Mamatukwas:
Yo!!! So there’s been an increase in the number of Nigerians/Africans loosing their kids to CW because of negligence or abuse.

Do not leave your kids at home alone to go and work any night or day shift! Anything can go wrong and you will loose your kids.

Do not incessantly hit your kids. They don’t have filter, they could say something one day and you’ll get in trouble. Plus it’s not good period.

Once social workers enter your home and matter it can take a lot before they leave you.

Let’s be guided please.

Specialtee:
Hello everyone,

For some months now, I have been getting reports of my son being disrespectful, smart-mouthed to the teachers, interrupting them and trying to correct their teaching, and, also being physical with some of his classmates ( especially during playground football). Every now and then, I get called into short after school meetings to discuss what my child has done again.

My child is not a pushover and has come with Naija competitive spirit ( which the teachers complain makes others feel bad), he also doesn't understand rude humour or likes it when his peers make fun of his Nigerian name and sometimes will lash out. Some of the kids will kick and punch him and when he retaliates, he is the one that will get punished. Some worse behaved ones will use swear words at him during football. He is also quick to apologize when he is wrong or has been scolded.

However, I notice that there is a particular teacher in his class who makes all these reports and when I probed deeper, I discovered that she is not really extending the same grace to my child as she would to other children. Yesterday, she blamed him for doing something he did not do, even when he clearly explained how it was not his fault. She kept telling him to admit he lied and he said he simply told her, I'm sorry if you think I lied. My son said she is more patient and kinder with other children and lets a lot of things slide, but with him, she is so hard.

My son is definitely not perfect, at home we are now constantly speaking with him to learn to control his emotions, be respectful, think before speaking and self regulate. Not to get upset at everything, keep his hands to himself and play fairly as well.

I was really sad yesterday and I was tempted to go and have a conversation with this teacher to ask what really is the problem between her and my child? However, my husband advised that my action will only make them mark our son and since we are still temporary here, we cannot take some actions until our feet are standing well well here.

How do you deal? My son is 10 by the way. I will appreciate as many comments based on your own personal schooling experience with your kids.

Mamatukwas:


I commend your honesty and the last statement made me smile. They should use the agro to earn £££’a for the family

Mamatukwas:


Hey Mama. I know it’s not easy making the transition here so collect hug first

Tell your Son that it’s important that whenever people are rude to him or kick him, he should tell His Teacher FIRST before trying to retaliate in any way. Then get him to tell you immediately after school, anything funny that happens as well which you will then put in an email to his Teacher just to inform her that you’re aware and would like to know what was done about it.

That way, there’s an email trail of when people were aggressive to him as well and if the teacher starts having to answer too she might calm down.

Also remember that he’s only in her class for 1 more term. By September he will move to a new class. Use the time to pray and ask God for favor so his new teacher is much nicer.

Hopefully other Momma’s with more experience will read to and add their own soon.

Xx

deept:


Not only mommas o, there are hands on Poppa's here also.

Mamatukwas:


No vex. I was answering the poster who is a woman

babythug:


Hello!! Hugs for you mama!

It’s tough sometimes on the children while adjusting. But it is what it is!

I’d advise that you keep coaching and counselling him on self regulating . He can be taught to avoid/ ignore triggers from the other children
The subtle racism our children may face is inevitable, they’ll have to sometimes work twice as hard to prove themselves case in point his teacher(s) being harder on him than the others . Let him realise things are different now and it won’t be a walk in the park but he should do his best.
Also at home you will have to unlearn the naija way of speaking loud , resolve conflicts within the family peacefully, no talking on the phone loudly et al maybe that’ll help too

With my teenage sons they display aggressive behaviour because my spouse and I have been poor role models in that regard. But gradually as a family or at least I am modifying my behaviour with the hope that it’s not too late! I’ve had one or two complaints from school but I am steering their energies towards sports to dissipate some of the excess vexations

Mamatukwas:

deept:


Not only mommas o, there are hands on Poppa's here also.

Specialtee:
Hello everyone,

For some months now, I have been getting reports of my son being disrespectful, smart-mouthed to the teachers, interrupting them and trying to correct their teaching, and, also being physical with some of his classmates ( especially during playground football). Every now and then, I get called into short after school meetings to discuss what my child has done again.

My child is not a pushover and has come with Naija competitive spirit ( which the teachers complain makes others feel bad), he also doesn't understand rude humour or likes it when his peers make fun of his Nigerian name and sometimes will lash out. Some of the kids will kick and punch him and when he retaliates, he is the one that will get punished. Some worse behaved ones will use swear words at him during football. He is also quick to apologize when he is wrong or has been scolded.

However, I notice that there is a particular teacher in his class who makes all these reports and when I probed deeper, I discovered that she is not really extending the same grace to my child as she would to other children. Yesterday, she blamed him for doing something he did not do, even when he clearly explained how it was not his fault. She kept telling him to admit he lied and he said he simply told her, I'm sorry if you think I lied. My son said she is more patient and kinder with other children and lets a lot of things slide, but with him, she is so hard.

