The OP is NOT a third party as long as she is legally married to the man, that is now her step child and she's responsible for the child too. Also, the biological mother of the child has already abandoned the child which is either due to poverty or mental illness.

The OP needs to step up and step into her new role or abandon her marriage to raise her own child alone too.

How can she not know about this before getting married when they didn't marry the same day they met? This is a whole child involved. Or is it just the 4 of them in that town?

Mindlog:


The obligation of care of the child primarily lies on the biological father and the biological mother, who are still both alive and they must have to work out how best to take>{ care of that child between them, OP remains a third party.

Should the OP come with the child to our clinic where we work with children with neurodevelopmental disorders, we would tell her to contact the child's biological parents because for assessment,s there are questions only the biological parents can answer, unless they are both dead, incarcerated or clinically diagnosed as mentally unstable.

BloomingDale:


No woman is going to carry such a heavy burden, especially with him earning only 15k per month. Abi you think say women na work oxen. Send your sister his way.

She never said he is on 15k monthly. He was paying 200k on his child's treatment right?

wowcatty:
You have no soul you fair-weather opportunist. You want to take a man away from his son. My sister does her homework before marriage by knowing who she was getting married to in and out, so she can't take up someone's slacks when they just marry for the sake of it. Cerebral palsy or not that boy comes with the marriage she went into, so it's now up to her to accept or be a single mother. Stop crying, its settled.

Your soul is of the devil, your mother's soul is from lucifer and your father's soul from pigg. Cursed you are and cursed you will remain forever

Donate your cursed sister to go and take care of the man's needy child and you're running around

wowcatty:
The OP is NOT a third party as long as she is legally married to the man, that is now her step child and she's responsible for the child too. Also, the biological mother of the child has already abandoned the child which is either due to poverty or mental illness.

The OP needs to step up and step into her new role or abandon her marriage to raise her own child alone too.

How can she not know about this before getting married when they didn't marry the same day they met? This is a whole child involved. Or is it just the 4 of them in that town?

It is the biological father and biological mother that are FIRST OBLIGATED to the child before OP, and both should be the ones to STEP UP as that child is the outcome of their generics not OP's, neither does she appear in the child's birth records.

The biological mother can not be excused neither the biological father as far a psychiatrist has not yet certified them as mentally unfit.

Even if the OP eventually gets divorced, the then ex-husband will still be obligated to their child or in all the divorce cases you have read here on Nairaland, have you ever read where the magistrate pronounced that since the woman has custody of the child/children, the man no longer have obligations towards their child/children?

The biological mother is tired. She can't cope again probably because of lack of financial and whatever support from the baby daddy..
The man can't afford a maid.(He earns #15k monthly).
The new wife is 7months pregnant. Even if she has the heart to help, she won't have the physical strength required.
She can't even get a job now to help financially (the child can't be left alone and she is heavily pregnant)
New wife is not happy that she married another woman's husband and is telling husband to go back to his baby mama so they can take care of their child together....
Hmmm it is well.
I pray the little girl gets all the help she needs

wowcatty:
Y'all are just so heartless. Do you expect the man to throw his child away now.

Go and take care of the child too useless demon

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

It seems you have made up your mind, but you need no advise in that case.

The circumstance you just described seems like autisms to me, the child only need a good therapist and we have alot of them in Nigeria.

Moreso, the child can be sent to any of the Autism homes well managed by international NGOs at absolutely reduced rate.

I volunteered to take in an Autism child sometimes ago and bear the cost when the mother who happened to be a close family friend threatened to dump her off.

Do I tell you something? You are carrying a baby in your womb and no one have control what is conceived in there except God Almighty.

That girl could have been your daughter.

I dont see any problems

surgevessel:


It seems you have made up your mind, but you need no advise in that case.

The circumstance you just described seems like autisms to me, the child only need a good therapist and we have alot of them in Nigeria.

Moreso, the child can be sent to any of the Autism homes well managed by international NGOs at absolutely reduced rate.

I volunteered to take in an Autism child sometimes ago and bear the cost when the mother who happened to be a close family friend threatened to dump her off.

Do I tell you something? You are carrying a baby in your womb and no one have control what is conceived in there except God Almighty.

That girl could have been your daughter.

I dont see any problems

It seems like you don't even know what you are talking about because you can't even differentiate autism and celebral palsy , autism cannot even be compare to celebral palsy because a child with autism can move around , he or she can use the toilet on her own, feed herself ,dress, and play like any other children and the one with celebral palsy cannot do anything the body is paralysed so she need care 24/7. I can tell you have no idea about celebral palsy go and goole it to understand it better. If you think is easy and it is not different from autism like you stated please go to my house and help my husband look after her because he need to go to work. He will appreciate your help.

