by the day.
My girlfriend left, saying she couldn't cope, she says I have to start forgiving myself.
Do you believe I refused rendering help to my dad when he had accident? This was even before my mom died

I have taught about suicide but I can't just imagine how my bro will feel. Despite causing him pains too, he have always tolerated me and I know the damage my death will cause him. I wish I was never his brother


Pls I am tired of being angry and depressed
Is there a remedy for me? Sometime I think I behave abnormal, I really don't know if I am mentally insufficient too

i think you should see a therapist. This is deeper than I thought.

Exprofressor
Find a Dominion City Church near you and talk to someone there. They will help you .

I might not have much to say , but remember "you where loved when you where born, you will also be loved when you die. in-between ? , sorry you have to manage" .

Exprofressor:
I will try to be brief as I can. Pls read on

I was born in a broken home from two different tribes in the country.
My late mom was a lecturer in one of the state polytechnics though she resigned her job when she couldn't cope with her mental illness. Me and my siblings were only in primary school then

My dad showed no concern for her health and came back to his hometown engaging himself in politics that have benefitted him nothing.

Me and my elder bro grew up with our dad while my two little sisters stayed with my mom, though we lost our last born the year 2005

I grew up with asthma and lacked mother's care. My dad and extended family even my grannies disliked me because they taught I was slow and couldn't cope with my mates

The truth is that my asthma was severe. I couldn't move an itch without my inhaler. The abuse got worse when in my early youth I couldn't do basic work to earn like my mates by working on building sites.

I was called lazy and the day I tried to prove I wasn't lazy, I nearly died of cement dust

My mom died last year April
She died poor and in pains due to liver disease.

I didn't remember giving my mom anything substantial before her demise, though i didn't have, but I feel I wasted my early youth by not making use of the best opportunity that presented itself after I left secondary which would have bettered me

Few years before her death she pleaded I move to stay with her. I couldn't because she lives in Northern Nigeria and there's no job in the area. I am in deep pains!

My mum mental health resulted to her adding hypo in her food and water claiming it's a cure for BP.(she also have BP)
I feel I am responsible for her death and hate myself for not reaching for my mom when she needs me. If I was around she wouldn't have drank hypo occasionally thereby destroying her liver


Now I feel I am becoming a demon. I hate helping people, infact when I see people in need I withhold any kind of help because God didn't give me chance to offer help to the woman I love most. I think because I couldn't do for my late mom no one is worth it.

My lack of empathy is growing by the day.
My girlfriend left, saying she couldn't cope, she says I have to start forgiving myself.
Do you believe I refused rendering help to my dad when he had accident? This was even before my mom died

I have taught about suicide but I can't just imagine how my bro will feel. Despite causing him pains too, he have always tolerated me and I know the damage my death will cause him. I wish I was never his brother


Pls I am tired of being angry and depressed
Is there a remedy for me? Sometime I think I behave abnormal, I really don't know if I am mentally insufficient too

You are not a sadist, that is the first thing you need to get off your mind. You are sad and depressed that doesn't make you a sadist. It is good you know you are depressed, that is the first step to recovery. Seek mental health counselling, you can beat it.

Gate050:

First question is, are you still carrying your inhaler about with you? If YES, then I don't know what to tell you but if NO, you will need do this, join red cross group around you, or try make some friends or engage in some physical activities, it will help and correct your mind set about negative things.

ENGAGING IN PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES CAN SOLVE 92% OF PROBLEMS

The asthma attacks still happen but not often and it is not severe compared to my juvenile days. Infact now I take premedication whenever I feel it creeping in. I don't consider myself an asthmatic patient again

Exprofressor:

In three months time I will be 28

Sorry to ask, what have you accomplish in life ?,
what is your next ? , how do you plan on living the
rest of your life, what type of lifestyle do you want
to live, picture your self ten years from now, where
do you see yourself ?.
Is there anyone whose condition was worst than your
own but still made it ?, if no why not be the first.

what is stopping you from accomplishing what you
want to become ?, is there anyway to bypass it.
Since you are an asthmatic patient, is there any way
to make money apart from hard labour ? if yes, mention
ten and choose the one that fit you the most.

stop making excuses, you are responsible for 99% of what is happening in your life.

I rest my case .

Carlyboi:
I’m gonna try and be as brief as I can as leaving some kind and uplifting words would do a whole lot for a brother and that’s the least I can do...

