afribabe:
Now that the man is alone with the child and can't go to work, I hope his mother and/or baby mama will reconsider or how is he even going to make the money to care for this girl if he can't go anywhere... It is well

I think this is a good wake up call for him. He would have time to reflect on the sacrifice the birth mother had put into raising the child for 7years. Now he will work with her to properly raise their child.

Meanwhile, he was earning 15k and still got married? Hian! Orisirisi!

Nozino:


Why would the mother continue to care for her alone? Hasn’t she been caring for this child for 7years? Was the father taking care of the child when the child was with the mum? Didn’t you read where OP said he wasn’t supporting her financially? Do you understand what she had to give up?

It’s how women are normalizing this weird behavior. The father should care for his child abeg. It’s not easy to lift a 7year old child. It isn’t by providing money. A special needs child limits you!!! The mother has tried abeg. The father should care for the child while the mother supports financially when/if she can.

DEM NR DY USE TOTO CARE FOR PIKIN

I never said her mother should care for her alone. I am saying both of them can work out something to ensure the girl is fine which I believe is what the mother wants. Except she is completely tried of the child, wants her out of her life and doesn't care what happens to the girl.
I believe she brought the girl to her father not because she wants to punish the father for the abandonment but because she knows that the father will take care of her if she is with him. But now that he can't work, how is he going to make the money to do so?
At the end, it should be all about caring for the girl.

sisisioge:


I think this is a good wake up call for him. He would have time to reflect on the sacrifice the birth mother had put into raising the child for 7years. Now he will work with her to properly raise their child.

Meanwhile, he was earning 15k and still got married? Hian! Orisirisi!

my point exactly. Work with her.... They need money amongst other things to care for the girl.... One of them should stay at home and the other go out and make the money...

My sister, the #15k part weak me o. I can't even talk reach there...

afribabe:
I never said her mother should care for her alone. I am saying both of them can work out something to ensure the girl is fine which I believe is what the mother wants. Except she is completely tried of the child, wants her out of her life and doesn't care what happens to the girl.
I believe she brought the girl to her father not because she wants to punish the father for the abandonment but because she knows that the father will take care of her if she is with him. But now that he can't work, how is he going to make the money to do so?
At the end, it should be all about caring for the girl.

But in all honesty, this lady has tried oo. It isn’t easy coping with a special needs child. Now consider doing it alone without any financial help for 7years!!!


The thing with special needs children is that the father can’t just provide money and act like that’s all. You have to be actively involved in the child’s life. Like someone else suggested, it is best to work out something with the mother. Maybe she can care for her during the week and drop her off at her dad’s from Friday to Monday morning. Anything outside that, if it was me, I won’t accept.

Blendy77:
What state are u based? Why not look for an orphanage home and drop the child? Most accept kids with disabilities and am not sure they charge this much. Your husband made a mistake by not telling you before marriage but he probably thought its because you will leave him. Forgive his mistakes and help to find a solution. Both of I should look for a government orphanage home or school with boarding facilities and take d child there

So, let's say she and her husband get to abandon this child at an orphanage somewhere, does that mean they can settle to having other kids? Is that how you intend for this to work out for the couple then?

Nozino:
But in all honesty, this lady has tried oo. It isn’t easy coping with a special needs child. Now consider doing it alone without any financial help for 7years!!!
The thing with special needs children is that the father can’t just provide money and act like that’s all. You have to be actively involved in the child’s life. Like someone else suggested, it is best to work out something with the mother. Maybe she can care for her during the week and drop her off at her dad’s from Friday to Monday morning. Anything outside that, if it was me, I won’t accept.

So, he can't provide for special needs kids but he can provide instead for another one, and maybe many more?

Nozino:



But in all honesty, this lady has tried oo. It isn’t easy coping with a special needs child. Now consider doing it alone without any financial help for 7years!!!


The thing with special needs children is that the father can’t just provide money and act like that’s all. You have to be actively involved in the child’s life. Like someone else suggested, it is best to work out something with the mother. Maybe she can care for her during the week and drop her off at her dad’s from Friday to Monday morning. Anything outside that, if it was me, I won’t accept.

