holocron:
You have been advised not to go anywhere by those who have passed through it but it's unlikely you will heed it until you put your hand in the fire and gain experience first hand that it burns.

You won't listen but still: The best thing for you is to totally forget them and forge on with your life. Concentrate fully on your business or your career or whatever your life's mission is. If you have money to spare you can be sending her child upkeep. If you don't have just forget it and don't even stress yourself. Feel very free. The minute she walked out on you without your permission has absolved you of the child upkeep responsibility. It's up to her to upkeep the child. You can't be upkeeping a child and be labouring to have a say. They will use that child as a weapon to torture and ruin you. Find another woman, younger and more beautiful and have another child or children. Name the new ones the same name as the lost one(s). Rest assured that if you succeed and become successful in life, come what may, the lost ones will surely come back to claim the dividends of their paternity. But if you are a failure, everyone will deny you. OYO will be your lot. You won't accept this advice, but later you will regret not using it.

Sominablack:
Goodevening all, please I need mature advise from the house, my wife left my house for over three months now with my little daughter,though I am still taking care of my little daughter by sending upkeep.
Now my limit daughter is on holiday and called that I should come and visit her, and I ask her to give her mum the phone where I told her mum to come back with my daughter at least for the holiday or send my daughter to her parents (my wifes parent) where i can easily get access to her too.
But my wife said the state of security challenge in the road they will go through to do any of my wish above is a big issue that i should rather come since i am alone and they are two.
House is it advisable i visit for the sake of my daughter? Or what do I do for the sake of my daughters request this holiday?

Quicksilver5:
this is complicated ,a little like mine

Kobojunkie:
You mean you don't want to visit your child because you are more concerned about your ego?

Quicksilver5:
actually the girl is with me, she's the one saying we should come instead

Kobojunkie:
Your estranged wife is asking you to come visit her with your child? Why?,

Quicksilver5:
she left us, me with the two girls, the little one begs to see her mother, I called her but she says we should go meet her instead, I don't see it as fair but as you said it might be ego

holocron:
You have been advised not to go anywhere by those who have passed through it but it's unlikely you will heed it until you put your hand in the fire and gain experience first hand that it burns.

You won't listen but still: The best thing for you is to totally forget them and forge on with your life. Concentrate fully on your business or your career or whatever your life's mission is. If you have money to spare you can be sending her child upkeep. If you don't have just forget it and don't even stress yourself. Feel very free. The minute she walked out on you without your permission has absolved you of the child upkeep responsibility. It's up to her to upkeep the child. You can't be upkeeping a child and be labouring to have a say. They will use that child as a weapon to torture and ruin you. Find another woman, younger and more beautiful and have another child or children. Name the new ones the same name as the lost one(s). Rest assured that if you succeed and become successful in life, come what may, the lost ones will surely come back to claim the dividends of their paternity. But if you are a failure, everyone will deny you. OYO will be your lot. You won't accept this advice, but later you will regret not using it.

Mrsoft3:


Why did she leave in the first place?
It's holiday season and it's right for the child to go spend time with her father,why insisting he comes and stay with them? When she left in the first place?

There is insecurities on the road but the father should take the risk?

Mindlog:


That a relationship/marriage ended and the child is with the mother, does not absolve the father of the child from providing for their child as they both work out on how to go about co-parenting , unless you can cite any law within Nigeria that backs your position on abandonment

Remarrying to have children with another woman in order to "name the new ones the same name as the lost one(s)" is a clear indication of mental health issues without the need for mental status examination.

holocron:


The OP is the one who has been ABANDONED by madam Wife and Child. If you step into the shade, do you expect the sun to follow you there to give you warmth. OP should provide upkeep if he can afford it. The onus to collect it should be the runaway wife, while providing access to the child at the instance of collection.

On the mental health issue, that's a matter of opinion. It can be a good coping mechanism to handle the trauma.

ezugegere:
Go and see your little angel man!

Sominablack:
Update:

I finally summed up courage and went to see my little daughter. My little daughter is well and doing fine of course I have been sending upkeep before now.

However, her mum is not looking as good as when she was with me. After a brief stay and discussion with my little daughter, I decided to take her out to buy some ice cream. Her mother opted to go with us too and in the process we had a heart to heart talk at the eatery. Guess what? Once again she told me i am not the issue that she does not have problem with me that she s gathering herself and that her father had disowned her because of me( they are angry with her for her negative actions towards me)

She told me to go and meet with her family in villa and settle with them since we first went there for a meeting, that I should tell them she does not have issues with me.

My response to her was that she has to tell her family herself that she does not have issues with me and that we have reconciled and not me telling them since she painted a wrong picture of me before them during the initial meeting their villa.

