This shouldn't even be a debate
It's your child and nothing you can do to change that, I wonder why you're are afraid of telling your girl you got a kid? Like you said the relationship has moved to another stage.

But before you go vomiting to her, be sure that's the girl you wanna marry someday because you can't just go around telling anyone you in a relationship/ fuckationship with that you got a kid especially if the relationship is not going anywhere in the near future, you gotta be true to yourself.

A lot of people don't introduce their kids to their girlfriends/boyfriend's until they're sure of their relationships and who they are dealing with. If you're gonna do it, pls do it when you're ready and never take the decision base on your emotions or public pressure.

Speaking from experience.

Tell her straightaway about your daughter, and if she can’t love your offspring she can’t love you. There’s no point worrying. Your daughter is your blood. She needs full protection and a peaceful future with a woman that will love, cherish and protect her.

My candid message

Kingsley123456:
I will be brief.

... how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

KingsleyCEO:
Tell her immediately, and explain the whole situation to her and get ready to play this card on her own terms because most women don't want to have anything to do with another woman's child.

Best of luck bro.

but they want men to take care of their numerous love children

Purpletee:
Be honest with her,she's not going to be happy,yes.
She might even resent you for a while,and want to distance herself from you,it's understandable, how would you feel if the tables were turned,I'm sure you'd break up with her immediately.
You're a single father,so what?,I always tell whosoever that's interested in me that I'm a single mum,if you're cool with that,fine, if you're not,I'm sure you'd find someone else,circumstances has forced you to have a child out of wedlock,you shouldn't hide your kid or feel embarrassed about it a bit,that doesn't change who you are or your love for her,and if she doesn't see past all that and love you for who you really are,with all the "baggages" then she's not worth your love,good luck dear Op.

single mums and relationship advice are two parallel lines that can never meet.

Kingsley123456:
I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant and hid it for about 5-6months before she came to my patents through my elder sister....now I hardly sleep,

Well, I started dating another girl (23yr old) early last yr, obviously we started as a sex mate thinking the relationship was heading nowhere so I thought there was no point of being straightforward about having a child before meeting her....

Now I've seen other qualities that I like in her, we love each other and the relationship has taken another face, I don't want to lose her Care and love. I ought to have told her before, now I'm scared, I know she will be heartbroken, I don't know what she could do when I finally tell her, but what I know is that, she will leave me once she found out elsewhere....

We spoke last night and I asked her what can make her break up with me, her reply was, if her mother should reject me or if she herself should find out any of my secrets from another person...how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

Is this supposed to be a joke

ABCthings:

What about the lady u got pregnant? Do you think another man will want to marry her or you don't care at all.

Good observation,comrade!

Please break the news to her, she will break what is more than news to you. Don't dare to into marriage without letting her know it. You might leave to regret it later.

Anaerobi:
Tell her jor.

Maybe she will tell you her own secret too.


That gender have millions of secrets.

You have a child. Tell her. The most important thing is if you have repented.

Kingsley123456:
I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant and hid it for about 5-6months before she came to my patents through my elder sister....now I hardly sleep,

Well, I started dating another girl (23yr old) early last yr, obviously we started as a sex mate thinking the relationship was heading nowhere so I thought there was no point of being straightforward about having a child before meeting her....

Now I've seen other qualities that I like in her, we love each other and the relationship has taken another face, I don't want to lose her Care and love. I ought to have told her before, now I'm scared, I know she will be heartbroken, I don't know what she could do when I finally tell her, but what I know is that, she will leave me once she found out elsewhere....

We spoke last night and I asked her what can make her break up with me, her reply was, if her mother should reject me or if she herself should find out any of my secrets from another person...how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

Doing a little math.
You got her pregnant at 18 years.
And have a 13 year old daughter
Go and watch Mr Inbetween* and watch the scene when he dates a woman. What information is usually shared.
I don’t care if you don’t like the mother- It’s both of your fault for bringing in a child. You, for not withdrawing or wearing a condom. And her ,well….

Now, that kids done nothing wrong and I would expect you have a very good relationship with your daughter . Taking the kid to play, school, hanging out etc. ( Especially if you don’t want her growing up resenting men - like half the women on this forum do)
At your age and maturity ( you’ve had to grow up fast with the responsibility of being a father or a Dead beat father)

You are a package deal. The very first words after the second date with her should have been I have a beautiful teenager she does x,y,z. You should be confident by now on who you are.

There is nothing to be ashamed about having a kid, I suppose having one out of wedlock but we are not in the 70’s anymore. ( I ain’t encouraging you but what is done is done and we no longer ostracize people anymore for such )

Listen, I’ve have some cousins whose mum ( my Aunt) forced them to call them Aunty cuz when a gentleman caller comes by they don’t want to suitors to be scared away. I found that weird , confusing and hilarious at the same time.

