ThamesWater:


Now that is wisdom.

Prevention they say is better than cure.

When you give a child access to a web enabled phone with little or no supervision you have already lost that child to the jungle called the internet and social media with 7 billion influencers influencing your child daily positively and majorly negatively.

I also marvel when i visit friends and see that their kids who are not even 8 years old have unfettered and unsupervised access to everything on the DARK WORLD WIDE WEB.

In London, I did not have my first phone or home computer until age 32 and the heavens did not fall. Kids use enough computer and supervised internet access at school so they can do without it at home or if they must use it at home, i will so rig the computer or phone with monitoring such that I am aware of any dodgy website they visit before they say jack robinson.

Me wey be say I dey track my then 14 year old sons posts on his Facebook account and I sharply correct him when he and his friends make unacceptable posts online and when he tries to deny it, I ask him if he wants me to tell him the date, time and exact content he posted and he then backs out from his denials.

I'm sure a lot of parents don't know that the rational part of a teenager's brain is not fully developed and won’t be fully developed until age 25 or so.
https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051

Although left to me, he would not be on Facebook even at 14 years old and I was in away in Nigeria on a business trip and my ex wife allowed him a Facebook account in my absence.

Even a lot of adults can not handle some of the "stuff" they see / read on the internet / social media talk less of a teenage or pre-teenage child and this is why i marvel when i see black parents in the UK allow their very young children (less than 10 years old) to have the same access that adults have to all the content on the dirty world wide web when even adults are struggling to cope with / exorcise themselves of some of the sordid nastiness on the internet / social media.

Imagine allowing a child unsupervised access to twitter where people post any and everything in "broad daylight" including pornography and twitter turns a blind eye !!!!

Well said! I like the fact that you made reference to the 25 years that it takes for the human brain
to fully mature... That's key in understanding how to raise children right into adulthood.

I first read that info too in a
Newsweek magazine about 20 years ago and it was based on brain scan research on teenagers and why they engage in anti-social acts (due to the fact that nerve endings of the pre-frontal cortex which deals with social behaviour are not fully developed).

monerozi5590:


But why are you calling your kids names and posting pics? Not cool at all. Abi you just d catch cruise?

Trust me, I have called them worse trust me.
As Nigerian parents, name-calling is a sure banker! Even on NL, Or you be saint?

Oh please!

ibinaboonline:
You’re been very realistic. We need to come to terms with the new reality of the connected world. The world around us is in a fierce competition with us in the raising of our children. I stress the adjective “fierce.” I think Kanwuliababy is taking the battle to the front door of theo darn world in her own way.

Having children ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD is not for the faint-hearted.

But the show must go on!

ibinaboonline:
Jeez. I’d hate to be on your bad side. You’ve mastered the system. I commend you, though.

Bottom line,
You can’t leave Nigeria, struggle to achieve all you have and then sit back and LOSE it all because of some flawed system that can’t distinguish between abuse and discipline. You must be in control at ALL TIMES.

I watch some parents become the children in some homes, and the children become the parents.

Why?

Because the parents want to be “best friends” with their children. Sheeeeesh!
The parents want to be loved by their children so they can take care of them in old age. Sheeeeeesh!

I have told my children that I would rather DIE in a nursing home.! I don’t wanna be their friend please! I AM A PARENT. Simple.

My love is EXTREMELY CONDITIONAL.
I don’t want any yeye love or friendship.
SELF-RESPECT is all I ask.✅

ThamesWater:


You are lucky their Dad is on the same page with you.

My Ex wife once told me in front of my then 11 year old son in London (who I was about to discipline) the following words - Ti o ba fi owo kan omo yen ma a pe olopa - meaning that if I touched my son, she would call the police.

Na which kain “wife” be dat?
No wonder na “ex”!
She does not understand that only a real mam can raise a real man?

Abi, did you try to kill your son?

This calling police matter is soooooo annoying.

ThamesWater:


Funny but true and I'm sure your kids must have been dumbfounded at the above scenarios but they don't understand where you are coming from.

