brother, just calm down, if you handle it with annoyance it will lead to having issues with your wife and at the long run it will extend the issue to your in-laws, just keep calm, just be doing what you are supposed to do. with time, by default, he will find his way.

Bobbyjay001:


I am also in this dilemma. Wifey has been very sick and managing so CE over six years now. Though she goes to work (health officer).

Her mother who was very caring and understanding fell ill last year and has been with us since last April.

Though, we have someone who comes around to clean and take care of the house and they pay is on MIL. (She's a retired civil servant)

Mama has four children. My wifey is third and has a younger brother who for married last year.

MIL's first born is divrcee with three children in their hometown.

He second born lives on the same city with us lives in a rented 2 bedroom apartment with her husband and four children. MIL stayed in her place for two months before she's dumped with us. ( Heard she's been maltreated by her daughter and SIL)

My wifey the third born has been battling with ulcer since over six years and has grown lean. We are family of five living in two bedroom rented apartment. Gave one to mama.
Despite the fact that someone comes around to clean and help and goes back when done, wifey still does a lot of work taking care of her. At times I feel pity for her, with her health condition.

Last born who's ismale also lives in the same with us but claims he can't accommodate mama cos he lives in a room and parlor self contained apartment. He's been so supportive ensuring we lack nothing. He's in charge of Mama's account and drops money regularly for upkeeps. He also comes around at least thrice a week to check mama.

My problem is my wifey's health. She isn't fine and still takes care of her ailing mother.


I don't want to sound like I don't want my MIL around. My children are still young (first being 7yo and last 4yo). The small wahala is taking toll on my wifey.

Don't know how to say it even to my wifey that mama should leave so as to take care of herself.
I don't want to sound ingrate or so.

Cmon bro, are you for real? These are entirely two different nd opposite issues and you should thread with caution here. Though I understand your concern over your wife's health but you still sound tired of your MIL presence in your home. Mothers have favorite daughters who share the same amount of feelings towards each other and from your narration, your wife and her mother are each other's favorite and that's why she's comfortable with her than the rest. You could see from your wife's effort despite her health condition that she truly love and care about her mother and will stand by her no matter what. It might give her joy and contentment helping her hailing mother as a repay for raising her and you want to take that away from her? Pls don't be the villain here!!
These are some of the sacrifices that comes with marriage and that the brother is always sending in upkeep and checking up on her should be some sort of relief on you. You should be glad your MIL choose your wife and there's a lot of blessings for those who stand by their parents when they become old. I wish your wife and your MIL sound health and a peaceful home to you bro

Kimiso:
you must be stupid for asking me to accomodate a stranger who is not my family

so your "givers never lack mantra" only applies to family? abi no be you talk am?

Gee64:
Try get him his own POS stand near your home. That's what I did for my son with similar attitude. Today he can feed himself.

Your inlaw, no matter his/her age must be respected oh.
Stop hating him. The youths these days are something else.

pls sir I have been saving for months to open my own pos stand.. Sir I will be glad if you can help me with any amount to fast track my Goals, because things are going high everyday in Nigeria... The more I slowly save the more my dream of having a pos Stand is in delima.

I wait your response sir.

That is a guest room, invite another guest to come and stay. He will be uncomfortable and vamouse

akpunda86:



Guy I was in your shoes,u never gave a timeline,my wife kid sis stayed with me then,wify said is a month,from a month was 3 months,from 3 to 6,I woke up one day made up my mind and told her mrw you going wife said if going going with her,I laff,nxt day tool her to GUO bought ticket,came back no see wife ,I sleep Nite come reach madam come bk .case closed

I smiled reading your comment. You see, this life can be really funny. Let's try to be good at all times. We can always depart on good notes.

You will discover that that life is truly long and you have to thread softly. Always be at peace with everyone and if you can't take things, explain to the other partner honorably and they will understand. Humans have sense they are not animals.

I have seen such of your scenerio and today it was the lady that was sent packing that is now feeding the family. Yours will never be like that BUT let's try to live at peace with everyone. It takes nothing from you.

If you can't take a situation again, depart from the person diplomatically.

This life dey simple

valdes00:
I dnt knw how some people dey take enter marriage when they lack balls... Imagine a grown adult asking strangers for clue on hw to eject someone from his ouse..
I am sure its his wife paying the rents, so sure...

