OP, pls put an end to it before it even get started i mean deal with your husband. i pity any ex that will come near my guy . by the i get done with both of them huh, they will know khaki is not leather

The ex is very mad. That is how it starts, freaking pretenders.
If it is a one off situation, it wouldn't look like a big deal, but the frequency of the calls leaves a bad taste.
Since you have problems with it, isn't your spouse suppose to put a stop to it? Seems he has forgotten where his responsibilities lie.
Your husband is doing agony aunt, lol.

Na wa for your username sha.

armyofone:

OP, pls put an end to it before it even get started i mean deal with your husband. i pity any ex that will come near my guy . by the i get done with both of them huh, they will know khaki is not leather

Hmm madam soldier

Me wey marry you don know say khaki no be leather, I would still love to beat up your leather

Lets not forget that the poster is not the one in the wrong here. Her husband really has no business communicating with his ex the way he does, except his ex is his sister, and that would be even more worrying.

The husband has sown the seed of mistrust, and poster is right to be concerned. We are no kids anymore, what usually starts innocent ends in disaster. I always caution my married friends, including myself, temptation is always a phone call away. the fact that one is married does not mean one is immune. if one really values thier marriage, they will guard it jealously, including building hedges around. Dont put yourself in a position that will tempt you

I dont think the poster needs to set ultimatums. Simply sit him down and let him know what he is doing is making you extremely unhappy and uncomfortable. If husband really loves the wife and respects her, he will stop

^^ spot on. No one decides to lose trust in someone without signs to prove it. This lady does not trust her hubby and neither of us know why or what he has done. Infact communicating with his ex behind his wife's back is enuff to double the lack of trust.

That man has no biz with his ex and that ex is an eediot. Imagine telling her ex that she's having issues with her own man, isn't she indirectly telling him that no man can ever be like him, she's not happy in the relationship, wants out and is available?

Why should she trust this agbaya man?

jennykadry:

That man has no biz with his ex and that ex is an eediot. Imagine telling her ex that she's having issues with her own man, isn't she indirectly telling him that no man can ever be like him, she's not happy in the relationship, wants out and is available?

Exactly.

The excuses people are coming up with for this BS are amusing though. "Maybe he's a good listener" Pele o. Dr Drew. GTFO with that garbage. *rolls eyes*

^^^Family section will soon lose it's taste like romance section.

The kind of advices I read on this section sometimes is mind boggling

jennykadry:

^^^Family section will soon lose it's taste like romance section.

The kind of advices I read on this section sometimes is mind boggling

So true, I read a lot of careless ill thought out answers on here. Most times from single people, who in my opinion are not qaulified to comment on issues they have little or no experience of

Back to the issue of trust. No sane person would wake up one morning and decide not to trust someone. That person must have either hurt you , lied to you or done something to warrant that mistrust.

It takes a lot to say 'I don't trust my spouse'', the man you share the same bed with? The OP said she just discovered that her hubby was doing this, that is to say he has been doing this behind her back. Tell me why she should trust him? Like someone said, this man has sowed a seed of mistrust in their relationship and it will take him being a man, acting like a man and taking hold of a situation like a man before this seed can be plucked out , else it sure is growing so fast .

Someone like my man even if he tries it(and yea he knows I will be calling for his head if he does) will tell her to take things easy and also tell her he would like to know what I think about it(her issues with her husband to be) knowing that I am good at such things and also very intelligent(for my mind ). By the time I call her like a good friend and advise her on what to do to keep her man in a friendly manner and as a friend, no be person go tell her to delete his number. Bloody shyt

Nor b 2day.

..

Someone like my man even if he tries it(and yea he knows I will be calling for his head if he does) will tell her to take things easy and also tell her he would like to know what I think about it(her issues with her husband to be) knowing that I am good at such things and also very intelligent(for my mind Cheesy). By the time I call her like a good friend and advise her on what to do to keep her man in a friendly manner and as a friend, no be person go tell her to delete his number.

abi o.

Wouldnt a sane man sef tell the woman to discuss it more with his wife? who else can deal wikth such issues better than another woman. Aint nothing innocent about this mess jare. Only a phaggot goes around concerning himself in such girly issues in the first place

..

lol ToH it is true oooo. The creepy part of this whole thing is that the husband was doing it behind his wife's back. Any sane man will get his wife involved in it ASAP as per ''I am a fellow man and my wife has tolerated some of my bad habits, I would like her to speak to you as to how she's been able to live with it''. I bet you this ex will stop calling.

Does she ever call to tell him the good sides of her husband? Why is it always the bad sides? Abi she wants the man to tell her to leave her own and come be his second wife. Oloshi

I still repeat, no sane person will wake up one morning and say ''I don't trust my spouse'' . What has that spouse done to him or her?

chaircover:

Some women and men too distrust their partners even though they have no reason to do so. It could be as a result of what they saw their parents get up to, having being cheated on in a previous relationship etc.

Unless you end up marrying ones first boyfriend/girlfriend, many peeps enter new relationships with heaps of baggage & ideas; and not everyone is able to leave the baggage at the door & start a new relationship on a clean slate.

These are just general points and I am in no way saying that the poster isn't justified in her not trusting her husband and she may have valid reasons for not trusting him.