Raising kids in the West where black kids especially black boys are picked on by the institutionally racist system is not for the faint hearted.

I remember years ago in London when the nursery said my son was not talking fluently at age 2 and so they recommended speech therapy which I bluntly refused telling them that he would talk in his own time which he did.

Ffwd 2 years later when he was 4 and his teacher was in my opinion picking on him too much and I told her that if she does not leave him alone, I would report her to my father and she then asked who my father was and I pointed to the sky and said God is my father.

The UK is a place where the educational system picks on black boys disproportionately and my seeing how the system has encouraged single motherhood which may be a big reason black Carribean boys/men represent a disproportionately large population of british prison inmates had already preconditioned me before having kids that if i had a boy child in the UK, it would be fire for fire between me and the system if they tried any nonsense with my son.

Around age 4 the UK educational system dignosed my son as having ADHD and they recommended that I should take him to a special school. At first I obliged and took him to the so called "school" but alas on my first visit with my 4 year old son to the so called special school, i noticed that it was not actually a school building but a one storey house that could pass for a residential house and the only 2 pupils at the "school" was by 4 year old son and another black boy and the sole teacher was white, male and of Bobrisky's inclination (if you get my drift).

I already knew I was not leaving my son alone in this mans presence for even 1 second so I waited for the man to step out of line by shouting at my son for running around and i just stood up and dragged the boy out of the so called "school" telling the so called "teacher" that my son is no longer coming to his school and i took him back to the perplexed main stream school.

Their next step was to call me to round table meetings with various so called specialists with PHD's in different educational fields but when they see that my first question to them was to ask them if they were really doctor's with MBBS degrees or just had PHD's, they shockingly look at themselves with the knowing look that this one will not swallow anything we tell him and when the recommended that they put my son on some tablets to cure the so called ADHD, I bluntly refused.

What I did was to use "tough love" therapy at home and as my google research said not to give him apples or any food containing salicylates, i withdrew apples from his diet but I think it was the 2toughlove" that did the trick as i myself know that he was a handful as a child but i was not going to let them send him to a school house where he was one of the only 2 kids there and the teacher was an effeminate male and neither was i going to let them damage his brain with drugs.

When he was going from primary to secondary school, the primary school sent a file to the secondary school labelling him as special needs but i was not perturbed 'cos i knew that I was not going to take my eye off the ball as pertaining the close marking and tough love I showed him at home to straighten him out.

Also he was not allowed to roam around the neighbour hood after school or at weekends and i encured i created a tailored timetable for him on Saturdays that included study time / breaks and play time and in the bathroom i regularly pin positive affirmative quotes to the mirror so that my kids regularly see it as they are washing their hands.

Tough love at home did the trick with him and he is now a respected contributor to British society.

At least I can understand this scenario.
Foreign tutors do not understand how our children learn because of our cultural differences. As long as you can’t sit still like a mute for 8 hour, you have ADD or are TRIPOLAR! I don’t blame them. Thankfully, you stepped in and gave your son the best individualized Educational Plan he needed to get him where he needed to be. Kudos!

ThamesWater:

Coming back to your story, I know a couple in London where the 23 year old son was rude to the mom who reported him to his dad when the dad came home. Dad tries verbally correcting the son, leads to an argument that degenerated into a physical combat between the man and his 23 year old son .

As the physical combat between son and father progressed, the son was having the upper hand over his Dad (who was about 50 at the time) as the son was using some deadly choke holds he learnt in the gym on his dad and at some point he tied up his dad in some martial arts knot such that the dad could not move and had to cry out for help to his wife by frantically calling her name and saying he was tired and running out of breath at which point the mum had to bite her son in order to have him release the stranglehold on his Dad.

The woman told her son to leave the house and he refused and she then called the police whose first move was to try to arrest the woman's husband on arriving thinking it was a case of domestic violence until the woman told the cops it was not her husband but her son that she wanted thrown out of the house.

I only have ONE QUESTION.
What DA HECK is a 23-y/o still doing around his parents’ home?
WHO GAVE HIM THE KEY TO THE HOUSE TO COME IN?

