Mikee19:


Ok so I've seen a lot of hypocritical comments passing judgement on him, calling him all sort of names like they're saints and can never fall. That's too bad, and i called some out. I like that you aren't passing judgement on him...

Having said that, op IS at fault. He CANNOT be 100% exonerated! He did cheat on his wife, for two solid years! See if we don't cast appropriate blame where it's required, we end up tolerating ourselves doing all sorts; and we won't grow!

Yes there's nobody above making mistakes. But things could yet have been done better. He should NEVER have let her move in with him. Shebi he later paid rent for her somewhere? Why not at first? And this lasted way too long, two solid years, that it now became an issue!

Also true that we all must be humble. Even all these very righteous ppl here too. We all can fall in more disastrous ways than he did, it's like these ppl dunno they're human. They may not fall in this way, but in some other way, that may be more shameful than what we read here, so long as they're human. This is why it's very foolish for a mere man to pass judgement on a fellow man like himself.

But nobody must be content with falling down. Admit to it: it's your fault. Find out why and where, and fix it! And become a much better version of yourself.

You said 100% truth but to fix it is somehow difficult. The wife was genitally mutilated and he lives far apart, the matter dey somehow.

Professor

decatalyst:
This looks like a poorly written book. No paragraph or continuity.



Click LIKE if you want me to summarize it and SHARE if I should not.

As a married man you cannot be this deep into someone who is not your wife for any reason.
Take a vacation or resign your job and go back home.
That's the only therapy that can cure your obsession.

NLElder:
First of all don't be quick to judge me. I am just here for matured help/advice cos I am fast loosing it. I am sure if it's abroad I will to told to go meet a therapist.

I am a young man in my early 40s and married for 9 years now with 2 kids. My nature of work is such that I am living on another town 5hours away from my family. This has been the case 6years out of the 9 years I am married. I have never really enjoyed my marriage as a young man cos I am always driving up and down every weekend to meet my family and when I got a promotion with more responsibility I reduced it to every 2 weeks, and as the stress of work and driving became more stressful, I now go every month. I have tried all my best even till date to see if I can get another work in the same state my wife and kids reside to no avail and my wife can't leave her work in the state join me as she is in a federal government establishment that has no branch in the state I live and work.

The scenario so far shows you that I am not enjoying a healthy sex life with my wife, but being someone brought up to respect the marriage institution, I have resigned to my fate and taken life as I have seen it. To make matters worse, with due respect to my wife, she suffered female genital mutilation and you know it affects women's sex life and their man is always worse off for it. In summary we lead a routine boring sex life in the few occasions we even get to have it. However, the 6 years I have lived and worked in another state, I have never cheated or thought of cheating on her despite all the cold lonely nights I have to spend alone. I am a kind of introvert and never hide it from people that I am married. Some will be like "u no get side chick"? I will say no.

The problem started 4 years earlier out of the 6years in the city I live and work. Since I am always lonely and bored in my crib, I mostly do video calls with my wife and kids daily or chat online with friends to keep my mind busy and avoid unnecessary tensions that will remind me of the lonely boring life I was living. This also keeps me away from sexual urges if I feel any as a fool-blooded young man I was. It was in one of these online chats that I got close to one young lady of about 30. We really got close through chatting and graduated to exchanging numbers. I always make it known that I was married to everyone I meet and she was no exception. We became best friends online and kept our limits as married man and a single lady would. We became curious and excited to meet each other live when we found out we were in same city.

We arranged a harmless date in a restaurant in town were we really got to know more about each other. I found out that she was a struggling young girl teaching in a private school with NCE and was unable to proceed to degree level due to lack of funds. Her salary wasn't even up to 18k and she was squatting with one lady in very uncomfortable circumstances. After that 1st live meeting, a very good friendship ensued but entirely platonic .

All these past 4 years before I met her, I cook for myself and go to market by myself. One Friday she called and I did not immediately pick cos I was in the kitchen. I called her back later and told her I was cooking and she jokingly asked if she could help. As at then she was yet to come to my place, so I told her if she really wanted to help then I would come and pick her up and that was how for the first time in 4 years, a lady visited me in that town. It felt awkward. It did not take long for me to find out how homely she was...washed plates, tidied everywhere, and finished up the cooking. I really felt at peace and started getting worried at the same time. We spent time chatting but kept our distance and nothing happened between us and I dropped her off later where she was squatting.

After that, our friendship went to another level and the visits became more frequent but still nothing happened between us. I got to know she was a well brought up lady that still had values and I also confirmed she had no man as at the time she met me. She said she had always wished to be married before now and never believed she would reach 30 and still be single.