My son is definitely not perfect, at home we are now constantly speaking with him to learn to control his emotions, be respectful, think before speaking and self regulate. Not to get upset at everything, keep his hands to himself and play fairly as well.

I was really sad yesterday and I was tempted to go and have a conversation with this teacher to ask what really is the problem between her and my child? However, my husband advised that my action will only make them mark our son and since we are still temporary here, we cannot take some actions until our feet are standing well well here.

How do you deal? My son is 10 by the way. I will appreciate as many comments based on your own personal schooling experience with your kids.

Specialtee:
Hello everyone,


However, I notice that there is a particular teacher in his class who makes all these reports and when I probed deeper, I discovered that she is not really extending the same grace to my child as she would to other children. Yesterday, she blamed him for doing something he did not do, even when he clearly explained how it was not his fault. She kept telling him to admit he lied and he said he simply told her, I'm sorry if you think I lied. My son said she is more patient and kinder with other children and lets a lot of things slide, but with him, she is so hard.

How do you deal? My son is 10 by the way. I will appreciate as many comments based on your own personal schooling experience with your kids.

Missposh:
Hello Papas and Mommas, please how do I resolve this - we applied for primary school mid year transfer for my child but the council just responded that the 3 schools we selected don't have space and suggested a catholic school not within trekking distance of our house. Even using bus, I've noted that we may take a bus or 2 if we don't want to trek for like 20 minutes. Since moving here, the only complaint the kids have had is the length of time we have to trek as it is not what they're used to and been asking us to go buy car again � so I anticipate the long trekking to school will elicit some complaints from them. I'll like to avoid this if I can as it won't be convenient for us to dash to go pick them too.

I don't know if to take this school offered while trying to appeal for our preferred school and if the appeal process won't just be a waste of time.

Please apart from mentioning the inconvenience of commuting to the school and possibly preferring a school close to our house address, what other reasons can we site. Meanwhile, 2 of the 3 schools we reached out have a space for my 3 year old, it's only the older one we've not been able to find a school close to the house for yet.

Any suggestions on how to resolve this will be highly appreciated. Can't wait for the kids to settle into school so I can focus on work. Their energy level and distractions no be here.

We had previously mentioned that we're new in the area and country, will like a position in one of the 3 schools to enable us and the kids meet other kids and parents and integrate into the new environment. Also mentioned proximity.

Thank you in advance ☺

Missposh:
Hello Papas and Mommas, please how do I resolve this - we applied for primary school mid year transfer for my child but the council just responded that the 3 schools we selected don't have space and suggested a catholic school not within trekking distance of our house. Even using bus, I've noted that we may take a bus or 2 if we don't want to trek for like 20 minutes. Since moving here, the only complaint the kids have had is the length of time we have to trek as it is not what they're used to and been asking us to go buy car again � so I anticipate the long trekking to school will elicit some complaints from them. I'll like to avoid this if I can as it won't be convenient for us to dash to go pick them too.

I don't know if to take this school offered while trying to appeal for our preferred school and if the appeal process won't just be a waste of time.

Please apart from mentioning the inconvenience of commuting to the school and possibly preferring a school close to our house address, what other reasons can we site. Meanwhile, 2 of the 3 schools we reached out have a space for my 3 year old, it's only the older one we've not been able to find a school close to the house for yet.

Any suggestions on how to resolve this will be highly appreciated. Can't wait for the kids to settle into school so I can focus on work. Their energy level and distractions no be here.

We had previously mentioned that we're new in the area and country, will like a position in one of the 3 schools to enable us and the kids meet other kids and parents and integrate into the new environment. Also mentioned proximity.

Thank you in advance ☺

Missposh:
Thank you so much for this. Make I swiftly go embrace the Catholic school. I will get to that driving matter with time. It still feels strange seeing the driver's seat on right hand side � Thank God for the "road bells" on the road. I cross the road very consciously now make I no go enter mouth of oncoming vehicles � When I Sabi how to walk for road, I will go back to driving � � God no go shame us.

Now weighing the option of taking my 3 year old to the school because taking them will be going in opposite directions every morning and noon plus the 3 year old is only eligible to 15 hours so will close earlier. Don't know if we have energy to do school runs 4 times a day and still manage to work. This obodo oyinbo is not for the faint hearted, I didn't realize how much soft life I was enjoying in naija, but not complaining, na we find them come � �

Mamatukwas post

From experience if they say no space they mean it. Put your 3year old in the school you want then take the older one to the Catholic school offered.

You might have a stronger chance of changing later when one child already goes to your 1st option. In the meantime find out if there is any provision by the council for school pickup and drop off. Over here in Scotland some councils arrange it for you if the school is more than 5 miles I think.