ThamesWater:


Another London parenting story was where a 10 year old Nigerian boy called the cops saying his mum beat him and when the cops knocked at the door the woman dragged her son to the door, opened the door and pushed the boy out of the flat in the cops direction telling the cops they could have him and telling her son that she wishes him well with his new parents and then she slammed the door shut and locked it.

ThamesWater:
It took a long time of the police pleading with her at her doorstep before she allowed the boy back into the house.

What some parents go through in the West in the hands of their children is better left imagined.

I even heard of another middle aged man who had a heart attack and died while raising his voice to discipline / shout at a misbehaving child or is it that nurse Mrs Kalejaiye who was stabbed to death by her 23 year old son in the same London (the son is now serving life in prison) .
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-33204248

Hmmmm! All these 23 y/o nefa reasssh to MARRY? Or is the moving out age THIRTY YEARS OLD IN THE UK? What are they doing at home?
By 18, you should be goooooooone please!
For health reasons, we must always avoid the physical route o! The reason I call the cops jeje. The last time I tried that physical thingy, I thought I was gonna have A STROKE!

I tried to push one of the children out of the house. GOSH! It felt like I was PUSHING A COW!!!
I respected myself jeje!

I could not move the BABE O! She full ground like ELEPHANT!

Oh no! Never!!!

Seriously, by 18. . . EVERY CHILD SHOULD BE OUT OF THE HOUSE. . . FOR GOOD!

rickleye:


There are actually some shows on TV where " Troubled/bad kids" are sent to Jail for a while. The Idea is to scare them sh$t into good behaviour before they commit a crime that would send them there permanently.
It really takes a community to raise a child. Abroad the options are somewhat limited. So you have the home-school-church*-camp in Nigeria you have home,school,church,aunties,uncles,neighbours etc.
I always like to use the word "suggest" so as not to come appear judgmental . It is not easy raising teenagers - in the realm of social media and peer pressure. You do your very best and pray that It is enough.

Besides TV, social media and peer pressure,
It is actually the cops and social workers who put all the funny ideas in the children’s heads.

Then the bring those “loafers” called therapists to add insult to injury, I can’t stand therapists! The are like pastors who try to swindle you with “sweet mouth” by stealing your money and promising you heaven!

No need to take them to any juvvy jail.
Since COVID, levels have changed here o!
They now use ANKLE MONITORS! Or you are sent to a PSYCH WARD!

The best thing ever is putting children on probation too!

Like the police told me. Parents have rights.
CHARGE YOUR CHILD TO COURT AND LET THEM HO BEFORE THE JUDGE! They also GO ON TRIAL,

Yes! You can charge your child to court for being UNGOVERNABLE. Oh yes. Just like an adult, they will APPEAR BEFORE A JURY.

Use the system to your advantage. Your child is a U.S. citizen, you are an IMMIGRANT.
Instead of me to be the one to get that “RECORD”, I will make sure THEY GET IT FIRST!

It worked like magic!

We now have PERFECT EVERLASTING PEACE!✅

drnoel:


Madam, this your comment is also uncalled for. I know people who grew up in Ajegunle, Munshi, Oshodi and it didn't affect their upbringing. Let's stop this stereotype.

Please, get off your personal side!
Take note of the message ONLY.
Thanks.

Gosh! These old NLanders will never grow up!

Maybe I should have said “East St Louis” or Harlem”!

Sheeeesh!

cocolacec:

Dont they have legal aid council in the US providimg legal services to low income families?Every country has this even Nigeria.

Hehehe

Of course!
But be prepared to SLEEP IN JAIL till you can find one.

You will need to provide PROOF OF INCOME TOO.

As I don't qualify as an L-I-G, not an option.

Besides, I don’t like “cheap lawyers”!

I go with the reviews and get the best! I will find the money anyhow.

When you are dealing with your, JOB, reputation and your CITIZENSHIP, you need to get the best. Never forget you are an immigrant.