I know my story is getting rather long, so let me try to wrap up. In summary, she started having issues with the family she was squatting with and didn't have enough money to rent a place of her own. I didn't have enough to rent for her either as I was already carrying a lot of financial responsibilities for her by then...monthly stipend of ₦10k to add to her salary, tolletries, making hairs and even helping out with her sick mum hospital bills.

So without a 2nd thought, both of us decided she move into my place. Inside me I knew it was somehow but I think by then we were already in love with each but maybe living in denial.

So she moved in and that was it. Yes, we started having sex, uncomfortably at 1st but later became 2 sex maniacs. It was as if she was sent to compensate me for my horrible marriage sex experience I have endured all these years. We couldn't have enough of each other. In fact when I want to travel and see my family, she breaks down crying. I knew it was more than a side chick matter. In fact this lady gave me a fulfilled sex life that I swear if it's in the olden days I wouldn't mind taking her as a 2nd wife. Months grew into years and our passion for each other grew to the point that we got jealous of the opposite sex calling us. She even starts frowning when my wife calls or tears will start running down her eyes. People, I became so confused. We both knew we have gone too far and yet were not ready to end it.

I even because part of her own family cos I go with her to see her sick mum and played a prominent role when she died. I don't know her older siblings knew if I was married or not , but I think she confided in her older sister who seemed to like me so much and only warned her to be "careful."

After 2 years, she started agitating about marriage so much that she said she needed to move out of my place. That as long as she is with me, she might not get married since it's obvious I wasn't going to marry her no matter how much both of us pretended about it. Deep inside me I knew she was right and I couldn't be selfish to keep her from meeting single suitors but I felt an inexplicable pain in my heart as if a part of me was about to be cut off. However, I forced myself to assist her to get a place and yet she on her own kept coming to my place every weekend until she moved in again leaving her place wasting for over 2 months., only going there once in a while to pick things..

All the 2 years we were together she was open and truthful to me about relationships she was now trying to build with single guys she hoped would marry her. I was already feeling bad inside me that she was about to leave my life, but she kept assuring me that she was with me and truly told me everything happeneing in the new relationship she was building.

She later moved out completely from my place after 2years on a new year day. She said needed to start the year on a good and clean note and had gotten serious with the guy that said he wants to marry her. I began to feel extreme jealous I couldn't explain. I knew it was not right but I couldn't stop myself. I tried my best and stopped calling or chatting with her but I still didn't find peace. One evening a month after when it was now clear that she has decided to get serious with the guy she said was coming for marriage, she visited me and and you can't believe it, we made hot passionate love. And when we were lying side by side, her new man called and she quickly ran into the toilet to answer him. I felt it was time I ended this whole thing, it wasn't looking right again.

So I confronted her why she was still leading me on when she is now in a marriage -bound relationship and she said because she still loves me and doesn't know how to let go of me. We cried together that it wiould be tough as we would soon separate from each other for life and she left. I cried like a baby as we made love again and she consoling me to try and teach my wife the things she does to me despite her FGM predicament.

The period she was with me, she was uncomfortable answering calls from her man and I got fed up and decided to investigate. So I went to the street where she showed me the guy lives(she was truly open to me and I give her that) and waited to see if she has started visiting him as she mostly denies and lo and behold, I saw her entering the guy's house. I felt a sharp pang of jealousy which I couldn't control. I picked up my phone after some minutes and started calling her, but her phone rang severally and she didn't pick. I was almost half-dead with jealousy. I cried iny heart and drove away. I sent her a text that because she was "enjoying" herself with her man she was now avoiding my calls. That maybe tbe guy was so good at it. She called about 2 hours later and really took offence that because she visited him and did not pick my call was simply because she doesn't want him to start asking questions and not necessarily that they were doing anything.

We quarrelled like never before and said hurtful things to each other and I asked her to return my key at my office the next day cos by then she no longer visited my house as she has really gotten serious with the guy. She returned the key and for over 2 months we stopped communicating and became strangers.

Instead of pushing her out my mind, I felt a daily torture looking through her Facebook pics, WhatsApp status, and other social media. I will go to her guy's street and painfully watch her enter his house from afar. I was fast losing my mind. I knew it was over for good and don't want her back but the obsession is yet to leave me till date. Everyday, I check her pictures and feels pangs of pain and jealousy as I see her lovely smiles. My people it's punishment and torture for me. I keep obsessing every second of my life about her. Who can help me? Something is definitely wrong. In one of her recent status, I saw her flaunt her hands with an engagement ring and I felt a sharp pang of sadness instead of happiness. People help me I am loosing it. Even though she has apologized to me and I too have apologized for the hurtful things we said in the course of our quarrel, my mind is still not at peace.