For the sake of the girl, I hope they come up with a plan. Abeg, the woman has over tried( though no amount of caring is too much for your child)
Maybe they can be rotating it..... Father works during the week while mother is caring, then mother works during the weekend while father is caring. Because this man's #15k no be am at all o.... This life sef, ko balance

Nozino:


Would that your life any easier?

I'm sorry �... I shouldn't have shown concern.... I'm sorry I asked...

Goldie16:

Tell him to give her a supplement called Suprabrain. It will help her to regain some or most of her lost functioning. Gradually though but it's a cheaper option than the 200k school where she will just be cared for without hope of improving.

The marriage was built on deception in the first place, therefore, you are not obligated to stay.

Taking care of special needs children is a very daunting task even to their own parents.
Emotionally, physically and financially tasking. It's not for the broke and faint hearted at all.
Don't mind anyone who is trying to guilt trip you, they're not being sincere.

If you stay though and go through this with him, he'll love you more for it. But make sure he is worth it and deserves such sacrifice.

HmmI have read so many comments here, so pathetic. Did she asked a question before saying I do I do? a lot of people don't understand the meaning of marriage. What if reverse is the Case will she be happy if her husband abandoned her? I didn't see any deceit here since she did not ask her man about his past. That little girl needs her help, she should give her the necessary assistant she deserved. It is only God who will give her her reward. In this life everybody have a cross to Carry. Let her Carry her cross in fact this is the time her husband needs her most.

Princewell2012:
Hmm I have read so many comments here, so pathetic. Did she asked a question before saying I do I do? a lot of people don't understand the meaning of marriage. What if reverse is the Case will she be happy if her husband abandoned her? I didn't see any deceit here since she did not ask her man about his past. That little girl needs her help, she should give her the necessary assistant she deserved. It is only God who will give her her reward. In this life everybody have a cross to Carry. Let her Carry her cross in fact this is the time her husband needs her most.

Open your mind!

The man hid information about the child from her before marrying her. Then after the child surfaced, he attempted to burden her with it, this with resources limited as it is. The man is a fool. A fool because he did not make necessary arrangements to have his previous child properly taken care of prior to his wedding and then impregnating a second woman. He is a fool because even in the poverty that he lives in, he married a second wife who has no established source of income to add to the family's total monthly income.

The woman is not to blame for the predicament of the child but her father, and he is sadly a fool who is likely to find himself another wife to impregnate the moment this one leaves.

quentin06:
The man should have told you that before marrying you, if he can keep secrets like that from you, who knows hw many more he is keeping?

Leave him now, that you can, cos do you really want to spend the rest of your life taking care of another woman's abandoned offspring?

Can you do that 5-10 years from now everyday, sacrificing all your dreams and aspirations why he goes around flexing and bringing more cerebral palsy products into the country?

Think well, dont believe anything he tells you, he married you to use you as his maid period.

The choice is yours sha.

Hmm this thread really revealed the true heart of Nigerians especially the women folks even the do called Christian what a pity. I can bet it with you a white woman will consider the man because of that poor child and stay there even take care of her more than her really mother. Africans are truly wicked. Just look at this thread it is full of curses and insult anger and hatred. We can Even make a conductive comments without raining a curse. Who do us this thing. It seems like Africans were truly curse. And the evidence is very clear.

Marriage should be for better and for worst that is true definition of marriage the better we understand this the better for us.

This is why we are witnessing too many divorce this days. If it is good they stay but if it is bad they break. that is not the definition of marriage. That is why you must look before you leap. Did she ask question before joining with the man? However we never heard from the other side of the story. After all this woman is not even perfect either.
In marriage we are just managing ourselves.
Have a good night

Nozino:



It is you that will birth a slowpoke. All your children will be slowpokes. OPs baby is perfect.

If you know who you're quoting you shouldn't have made that comment. That is why people Will enter into problems without knowing the root. May God forgive you.

Kobojunkie:
So, let's say she and her husband get to abandon this child at an orphanage somewhere, does that mean they can settle to having other kids? Is that how you intend for this to work out for the couple then?