Even my brother no fit do anyhw, talk more of brother in law...

you have said it all my brother. May our ancestors bless you more

Bro you are a man ,establishe your decision in the house . You wife could not tell you went and how her brother will leave the house..

abeniagbon:


Abeg give me clue

What rubbish clue are you still looking for,you dis man
Is He paying the rent with you?
Is your wife the one paying the rent for you?
Call him in the presence of your wife and tell him to get a job between now and 2weeks or pack his bag
Or just tell him to his face that he cannot stay in your house.
How una dey take cope with nonsense and stress sef
I don't mind sending both your wife and the mumu brother out of the house if they have signed agreement with the devil to stress me
I hate stress pass devil sef

Oga! I must tell you the truth. You are the problem to yourself.
Why are you acting as if you are habouring a stranger or enemy?
Your wife's brother, a guy not even a woman and you are making noise on how he leaves.

Please take my advice.
1. Don't chase him away, because you don't know tomorrow.
2. Be a good friend, a lovely elder brother, and be fatherly to him. Then you will know him better.
Say because i nor get job now, you go bring nanny work 4 me to do and you expect me to rush it? The fact that he said no to that doesn't mean he is unserious. You can find something else that will suit him when you do number 2.
3. Be patient with people.
4. You are too proud.
5. The person you feed today can help you tomorrow. Stop publicising your little assistance to him.
6. Change.
7. Fear God; don't let anybody make you inhuman.

Be good o! Help him. Givers never lack.

abeniagbon:
How will a sane person allow his wife's junior brother to come for holiday only to turn one of the guess room to his permanent room...

I have asked my wife many times when is your brother going , she will tell me not to put mouth in her family matters..

It getting annoying. Okay I got him a job at a filing station only for him to turn it down, said that work is not good enough for him ..each time I got back from work is either I see him hangin pillow in between his legs sleeping or chatting on facebook with white women.

I don't know who to report him. I don't know how to deal with this kind of issues... My kitchen had no peace ever since when he is around, even my bathroom cos he bath all most 4 times a day.... He gives excuses both here and there and this is making me to hate him the more...

Please I don't know if anyone had been in my shoe before, how do you handle it... ??

Before I become judgemental OP, may I ask how old is that your brother in-law?? What is his level of education??
There's nothing I hate most than entitlement mentality o, I do things with the belief that no one owes me anything. If I'm lucky, they'll help and if not I seek for help elsewhere.
At a certain level, a male child ought to even be ashamed of been fed 3 square meal daily by his parents, at a certain level he ought to seek for freedom following proper channel and work towards achieving his future dreams.
Doing Yahoo is even the height of it all, hope he'll change for good sha.

PhilGreen:


Cmon bro, are you for real? These are entirely two different nd opposite issues and you should thread with caution here. Though I understand your concern over your wife's health but you still sound tired of your MIL presence in your home. Mothers have favorite daughters who share the same amount of feelings towards each other and from your narration, your wife and her mother are each other's favorite and that's why she's comfortable with her than the rest. You could see from your wife's effort despite her health condition that she truly love and care about her mother and will stand by her no matter what. It might give her joy and contentment helping her hailing mother as a repay for raising her and you want to take that away from her? Pls don't be the villain here!!
These are some of the sacrifices that comes with marriage and that the brother is always sending in upkeep and checking up on her should be some sort of relief on you. You should be glad your MIL choose your wife and there's a lot of blessings for those who stand by their parents when they become old. I wish your wife and your MIL sound health and a peaceful home to you bro

Thanks fo this input. It goes a long way. I am grateful you opened my eyes to some hidden truth.

Thanks bro. God bless.

lorhema:


Can you get a live-in helper that can be paid from mama's income? She should take care of mama and give your wife relief.

I'm sure mama appreciates being part of a family. Try to take the weight off your wife by getting hands to help out.

Thanks boss. The helper we have is like a lot ve-in helper. She lives next door to my house.

But there are limits to what she can do.

Thanks for the input.

poshestmina:


So he should feed, house and possibly clothe an adult who has refused to work, just because he's a BIL?

OP, give him a deadline. It's either he gets a job and starts contributing financially or LEAVE!

Can never be me, I don't even like people in my space for too long, much more, coming home after stressful days to see a leech sleeping comfortably . .

Even if the guy is economically buoyant, the said brother in-law should at least get a job to cater for his basic needs now even if he won't be mandated to contribute financially. It'd still be the guy buying toiletries and other necessities for the said brother in-law, so so bad. Also, imagine the said brother in-law constantly asking him for money to subscribe to the internet, buy recharge card, pay for transport etc.

Kimiso:
bro don't be fed up,the more you give is the much more you achieve, givers never lack atall just leave him be with time he will come back to his senses and reason Like a real testicles

U are that his in-law pretending to that u are giving him advice, no go find work, Sidon dey tell am to let him be so u can be lazy at home...
Lol

abeniagbon:
How will a sane person allow his wife's junior brother to come for holiday only to turn one of the guess room to his permanent room...