They say everything happens for a reason,reasons we may not fathom which constantly brings out the question why?Why me?but in life everybody got their own thing constantly chasin them,work-hard through the hard life,still....worrying faces!in essence you’re not an exception you’re not an abomination,you’re not a loser or an outcast,there’s no one in this world who has a perfect life everyone is dealing with one thing or the other so you need to perfectly understand this and stop beating yourself up,with that realization you get to prepare yourself mentally as you have your whole life ahead of you and that you can’t give in to self-pity,or lead an absentia life you have to take charge of yours and shape it the way you want and change your narrative.

You need to forgive yourself about your moms situation and eventual passing maybe there are things you could have handled better like you said but it’s all spilt milk now so you can’t continue to dwell on that for the rest of your life...you can make up for this by doing things that you mum appreciated while she was alive whatever it is,things she cherished at the top most of this list would be your immediate family your brother and your surviving sister been there for them constantly and playing the motherly role would really go a long and it would help you heal,also since finance isn’t much of a problem do as much charity as you can donate to charity homes motherless babies and old peoples home,you can also put in hours in these homes just to care and lend a helping hand to people in these facilities.


Lastly I’m dedicating this part to you and you alone...you need to eschew hate from your life cos too much eats up one on the inside and can trigger sadism and it’s a one-way ticket to depression,you need to engage in activities that would make you happy,lending helping hand to people in need see it as you sowing seeds into the universe not necessarily giving to the human vessels before you and watch as you reap and harvest these beautiful fruits back into your life.

Also give yourself purpose(s) in life let that be your motivation set goals,have targets,have big dreams and envision a good life for yourself set as many as possible and constantly work towards this to end of your days this will help you to stay positive and give you reasons to stay alive also we’re not getting out of this world alive while should you be in a haste to quench yours?if life is truly “ YOLO “(You only live once)then you should try to explore and make the most of the gift of life that you have been blessed with by the almighty God.

There are already naysayers within your family circle do you want to prove them right or wrong your mom is not here no more do you wanna make her proud or not?let this constantly motivate you to keep going even when it gets tough also you might need and want to start your own family at some point and you must have a lot of love to give to your wife and offsprings start building up that house of love and happiness now no woman would want to be with a hateful person...Even the almighty God symbolizes light and love be like him bro.

Wishing you a happy,blissful,successful and fulfilled life may the divine force be with you!

Thank you

mrdharkchild:
I'd like to inspire u, but my guy, truth be told, I'm not in your shoes, and I know words alone are not enough to inspire u out of your situation.

We only motivate people online because some of us are in good conditions.
Na only person wey de better condition de inspire person..

Words of inspirations always follow after goodwill..


My guy, with all that said, I can only offer prayers for u..

Life, e no balance at all.

If I had my way and had the money, trust me, I'd touch your life in a way.

All I can do is pray, life is so tough for those that don't know.
I like to act and not talk.

Sorry, your story was so depressing, I didn't read the whole thing up.
Nor VEX
Hope that'll solve something

Thanks man. But I really don't need financial help, it's just that I feel I am very hateful. You won't understand. I feel happy see people in pains, it seems to me my mother shouldn't suffer alone

Exprofressor:

In three months time I will be 28

28, and you are regretting? Boss, you have a whole life ahead of you. Solve that depression up you ass, go out there and conquer, achieve, be the best you can ever be. By the way... who are your friends? This is when you need them the most.

But most importantly, forgive yourself, then make amends. You are too too young to start regretting anything.

BROTHER THE BEST ADVICE FOR YOU IS NOT TO GIVE UP...YOU NEED JESUS CHRIST FOR REAL
CHAT ME UP
+18578009640 (WHATSAPP)

If you can write and analyze this, you are mentally sufficient.

Your girlfriend was right , you need to forgive yourself. Not like your mum’s death was caused by you. More like you need to stop carrying that burden.

Godly sorrow leads to salvation but worldly sorrow leads to self condemnation.

In the words of Carl Jung, “You are not what happened to you but you are what you choose to become”.

May you find strength to go through this dark phase and come out stronger on the other side. Amen.

Seek therapy please.

Forgive yourself too.


Get a journal and write all these negatives out.


You can beat it.


Intentionally stay positive.


Sending you loads of strength.