Even now presently she is engaged she still calls me and tries to engage me in friendly conversations but I will just be answering without interest. She even sent me a pic recently at a wedding she went to and I told her she should stop sending me her pics but should be sending to her man. She apologized and said she has taken note. Yet, I will feel bad inside me if I don't see her friendly chats which my attitude has made her reduce. Yet in all these, first thing in the morning I will quickly rush to check her pics, if she has made new posts, etc etc. I need help, I really do. Sorry my people for the long post but I really needed to empty myself to see the help I can get if any cos I want my normal sane life back. I have also prayed to God and asked for forgiveness for cheating on my wife ....I have no excuses for doing so but from the long story you can see it was never my intention.

It will take a long time for you to get healed. It's a strong soul tie and you need the help of God to untangle yourself.

It will not be easy but thw journey of a thousand miles begins with a step. Start by deleting all about her from your phone. Tell her to please severe the friendship. It is not helping.

Ask God for forgiveness and ask him for his help.

I have been there and God is still bringing me out... It's a long journey and the sooner you get on with it the better.

I know what it feels like when you feel you are helplessly in love and even God doesn't understand but one thing you MUST Know is that if you allow your feelings and your flesh to rule you, you will DIE. If you can dedicate yourself to God afresh, let him use you, you will find purpose in life again and he will reward you with blessings.

Take it from me, it's my testimony.

DKM123:
I hate that word, "simp" but you are the perfect definition of the word. A so called alphamale who cheats on his wife will know that love is not part of the deal but you simps, just two or three back thrust and you have fallen in love yakata with your side chic.

You saying she was a well brought up girl that had values shows you are not very smart in the ways of the world. Well brought up Kee you there. Well brought that moved in with a married man for two years and is engaged but collecting dciks from a married man.. Values indeed. Your gullibility is on steroids. No wonder you are falling in love with your side chic.

The girl was poor and even though she was 30 and knew the relationship wouldn't lead to marriage, she nonetheless didn't give a flip cos she NEEDED you to take care of her financial needs. She knew what she was doing ALL ALONG when she offered to come and cook and clean and sleep in the house of a married man.

She was NOT in love with you, don't be silly. You were just a means to an end. She needed you to SURVIVE. The monthly stipends and the roof over her head and the other financial help including her mum's hospital bill were very vital at that point in her life. You think say she for send your papa yansh if you weren't doing all that?

A woman that is in love mostly becomes TOTALLY FOOLISH cos they are emotional. She would have stupidly stayed with you and be disgusted with the touch of another man. That's how women are wired. That's why some side chic never marry cos they fell in love with thier Aristo. Women don't easily move on if they are TRULY in love even if the man panel beats them with plenty beating twice a week, they will still blindly stay and make excuses for him. She left your ass cos she was done using you and needed to upgrade her life. You are still busy taking your own life backwards..

You better wake up from your foolishness and move on before you do something that will ruin your life. If not, you will continue seeing her take pictures with her husband and kids while you would have lost your own family. Ode.

It's good to point out that you are not entirely right. I made it clear that even when she got serious with her guy, she didn't want me to really know and still comes around to my place and by then I wasn't giving her stipends anymore. So I can tell u I wasn't a means to an end.

Toks2008:


It takes just once bro. Not even 2years.

I tell these married ladies to up their games in the bedroom. Sex is important.

For instance, I don't know how I will ever cope with a wife who can't give me crazy head and let's say I'm married to a lady who says she can't give head n I now have a sexual encounter with a lady who gives me a mind blowing BJ...

Nothing will separate me from the latter.

Ladies please and please, try to make your husbands happy in the bedroom and verseversa.

I can't stress this too much

Give head ke, after a hard day's job . Do you know giving head gives sore throat? Don't expect too much in marriage if you are still single.

Opeyemic01:
My own is imagine your wife doing all this rubbish you are doing right now. How would you feel?? The pain you will feel seeing your wife throwing herself at another man as you are doing right now with the lady, should be enough for you to kill whatever feeling you have for the other lady. Atleast you have explored and enjoyed yourself with her. So if you are not a devil and selfish being, allow her to go

for the umpteenth time, I have allowed her to go. That is not the issue I am seeking advice for!

If possible u can still see this, I have been in ur position before even worst than your own, it get to a stage I started thinking maybe the lady give me love potion cos the love is out of ordinary, and this is what I did, try and delete everything about the lady, block her from ur facebook, block her on ur contact list so she won't call and delete her number, tell her u don't want her call for now, delete every memory you had together, stop passing where you can see her or where you can remember her, with time you will be ok, I know you will be tempted to talk to her but try as much as possible not to have her contact, I know it hard to do but you have to gather the courage and I believe this is only thing that can set you free and if God said you will meet again maybe by then you would have be free from her love.