Did u read where she said shes heavily pregnant and can't take care of the child? for now it's her sanity that matters the most, since d mother abandoned the child and they can't afford a maid, Sis inlaw refused to help, her best option is Foster care till they are able to find their feet. Wod u rather they kill the child or abandon her n disappear? Hav u tot of if she leaves as planned the husband can do somethg terrible just to be free of the child? What is wrong wt an orphanage home in this circumstance if I may ask sef? I own an NGO where we visit orphanage homes regularly, 50% of kids there are not even adoptable, they will tell u the parents kept there on Foster care and will come back for them, many of these parents are either single girls who don't want to throw away d child or single fathers whose wives passed on and they just want the child to be taken care of till they find their feet. Its better than abandoning these kids like we see daily in dustbins n gutter so there is nothing wrong with orphanage home so far d child is taken care of there.

Jovialjune1:



I will encourage her to leave from now till infinity cos if God forbid any of my sister's husband did this same trash as Op's husband, I will advice her to leave. You can tell your sisters and daughters to stay with a deceitful and secretive husband, no one cares

The Op will not give birth to a deformed child in Jesus mighty name, she will give birth to a healthy child full of life, I proclaim your negative thoughts to you, your family, and offspring, amen.

You re laying a curse and you are still mentioning the name of Jesus, very very pathetic. In fact if you know who you're quoting you shouldn't have made that comment. That why so many people gets into problems without knowing the real curse of their problem. I have forgiven you may God forgive you too.

Kobojunkie:
Open your mind!

The man hid information about the child from her before marrying her. Then after the child surfaced, he attempted to burden her with it, this with resources limited as it is. The man is a fool. A fool because he did not make necessary arrangements to have his previous child properly taken care of prior to his wedding and then impregnating a second woman. He is a fool because even in the poverty that he lives in, he married a second wife who has no established source of income to add to the family's total monthly income.

The woman is not to blame for the predicament of the child but her father, and he is sadly a fool who is likely to find himself another wife to impregnate the moment this one leaves.

Boss I understand. I don't like the comments coming out from people here. I understand the man is a weak man Yoruba made a proverb. Oribebe ko lo gun orififo. Chopping off the head is not the solution for a headache.

The innocent poor girl have come to this world should we cast her into lagoon? This woman too is selfish and wicked how I wish you will understand where am coming from.

This is why we are different from the white. an oyibo woman will even love the girl more even more than her mother take it from me. Those people have a different hearts. Africans are very very wicked sets of entity. Our comments reveals it. The Bible says by the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Check their comments very well you will see a lots of curses insults and abusing here there.
Have a good night.

Blendy77:
1.Did u read where she said shes heavily pregnant and can't take care of the child? for now it's her sanity that matters the most, since d mother abandoned the child and they can't afford a maid, Sis inlaw refused to help, her best option is Foster care till they are able to find their feet.
2. Wod u rather they kill the child or abandon her n disappear?
3. Hav u tot of if she leaves as planned the husband can do somethg terrible just to be free of the child?
4. What is wrong wt an orphanage home in this circumstance if I may ask sef?

5. I own an NGO where we visit orphanage homes regularly, 50% of kids there are not even adoptable, they will tell u the parents kept there on Foster care and will come back for them, many of these parents are either single girls who don't want to throw away d child or single fathers whose wives passed on and they just want the child to be taken care of till they find their feet. Its better than abandoning these kids like we see daily in dustbins n gutter so there is nothing wrong with orphanage home so far d child is taken care of there.

1. Since she is concerned about her own child in her womb, why is she taking it on herself to decide the status of the other child?

2. If they abandon that child and disappeared, and that child ends up dead where she is abandoned by them, wouldn't the blood of that poor child be on them both then?

3. If the father of the child decides to kill his own child, then the blood is on his hands, not hers, right?

4. You all speak as though all kids in orphanage homes are better cared for, particularly in a place like Nigeria. I have seen stories of children raised in appalling conditions in so-called orphanages, so I would hesitate to recommend one for any child particularly if the father and mother are still alive.

5. I would rather a child with both father and mother alive be left in a hospice where the father and mother remit a certain amount regularly for its care, rather than advising them to completely abandon the child in an orphanage so they can go on and continue their lives like that child never happened. These children are not born without a heart and emotions to boot.

Princewell2012:
Boss I understand. I don't like the comments coming out from people here. I understand the man is a weak man Yoruba made a proverb. Oribebe ko lo gun orififo. Chopping off the head is not the solution for a headache.