However I made some efforts to reach her fathers elders brother who she always confide in since she claimed not to be in good term with her own father. Response was that she herself has to inform them (her own family)she has no issue with me and that we have reconciled.

She agreed to do so ( communicate her family) but told me to assist her fix up the shop she newly rented for her business through a loan she collected and that when she will tell them about the launch of the shop she will use the opportunity to inform her family I assisted her and that we have reconciled.

I then told her that we have to get things right by truly reconciling with family involvement in the reconciliation process and every other thing will fall in line including the shop but she is insisting I fix up the shop first.

I also told her that since she will be visiting her villa soon to deliver some business good to a relation she should use the opportunity to inform her family that she does not have issue with me but the visit was not the right time to inform them as she may come back that day or pass a night and may not want much people to know she was around in villa.

I told her she does not care about my needs and feelings all these while she has been away despite my efforts but she wants me to do her own bidding. She then said I was giving her condition before helping her.

Men and brethren am not finding her idea of fixing her shop before she would use it as an opportunity to inform her family funny despite the fact she has opportunity to travel home soon which she can use to tell them.

At this juncture, I need ideas and strategies from experienced and matured minds on how I can go about this with her now. Thanks in advance for your inputs.

The case here is if she does not have any issue with me why is she waiting till I fix her shop before informing her family members.

Please if you wish to call me you can reach me at 07037854559. Thanks

Cc:
Lalasticlala
Obinoscopy
Mynd44
Dominique
All moderators

holocron:
You have been advised not to go anywhere by those who have passed through it but it's unlikely you will heed it until you put your hand in the fire and gain experience first hand that it burns.

You won't listen but still: The best thing for you is to totally forget them and forge on with your life. Concentrate fully on your business or your career or whatever your life's mission is. If you have money to spare you can be sending her child upkeep. If you don't have just forget it and don't even stress yourself. Feel very free. The minute she walked out on you without your permission has absolved you of the child upkeep responsibility. It's up to her to upkeep the child. You can't be upkeeping a child and be labouring to have a say. They will use that child as a weapon to torture and ruin you. Find another woman, younger and more beautiful and have another child or children. Name the new ones the same name as the lost one(s). Rest assured that if you succeed and become successful in life, come what may, the lost ones will surely come back to claim the dividends of their paternity. But if you are a failure, everyone will deny you. OYO will be your lot. You won't accept this advice, but later you will regret not using it.

Sominablack:




Update:

I finally summed up courage and went to see my little daughter. My little daughter is well and doing fine of course I have been sending upkeep before now.

However, her mum is not looking as good as when she was with me. After a brief stay and discussion with my little daughter, I decided to take her out to buy some ice cream. Her mother opted to go with us too and in the process we had a heart to heart talk at the eatery. Guess what? Once again she told me i am not the issue that she does not have problem with me that she s gathering herself and that her father had disowned her because of me( they are angry with her for her negative actions towards me)

She told me to go and meet with her family in villa and settle with them since we first went there for a meeting, that I should tell them she does not have issues with me.

My response to her was that she has to tell her family herself that she does not have issues with me and that we have reconciled and not me telling them since she painted a wrong picture of me before them during the initial meeting their villa.

However I made some efforts to reach her fathers elders brother who she always confide in since she claimed not to be in good term with her own father. Response was that she herself has to inform them (her own family)she has no issue with me and that we have reconciled.

She agreed to do so ( communicate her family) but told me to assist her fix up the shop she newly rented for her business through a loan she collected and that when she will tell them about the launch of the shop she will use the opportunity to inform her family I assisted her and that we have reconciled.

I then told her that we have to get things right by truly reconciling with family involvement in the reconciliation process and every other thing will fall in line including the shop but she is insisting I fix up the shop first.

I also told her that since she will be visiting her villa soon to deliver some business good to a relation she should use the opportunity to inform her family that she does not have issue with me but the visit was not the right time to inform them as she may come back that day or pass a night and may not want much people to know she was around in villa.

I told her she does not care about my needs and feelings all these while she has been away despite my efforts but she wants me to do her own bidding. She then said I was giving her condition before helping her.

Men and brethren am not finding her idea of fixing her shop before she would use it as an opportunity to inform her family funny despite the fact she has opportunity to travel home soon which she can use to tell them.

At this juncture, I need ideas and strategies from experienced and matured minds on how I can go about this with her now. Thanks in advance for your inputs.

The case here is if she does not have any issue with me why is she waiting till I fix her shop before informing her family members.