I personally dont think that there is anything wrong is having the odd contact with an ex (emphasis on the word odd) but for me that is because I trust my husband and he trusts me.

What I have found over the years is that all sorts different friendships come and go and it is only the true ones that really stand the test of time.

I don't think that the posters ex is in anyway more dangerous than any other woman the posters husband will come in contact with in his daily life; if the hubby is indeed a randy fellow then even the househelp is game and so if I was the poster, I wouldn't waste my time on the ex alone but look at the larger picture.

The man too needs to work on reassuring his wife that her fears are unfounded (thats if they are) and try not to do anything that will make her to further distrust him. Speaking to an ex everyday on the phone is not the way to go about things. If only people treat other people the way that they will like to be treated.

You are a very sensible, rational and composed woman and your husband is a very lucky man.
It will do many women right to learn from you.
Well done.

^^^sadly, you just have to read some of the answers from the women on here to understand that many will never think like Chaircover.

pls, jus let them be, kip playing ur gud role as a gud wife

chaircover:

But you are right, I am sure that there are a thousand and one other "free" men that she can ask for advise from instead of calling up her married ex all the time.

Exactly. It's even one thing if t were a one or two time thing but it's frequent so yea it's shady.

What kind of adults do we have these days? How can you be calling or receiving calls from an ex-lover severally in the presence of your spouse. In my estimation, it is hardly different from kissing your ex in front of your spouse. It is unfair and shows a lack of consideration. Abeg! if you are going to get married, do it because the standards you have set for choosing a partner have been met and for NO other reason. If you compromise, you might blame yourself for what you will find after tying the knot.

It is safe to consider your potential spouse as a MONSTER. The key question is: can you control that MONSTER! If you can- go for it! If you cannot; run for your life!

This thread seems to be the same with this (https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=589982.msg8626708#msg8626708) as the spouses in both are worried about communication between their spouse and their exes. It is also an example of my stance that good exes can still be good friends that can innocently help each other in times of need. Do one really need to cut all relationship with people they have been with in the past because one got married? It doesn't even sound good coming from the poster that she threatened the husband to stop communicating with the ex, that may have the man feeling like he just got locked up behind the four walls of his home. It's just like telling a man "Now that you are married to me, I don't want you talking to Miss A or Miss B" That doesn't sound nice.

This ex of your husband can still be any other married lady out there seeking advice on her marriage from your husband. In as much as I agree that a woman should have her eyes open lest another woman uses pity to cunningly draw her husband away, it doesn't make sense to cut communication with exes (you still relate with on a platonic level after the end of the relationship not exes that want you back and are making moves on you that are not healthy to your marraige) or mandate your spouse/be mandated by your spouse to do so. It is the taking away of the freedom to relate from others.

jennykadry:

I still repeat, no sane person will wake up one morning and say ''I don't trust my spouse'' . What has that spouse done to him or her?

Not true.

Some women are of the opinionn that all men cheat so before she even starts dating a guy she is already suspicious of every woman around him.

Some ppl grew up seeing their parents, uncles friends cheating so they have that idea that No one is to be trusted.

Some people transfer the hurt from previous relationship and uses that on every other person.

chaircover:

sometimes people like to glean advice from someone the same sex as their partner just to give them an insight into how the opposite sex's mind works.

But you are right, I am sure that there are a thousand and one other "free" men that she can ask for advise from instead of calling up her married ex all the time.

Chaircover, What of the thing you promised me?

You obvioulsy did not see the ''sane'' part in my post. You call people that judge and base their relationships on what they've seen others do in theirs, sane and normal? That's insanity my friend. It's like someone that has always believed in God waking up one morning and saying I don't believe in God because my friend or parents told me not to believe in God.

Circumstances have forced people to believe in rubbish and if you are not going to believe and trust any man b'cos of what you saw your parents or other people do, then you are insane. As a child understandable but  as an adult,life should have taught you and you should be able to view past situations 50-50 but if you can't then you are insane. You can't trust your husband and your sons but you expect them to trust you?

Nigerian women are conditioned(by society and even parents) to believe that all men cheat.Do I? nope(God bless my mother) if that man haven't cheated on you or shown signs of cheating ,why should you not trust him? b'cos society said so? b'cos your mum told you so? b'cos of what friends said?

Dem say Eni ti were pa iya e ti o ba ri mechanic o ma sa lo.

person wey mad man kill him mama if he sees a mechanic he would run.

It doesnt need to happen to you with the particular person, We learn from experiences and are usually more careful A girl who was r@ped as a teen might have a fear or resentment towards men, I wont call her insane.

They say Once bitten twice shy

Good if she resents men let her quietly and jejely stay single. b'cos it will be very stupid of her to get married and make the poor man that is willing to love her like crazy,go through the same hell she went through all in the name of resentment. That man just wants to love you and have a family with you, he did not rape you, neither should you make him pay for your past for the next 50yrs you are married to him.

Does your husband not follow you when you go to Naija?

;d

Right.

If it's so fne why cant you all just hang out?

Alabosi

hehehehehehehe things I read on here. Orishirishi. Wonders shall never end. Please tell us the voodo you both used to tie the mouths of your spouses.

^Rofl