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Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. - Nairaland / General - Nairaland

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Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Travicon(m): 7:22pm On Apr 25, 2022
Hello Nairalanders,
I will try as much as possible to make the write-up short.

I am a 21years old guy at a Russian university with two Nigerian roommates (In the hostel though). We averagely get the same amount of money as an allowance monthly, but mine always finishes first.

I don't spend unnecessarily on myself, and we cook together. I discovered after two months of staying together that they care less about buying things that we generally use in the room. For instance, I always buy food season, detergents, and cooking oil (quite expensive).

I cook most of the time. Anytime I decide not to cook, we always go hungry and I can't cope with that. This has made my cash always run out faster and I can't stop them from eating my food or using the things I buy.

There was a time also I lend the last money with me (100k in naira) to my best friend then in Nigeria because he claimed his dad was sick and promised to repay by month-end. I didn't have anything to take me through the remaining days of the month but I gave it out because he was a close friend. Month-end, I couldn't get money from my sponsor because of some issues. I contacted my guy but he stopped replying to me on WhatsApp. I managed to get 20k but the rest is probably history now.

Whenever people talk about their problems, I always feel for them to the extent of giving out my money even if it's the last cash on me. I have never had a girlfriend, but I don't always have the strength to reject if a girl asks for airtime or money from me (including my mum and sisters though)

I always try to go to any length to see people happy even if it means borrowing money from another person for them. I'm that foolish. Generally, I'm too soft-hearted and nice but I don't know how to solve this problem. Someone advised me I should get a girlfriend who should always be angry with me if I'm being too nice to people and that will help me solve the problem to some extent but I think it won't.

I'm not from a rich family, not even from an average family. I'm even from a polygamous home so I know what it means to have suffered as a Nigerian. I was on the street and I guess that's what is making me this weak emotionally. I'm a simp all-around in my life and relationship with people. People are always cheating on me, taking advantage of who I am.

I NEED genuine HELP, please.

170 Likes 11 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by MrBrownJay1(m): 7:26pm On Apr 25, 2022
stop being nice to yeye people na!

150 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by DoctorOlasDesk: 7:28pm On Apr 25, 2022
You need to learn more about character development, self development and better management principles. Google these terms the exact way i typed them, read on books that helps to build character and dose on them.

You're 21, this is the ripe age to invest heavily in your personal development and everything related to it. The time to begin to build your future is now. Do not sacrifice your future and resources on the altar of " we're in it together "

You sound and seem pretty much responsible and like one on a progressive path. Hence, you need to tag with people who roll on your frequency. This means, you should be riding solo whilst meaning such acquaintances you call friends as distant friends, not ones to pull close. Stop confusing people life brings you in association with as friends.

So why you have the warrior mindset and perspective of trying to get things together, resolve chaos and bring orderliness to things, you need to take advantage of your strengths, in this case, the ability to go solo, to leave the room, leave whatever cordialities binds you with these guys, get yourself your private space, and invest in your life, future and education better.

Find books by " Sigmound " and read up on where he spoke about the more people become conscious of their habits and attitudes, he more in control they become in charge of their lives ! Read, read, read. There's alot of materials to read up to defeat this weakness


The earlier you separate yourself from people who act and behave they have nothing to look forward to, the faster you are to your destination and goals.



Good Luck !

311 Likes 23 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by michlins(m): 7:28pm On Apr 25, 2022
You're a good person. Unfortunately this world is rigged against your kind.

I can't advise you to become like the demons of this world but I will advise you to love yourself more. Before you help,help yourself first.

The world needs people like you. Be safe and stay good

381 Likes 22 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by DoctorOlasDesk: 7:40pm On Apr 25, 2022
michlins:
You're a good person. Unfortunately this world is rigged against your kind.

I can't advise you to become like the demons of this world but I will advise you to love yourself more. Before you help,help yourself first.

The world needs people like you. Be safe and stay good


Being good is nice. Being nice is often a nuisance, that only leads to one being ripped off consistently. Self mastery and conscious self-decision is better. It's the notion where one acts based on one's personal beliefs not by external influence

55 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by michlins(m): 7:52pm On Apr 25, 2022
DoctorOlasDesk:



Being good is nice. Being nice is often a nuisance, that only leads to one being ripped off consistently. Self mastery and conscious self-decision is better. It's the notion where one acts based on one's personal beliefs not by external influence
no matter what we tell him,he will remain himself.

He's only going to unleash the beast in him at his own time or probably not.

He's not stupid for being good btw. The people who pay him back with evil are the stupid people

212 Likes 15 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by DoctorOlasDesk: 7:52pm On Apr 25, 2022
We need help for wider audience and more views and opinions on this issues mods. Help

Cc:

Lalasticlala

Mynd44

Dominique

Farano

6 Likes

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by DoctorOlasDesk: 7:55pm On Apr 25, 2022
michlins:
no matter what we tell him,he will remain himself.

