upendo 98:

The reason we are all messed up with this word love is coz we have twisted it to conform with our desires and wishes.
God is Love. And he demonstrated it to us.Fullstop. If we can take lessons from the Master mind of love then we shall do it right. Mind you there's nobody as Romantic as God.He just knows how to balance everything.
Just read songs of solomons.
And just knw fear is of the devil so stop doing urself injustice and take what your feeling to another level.

i am glad u bring this up. i am not talking about the love that God can give (God is perfect), i am talking about the love human (humans are not perfect). if humans give love it must, i repeat, it must have infatuation and lust embeded in it.

the english language is the cause of all these confusion,
latin is a more complete language that has name for different feelings e.g
it has agape - which describes feeling between God and man, it could also exist between two people who are in relationship with GOD (it is perfect and unconditional.
it has philia - this is a feeling of likeness between family members, i.e. brothers and sisters, father and son or daugther
it had eros - this is the feeling between a man and awoman who are not related -its is built on lust and infatuation and its conditional
it also has name for two friends eithe or opposite or same sex, cant remember the name.

now the english language combines all these feelings and call them love! and so when a man says to a woman "i love u" both the sayer and the sayee assume that they both meant agape love. this is so because agape love is more desirable and is more pronounced of all that feelings mentiond above. hence the mistake that love is perfect blah blah blah

@ frank
I almost deleted that part about love enduring forever cz I knew for sure you would ask me exactly that.I do not dispute at all.You are very very correct.
Love is 'supposed' to endure/last forever.Its supposed to cover a lot of our weaknesses but does that happen? LOL hardly becoz we lost the master guide anyway.
Please understand this.There's various reasons why people stick to marriage/relationships and all those reasons you described are just part of it. Now are you saying that you don't believe that true love is a glue that holds relationships together? That all those those things you described are the solid reason why people tend to stick together?
If so then that is the reasons why people ENDURE miserable relationships cz its all about 'people and the 'society' and not about the 2 of you. When will you say am here in this relationship not cz of the kids or anything external but cz of the love I have for this person? sad
When I say death here it means several things.It means sacrifices etc etc.eg like are u able to donate a kidney to that person when they are staring at death in the face? There's people tht can die for smbody they love.Oh puuuliz again haven't you heard about people that kill themselves for the sake of love? yeah that is crazy but it just shows you what real love can do at times. Have you seen people that just break down and become a wreck when they lose a loved one? Its all cz of this love word.
You say you cant have lust after me without having a 'liking' for me which u call a degree of love.In short you mean 'like' is a degree of love. good
Now you brought another term here calle[b]d 'like'. [/b]
Let me pose a question t u. Can u lust after a skimply dressed woman on tv? I guess yes.
if the answer is yes then I ask do you 'like her'? You may say no cz u really dont know her beyond wht you see.That already contradicts, cz you lust after her but you dont like her. Now how do u call this a 'degree of love'?? how do u love wht you dont really know beyond wht u see?

Lastly that is a good eg you gave in the previous page. And I told u the 3 coexist.They just play different roles hence my reason for using the house as an eg.They all form the house after all. So after your explanation I will again say.They are all buttons of a remote control called 'relationship'.You only need to know which one to press in order to get the required results.And all we want are the results!!
I feel thirsty.

Oh I know all about the diffrent categories of love.
My point is BALANCE dont overdo one.Theres God's love(AGAPE) yes,and we have EROS(Romantic)yes.
But what I meant was,we have TWISTED the romantic love to suit our desires. and thrown it off balance. People love all sorts of weird things and they call it love.
I said read songs of solomon and see how romantic God is too.Its not all prophecy and deliverance.Its about EROS that sweet romatic love btwn man and woman.
And God talks about,butts and bosoms openly and properly

You can be in LUST an not LOVED,
You can get INFATUATED and not LOVED,but
YOu can't be in LOVE without the first two.

LUST    -            Attraction, to be drawn away\carried away

INFATUATION-  Emotional,thinking about\dreaming about\cannot sleep

LOVE-               It is not all about me, it's all about her\him, sacrificial

Note, we normally view lust and infatuation as a negative phenomenons, but if it's leading to the right thing
it can be sustained,now am married and whenever i sight my wife legs most especially from the hips,oh my gosh! what can you  call that? most church's choirs were been attracted to brothers by their voices, but they wouldn't tell you that!