Rickmann:



You see, this love thing can be cruel atimes.
We don't choose love , it claims each man as it will.
Its sad you both were victims of circumstance and I felt ur pain while reading through but this is ur reality my bro and you've got to move on.

Like she said , take every sexual fantasy you enjoyed with her and ignite them in ur wife, that will be a good start to moving on.

It's easier with a marriage u people live together. I don't wish long distance marriage even on my enemy. If u experience it, you will know it takes only the grace of God to endure.

Nonexisting:
Get a sniper and end it, simp. But before you do, make sure you tell your wife the pin to your ATM so she doesn't waste time begging bankers for few change you have in bank. This is how you simps go about destroying everything you build all because of kpekus. You are crying for her my foot. The real cry is still coming. Ewu ohia

Xcelinteriors:
Obsession is not love. If you have your way, you can kill her. I once had an ugly jobless fool that was so obsessed with me at a time and thank God I cut him off totally and he got pained and promised to destroy me. If you have the chance, you will either kill or destroy her. Just allow her be. Go back to your wife

Obsession is not love, true. But kill her? Loooool...u missed that one. Never possible.

Ninisun:
Take a one month leave immediately so that you can partially forget about her. Delete her numbers, social media contacts and have a new sidechick for the time being after you're back from your leave. Let the sidechick not be a serious one or live in your house cus you are too emotional.

This is what being faithful does to a man or woman, if you get a good opposite of your spouse, story don change ooo and that is what has happened to you. Please leave the lady alone for your sanity

But I made it clear I have left her alone naa. That is not the issue of this post pls.

NLElder:
But I made it clear I have left her alone naa. That is not the issue of this post pls.

But my last paragraph says it all , she was more caring with good bedmatics, that's why you fell for her. A man who flirts so much cannot fall in love or be obsessive like this.

The first paragraph will help you more.

Ninisun:




Give head ke, after a hard day's job . Do you know giving head gives sore throat? Don't expect too much in marriage if you are still single.

Does receiving give sore throat too? SMH!

NLElder:
I have let her go. What I need help with is to stop obsessing with her, checking her social media, status,etc etc every second of the day. It's driving me nuts!

With time my brother... Naturally the obsession will begin to fade. I promise u.

Mikee19:
Loool tbh you're not responding to his post. You're really responding to things you've gone thru at the hands of other ppl

I know u feel smart saying this but I'm sorry to burst ur bubble dear, I haven't gone through such but I will not tolerate it either. Same reason I don't subscribe to long distance relationship or marriage.

Mikee19:


No ma'am. Don't agree with you

OK naw
State it

Toks2008:


Does receiving give sore throat too? SMH!

It does my dear, many men are carrying around STIs. Please treat or have some tests before pushing her head to the D.ick

NLElder:
First of all don't be quick to judge me. I am just here for matured help/advice cos I am fast loosing it. I am sure if it's abroad I will to told to go meet a therapist.

I am a young man in my early 40s and married for 9 years now with 2 kids. My nature of work is such that I am living on another town 5hours away from my family. This has been the case 6years out of the 9 years I am married. I have never really enjoyed my marriage as a young man cos I am always driving up and down every weekend to meet my family and when I got a promotion with more responsibility I reduced it to every 2 weeks, and as the stress of work and driving became more stressful, I now go every month. I have tried all my best even till date to see if I can get another work in the same state my wife and kids reside to no avail and my wife can't leave her work in the state join me as she is in a federal government establishment that has no branch in the state I live and work.

The scenario so far shows you that I am not enjoying a healthy sex life with my wife, but being someone brought up to respect the marriage institution, I have resigned to my fate and taken life as I have seen it. To make matters worse, with due respect to my wife, she suffered female genital mutilation and you know it affects women's sex life and their man is always worse off for it. In summary we lead a routine boring sex life in the few occasions we even get to have it. However, the 6 years I have lived and worked in another state, I have never cheated or thought of cheating on her despite all the cold lonely nights I have to spend alone. I am a kind of introvert and never hide it from people that I am married. Some will be like "u no get side chick"? I will say no.