He's only going to unleash the beast in him at his own time or probably not.

He's not stupid for being good btw. The people who pay him back with evil are the stupid people


It shouldn't be before great loss happens Trust me, I've been there. It's better he understands it now. Also, one doesn't necessarily needs to unleash the beast to tame such people. Setting boundaries is adequate to stem such from repeating itself over and over. Unleashing the beast within also disrupts and destroys the core of the soul which is why I didn't steer towards that direction. The goal is to deal with his problem in a healthy way that doesn't force his behaviors negatively but rather contain negativity of negative people without taking responsibilities for their baggage. He needs to act in the capacity within his own control

41 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Travicon(m): 7:55pm On Apr 25, 2022
DoctorOlasDesk:
You need to learn more about character development, self development and better management principles. Google these terms the exact way i typed them, read on books that helps to build character and dose on them.

You're 21, this is the ripe age to invest heavily in your personal development and everything related to it. The time to begin to build your future is now. Do not sacrifice your future and resources on the altar of " we're in together "

You sound and seem pretty much responsible and like one on a progressive path. Hence, you need to tag with people who roll on your frequency. This means, you should be riding solo whilst meaning such acquaintances you call friends as distant friends, not ones to pull close. Stop confusing people life brings you in association with as friends.

So why you have the warrior mindset and perspective of trying to get things together, resolve chaos and bring orderliness to things, you need to take advantage of your strengths, in this case, the ability to go solo, to leave the room, leave whatever cordialities binds you with these guys, get yourself your private space, and invest in your life, future and education better.

Find books by " Sigmound " and read up on where he spoke about the more people become conscious of their habits and attitudes, he more in control they become in charge of their lives ! Read, read, read. There's alot of materials to read up to defeat this weakness


The earlier you separate yourself from people who act and behave they have nothing to look forward to, the faster you are to your destination and goals.



Good Luck !

Thank you for this!

11 Likes

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by DoctorOlasDesk: 7:56pm On Apr 25, 2022
Travicon:


Thank you for this!


wink Deal with people from a distance and you'll see massive improvements and progress you'll make

30 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by FatherCHRISTMAS: 7:57pm On Apr 25, 2022
I read everything and must say I was once like you... I was once so kindhearted I'd do anything to please others.

But what later hardened me ? I honestly don't know....Probably the realization that people place more value on individuals who cause then pain than those who gives them joy.

73 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Greatzeus(m): 7:58pm On Apr 25, 2022
" The day a man start calling himself humble,he has began to be proud"
Who told you you are TOO nice? Or you just looked at yourself and figured it out?

12 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Threesha(f): 7:58pm On Apr 25, 2022
It's you First and you last
Kindness can be weakness. The trick is to be as kind to yourself as you are to others. If people are taking you for granted and think you're a schmuck.

Abstain from living the lives of others. Focus on your life and your priorities. This will help you become your best support!

21 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Vinnie2000(m): 8:03pm On Apr 25, 2022
Op, you better wise and toughen up! Dis life, if u re too nice, Pple will suck you like Orange and thereafter trash you like the rouphages!

34 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by JoyousFurnitire(m): 8:07pm On Apr 25, 2022
Set a meeting with your roommates. Pour out your heart and if they're reasonable they'll change.

Do a calculation of what you guys spend of foods monthly and share the pay equally. Let them know you do go broke before the end of the month.

Also don't do pass yourself. Evaluate and cut how much you give as giveaway.

Broke people don't do giveaway but if you're nice, reduce it. Buy things you need immediately you get your pay.

18 Likes

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Adejuwonhis(m): 8:13pm On Apr 25, 2022
Am just like u bro though am still in Nigeria I sell cars online I realize I have the same problem dat u do unfortunately I can’t help it

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Travicon(m): 8:16pm On Apr 25, 2022
Greatzeus:
" The day a man start calling himself humble,he has began to be proud"
Who told you you are TOO nice? Or you just looked at yourself and figured it out?
I'm naturally like that.

3 Likes

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by michlins(m): 8:24pm On Apr 25, 2022
DoctorOlasDesk:



It shouldn't be before great loss happens Trust me, I've been there. It's better he understands it now. Also, one doesn't necessarily needs to unleash the beast to tame such people. Setting boundaries is adequate to stem such from repeating itself over and over. Unleashing the beast within also disrupts and destroys the core of the soul which is why I didn't steer towards that direction. The goal is to deal with his problem in a healthy way that doesn't force his behaviors negatively but rather contain negativity of negative people without taking responsibilities for their baggage. He needs to act in the capacity within his own control
how do you suggest he does that.