1. The innocent poor girl have come to this world should we cast her into lagoon? This woman too is selfish and wicked how I wish you will understand where am coming from.
2. This is why we are different from the white. an oyibo woman will even love the girl more even more than her mother take it from me. Those people have a different hearts. Africans are very very wicked sets of entity. Our comments reveals it. The Bible says by the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
Check their comments very well you will see a lots of curses insults and abusing here there.
Have a good night.

1. Again, this woman is not the mother of the innocent girl so trying to burden her with the innocent girl makes as much sense as trying to suggest the girl should be thrown away into the lagoon. The one who is responsible for the innocent girl is her father and her mother. They are the main players here who failed her, well, at least her father since the mother tried for 7 years to care for her alone, according to OP.
2. Oyinbo are not imbeciles, nor are they as foolish OK? even an Oyinbo woman cannot make magic happen in this situation. This man ought to have chopped off his dick the moment he realized he had a child with special care needs. He shouldn't have attempted to birth another child or even marry another woman unless he was sure he had enough money to first cater to the one he had.

He makes N15000, and he intends to cater to a second wife, another child, and a special-needs child, how? You can't squeeze blood out of a rock, and that is exactly what this man intended on doing by this situation he created here.

And try to leave the Bible and God's mention out of this which obviously stinks of human wickedness and foolishness all around.

afribabe:
The biological mother is tired. She can't cope again probably because of lack of financial and whatever support from the baby daddy..
The man can't afford a maid.(He earns #15k monthly).
The new wife is 7months pregnant. Even if she has the heart to help, she won't have the physical strength required.
She can't even get a job now to help financially (the child can't be left alone and she is heavily pregnant)
New wife is not happy that she married another woman's husband and is telling husband to go back to his baby mama so they can take care of their child together....
Hmmm it is well.
I pray the little girl gets all the help she needs

How does the little girl gets the help when everyone is encouraging this woman to leave

Princewell2012:
How does the little girl gets the help when everyone is encouraging this woman to leave

Wait a minute...Why can't the man take care of his own child? His ex did it for 7 years, probably all by herself, so why can't he do the same?

Kobojunkie:
Wait a minute...Why can't the man take care of his own child? His ex did it for 7 years, probably all by herself, so why can't he do the same?

Jmm now that the father is not capable, should we allow her to die? Sorry if you understand the meaning of Christian marriage you will not be talking like this.

Kobojunkie:
1. Since she is concerned about her own child in her womb, why is she taking it on herself to decide the status of the other child?

2. If they abandon that child and disappeared, and that child ends up dead where she is abandoned by them, wouldn't the blood of that poor child be on them both then?

3. If the father of the child decides to kill his own child, then the blood is on his hands, not hers, right?

4. You all speak as though all kids in orphanage homes are better cared for, particularly in a place like Nigeria. I have seen stories of children raised in appalling conditions in so-called orphanages, so I would hesitate to recommend one for any child particularly if the father and mother are still alive.

5. I would rather a child with both father and mother alive be left in a hospice where the father and mother remit a certain amount regularly for its care, rather than advising them to completely abandon the child in an orphanage so they can go on and continue their lives like that child never happened. These children are not born without a heart and emotions to boot.

Put ur sef in her situation and advise what u will do in this circumstance and leave people's advise if they don't suit you. That's my own advice, give yours and stop turning yoursef to monitoring spirit. She needs help on what to do cos shes depressed and pregnant at the same time. If shes your younger sister, advice accordingly ehnn and move on or better still go and help them take the child. Have a nice day jare.

Princewell2012:
Jmm now that the father is not capable, should we allow her to die? Sorry if you understand the meaning of Christian marriage you will not be talking like this.

First of all, there is no such thing as a Christian marriage this since Jesus Christ made it abundantly clear that even your marriages have nothing to do with the Kingdom of God, so let's leave the delusions out of this, shall we?

The man, the child's father, first abandoned his child with its mother for 7 years. Now you are seeking to offload responsibility of the same child onto someone else but the child's own flesh and blood, why?,

Blendy77:
1. Put ur sef in her situation and advise what u will do in this circumstance and leave people's advise if they don't suit you.
2. That's my own advice, give yours and stop turning yoursef to monitoring spirit. She needs help on what to do cos shes depressed and pregnant at the same time.
3. If shes your younger sister, advice accordingly ehnn and move on or better still go and help them take the child. Have a nice day jare.