For domestic abuse cases, if you live in a WHITE HOOD, get a WHITE FEMALE LAWYER.✅ If you live in a BLACK HOOD, get a BLACK MALE LAWYER!✅

mmsen:


I know girls who were born and raised abroad, girls who aren't even Nigerian who are members of Christ's Embassy. They're doing much the same as your niece.

My point is, being 'abroad' does not mean all will be well. You have to put in a lot of work to raise children no matter where you are. Most people simply aren't interested in actively raising children, they want to cut corners and then blame the children when it goes wrong.

I don’t get this.
All I have shared all this thread shows that “abroad” is not the best to raise children.

My niece could have gone to Fela’s Shrine for all we cared. Abroad or not.
Bottom line?

CULT NA CULT! Religious or SOCIO-POLITICO-ECONOMIC!

No difference!

In case you missed it, this topic is about active parenting. It takes a village abi?

Hey! The POLICE is part of the village.

Mariangeles:


Cameras around the house?
Isn’t that too much?

At least, they deserve some privacy when they’re in the house na.
I’d go cray cray!

Of course they have privacy. The areas with cameras are areas they must not enter.

They must keep their own areas at ALL times.

GloriousGbola:


almond/militia - but i was under the impression you can get in trouble for calling 911 unnecessarily? has this not become an issue for you?

No! You can NEVER get in trouble calling the police. Not since COVID. The police have become extremely sensitive to domestic issues because of COVID LOCKDOWN. Many people ran mad.

We do not call 911. Even if you do, your call will be routed to the non-emergency baby-sitter section. Even the children know NOT TO CALL 911.✅ After the 3rd 911 call, they sat us down and told us how to reach them. So if we ever do call 911, they know it is serious. You see the police has different departments o.

Our case was so special. WE HAD OUR OWN SPECIAL SQUAD JUST FOR PEOPLE LIKE US! It is called “the domestic unit”, not “the emergency unit”! Since COVID, lots of children AND ADULTS almost ran MAD at home with nowhere to go. A lot of parents had ISSSSUES! Police calls EVERY SECOND! They had to do something.

You see? What you don’t know is that, when you are a “frequent caller”, the city police will now start routing YOUR CALLS to a “special unit” DESIGNED for people like you. The “problem children” who want to judge nonsense. They send you the “over-fed” and “more-jobless-donut-and-coffee-quaffing-flatfeet”. Where we live, there is almost NO CRIME. We have toooooo many idle cops who can’t even give traffic tickets! They are staying employed.

Gosh! I have learned soooooo much about this America of a system.

Lemme gist you! You now become part of a “crises intervention unit”.

The will give you their cards- YOU DO NOT CALL 911 any more. You call the police DIRECTLY. This special “family unit” is on call 24/7!

That way, you do not tie up emergency lines. If you call them 1 million times, they will came to your house 1 million times.

THIS COUNTRY IS GREAT. ✅

Arrrrrrrtgh!
When someone call you by you NL baptismal name, you know you are OLD on NL
I miss my MILITIA days. NL was sweeeeeet! ; I don’t like the “almond” days- too many jolosi-h-enemies.
Anyway! Anyhow! I always dey kamkpeeeee sha! Always growing old gracefully on and off NL!

Thanks for reminding me I have been on NL for 15 Year! Took short breaks though.

KanwuliaBaby:


Please, get off your personal side!
Take note of the message ONLY.
Thanks.

Gosh! These old NLanders will never grow up!

Maybe I should have said “East St Louis” or Harlem”!

Sheeeesh!

The message was not a message. Stop the stereotype

KanwuliaBaby:


Trust me, I have called them worse trust me.
As Nigerian parents, name-calling is a sure banker! Even on NL, Or you be saint?

Oh please!

That aside. You said you file a racist report against the white cops. Please can you share your experience. Can you tell us what they did to you that made you file that report?

KanwuliaBaby:


Of course they have privacy. The areas with cameras are areas they must not enter.

They must keep their own areas at ALL times.