^^ well said.
I guess we are all speaking the same lingo but diffrent expressions. They coexist BUT do not mean the same thing.

upendo 98:

@ frank
I almost deleted that part about love enduring forever cz I knew for sure you would ask me exactly that.I do not dispute at all.You are very very correct.
Love is 'supposed' to endure/last forever.Its supposed to cover a lot of our weaknesses but does that happen? LOL hardly becoz we lost the master guide anyway.
[b]Please understand this.There's various reasons why people stick to marriage/relationships and all those reasons you described are just part of it. Now are you saying that you don't believe that true love is a glue that holds relationships together? That all those those things you described are the solid reason why people tend to stick together?[/b]If so then that is the reasons why people miserable relationships cz its all about 'people and the 'society' and not about the 2 of you. When will you say am here in this relationship not cz of the kids or anything external but cz of the love I have for this person? sad
When I say death here it means several things.It means sacrifices etc etc.eg like are u able to donate a kidney to that person when they are staring at death in the face? There's people tht can die for smbody they love.Oh puuuliz again haven't you heard about people that kill themselves for the sake of love? yeah that is crazy but it just shows you what real love can do at times. Have you seen people that just break down and become a wreck when they lose a loved one? Its all cz of this love word.[/b]You say you cant have [b]lust after me without having a 'liking' for me which u call a degree of love.In short you mean 'like' is a degree of love. good
Now you brought another term here calle[b]d 'like'.
Let me pose a question t u. Can u lust after a skimply dressed woman on tv? I guess yes.
if the answer is yes then I ask do you 'like her'? You may say no cz u really dont know her beyond wht you see.That already contradicts, cz you lust after her but you dont like her. Now how do u call this a 'degree of love'?? how do u love wht you dont really know beyond wht u see?

Lastly that is a good eg you gave in the previous page. And I told u the 3 coexist.They just play different roles hence my reason for using the house as an eg.They all form the house after all. So after your explanation I will again say.They are all buttons of a remote control called 'relationship'.You only need to know which one to press in order to get the required results.And all we want are the results!!
I feel thirsty.

no i didnt say the reasons i mentioned are the solid reasons why people stick togethre, i said they all contitute to resons even plus love as to why people stick together, its wrong for us to just single out love and say its the only reason why people stay togethre for a long time.

again people who commit sucide or hurt them selves becsuse of love, as as confused as u are (dont mean to insult) in matter of love. they kill themsleves because of the lost the feel, the emptyness they feel inside, the feeling of disappointment that has overwhelmed them (remeber what depression can cause), but viewers will just say they did it because of love, no. its depression and not love. havnt u seen someone kill himself because he failed exam? ok he loved his exam? its depression and the rest of nagative feelings.

finnal i think we have derailed here, i think if u love someone who u dont lust after or whom u are not infatuated with, them u actally feel nothing for the person. its not love. love must, i repeat must come with lust and inftuation, and together can feed on their love

^^
FYI
1.Okay first am not confused at all. Am here too learn too so am not like some 'love guru' or anything.Far from it.
2.Okay you should have used the 'kidney 'eg' then nt the suicide one. Its depression I know but it still come as a result of losing the one you really loved.
3.I quote you below

[b]finnal i think we have derailed here, i think if u love someone who u dont lust after or whom u are not infatuated with, them u actally feel nothing for the person. its not love. love must, i repeat must come with lust and inftuation, and together can feed on their love[/b]

I just said that we are speaking the same lingo but different expressions. See at first I was trying to disassociate the 3.But after reading your posts and understanding what you mean,I said yes they coexist.
Read what[b] OLAISRICH [/b]said.It makes sense but I still insist they are DIFFERENT.

Love Gurus in da building But sincerely, i just learnt something new bout love. Kudos to u guys!

^^ me too and still learning.
Whats love got to do,got to do,

Op
Dey re all d same thing,

But 2 lust 4 is better than luv.

INFATUATION develops into LOVE. Somewhere inbetween lies LUST.

Doesn't always happen that way though  

INFATUATION - strng feelings of love for someone esp a 'feeling dt is unreasonable, makes u unable to think in a sensible way & does nt continue 4 a lng time'

LUST - vry strng '5exual desire', esp when it does nt include love.