The problem started 4 years earlier out of the 6years in the city I live and work. Since I am always lonely and bored in my crib, I mostly do video calls with my wife and kids daily or chat online with friends to keep my mind busy and avoid unnecessary tensions that will remind me of the lonely boring life I was living. This also keeps me away from sexual urges if I feel any as a fool-blooded young man I was. It was in one of these online chats that I got close to one young lady of about 30. We really got close through chatting and graduated to exchanging numbers. I always make it known that I was married to everyone I meet and she was no exception. We became best friends online and kept our limits as married man and a single lady would. We became curious and excited to meet each other live when we found out we were in same city.

We arranged a harmless date in a restaurant in town were we really got to know more about each other. I found out that she was a struggling young girl teaching in a private school with NCE and was unable to proceed to degree level due to lack of funds. Her salary wasn't even up to 18k and she was squatting with one lady in very uncomfortable circumstances. After that 1st live meeting, a very good friendship ensued but entirely platonic .

All these past 4 years before I met her, I cook for myself and go to market by myself. One Friday she called and I did not immediately pick cos I was in the kitchen. I called her back later and told her I was cooking and she jokingly asked if she could help. As at then she was yet to come to my place, so I told her if she really wanted to help then I would come and pick her up and that was how for the first time in 4 years, a lady visited me in that town. It felt awkward. It did not take long for me to find out how homely she was...washed plates, tidied everywhere, and finished up the cooking. I really felt at peace and started getting worried at the same time. We spent time chatting but kept our distance and nothing happened between us and I dropped her off later where she was squatting.

After that, our friendship went to another level and the visits became more frequent but still nothing happened between us. I got to know she was a well brought up lady that still had values and I also confirmed she had no man as at the time she met me. She said she had always wished to be married before now and never believed she would reach 30 and still be single.

I know my story is getting rather long, so let me try to wrap up. In summary, she started having issues with the family she was squatting with and didn't have enough money to rent a place of her own. I didn't have enough to rent for her either as I was already carrying a lot of financial responsibilities for her by then...monthly stipend of ₦10k to add to her salary, tolletries, making hairs and even helping out with her sick mum hospital bills.

So without a 2nd thought, both of us decided she move into my place. Inside me I knew it was somehow but I think by then we were already in love with each but maybe living in denial.

So she moved in and that was it. Yes, we started having sex, uncomfortably at 1st but later became 2 sex maniacs. It was as if she was sent to compensate me for my horrible marriage sex experience I have endured all these years. We couldn't have enough of each other. In fact when I want to travel and see my family, she breaks down crying. I knew it was more than a side chick matter. In fact this lady gave me a fulfilled sex life that I swear if it's in the olden days I wouldn't mind taking her as a 2nd wife. Months grew into years and our passion for each other grew to the point that we got jealous of the opposite sex calling us. She even starts frowning when my wife calls or tears will start running down her eyes. People, I became so confused. We both knew we have gone too far and yet were not ready to end it.

I even because part of her own family cos I go with her to see her sick mum and played a prominent role when she died. I don't know her older siblings knew if I was married or not , but I think she confided in her older sister who seemed to like me so much and only warned her to be "careful."

After 2 years, she started agitating about marriage so much that she said she needed to move out of my place. That as long as she is with me, she might not get married since it's obvious I wasn't going to marry her no matter how much both of us pretended about it. Deep inside me I knew she was right and I couldn't be selfish to keep her from meeting single suitors but I felt an inexplicable pain in my heart as if a part of me was about to be cut off. However, I forced myself to assist her to get a place and yet she on her own kept coming to my place every weekend until she moved in again leaving her place wasting for over 2 months., only going there once in a while to pick things..

All the 2 years we were together she was open and truthful to me about relationships she was now trying to build with single guys she hoped would marry her. I was already feeling bad inside me that she was about to leave my life, but she kept assuring me that she was with me and truly told me everything happeneing in the new relationship she was building.

She later moved out completely from my place after 2years on a new year day. She said needed to start the year on a good and clean note and had gotten serious with the guy that said he wants to marry her. I began to feel extreme jealous I couldn't explain. I knew it was not right but I couldn't stop myself. I tried my best and stopped calling or chatting with her but I still didn't find peace. One evening a month after when it was now clear that she has decided to get serious with the guy she said was coming for marriage, she visited me and and you can't believe it, we made hot passionate love. And when we were lying side by side, her new man called and she quickly ran into the toilet to answer him. I felt it was time I ended this whole thing, it wasn't looking right again.

So I confronted her why she was still leading me on when she is now in a marriage -bound relationship and she said because she still loves me and doesn't know how to let go of me. We cried together that it wiould be tough as we would soon separate from each other for life and she left. I cried like a baby as we made love again and she consoling me to try and teach my wife the things she does to me despite her FGM predicament.