That your picture is dope.
You look so beautiful

KanwuliaBaby:


Trust me, I have called them worse trust me.
As Nigerian parents, name-calling is a sure banker! Even on NL, Or you be saint?

Oh please!

They’re still your babies o.
You don’t want them to hate you, do you?

Our people say when you beat a child with the right hand, you draw them close with the left hand.

I haven’t heard anyone talk like this, ever. Want to swap emails?

KanwuliaBaby:


Bottom line,
You can’t leave Nigeria, struggle to achieve all you have and then sit back and LOSE it all because of some flawed system that can’t distinguish between abuse and discipline. You must be in control at ALL TIMES.

I watch some parents become the children in some homes, and the children become the parents.

Why?

Because the parents want to be “best friends” with their children. Sheeeeesh!
The parents want to be loved by their children so they can take care of them in old age. Sheeeeeesh!

I have told my children that I would rather DIE in a nursing home.! I don’t wanna be their friend please! I AM A PARENT. Simple.

My love is EXTREMELY CONDITIONAL.
I don’t want any yeye love or friendship.
SELF-RESPECT is all I ask.✅

Personal Experience

My Auntie in UK then had a 9yr old daughter who called the police after a discpiinary action. They waited for her to finish primary school and shipped her to Nigeria, straight to the village to live with her grandma. The little girl was enrolled in a mission school. First few months she still dey run mouth about calling police for 9ja whenever she is disciplined. Not until after several kpokpo her head reset. She learnt to fetch firewood, water etc
By the time she completed her secondary school, she had become a full AFRICAN child.
Right now she is even doing her Msc back in UK

Cc
KanwuliaBaby
Ishilove
1Sharon
descarado

KanwuliaBaby:


You can say that again.
To make matters worse, the system will tell you the children are well-behaved in school, so it must be YOUR APPROACH!

Then I say to them, then let them go and live with YOUR SYSTEM OR THE SCHOOL.

I dropped one at the police station one day after I was tempted to go physical and left. The mofos called me and told me if I don’t come and get my daughter, I will be charged with CHILD ABANDONMENT AND NEGLIGENCE!

Shuuuoooo ? ? ?

LWKMD!!!

And this is a supposed progressive society ? ....it is rather a directionless society and a fool paradise.

Too stressful to get simple things done

Shokoloko:
On top of all the "African disciplining, the average African from 12 years is corrupt.
A westerner will turn a new leaf because he wants to be a better person, an African will turn a new leaf because there is a likelihood to be caught and disgraced or jailed.

At 12 years an African child in boarding house will try to BRIBE the gate men to let them go out indiscriminately. At 12 introducing their classmates to cultism as long as they do not get caught. At 12 multiple abortions claiming to be virgins. Certified runs girl at 15.
Upon all the disciplining.

No, africans are not law- abiding, empathetic and less corrupt. It was over here I saw that on a bus younger people stand up to allow older people, pregnant women and disabled people to sit down. I never saw it in Nigeria.

Over here UPS and DHL drops your package in front of your door. The package remains there until you come home at night and pick it. It cannot happen in Nigeria. Since I started buying cars I have locked car doors less than 5 times. Sometimes I forget to lock my door.

Upon all our discipline.

Park to NY, Detroit or Florida.

You lack conceptual interpretation of ideal society.

kazyhm:


Park to NY, Detroit or Florida.

You lack conceptual interpretation of ideal society.

I am not interested in the US. Canada has everything I need. I like it here.

drmuchin:
Personal Experience

My Auntie in UK then had a 9yr old daughter who called the police after a discpiinary action. They waited for her to finish primary school and shipped her to Nigeria, straight to the village to live with her grandma. The little girl was enrolled in a mission school. First few months she still dey run mouth about calling police for 9ja whenever she is disciplined. Not until after several kpokpo her head reset. She learnt to fetch firewood, water etc
By the time she completed her secondary school, she had become a full AFRICAN child.
Right now she is even doing her Msc back in UK

Cc
KanwuliaBaby
Ishilove
1Sharon
descarado

Though I don't support using cane, for the fact that she was sent home will reset her brain.
My people do that a lot.