LOVE - To have a strng feeling of 'affection,care,loyalty' for someone, combined with 5exual attraction.

My dear i disagree with u. They are nt the same @ all

Flashaldrin:

There is a clear difference between the three.
Love may encompass the three but 4 sure the other two are isolated.

I think this describes it best.

adeibi:

INFATUATION - strng feelings of love for someone esp a 'feeling dt is unreasonable, makes u unable to think in a sensible way & does nt continue 4 a lng time'

LUST - vry strng '5exual desire', esp when it does nt include love.

LOVE - To have a strng feeling of 'affection,care,loyalty' for someone, combined with 5exual attraction.

My dear i disagree with u. They are nt the same @ all

listen to urself, do u think u can have sexual desire with someone u dont like? do u have sexual desire for everybody? why do u think u select some and leave some, believe me, sexual desires comes with feelings even though we deny it.

if u combine affection, care, loyalty etc with sexual attraction, u have just included lust in ur so called definition of love, yet u deny that they aer not the same.

M M M:

Op
Dey re all d same thing,

But 2 lust 4 is better than luv.

ha ha, but since they are all the same thing, then to love is to lust

dreday:

I think this describes it best.

can u just tell me how they are isolated?

frank3.16:

listen to urself, do u think u can have intimate desire with someone u dont like? do u have intimate desire for everybody? why do u think u select some and leave some, believe me, intimate desires comes with feelings even though we deny it.

if u combine affection, care, loyalty etc with intimate attraction, u have just included lust in your so called definition of love, yet u deny that they aer not the same.

What are u saying?
INFATUATION is love dt doesn't continue for a long time. U tend to get bored/tired of the relatnship esp after seeing d other's panties.

LUSTing after someone is just wanting to be with d person for 5ex, it doesn't include love.
Haven't u heard of cases where both partners know they are not meant 2 be but just hook up cos of the 5exual desire they derive frm each other as in they want each other for nothing but sex. Maybe cos of d body, how gud d person is in bed but deep inside u, u knw u cn't live with the person for a wk let alone a lyftym. U only thnk abt sex with them.

LOVE is diff, my uncle will say once u enter a woman, it is finishd and your eyes get open, there's nofin more u want frm her. But the only thng dt keeps u with her is if she has some thng that made u sincerely love her and always want to be with her e.g her character, personality, way of life etc.

SEE ANALYS OF LOVE, I DEY ENJOY THIS

jonex70:

SEE ANALYS OF LOVE, I DEY ENJOY THIS

LOL.

it is interesting and highly educative reading the various perspective on this topics especially from Upendo 98 and Frank3.16 ( even though i do not concur with all their viewpoints)
Another angle to look at this topic is the angle of choice. While love is an active choice to accept and care (most-times unconditionally) for someone irrespective of that persons weaknesses and shortcomings. In order words Love choose to love even when you dont feel it.

Lust and Infatuation are passive, they are majorly driven by feelings. Lust or Infatuation is surrendering to the tingling waves of feelings usually for the fulfilment of sensual and selfish desires. a classic example of lust is this https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-693823.0.html

adeibi:

What are u saying?
[b]INFATUATION is love dt doesn't continue for a long time. U tend to get bored/tired of the relatnship esp after seeing d other's panties.

LUSTing after someone is just wanting to be with d person for 5ex, it doesn't include love.[/b]Haven't u heard of cases where both partners know they are not meant 2 be but just hook up cos of the 5exual desire they derive frm each other as in they want each other for nothing but sex. Maybe cos of d body, how gud d person is in bed but deep inside u, u knw u cn't live with the person for a wk let alone a lyftym. U only thnk abt sex with them.

LOVE is diff, my uncle will say once u enter a woman, it is finishd and your eyes get open, there's nofin more u want frm her. But the only thng dt keeps u with her is if she has some thng that made u sincerely love her and always want to be with her e.g her character, personality, way of life etc.

please check the meaning of infatuation in your dictionary and imagine a relationship between two people without it. as lond as love exists, infatuation will always be there. i really dont care for how long.

lusting after some is just for sex? yes, that could be true, but then how can u love someone without wanting sex, again lust and love go together. besides, sex is not the only reason we lust for someone, it could be mony, beauty, knowledge the person has (intlligence), connection, fame etc, and all these come together to make a relationship better.

why do we call a relationship lust or infatuation because it is short lived? different relationships have different time limits, ten minutes or 100years, at a point in time there was the combination of the three. and like any other feeling they could fade away, just because we are humans who have no choice but to get used to our enviornment or people.

what do we even think this feeling called love is? its a decision, its not magical, its directional, its selective and so it encompasses infatuation and lust. it does not happen to us, we happen to it. we use it to feed our emotions and our sense of well being, and activates it within us. lust and infatuation make it reasonable or gives it meaning and helps us hold onto someone we have decided to love.