Please if you wish to call me you can reach me at 07037854559. Thanks

Cc:
Lalasticlala
Obinoscopy
Mynd44
Dominique
All moderators

cococandy:
If her issue is not with you, why wouldn’t she pursue reconciliation first before any business ventures?
Sounds weird.

nahzyla:
You sound like a soft hearted guy, it's not a bad thing, your type are usually better and more considerate to their wives in marriage.

However it seems your wife is taking advantage of your soft nature, first of all, don't fix her shop without you two reconciling and getting back together, don't let anybody use your head please.

She went to paint a wrong picture of you to her people and made them see you in poor light and she is still giving you terms and conditions before she rights her wrongs and tells the truth?
She has to tell them herself, come back and be a wife fully before you open shop for her because she could change her mind and decide not to return back to your house or even move on with another man after you finish fixing shop.

Richy4:
If I understand what you posted up there correctly, She was not refusing out rightly? She gave a valid reason which is endangerment not from you but from unforeseen on the road....Do you really want her to endanger your child after stating those facts?..

You can also say that you can't come because of the same reason (insecurity) and speak to her on zoom... She is a kid and little things impresses them...It doesn't even warrant opening a thread

Sominablack:
Goodevening all, please I need mature advise from the house, my wife left my house for over three months now with my little daughter,though I am still taking care of my little daughter by sending upkeep.

Now my limit daughter is on holiday and called that I should come and visit her, and I ask her to give her mum the phone where I told her mum to come back with my daughter at least for the holiday or send my daughter to her parents (my wifes parent) where i can easily get access to her too.

But my wife said the state of security challenge in the road they will go through to do any of my wish above is a big issue that i should rather come since i am alone and they are two.

House is it advisable i visit for the sake of my daughter? Or what do I do for the sake of my daughters request this holiday?

Thanks for your input.

Sominablack:




Update:

I finally summed up courage and went to see my little daughter. My little daughter is well and doing fine of course I have been sending upkeep before now.

However, her mum is not looking as good as when she was with me. After a brief stay and discussion with my little daughter, I decided to take her out to buy some ice cream. Her mother opted to go with us too and in the process we had a heart to heart talk at the eatery. Guess what? Once again she told me i am not the issue that she does not have problem with me that she s gathering herself and that her father had disowned her because of me( they are angry with her for her negative actions towards me)

She told me to go and meet with her family in villa and settle with them since we first went there for a meeting, that I should tell them she does not have issues with me.

My response to her was that she has to tell her family herself that she does not have issues with me and that we have reconciled and not me telling them since she painted a wrong picture of me before them during the initial meeting their villa.

However I made some efforts to reach her fathers elders brother who she always confide in since she claimed not to be in good term with her own father. Response was that she herself has to inform them (her own family)she has no issue with me and that we have reconciled.

She agreed to do so ( communicate her family) but told me to assist her fix up the shop she newly rented for her business through a loan she collected and that when she will tell them about the launch of the shop she will use the opportunity to inform her family I assisted her and that we have reconciled.

I then told her that we have to get things right by truly reconciling with family involvement in the reconciliation process and every other thing will fall in line including the shop but she is insisting I fix up the shop first.

I also told her that since she will be visiting her villa soon to deliver some business good to a relation she should use the opportunity to inform her family that she does not have issue with me but the visit was not the right time to inform them as she may come back that day or pass a night and may not want much people to know she was around in villa.

I told her she does not care about my needs and feelings all these while she has been away despite my efforts but she wants me to do her own bidding. She then said I was giving her condition before helping her.

Men and brethren am not finding her idea of fixing her shop before she would use it as an opportunity to inform her family funny despite the fact she has opportunity to travel home soon which she can use to tell them.

At this juncture, I need ideas and strategies from experienced and matured minds on how I can go about this with her now. Thanks in advance for your inputs.

The case here is if she does not have any issue with me why is she waiting till I fix her shop before informing her family members.

NoToPile:


Sominablack I would advise you this.

Since she has said she doesn't have issues with you and wants the issue resolved so be it.
Does this mean she now loves you? Maybe she has had time to think and appreciates you better now she's been away for 3months, sometimes distance helps. She might just be an immature lady.

That said.

1. Let her tell her family you guys have resolved the issues even if it is informally.

2. After she has told them you guys now have another meeting with the family where you would state that your wife has agreed to come back home to continue living as your wife.

3. I don't get the point of the shop, since she's solving the issues and coming back home why would she need the shop equipped where she is, which I understand is quite far possibly another state from where you are. Whatever business you want to open should be in the area you and your nuclear family lives. You guys should resolve first them move home and open the shop for her.

I hope and pray the resolution goes well.


Thanks notopile, it was within the period she left me she took loan to get the shop which she had already paid for.