The period she was with me, she was uncomfortable answering calls from her man and I got fed up and decided to investigate. So I went to the street where she showed me the guy lives(she was truly open to me and I give her that) and waited to see if she has started visiting him as she mostly denies and lo and behold, I saw her entering the guy's house. I felt a sharp pang of jealousy which I couldn't control. I picked up my phone after some minutes and started calling her, but her phone rang severally and she didn't pick. I was almost half-dead with jealousy. I cried iny heart and drove away. I sent her a text that because she was "enjoying" herself with her man she was now avoiding my calls. That maybe tbe guy was so good at it. She called about 2 hours later and really took offence that because she visited him and did not pick my call was simply because she doesn't want him to start asking questions and not necessarily that they were doing anything.

We quarrelled like never before and said hurtful things to each other and I asked her to return my key at my office the next day cos by then she no longer visited my house as she has really gotten serious with the guy. She returned the key and for over 2 months we stopped communicating and became strangers.

Instead of pushing her out my mind, I felt a daily torture looking through her Facebook pics, WhatsApp status, and other social media. I will go to her guy's street and painfully watch her enter his house from afar. I was fast losing my mind. I knew it was over for good and don't want her back but the obsession is yet to leave me till date. Everyday, I check her pictures and feels pangs of pain and jealousy as I see her lovely smiles. My people it's punishment and torture for me. I keep obsessing every second of my life about her. Who can help me? Something is definitely wrong. In one of her recent status, I saw her flaunt her hands with an engagement ring and I felt a sharp pang of sadness instead of happiness. People help me I am loosing it. Even though she has apologized to me and I too have apologized for the hurtful things we said in the course of our quarrel, my mind is still not at peace.

Even now presently she is engaged she still calls me and tries to engage me in friendly conversations but I will just be answering without interest. She even sent me a pic recently at a wedding she went to and I told her she should stop sending me her pics but should be sending to her man. She apologized and said she has taken note. Yet, I will feel bad inside me if I don't see her friendly chats which my attitude has made her reduce. Yet in all these, first thing in the morning I will quickly rush to check her pics, if she has made new posts, etc etc. I need help, I really do. Sorry my people for the long post but I really needed to empty myself to see the help I can get if any cos I want my normal sane life back. I have also prayed to God and asked for forgiveness for cheating on my wife ....I have no excuses for doing so but from the long story you can see it was never my intention.

.

Summon courage and move on. There’s a strategy they call: NO CONTACT.. pls stop looking at her pictures and her videos and her status. Infact block her on all social media. Infact tell you are breaking off totally and don’t just communicate or contact for like two months. Infact, if you can do it for only 21 days, you will overcome a lot and you will thank me later.

Most wives dont always giv good sex

Well done.

Alvino1:


sir I think what you are trying to say is that if any man is found in this type of situation, the first thing to do is to understand the reasons for his actions, then subsequently give consent because it is not an easy one for him to deal with a marriage where one gets little or no sexual activeness or satisfaction, I'm talking about the issue of sexless marriage. assuming but not conceding that your position is apt, my question then is, will it be okay, if your wife of over 6 years with two kids gets involved with another man for a whole two years (I'm talking about 730 day) exactly the way the OP did, on grounds that you do not last in bed (one minute man) is this excuse also applicable to wives as well?? or it's is only applicable to husbands?
my position is simple, what ever that is applicable to the husband should also be applicable to the wife... I'm just simply saying do not do to others that which if done to you, you will not appreciate...
I mean you dated her for some time before u married her, you were fully aware of her sexual activeness before proceeding with her to the next level (marriage)...
sometimes we need to own up to our mistakes and stop looking for some anchor point or what have you... most people possesses attitudes they themselves are not even aware they posses... do you know why?? because an opportunity for exhibition of such attitude haven't surfaced yet... so before such opportunity comes up, they are saints, and even after the opportunity comes up and they act in such manners, it will come as a shock to them, they themselves won't believe that they actually exhibited such attitude.... give them sometime, it will repeat itself, again and again, until they come to terms with the fact that it is who they are.... at that point they can either opt for a change, or blame the devil if caught....
so respectfully sir, I respect your position, but I'm sorry I do not agree with it... thank you

I don't need you to agree to it. But that's the reality.

You said concerning women whose husband doesn't satisfy sexually.

Yes a lot of them still go out to find satisfaction. Sometimes there husband's may know but won't do anything because they know they are not capable.

Some will be doing it codedly without the man knowing.

I have seen such cases

Infact women own even worse especially woman that tasted several men before marriage.
They will never accept sexual dissatisfaction. Rather they may be doing it codedly

Some men in this situation may even endure the urge.
But women, it's rare for them to endure.