The word lust connotes negativity.

Again I say.

INFATUATION,LUST AND LOVE CAN CO-EXIST. But only in a stable relationship.

All of them come in handy if you know exactly what kind of relationship you want.

1) Hit and run relationship=Only LUST applies here.No love

   -Lust fulfills the desires of your fleshly body.
   -It doesn't fulfill your spiritual,psychological or emotional needs.

2) Long-term relationship= INFATUATION+LUST apply.  lust+Infatuation taken to a higher level grows into LOVE;

    -Love is a whole package.It fulfills evry emotional,physical as well as spiritual need!!
    -So you do you want a hit and run or a Long-term relationship??

@op
This word lust the moment u mention it only one thing comes into mind.The body
So yeah we can lust after somebodys knowledge or money but you hardly hear that term used in that context.
So the assumption we are all making here has to do with the 'body'

Different reltionships have diffrent time limits.Yes your very right. But then,what brought you 2 together? was it lust or did you go past lust and allow love to grow? Okay lets even assume that you came into a relationship with lust/infatuation as the driving force and you decided to build it with love.Somewhere a long the line things can still fall apart fall apart.Why? cz we are human. It still doesnt change the meaning of lust anyway.It remains where we found it,embraced it in love but still things went haywire.

Is love a decision? Yes. does it happen to us or we happen to it?Well I would only ask' who's got the brains here?'is it love or you the vessel that holds it?
So to say we happen to 'it' gives me this impression that this 'love' is somewhere floating in the atmosphere and once you 'bump' into it? then u catch it!!!
No it starts with infatuation,lust,then grows into love.
If I grow from baby to Adulthood am I losing a leg?Nope the leg only becomes bigger but remains part and parcel of my body.
So is lust.

its so sad that the word lust and infatuation have been used nagatively, that at the mention of the both of them people think of its evil. but critical thinking have allowed me to see that both are what we live live for. both directs use to who we date and both lust and infatuation helps us maintain a relationship. with out these to words, a relation wont even exist.

how then can we continue saying the are nagative and evil?

@upendo 98,
i dont accept the love growing from lust/ infatuation to love. they all work together. as love grows so does infatuation and lust. like i said love is in degree - u dont just call it infatuation/lust when the degree is very low. i believe that if at the beging of a relatioship there was a lust, then there was both infatuation and llove too only the three were in small degree, that one couldnt hold onto to start a real relationship that involves sacrifice.

if i hold onto ur theory about how love grows from infatuation/lust the u mean that the two are dropped and then the person holds onto just love, which is not possible. as love is growing so does infatuation and lust.

i whole heartedly agree with upendo, LOVE is far more than LUST and INFATUATION.
"if u get married to someone out of his/her physical appearance that u lusted after and somehow either by accident those things u saw r gone what would you do how will u sustain that marriage."

@ frank.
I asked you,if u saw a well endowed lady on tv and she's skimpy dressed,then u get all these butterflies in your tummy and wild desire to hold her and Be Intimate would you call that love in a small degree?
That is wht I call 'LUST'. seriously.you know nothing about that lady.I emphasise again love caters to ALL your needs.Lust satifies your body only.
Ok get out of the tv and go to the beach and meet the same lady. you still lust after her.Then you approach her and try to get to know her better.
The more u get to know her ,then lust gets overshadowed by feelings of love.Why cz yeah you still lust after her but you just discovered theres more to her then her pretty body.You get to know her emotionally as well as pychologically.Now thats what I call love.
In your heart still lies the 'dormant lust'
LUST IS A CATALYST.It triggers/speeds up the feelings of love,it provides a way for love to come thru.
Back to my point.You only love that person you want to relate with. So since lust has made a way for u to meet her,then you carry on to love.
Its all in there! LUST+INFATUATION+LOVE.
They co-exist.each playing a specific role!!
Thirsty.