H0711:



It seems like you don't even know what you are talking about because you can't even differentiate autism and celebral palsy , autism cannot even be compare to celebral palsy because a child with autism can move around , he or she can use the toilet on her own, feed herself ,dress, and play like any other children and the one with celebral palsy cannot do anything the body is paralysed so she need care 24/7. I can tell you have no idea about celebral palsy go and goole it to understand it better. If you think is easy and it is not different from autism like you stated please go to my house and help my husband look after her because he need to go to work. He will appreciate your help.

I'm so sorry oh. Please I withdraw my comments if it gets at you.

Apologies please.

Approach a court of competent jurisdiction and file for a divorce. I can link you up with a good lawyer.

surgevessel:


I'm so sorry oh. Please I withdraw my comments if it gets at you.

Apologies please.

Approach a court of competent jurisdiction and file for a divorce. I can link you up with a good lawyer.

Don't mind my title I wrote it out of frustration we didn't do any court wedding . We did trad and white wedding not need to file a divorce in court. My family will return the bride price that's it.

H0711:


Don't mind my title I wrote it out of frustration we didn't do any court wedding . We did trad and white wedding not need to file a divorce in court. My family will return the bride price that's it.

I understand. It's fine
But before you take any step, you would agree with me that divorce is the last option after every other options to resolve family issues has been exploited and failed. I think this is more than just you and him, have you involved family members, have you had a heart to heart discussion with him, giving him that confidence that you are both in this together?? By the time you engage him and a few credible family members, solutions would come.

I still believe you havent played your last card before considering divorce.

Let's try further and see what works.

surgevessel:


I understand. It's fine
But before you take any step, you would agree with me that divorce is the last option after every other options to resolve family issues has been exploited and failed. I think this is more than just you and him, have you involved family members, have you had a heart to heart discussion with him, giving him that confidence that you are both in this together?? By the time you engage him and a few credible family members, solutions would come.

I still believe you havent played your last card before considering divorce.

Let's try further and see what works.

I am on my way to the village. If you think I haven't played my last card please come and play it on my behalf

...

H0711:


I am on my way to the village. If you think I haven't played my last card please come and play it on my behalf

I love your kind of person jare. Correct babe

Now that the man is alone with the child and can't go to work, I hope his mother and/or baby mama will reconsider or how is he even going to make the money to care for this girl if he can't go anywhere... It is well

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

Your mind seems pretty made up, how u left now?

surgevessel:


It seems you have made up your mind, but you need no advise in that case.

The circumstance you just described seems like autisms to me, the child only need a good therapist and we have alot of them in Nigeria.

Moreso, the child can be sent to any of the Autism homes well managed by international NGOs at absolutely reduced rate.

I volunteered to take in an Autism child sometimes ago and bear the cost when the mother who happened to be a close family friend threatened to dump her off.

Do I tell you something? You are carrying a baby in your womb and no one have control what is conceived in there except God Almighty.

That girl could have been your daughter.

I dont see any problems

It’s how you started like you cared about OP.

First thing I would like you to know is that OP’s baby is fine. You should be worried about your children. Kids die you know. No one can say your children won’t die or develop neurological disorder except God.

This child could easily have been your daughter. Go and adopt her.

And since you’re stupid enough to equate autism with cerebral palsy, you will forever remain stupid.

It is so shameful this is what you’ve turned Christianity into. A medium to brainwash and blackmail people. Shame!!!

Teymanhenry:

She never said he is on 15k monthly. He was paying 200k on his child's treatment right?

Go and learn how to read first before you come here to comment.

surgevessel:


I'm so sorry oh. Please I withdraw my comments if it gets at you.

Apologies please.

Approach a court of competent jurisdiction and file for a divorce. I can link you up with a good lawyer.

Idiot. Did she ask for your help? If she needs a lawyer, she’d get one. She’s not one of those your dumb sisters.

Mumu that has google but open your maggot infested mouth to say cerebral palsy and autism are the same!!! Stupid people like you are trying to blackmail OP with religion on a subject matter you know nothing of. God punish you 10 times.

Klass99:


Lmao . You come across as a smart and capable woman, I wish you a safe trip and good tidings only.

She is. And very strong too.

afribabe:
Now that the man is alone with the child and can't go to work, I hope his mother and/or baby mama will reconsider or how is he even going to make the money to care for this girl if he can't go anywhere... It is well

Why would the mother continue to care for her alone? Hasn’t she been caring for this child for 7years? Was the father taking care of the child when the child was with the mum? Didn’t you read where OP said he wasn’t supporting her financially? Do you understand what she had to give up?