One guy quoted that sex is 85 percent in marriage issues. Others are 25 percent.

Women have been with highly domestic abusive men because they get orgasm from there husband. So they will be enduring the abuse, because of what they get.

Most times men that are domestic abusers are very good in bed.
So you see there women still in the relationship.

Even many women stay with very poor men but are good in bed
Just like a man will see a chick that he knows is bad but because of what the Lady does to him in bed, he still close eye marry same woman

I know one particular runs girl in my University days.
She was known around school, very notorious, even dated the governor of the state where my school is located then
Last year some old school mate was saying if person tell them said that babe go marry them no go believe.
She married better man and still living today with the husband peacefully

Or another of my family friend, was well known bad girl then, later married a pastor and they are living happily with kids


So anybody that denies the extremeimportance of sex in marriage is deluding himself or herself

Sex is very very important
Anyone denying his or her partner conjugal right is inviting big problem

Ninisun:




You go call am simp cus you haven't experienced being in love or truly loved by someone for a long time. Op it's not your fault jare, na the economy cause all these living apart these days.

Love is an "illusion".

Ninisun:




It does my dear, many men are carrying around STIs. Please treat or have some tests before pushing her head to the D.ick

I'm talking about your husband but you just described an oletete wey dey give head upandan to different men.

Mikee19:


Ok so I've seen a lot of hypocritical comments passing judgement on him, calling him all sort of names like they're saints and can never fall. That's too bad, and i called some out. I like that you aren't passing judgement on him...

Having said that, op IS at fault. He CANNOT be 100% exonerated! He did cheat on his wife, for two solid years! See if we don't cast appropriate blame where it's required, we end up tolerating ourselves doing all sorts; and we won't grow!

Yes there's nobody above making mistakes. But things could yet have been done better. He should NEVER have let her move in with him. Shebi he later paid rent for her somewhere? Why not at first? And this lasted way too long, two solid years, that it now became an issue!

Also true that we all must be humble. Even all these very righteous ppl here too. We all can fall in more disastrous ways than he did, it's like these ppl dunno they're human. They may not fall in this way, but in some other way, that may be more shameful than what we read here, so long as they're human. This is why it's very foolish for a mere man to pass judgement on a fellow man like himself.

But nobody must be content with falling down. Admit to it: it's your fault. Find out why and where, and fix it! And become a much better version of yourself.

Bros even for church self, there are many pastors that are extremely Randy

I personally don catch a man I respected sometime ago on top person wife.
On Sunday he climb pulpit

I was weeping seating in the congregation

But deep inside me, I was cautioned not to expose him.

I rather prayed that God will have mercy on him

That's why anybody come tell me God said this I will just be looking at them.

That time I come understand that God doesn't judge like we humans
God gives a lengthy time of mercy

But human beings that are filled with sin will just judge immediately.
While they are still living in deep sin

Even Jesus never judged a woman that was caught in the very act of adultery.
He even told her accusers, he without sin carry the first stone and throw. But non did

Showing the hipocrsy of men

If you like be Pope, every human is filled with sinful nature

Na only the Grace and Mercy of God will deliver such one

Human beings are extremely hypocritical, Nigerians own worse

That's why Nigeria is in a very big mess despite churches, mosques and traditional worshipers full every where

NLelder
Getting over someone is like getting over an addiction.
There is no easy way out other than to do it the hard way and the uncomfortable way;
-delete all your chats,
-unfollow and block on social media
-block all incoming calls of the person, SMS
Delete and block.

When your thoughts starts to trail towards the person, switch it to the person's bad behaviour.

STOP STALKING HER and them.
STOP IT.
STOP yourself from doing it.

Ask GOD For help.

Like someone said, you are lucky she did not decide to go away from the relationship with a "souvenir", your baby. She could have done it.

Your wife can still be pleased by you, like someone else pointed out. You just need to take responsibility for that and like someone else asked, didn't you know she had fgm?
If that is the only cross you are carrying concerning your wife, you are also blessed but donot realise it.

Too bad you stayed faithful for 4 years and got to throw that away. You should have yanked your wife over to stay with you.

Like some others have pointed out, do not accept your this your Ex in the future if she is foolish enough to start "missing you".
Prepare your response now.
When that time comes, tell her that you fear GOD now and since HE forgave you the first time, you wouldn't want to hurt HIM again that way.
Do not also take her fiance /husband for granted. Some men with anger issues can kill a trespasser. But na jail go get am Las Las.

I really enjoyed your long write up, thanks for not summarizing.
You really didn't need to go explicit though. It ruins a good write up.
When writers mention, "in summary" or "let me not bore you with long story but summarize", e dey be like say make I vex for them.