I have asked my wife many times when is your brother going , she will tell me not to put mouth in her family matters..

It getting annoying. Okay I got him a job at a filing station only for him to turn it down, said that work is not good enough for him ..each time I got back from work is either I see him hangin pillow in between his legs sleeping or chatting on facebook with white women.

I don't know who to report him. I don't know how to deal with this kind of issues... My kitchen had no peace ever since when he is around, even my bathroom cos he bath all most 4 times a day.... He gives excuses both here and there and this is making me to hate him the more...

Please I don't know if anyone had been in my shoe before, how do you handle it... ??

Are you not the man and head of the home? what kind of advice are you seeking here? Boot the I.D.I.O.T out of your house.
What kind of parents are we breeding this days sef? no wonder all kind of atrocities because of failure of parental responsibility

abeniagbon:


I don't have any hate to that, but I hate it when an able person seat down and be doing yahoo yahoo in my house with hope to scam someone when there is a countless of job. At least if I could get him a job and he refuses is that good enough?? To me he had lose focus to game instead of pursue his life. God said he will bless the work of thy hand. Sleeping and waking without doing something in my house is a big NO for me

My friend be a Man. Straight up tell him and his sister your wife that you don't harbour people with criminal mind in your house. Set him off on his way, if the sister doesn't like it, she should follow him,he will prefer been a criminal than starting from the bottom. Must you be a sisi in everything?

Bobbyjay001:



Thanks fo this input. It goes a long way. I am grateful you opened my eyes to some hidden truth.

Thanks bro. God bless.

U wlcm bro, Peace✌�✌�

abeniagbon:


I have asked my wife many times when is your brother going , she will tell me not to put mouth in her family matters..

I lost interest as soon as I read that cause it is obvious your wife is the one with the dick.

akpunda86:



Guy I was in your shoes,u never gave a timeline,my wife kid sis stayed with me then,wify said is a month,from a month was 3 months,from 3 to 6,I woke up one day made up my mind and told her mrw you going wife said if going going with her,I laff,nxt day tool her to GUO bought ticket,came back no see wife ,I sleep Nite come reach madam come bk .case closed

I love you sir

uthlaw:
I get two maye own,$50 card don tire me aje...till then Sha....thanks plenty!

Hw fa bro which site u dey bomb

Imagine, wife dey tell me say make i keep quiet ontop rent wey i dey pay with my own money...i go fling both of them comot from that house.. Dem dey ment? Dem don baff?

My parents-in-law won't stay in my house against my wish let alone any other kind of in-law, my should reason with me not dictating with me.

abeniagbon:
How will a sane person allow his wife's junior brother to come for holiday only to turn one of the guess room to his permanent room...

I have asked my wife many times when is your brother going , she will tell me not to put mouth in her family matters..

It getting annoying. Okay I got him a job at a filing station only for him to turn it down, said that work is not good enough for him ..each time I got back from work is either I see him hangin pillow in between his legs sleeping or chatting on facebook with white women.

I don't know who to report him. I don't know how to deal with this kind of issues... My kitchen had no peace ever since when he is around, even my bathroom cos he bath all most 4 times a day.... He gives excuses both here and there and this is making me to hate him the more...

Please I don't know if anyone had been in my shoe before, how do you handle it... ??

Send both of them parking...you deserve peace, happiness and fresh air....dem no born u come this world with wife,so u will leave the world without one too.

eventainment:


De there de make mouth like say e easy to evict person from your house.... Na so all the man in you go vanish when you don ready come especially when na your in-law you'd be sceptical and would want to be diplomátic about your actions.

Every body cant lack balls lik you.. I am a married man... Been married for yrs nw so i knw what i am talking about.. Come try am na

Chairman, if you don't tackle it headlong walahi you will complain tire. I am speaking (typing) from experience ni o. Those guys are terrible after doing the do, your wife will grumble and do orisirisi but never mind you will settle it and life will continue. My brother, if you slack penren, o pari niyen sir.

This is exactly what happens when a man doesn't know his role as the head of his home. Mr man, go and read leadership books or go through any form of leadership training.

Stop asking questions that make you look stupid and lead your family the way you want.

�‍♀️�‍♀️�‍♀️�

abeniagbon:


I don't have any hate to that, but I hate it when an able person seat down and be doing yahoo yahoo in my house with hope to scam someone when there is a countless of job. At least if I could get him a job and he refuses is that good enough?? To me he had lose focus to game instead of pursue his life. God said he will bless the work of thy hand. Sleeping and waking without doing something in my house is a big NO for me

Don't wait until he implicates you. Give him a seven day ultimatum to leave your house. He's using your house for his illicit business and can implicate you. Should he not leave at the end of the ultimatum, get him arrested.