I also need same advise. But here's the thing, I have been a product of grace and unmerited help and favor from people. That's why when people return my good with evil, I just cancel it out and still extend my help to others

14 Likes

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Nobody: 8:26pm On Apr 25, 2022
This world will take undue advantage of your kind. You need to always put yourself first. Trust me when shit hits the fan, only you gat your back. Your heart must strong to survive in this world. angry

37 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Kimiso(m): 8:51pm On Apr 25, 2022
Travicon:
Hello Nairalanders,
I will try as much as possible to make the write-up short.

I am a 21years old guy at a Russian university with two Nigerian roommates (In the hostel though). We averagely get the same amount of money as an allowance monthly, but mine always finishes first.

I don't spend unnecessarily on myself, and we cook together. I discovered after two months of staying together that they care less about buying things that we generally use in the room. For instance, I always buy food season, detergents, and cooking oil (quite expensive).

I cook most of the time. Anytime I decide not to cook, we always go hungry and I can't cope with that. This has made my cash always run out faster and I can't stop them from eating my food or using the things I buy.

There was a time also I lend the last money with me (100k in naira) to my best friend then in Nigeria because he claimed his dad was sick and promised to repay by month-end. I didn't have anything to take me through the remaining days of the month but I gave it out because he was a close friend. Month-end, I couldn't get money from my sponsor because of some issues. I contacted my guy but he stopped replying to me on WhatsApp. I managed to get 20k but the rest is probably history now.

Whenever people talk about their problems, I always feel for them to the extent of giving out my money even if it's the last cash on me. I have never had a girlfriend, but I don't always have the strength to reject if a girl asks for airtime or money from me (including my mum and sisters though)

I always try to go to any length to see people happy even if it means borrowing money from another person for them. I'm that foolish. Generally, I'm too soft-hearted and nice but I don't know how to solve this problem. Someone advised me I should get a girlfriend who should always be angry with me if I'm being too nice to people and that will help me solve the problem to some extent but I think it won't.

I'm not from a rich family, not even from an average family. I'm even from a polygamous home so I know what it means to have suffered as a Nigerian. I was on the street and I guess that's what is making me this weak emotionally. I'm a simp all-around in my life and relationship with people. People are always cheating on me, taking advantage of who I am.

I NEED genuine HELP, please.
boss man you need to wake up, people don't care about you when you are nothing,see how useless portable his,but now he has rose to fame and wealth,even the prettiest girl in my street dey fall for him,treat people the way they treat you,aside your families,and if you are feeling too sadly emotional, visit nairaland frequently to read,

35 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Slynation(m): 10:49pm On Apr 25, 2022
We share similar traits until I came in contact with this lyrics by Nicki-minaj "People will only love you when it's beneficial"

Let this be your guide...!!

30 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Transcriber: 1:31am On Apr 26, 2022
Threesha:
It's you First and you last
Kindness can be weakness. The trick is to be as kind to yourself as you are to others. If people are taking you for granted and think you're a schmuck.

Abstain from living the lives of others. Focus on your life and your priorities. This will help you become your best support!

fine gal smiley

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by ImoleNaija: 8:48am On Apr 26, 2022
I always try to go to any length to see people happy even if it means borrowing money from another person for them. I'm that foolish.

OP, I can feel your plight & our kinds are still many in this world.

Just don't be deceived by the saying 'Givers don't lack'. I am one & currently lacking; having none to turn to for help. To feed sef na wahala. Well, I hardly expect much from the people. Besides, I know that Naija is hard at the moment.

19 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by ImoleNaija: 9:16am On Apr 26, 2022
michlins:
You're a good person. Unfortunately this world is rigged against your kind.

I can't advise you to become like the demons of this world but I will advise you to love yourself more. Before you help,help yourself first.

The world needs people like you. Be safe and stay good

2 Likes

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by ImoleNaija: 9:34am On Apr 26, 2022
Greatzeus:
The day a man start calling himself humble,he has began to be proud"
Who told you you are TOO nice? Or you just looked at yourself and figured it out?

It's not a matter of pride.

8 Likes

Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by Threesha(f): 5:43am On Apr 28, 2022
smiley
Transcriber:
fine gal smiley
Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by AFRICANJAMAICA: 9:18pm On Jun 28, 2022
Ok
Re: Help! I'm Too Nice And People Are Taking Advantage Of My Niceness. by glosplendid(f): 9:19pm On Jun 28, 2022
Well I can relate very well with what you are saying....and as I'm typing this I am on the path of self discovery... First of all I got to know that it's important to know your zodiac sign so as to know your weakness and strength... I'm a Pisces and we are too sensitive that it tends to affect us...you can't change who you are but you can control it by knowing your weakness after then you start applying the rule of expecting nothing when you give cos expectation kills(just because you are too nice and other's aint meeting up to your expectation of your own version of nice doesn't make them less nice)..make sure you borrow out what you know that even if it doesn't come back to you,you can be able to forfeit it to avoid you blaming and regretting........I advise you to know your strength and weakness so as to know how to balance it in dealing with people...

12 Likes

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