These grammers sef!

All I know is that "LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT" is LUST!

^^^
Maybe 'infatuation at first sight?'
Can you just love somebody at sight? before u know them a bit more?
Okay its just a phrase we all use so I agree wth u totaly its just lust.

LUST IS A STRONG DESIRE MOSTLY ASSOCIATED WITH MEN WHEN THEY SEE LADIES THAT ARE INDICENTLY DRESSED

INFATUATION IS AN INTENSE LIKING OF THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT IS NOT PERMANENT, THAT IS A "TRANSITORY ADMIRATON OR FONDNESS" THAT IS WHEN YOU CLAIM YOU LOVE SOME ONE BUT YOUR LOVE IS ATTACHED TO SELFISH REASON
NOW LOVE THE SIMPLEST TO UNDERSTAND BUT DIFFICULT TO IMPLEMENT IS "PERMANENT DEEP AFFECTION OR FONDNESS," LOVE ANSWERS ALL DIFFICULT SITUATON IN LIFE ESPECIALLY IN RELATIOSHIP, LOVE COVERS MULTITUDE OF SIN, LOVE IS THE ULTIMATE, LOVE IS LIMITLESS, LOVE IS FIRST PRACTICED BY JESUS FOR THE CHRISTIAN, LOVE IS SACRIFICE, NAME IT,  BUT DUE TO INGENUITY IN THE LOVE OF HUMAN BEING TODAY WE NOW HAVE TRUE LOVE AND FAKE LOVE,
FAKE LOVE =LUST AND INFATUATION
TRUE LOVE=LOVE (1 CORINTH 13, ) PLS READ, THANKS!

upendo 98:

^^^
Maybe 'infatuation at first sight?'
Can you just love somebody at sight? before u know them a bit more?
Okay its just a phrase we all use so I agree wth u totaly its just lust.

ha ha, easy, i no wan make ur brain scatter.

see what i am saying. love is the body that has infatuation and lust as its child. because u can love someone without being infatuated with the person or lusting for him or her. do u believe?

that means if u say love at first sight - the infatuation and lust follows.
the problem is that we dont believe that we can love somebody even without knowing them, but i ask u, if u think love is our decison,  that love is directional and that love is selective, why dont u believe that i can decide to fall in love with someone just by seeing his or her picture, on screen?

LUST IS A STRONG DESIRE MOSTLY ASSOCIATED WITH MEN WHEN THEY SEE LADIES THAT ARE INDECENTLY DRESSED

INFATUATION IS AN INTENSE LIKING OF THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT IS NOT PERMANENT, THAT IS A "TRANSITORY ADMIRATiON OR FONDNESS" THAT IS WHEN YOU CLAIM YOU LOVE SOME ONE BUT YOUR LOVE IS ATTACHED TO SELFISH REASON
NOW LOVE THE SIMPLEST TO UNDERSTAND BUT DIFFICULT TO IMPLEMENT IS "PERMANENT DEEP AFFECTION OR FONDNESS," LOVE ANSWERS ALL DIFFICULT SITUATION IN LIFE ESPECIALLY IN RELATIONSHIP, LOVE COVERS MULTITUDE OF SIN, LOVE IS THE ULTIMATE, LOVE IS LIMITLESS, LOVE IS FIRST PRACTICED BY JESUS FOR THE CHRISTIAN, LOVE IS SACRIFICE, NAME IT,  BUT DUE TO INGENUITY IN THE LOVE OF HUMAN BEING TODAY WE NOW HAVE TRUE LOVE AND FAKE LOVE,
FAKE LOVE =LUST AND INFATUATION
TRUE LOVE=LOVE (1 CORINTH 13, ) PLS READ, THANKS!

@op
Yes you can love somebody thru all the other categories you described earlier.So ok yeah we don't have to lust to love.but we were narrowing it down to EROS love not any other kind of love rem.

And yes I think love is the body that has infatuation and lust as child. You just need to know which one to activate at what particular moment.

Love is a decision.If you look at a woman to lust you have already commited adultery with her in ur mind.
In that case if u want the pure ,agape love,or sisterly love then don't look with' lustfull 'eyes!!simple Look with'brotherly' eyes!
Then we can say u fell in love at first sight.at least you weren't after the body.