1. She made it abundantly clear she is not ready to take on responsibility of the child and already made up her mind to leave the marriage, so why are we advising her on what to do with a child she already made clear she isn't interested in burdening herself with given her condition?

2. Oh, telling you the OP shouldn't be the one doing anything about the child since she has pretty much washed her hands off turns me into a monitoring spirit but you, on the other hand who keeps on insisting the child should instead be abandoned, tossed out and left to the whims of complete strangers are a angel abi? Ok.

3. She already made up her mind to leave. Even has a date set. The child is no longer her burden to bear. It is the father's. If the father chooses to then abandon or kill the child, let it be on him and him alone.

See a real life demon looking for another demon, dumb bastard!

Nozino:



Go and take care of the child too useless demon

The moment she married that man, she has said yes to sharing the man's problem and that includes the child.

A mother that could leave a special need toddler behind has a mental problem, you don't need an expert to tell you that. The bio mother is not in the picture now and no force on earth can make her take care of the child if she does not want to.

Maybe it's a good call for OP to divorce her husband. As long as she stays married to the man, that child is welcome to live with the dad and she must help in raising him/her. What use is the bio mother's obligation that can't be enforced? Even if OP leaves her husband, she can't force him to do anything for her own child either in Nigeria

Mindlog:


It is the biological father and biological mother that are FIRST OBLIGATED to the child before OP, and both should be the ones to STEP UP as that child is the outcome of their generics not OP's, neither does she appear in the child's birth records.

The biological mother can not be excused neither the biological father as far a psychiatrist has not yet certified them as mentally unfit.

Even if the OP eventually gets divorced, the then ex-husband will still be obligated to their child or in all the divorce cases you have read here on Nairaland, have you ever read where the magistrate pronounced that since the woman has custody of the child/children, the man no longer have obligations towards their child/children?

You this thing from hell, you are a card carrying demon. Your evil soul that made you to want a whole child to suffer neglect has no relationship with light, you are of the dark world and in it you will end. I don't have a cursed sister like you, donate to her to get a maid. Put your money where your mouth is.

Femifasola:

Your soul is of the devil, your mother's soul is from lucifer and your father's soul from pigg. Cursed you are and cursed you will remain forever

Donate your cursed sister to go and take care of the man's needy child and you're running around

Kobojunkie:
So, let's say she and her husband get to abandon this child at an orphanage somewhere, does that mean they can settle to having other kids? Is that how you intend for this to work out for the couple then?

Orphanages don’t take in special needs children. They will probably send her somewhere else.

Kobojunkie:
So, he can't provide for special needs kids but he can provide instead for another one, and maybe many more?

Every father has to be actively involved in their children’s life. Special needs or not.

Nozino:
Orphanages don’t take in special needs child. They will probably send her somewhere else.

So, abandonimg this child at an orphanage idea was not even a reasonable idea to begin with?

OK, so what places would take in and care for such a child without any form of support from the family whatsoever?

Ebymyk:
I'm sorry �... I shouldn't have shown concern.... I'm sorry I asked...

Thank you. I don’t want anyone pressuring OP. She should be allowed to take her time.

Kobojunkie:
So, abandonimg this child at an orphanage idea was not even a reasonable idea to begin with?

OK, so what places would take in and care for such a child without any form of support from the family whatsoever?

No place. No one will do it for free. Centers for children like this do not come cheap.

Princewell2012:

HmmI have read so many comments here, so pathetic. Did she asked a question before saying I do I do? a lot of people don't understand the meaning of marriage. What if reverse is the Case will she be happy if her husband abandoned her? I didn't see any deceit here since she did not ask her man about his past. That little girl needs her help, she should give her the necessary assistant she deserved. It is only God who will give her her reward. In this life everybody have a cross to Carry. Let her Carry her cross in fact this is the time her husband needs her most.

Will you shut up your dirty mouth. Did you go about asking your wives if they have kids before you got married? I know you don’t have sense but isn’t that information your partner is suppose to tell you without asking?


And you know very well if the reverse was the case, you, your family and society would have asked the husband to send the wife away!!

Considering the fact that you are a senseless and stupid person, why would you see any deceit? Do you know the meaning of deceit?

Since you don’t have leprosy, go and care for the child and reap the reward. Or you dy forbid reward?