Have told those that have ears in my house that I will not hesitate to send them to a village school
Once I say it, everybody will sit up

They will not give us hbp

drmuchin:
Personal Experience

My Auntie in UK then had a 9yr old daughter who called the police after a discpiinary action. They waited for her to finish primary school and shipped her to Nigeria, straight to the village to live with her grandma. The little girl was enrolled in a mission school. First few months she still dey run mouth about calling police for 9ja whenever she is disciplined. Not until after several kpokpo her head reset. She learnt to fetch firewood, water etc
By the time she completed her secondary school, she had become a full AFRICAN child.
Right now she is even doing her Msc back in UK

Cc
KanwuliaBaby
Ishilove
1Sharon
descarado

Absolutely correct.
If you must send them to Nigeria, send them early o!

Any child above 13? Toooooo late!
The already know to find their way to ANY US CONSULATE if they are ever removed from the US. Things have changed o. They give them TOLL FREE numbers to call if they are outside the US. The US WILL FLY GHEM BACK AND BILL YOU WITH INTEREST!

Don’t mess with this messed up welfare system. Hmmm!

You will now add KIDNAPPING charges to your wahala.

You better send them before they involve the police o.

Once you get involved with THE SYSTEM and you have open cases with the social workers or courts. GAME OVER!

You CANNOT take the children OUT OF THE US without notifying the AUTHS!

You will be charged with KIDNAPPING! More wahala for you.

kazyhm:


And this is a supposed progressive society ? ....it is rather a directionless society and a fool paradise.

Too stressful to get simple things done

Progressive in NUCLEAR WARFARE only.
I can’t blame them sha.
Too many PSYCHOS killing children here for just being children.

The only thing is that there must be a balance for any system to work effectively.

Also, RACIST WHITE, ASIAN AND HISPANIC COPS should stop targeting normal black family units and concentrate on those with real issues. .

What is all this SPAM rubbish?

KanwuliaBaby:


Na your own you dey talk o!
See what I find in her room almost EVERY DAY!

One day we ended up in the ER!
Severe constipation. They had to go in and dig out a lot of POO! To drink water nko?

If you cook, they will just wrap the food in plastic bag and straight to the NEIGHBORS’ trash! :

Na you go taya ke!

Rotten food everywhere. So I wait till 3:00AM wake them alll up to start cleaning. Shikena!

I'm sure they bought them from school vending machine. Or kept some from Halloween.

KanwuliaBaby:
Meet Holly NkitaChukwu.

This is our CSO!
Chief Security Officer!
Any movement near the house we go know.✅

I have stopped receiving strange packages and unknown delivery drivers at my door.✅

KanwuliaBaby you are killing me with laughter

CSO Holly Nkita

ibinaboonline:
I haven’t heard anyone talk like this, ever. Want to swap emails?

You want to take lessons on how to hashie stubborn kids?

Abi o

Mariangeles:


You want to take lessons on how to hashie stubborn kids?

Holy shit. Hmm.

KanwuliaBaby:


Absolutely correct.
If you must send them to Nigeria, send them early o!

Any child above 13? Toooooo late!
The already know to find their way to ANY US CONSULATE if they are ever removed from the US. Things have changed o. They give them TOLL FREE numbers to call if they are outside the US. The US WILL FLY GHEM BACK AND BILL YOU WITH INTEREST!

Don’t mess with this messed up welfare system. Hmmm!

You will now add KIDNAPPING charges to your wahala.

You better send them before they involve the police o.

Once you get involved with THE SYSTEM and you have open cases with the social workers or courts. GAME OVER!

You CANNOT take the children OUT OF THE US without notifying the AUTHS!

You will be charged with KIDNAPPING! More wahala for you.

Mariangeles:


Cameras around the house?
Isn’t that too much?

At least, they deserve some privacy when they’re in the house na.
I’d go cray cray!

Best - you know what's going on around the front and back of your house. Those boys can fly fences when trying to be with one's "daughter "