So stop goofing around, grow some balls( confidence) and tell her this after you have had a romantic dinner.- Listen Liz, I never knew what we had would develop to this . Now that we are serious , I would to let you know that I have a kid, a girl. She’s 13 but stays with his mum. I see her once every month and she’s a good kid. The mum and I were never married . We were young and wild and silly. Then wait for her to respond.
She may say
1. I have something to say as well ( She can’t have kids or has a kid of her own )
2. Say, when can I meet your kid.
3. Withdraw and say, I have to think about the relationship in light of this information.

Whatever her response - You do not deny your kid.!!
Goodluck

This same thing don happen to meooo!

The moment u are scared of loosing her,u will never have rest of mind.Dont be scared of losing anyone

Serving rn means registered nurse ba?.... I feel you bro. Japa accomplice to UK and if you tell her things might not work again but then life goes on.
Man up and tell her what she needs to know. if you now really care about her, you'd tell her.

But you can as well wait till after your wedding sha because she go leave you.

[quote author=Kingsley123456 post=112472328]I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant and hid it for about 5-6months before she came to my patents through my elder sister....now I hardly sleep,

Well, I started dating another girl (23yr old) early last yr, obviously we started as a sex mate thinking the relationship was heading nowhere so I thought there was no point of being straightforward about having a child before meeting her....

Now I've seen other qualities that I like in her, we love each other and the relationship has taken another face, I don't want to lose her Care and love. I ought to have told her before, now I'm scared, I know she will be heartbroken, I don't know what she could do when I finally tell her, but what I know is that, she will leave me once she found out elsewhere....

We spoke last night and I asked her what can make her break up with me, her reply was, if her mother should reject me or if she herself should find out any of my secrets from another person...how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

Sex mate cum fiancée...lol

The OP has many sweet stories … I enjoyed his other thread “4 Ex Girlfriends Left Me With The Same Story, I Am Confused”. I hope he comes up with another juicy story soon.

I will advice you to face yiur nightmare instead of running away. What be goona be. You can't hide it forever. Since your ready to father a child why don't you visit your first love. Try to man up

Simple:
You: babe I have a daughter else where
Babe: ok, this relationship is over then
You: I'll kill myself if you leave me
Babe: at least you have a daughter to take after you
You: Nairaland; I'm about to commit suicide for being a SIMPle man.

Kingsley123456:
I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant and hid it for about 5-6months before she came to my patents through my elder sister....now I hardly sleep,

Well, I started dating another girl (23yr old) early last yr, obviously we started as a sex mate thinking the relationship was heading nowhere so I thought there was no point of being straightforward about having a child before meeting her....

Now I've seen other qualities that I like in her, we love each other and the relationship has taken another face, I don't want to lose her Care and love. I ought to have told her before, now I'm scared, I know she will be heartbroken, I don't know what she could do when I finally tell her, but what I know is that, she will leave me once she found out elsewhere....

We spoke last night and I asked her what can make her break up with me, her reply was, if her mother should reject me or if she herself should find out any of my secrets from another person...how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

There is nothing to be scared of, the fling happened before you met her. Tell her what happened, if she decides to bounce then by all means let her but you will be happy within that you told the truth. It will hurt more if she eventually finds out by herself or she is told be the mother of your child. You know how some ladies can be

The more you keep the secret from her, the closer u digging ur grave.... dnt let today go without telling her...

Kingsley123456:
I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant and hid it for about 5-6months before she came to my patents through my elder sister....now I hardly sleep,

Well, I started dating another girl (23yr old) early last yr, obviously we started as a sex mate thinking the relationship was heading nowhere so I thought there was no point of being straightforward about having a child before meeting her....

Now I've seen other qualities that I like in her, we love each other and the relationship has taken another face, I don't want to lose her Care and love. I ought to have told her before, now I'm scared, I know she will be heartbroken, I don't know what she could do when I finally tell her, but what I know is that, she will leave me once she found out elsewhere....

We spoke last night and I asked her what can make her break up with me, her reply was, if her mother should reject me or if she herself should find out any of my secrets from another person...how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

Na you be man if she won go let her go them plenty Oooooo
Ur dota is your pride.
She a gift to you
So go ahead n tell her ok
Na you be man

[Genuine desire can not be negotiated. If she is not scared of losing you as much as you are scared of losing her, you are not doing something right Mehn.
Tell her. If she goes she goes. Except you have made your life to revolve around another human being. The thing with humans are they are highly unpredictable unlike machines. So you are gambling with yourself.