It’s how women are normalizing this weird behavior. The father should care for his child abeg. It’s not easy to lift a 7year old child. It isn’t by providing money. A special needs child limits you!!! The mother has tried abeg. The father should care for the child while the mother supports financially when/if she can.

DEM NR DY USE TOTO CARE FOR PIKIN

...

Klass99:


And you are something else. Your comments on this thread ehn! The moral support you gave the OP is appreciated, your upper cuts and knock out blows to opponents were just wicked

Thank you.

I’m a comrade of vawulence. I was completely appalled by the religious blackmail. Imagine people asking OP to stomach what they won’t accept.

danot1030:


Anybody advising you not to quit do not have idea of the situation you are in. Taking care of a cerebral palsy child is a whole lot of burden. Your decision to leave is in order.

This comment hits so much now. These ignorant animals advising OP to stay do not have any idea of the situation OP is in.

...

Klass99:


Lol . I like your brand of vawulence abeg. I was equally appalled as you, I would have walked out of that house and marriage on day two of finding out about the child. Day 2 because I would have had enough time to pack all my things and move.

Too many men (and unfortunately women too) think marriage is a dumping ground of all sorts of bullshit on women, where women have to take whatever is dumped on them and deal with it because that is the how to make a successful home and marriage.

Even Jesus Christ said take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. You will now marry a human being who gives you a yoke/burden that is both hard and heavy. When you are tired of carrying that burden you will drop it and move na, like she rightly did.

Imagine not telling me you have a child to begin with me, then a disabled one at that too, who is dropped on me without notice. I am not superwoman neither will I become a martyr for the sake of marriage or staying married.

The things I have seen on this NL ehn. A married man unable to have children in less than 10 years of marriage is quickly encouraged to divorce and find a new wife or try his luck elsewhere and bring the child home, meanwhile his wife may not be the reason for their childless status. A married woman brings an issue like this, chronic gambling or alcoholism and she is encouraged to fast and pray for her husband, help him to change, don't leave marriage is for better or worst, yada yada yada.

I wish I could like this comment a million times. God bless you.

Funny that people are forgetting the father of the child. He has 2 hands and legs so should be able to care for his own child since the mother has abandoned her after 7 years of suffering alone.

I thought he would pick up the mantle and care for her with everything in him or is there a special power he needs to bathe, clean, feed and change his child? Why does he expect the OP to take on his responsibility?


The main victim here is the child who has been failed by her father and biological mother. This father moved on, got married and is expecting another child,he carried on like she did not exist.

Are we supposed to empathize with this man that did nothing to support the mother of this child for 7 good years and would have gone on for longer if the mother didn't run off?The mother has a right to have a life too,so it's his turn .

Why should the Op do it? This is how frustration sets in and the child starts getting abused.

My thoughts are with the child, may she find love and care from her parents. Even in this condition, she did nothing to deserve this.

Op,you go ahead and do what's best for you and the baby. It's time for your husband to parent his child. If he is smart, he will find a part time carer or arrange a 50/50 agreement with the child's mother.

ugolightswel1:


Young woman listen to me if you can.

Anybody here advicing you to leave is a home breaker.

Your mind asking you to leave is actually trying to mislead you.

don't leave your marriage, it's for better for worst.

marriage is not come and chop
stick your ground and put the necessary sacrifice and make a great mother for your home.

Look for an assistant you people should pay like 50k monthly by the way there's no job people will rush in for it.

Assist the child in prayers and constantly take her to church for serious prayers; GOD of miracle still exists.

Try and forgive your husband

And endeavours to do all for the child with the love of GOD so that your prayers shall have a healing on her thanks

Your likes are the reason why Osinachi is dead today. Go and read up on pregnancy. What if she develops complications and dies or something happens to the baby all because she was trying to keep her marriage.

Go and sit down please. :-

So the useless man ran away and left the child with the mother after birthing a disabled child. Pretended like she did not exist so he can move on. He knows anyone that wants to marry him will be cautious because of a history of severe disability. So he did not mention it to the new wife, which he conned into marriage. Now they are trying to make this child her problem. I think OP and the husband should approach the state for help. There should be homes that can take care of disabled children adequately since they are not financially capable.

Sorry OP, it is a huge responsibility that only very few can take on. This is why in some countries scans are done and the foetus is aborted. It is a life of misery, pain and frustration.

Today is 4th...have you moved out already?

Ebymyk:
Today is 4th...have you moved out already?

Would that your life any easier?

What state are u based? Why not look for an orphanage home and drop the child? Most accept kids with disabilities and am not sure they charge this much. Your husband made a mistake by not telling you before marriage but he probably thought its because you will leave him. Forgive his mistakes and help to find a solution. Both of I should look for a government orphanage home or school with boarding facilities and take d child there