Mikee19:


Ok so I've seen a lot of hypocritical comments passing judgement on him, calling him all sort of names like they're saints and can never fall. That's too bad, and i called some out. I like that you aren't passing judgement on him...

Having said that, op IS at fault. He CANNOT be 100% exonerated! He did cheat on his wife, for two solid years! See if we don't cast appropriate blame where it's required, we end up tolerating ourselves doing all sorts; and we won't grow!

Yes there's nobody above making mistakes. But things could yet have been done better. He should NEVER have let her move in with him. Shebi he later paid rent for her somewhere? Why not at first? And this lasted way too long, two solid years, that it now became an issue!

Also true that we all must be humble. Even all these very righteous ppl here too. We all can fall in more disastrous ways than he did, it's like these ppl dunno they're human. They may not fall in this way, but in some other way, that may be more shameful than what we read here, so long as they're human. This is why it's very foolish for a mere man to pass judgement on a fellow man like himself.

But nobody must be content with falling down. Admit to it: it's your fault. Find out why and where, and fix it! And become a much better version of yourself.

I like you already. Your contribution so apt.

Toks2008:


I'm talking about your husband but you just described an oletete wey dey give head upandan to different men.

Giving head is not only the pre-intimacy or don't you think so? That's not my area of specialization and we are okay with that .

Ninejaywon:


Love is an "illusion".

To YOU

djon78:



I don't need you to agree to it. But that's the reality.

You said concerning women whose husband doesn't satisfy sexually.

Yes a lot of them still go out to find satisfaction. Sometimes there husband's may know but won't do anything because they know they are not capable.

Some will be doing it codedly without the man knowing.

I have seen such cases

Infact women own even worse especially woman that tasted several men before marriage.
They will never accept sexual dissatisfaction. Rather they may be doing it codedly

Some men in this situation may even endure the urge.
But women, it's rare for them to endure.

One guy quoted that sex is 85 percent in marriage issues. Others are 25 percent.

Women have been with highly domestic abusive men because they get orgasm from there husband. So they will be enduring the abuse, because of what they get.

Most times men that are domestic abusers are very good in bed.
So you see there women still in the relationship.

Even many women stay with very poor men but are good in bed
Just like a man will see a chick that he knows is bad but because of what the Lady does to him in bed, he still close eye marry same woman

I know one particular runs girl in my University days.
She was known around school, very notorious, even dated the governor of the state where my school is located then
Last year some old school mate was saying if person tell them said that babe go marry them no go believe.
She married better man and still living today with the husband peacefully

Or another of my family friend, was well known bad girl then, later married a pastor and they are living happily with kids


So anybody that denies the extremeimportance of sex in marriage is deluding himself or herself

Sex is very very important
Anyone denying his or her partner conjugal right is inviting big problem

They don't love the men because of s.ex rather they think being abused means the man loves them.
The man also make her believe or think she is the problem, make her lose her self worth and so the abuse continues.

Bassmetrics:
Op even if this ur story runs into 3pages i will read all with keen interest cos I had a similar experience. I am a kind of cool headed guy who never even had a girl friend till I graduated from the Uni. I was more focused on my studies back then. In my case, she(d lady in qsn) was pushed into marriage to a guy she felt could take better care of her financially as at then. I annoyingly got married to another lady, and we lost touch. Few years later, she realised her mistakes. she called, apologized for hurting me, I forgave her but there was no way we can be together again. Now married but She is not really happy in her marriage so I am.She has confessed this to me many times. We were both putting up with our spouses. There is this undying inner love between us which we have been fighting to subdue but.... currently we live in different cities, each time I visit d state where she stays with her husband for biz, she wil be trying to fix an appointment, but I will keep on giving her flimsy excuses cos I know it may end up in sex. We may not be strong to hold our bodies. Its not about lust, i have a genuine feeling for her, its just that we are both married.

I have warned her on several occasions to face her marriage while I face mine. But one way or the other we will still end up talking to each other. The truth is that I feel more happy talking to her than even my wife. I love her far more than I love my wife; it is exactly same with her, but its rather late. I have lived with this emotional torture for over six years now. She is my dream lady and am like her dream man whose peer pressure took from her.She wants me and I want her but it cant happen and I am left no option but move on less it ends in shameless adultery.

So Op, no matter how hard it seems, let it be, move on or it may cost you ur marriage !!!

Round of applause

GOD bless you for honoring your marriage bed.
May GOD ignite that spark in your marriage to make you happy and totally fulfilled with your wife so much so that no one else compares ever again.

This is what we are talking about, marriage means responsibility.