Your relationship started on the wrong note, but telling someone a secret is difficult when you worry about the effect of the truth on them. But try to also consider the effects of lies on that same person, if you're not OK with the said effects, it's best you tell the truth and risk it

tiswell:
single mums and relationship advice are two parallel lines that can never meet.

Imagine oooo. A single mum is giving relationship advice. Just like Tufac and Davido advertising condom.

2009 - 2022 = 13yrs
31 - 13 = 18yrs


How long have you been fornicating? Repent!

[quote author=Kingsley123456 post=112472328]I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant

Yet, you were having an unprotected sex with her. Whose fault?
Abeg, proudly tell whoever you want to marry about your child jare.

Tell her nothing will happen. It's better to inform her that you have a child. Don't let her find out later because that would be a worse case. If she truly loves you she will stay.

Kingsley123456:
I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant and hid it for about 5-6months before she came to my patents through my elder sister....now I hardly sleep,

Well, I started dating another girl (23yr old) early last yr, obviously we started as a sex mate thinking the relationship was heading nowhere so I thought there was no point of being straightforward about having a child before meeting her....

Now I've seen other qualities that I like in her, we love each other and the relationship has taken another face, I don't want to lose her Care and love. I ought to have told her before, now I'm scared, I know she will be heartbroken, I don't know what she could do when I finally tell her, but what I know is that, she will leave me once she found out elsewhere....

We spoke last night and I asked her what can make her break up with me, her reply was, if her mother should reject me or if she herself should find out any of my secrets from another person...how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

Tell her.

She will come around.

Women no too dey carry "after one" like guys

Kingsley123456:
I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant and hid it for about 5-6months before she came to my patents through my elder sister....now I hardly sleep,

Well, I started dating another girl (23yr old) early last yr, obviously we started as a sex mate thinking the relationship was heading nowhere so I thought there was no point of being straightforward about having a child before meeting her....

Now I've seen other qualities that I like in her, we love each other and the relationship has taken another face, I don't want to lose her Care and love. I ought to have told her before, now I'm scared, I know she will be heartbroken, I don't know what she could do when I finally tell her, but what I know is that, she will leave me once she found out elsewhere....

We spoke last night and I asked her what can make her break up with me, her reply was, if her mother should reject me or if she herself should find out any of my secrets from another person...how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

If you were to be in her shoes, what will be your action...?

Will you marry her?

Kingsley123456:
I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant and hid it for about 5-6months before she came to my patents through my elder sister....now I hardly sleep,

Well, I started dating another girl (23yr old) early last yr, obviously we started as a sex mate thinking the relationship was heading nowhere so I thought there was no point of being straightforward about having a child before meeting her....

Now I've seen other qualities that I like in her, we love each other and the relationship has taken another face, I don't want to lose her Care and love. I ought to have told her before, now I'm scared, I know she will be heartbroken, I don't know what she could do when I finally tell her, but what I know is that, she will leave me once she found out elsewhere....

We spoke last night and I asked her what can make her break up with me, her reply was, if her mother should reject me or if she herself should find out any of my secrets from another person...how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

Be a man and stop pussyfooting!

Corporate2020:


Imagine oooo. A single mum is giving relationship advice. Just like Tufac and Davido advertising condom.

e shock me fa,comrade!

I too had a child before l got married. I decided to tell whoever will be my wife about it before l propose. I told a young lady about my child, you need to see her reaction. That ended the relationship. I moved on, met my wife, told her and was cool with it. We have been married for 8 years now, no challenge on the account of my son.
Tell her the truth and let her decide!

Kingsley123456:
I will be brief...

I dated a lady in 2009, despite that she knows I wasn't ready to father a child, she got pregnant and hid it for about 5-6months before she came to my patents through my elder sister....now I hardly sleep,

Well, I started dating another girl (23yr old) early last yr, obviously we started as a sex mate thinking the relationship was heading nowhere so I thought there was no point of being straightforward about having a child before meeting her....

Now I've seen other qualities that I like in her, we love each other and the relationship has taken another face, I don't want to lose her Care and love. I ought to have told her before, now I'm scared, I know she will be heartbroken, I don't know what she could do when I finally tell her, but what I know is that, she will leave me once she found out elsewhere....

We spoke last night and I asked her what can make her break up with me, her reply was, if her mother should reject me or if she herself should find out any of my secrets from another person...how do I tell her Honestly I'm afraid of loosing her...I'm 31yrs old, she's serving rn.

A so called man that is scared of loosing a Woman.. is she a means of livelihood that you should be scared of loosing...

You are a Big SIMP..