Sha check. Then start working on your driving asap so the kids will stop harassing you

LagosismyHome:


I think private nursery take the 15hours. Some allow you to pay some extra hours to make it a full day or spread it across fewer days and longer hours but that only in private nursery and not primary school nursery..... for example there is no way I could do 15hours or 30hours. That would have been so stressful dropping a child for 3 hours,I just couldn't. The nursery worked the 30 hours to be 3 full day for my kids so I did that and paid for 2 extra days. Something like that so check with a private nursery in your area and see how they can structure 15hours but don't know if they still do that

LagosismyHome:


I think private nursery take the 15hours. Some allow you to pay some extra hours to make it a full day or spread it across fewer days and longer hours but that only in private nursery and not primary school nursery..... for example there is no way I could do 15hours or 30hours. That would have been so stressful dropping a child for 3 hours,I just couldn't. The nursery worked the 30 hours to be 3 full day for my kids so I did that and paid for 2 extra days. Something like that so check with a private nursery in your area and see how they can structure 15hours but don't know if they still do that

mizGene:

From what age is it 30hours pls?
I think 30hrs is the ceiling offered by the govt to everyone until they get to primary school, and if you need more hours, then you gotta pay. is this correct?

What times do the primary schools normally start and end?
Pardon my plenty questions �

mizGene:

From what age is it 30hours pls?
I think 30hrs is the ceiling offered by the govt to everyone until they get to primary school, and if you need more hours, then you gotta pay. is this correct?

What times do the primary schools normally start and end?
Pardon my plenty questions �

deept:


I just started enjoying this benefit and from what I understand it works out to 30 hours a week during term time. So during school holiday periods no free childcare. Works out as 23 hours a week if you spread it out the whole year.

You start to get this after your child turns three the next April or October.

Ps. This is Scotland, I don't know about down south
If you need more hours you pay.

Mamatukwas:


She’s referring to where some Private Nurseries partner with your council and can admit your child for the same 15 or 30 hours foc because the council will pay them directly. So your child in nursery must not go to a council school or provider for instance. If you then want additional hours or after school care you pay separately.

School start is btw 4.5 to 5.5 years in Scotland. I think in England it’s the September after you turn 5 if you’re born before the 1st of September.

mizGene:

Thanks, I understand that.
What age gets 30hrs foc?
I was asking for the time of day actually

Mamatukwas:


Age 3 till when you start primary gets 15 or 30 hours foc.

Time of day is 9am to 12noon or 1.15 to 3.30 ish (could vary slightly) for 15 hours mon to fri.

You can also customize your 15 hours to 9am to 3pm twice a week and half day on the 3rd day of it works well for you.

9am to 3pm mon to fri for 30 hours.

Again all of this might vary slightly depending on your nursery/provider. Once you start applications you’ll see the options.

Primary school times is 9am to 3pm as well.

mizGene:

From what age is it 30hours pls?
I think 30hrs is the ceiling offered by the govt to everyone until they get to primary school, and if you need more hours, then you gotta pay. is this correct?

What times do the primary schools normally start and end?
Pardon my plenty questions �

LagosismyHome:






Thank you. I'll try the reward system. The fact that he is moving to a new class in September also gives me hope. Regarding our naija behaviour, God help us.


Hugs ...parenting is not easy, just continue talking and introduce some form of reward system. Tell him we are working together towards this goal of no complaint from teacher and we can achieve this by x and y ...and if it achieve it then reward .

People say don't be bribing, but I don't want to spend my young age shouting up and down so my kids I use rewards alot. You pick your

Cultural people in UK and people from naija there is a difference in behaviour both adult and children. Even among naija i can tell a UK born naija and a naija child. That been said your son is new and still adjusting so there might be a lot of behaviour that is just too full on for the teacher to handle hence why she exhibiting more harshness not that I am excusing her but teacher work no easy. All I am saying that I noticed naija kids even naija adults tend to be more aggressive in little mannerism but they do adjust with time

Ticha:


1. Ask your son to start keeping a diary - it will not only help with emotional self-regulation but will enable him see patterns and help you build a picture and collate evidence should you ever need it.
2. If and when she tells him off, he should request an advocate, including his peers if necessary.
3. If he can, he should call her out on her picking on him. Very politely ie I have said I didn't do it. Why are you insisting I did?

Most people in the UK are more afraid of being labelled racist than being racist. So one of the fastest ways to nip it in the bud is put a name on it and watch them back track so fast. It will also alert others to the fact that you won't take this lying down.

So even though Sept is not far away, secondary school is a lot more vicious than primary school. Do not go speak to the teacher yet. Write out a letter, laying out your concerns - factually. Remove every emotion. Talk about how it is affecting the emotional and mental health of your child and by extension you the parent and the rest of the family. Be succinct. Add examples.
Then state that you know it's possible children may misconstrue actions and words but you want it brought to their knowledge that this is how your son is interpreting her actions. Therefore you are bringing your concerns to them. It is not acceptable for a teacher to covertly and overtly pick on any child and you would be doubly disappointed to find out it is race based. End it by saying you are totally open to conversations and strategies to support your child and the school so they should contact you at their earliest convenience.

I would sit and draft the letter with my child then edit and read through the final together. Email it to the head teacher and keep a copy for yourself should you need it down the track.

I wish I could say it gets easier when it comes to racism. It doesn't. We just develop better coping mechanisms and we need to ensure our children have those mechanisms to cope and push back. Hugs!