I tend to agree with with richvkunt's words but the problem is that at this stage, I doubt if she can still bring herself to make love this type of man who has so thoroughly broken her spirit.

Men can make love to any woman they see but most women can only make love to men they love (or at least have some feeling for). That is why some women "deny" sex to husbands who don't or can't provide for their family. It is not that they are "denying" him sex, they just cannot bring themselves to perform that act. Permit me to say that "Its a woman thing".

@poster, trust me, a lot of women are in your shoes. Men cheat all the time but the bad thing I see in your case is that he is not even being discreet at all.

Try and avoid catching HIV or STDs from him and face your children. Don't let his actions bother you. Just channel all your energies towards your children and keep up your strength for them. They will be your reward.

At poster you need to wake up. Walking around with a used condom. What the hell is wrong with you? He does not want to be married. there is nothing you did that made him a serial cheater. He is a dog. It is up to you if you sill stay with him or not. He has not lied to you. He showed you his true colors

...

Chaircover, thank you jare, allow some people to be saying what they personally cannot condole, the woman has to sit and keep eating shit just because she wants to remain married,

God knows i am not saying she should leave her marraige[b], NEVER, I WILL NEVER SAY SUCH[/b]. Everybody, maritally have issues, nobody will come here and front that their marraige/marraiges is 'row' free, naaahh!!!. The difference is that the issues differ and weighs more than the others, some issues can be tolerated, others can not, the Banker whose life was snuffed out quickly with the help of her husband was in a serious marital issue, but self-denial nko? thinking that it would be better!!! better!!!! and now better!!!! (for her) what about her child that she left behind?.

This case has not reached the level of divorce, trust me, in the sense that she knew who her husband was and what he was upto from the beginning and she decided to keep quiet and let it slide, All i said from the beginning that was embedded in my reasoning was that she should keep tolerating him, abi naa? what can she do, she can never change him, it is too late for that one, she should take care of her CHILDREN, that one, can never be contested, take care of your children, focus more on them, keep doing your rightful duties as the woman of the house, protect yourself from STDs', (i don talk my own), Do things that will make you happy in your marraige, since obviously your husband is not making you happy to an extent, fill it up with other things, (serving God, and other extra-curricular activities).

queenesthr:

I tend to agree with with richvkunt's words but the problem is that at this stage, I doubt if she can still bring herself to make love this type of man who has so thoroughly broken her spirit.

Men can make love to any woman they see but most women can only make love to men they love (or at least have some feeling for). That is why some women "deny" sex to husbands who don't or can't provide for their family. It is not that they are "denying" him sex, they just cannot bring themselves to perform that act. Permit me to say that "Its a woman thing".

@poster, trust me, a lot of women are in your shoes. Men cheat all the time but the bad thing I see in your case is that he is not even being discreet at all.

Try and avoid catching HIV or STDs from him and face your children. Don't let his actions bother you. Just channel all your energies towards your children and keep up your strength for them. They will be your reward.

This is so low of you, so cos a man cant provide for the time been till things pick up, then the woman deny him sXe, well the young shall grow, well the man has grown, and all the while you deny him sex, there are so many ladies out there ready to ope their legs for him,the wife can sit there and cry all day, but there are other women ready to do her job for her, am so so ashamed of most of the remark of the black ladies here, a man will be a man and let it be.

@ Poster, most of the ladies here saying you should do this and that are single and not even married, most of them are even in secondary school and spend all their time on nairaland,well their time will come, life is short and long, aint it.'

queenesthr:

I tend to agree with with richvkunt's words but the problem is that at this stage, I doubt if she can still bring herself to make love this type of man who has so thoroughly broken her spirit.

Men can make love to any woman they see but most women can only make love to men they love (or at least have some feeling for). That is why some women "deny" sex to husbands who don't or can't provide for their family. It is not that they are "denying" him sex, they just cannot bring themselves to perform that act. Permit me to say that "Its a woman thing".

@poster, trust me, a lot of women are in your shoes. Men cheat all the time but the bad thing I see in your case is that he is not even being discreet at all.

Try and avoid catching HIV or STDs from him and face your children. Don't let his actions bother you. Just channel all your energies towards your children and keep up your strength for them. They will be your reward.

Very intelligent post.

@Gayi OP,
Please go back to my first post at number 29,and read it and digest it very well.
I am on your side and the side of women on this forum.
Do not listen to feminists like chaircover,ronkebp,stillwater,outstrip,debrief08,andromida,jennykadry and company-They are only out to mislead you while they stay ensconced in their marriages and relationships while advising you to leave yours.
Some of them do not even have any man to call their own but are bastions of knowledge when it comes to advising other women to abandon their relationships.
I am telling you they are not better than you as per marriage.
Please take their advise with a pinch of salt,because I can see that they are suceeding in convincing you to jump ship.
Think twice before you act once.
GOODLUCK!

Richvkunt:

@Gayi OP,
Please go back to my first post at number 29,and read it and digest it very well.
I am on your side and the side of women on this forum.
Do not listen to feminists like chaircover,ronkebp,stillwater,outstrip,debrief08,andromida,jennykadry and company-They are only out to mislead you while they stay ensconced in their marriages and relationships while advising you to leave yours.
Some of them do not even have any man to call their own but are bastions of knowledge when it comes to advising other women to abandon their relationships.
I am telling you they are not better than you as per marriage.
Please take their advise with a pinch of salt,because I can see that they are suceeding in convincing you to jump ship.
Think twice before you act once.
GOODLUCK!

I can truely see that you need 'glasses of understanding' if there is any like that , where in all my post did you read my advise to the poster that she should leave her marraige, ?

..

@Ronkebp and chaircover,
This message is always implied in all your posts.
Ah!How can you take this?
Which kind of man is this?
Poster,stay there.
Hmnn! Na Waa oh!
Na marriage be this?
Na Man be this?
Na husband be this?
Poster wake up!
And so on and so forth.

While I accept that my posts may sound harsh to women,I believe I am actually helping them to cope with very difficult situations,and while I do not believe in love,I have no beef with anyone who does and I try never to encourage anyone,male or female to leave a relationship.
You went into the relationship with your eyes wide open,stay in it and try to fight to improve it!

...

^^^
I think we should leave the OP to make her decision in peace.
She has not been posting for sometime.just hope she has not gone and taken a rash decision based on your advice.

now you want to blame thread contributors for a decision made by a matured lady, who continually come accross s.per.m on her man's clothing after
sleeping with women outside? Richv, are you for real?
it must be still rough living in nigeria in the 21st century *smh*

Richvkunt:

^^^
I think we should leave the OP to make her decision in peace.
She has not been posting for sometime.just hope she has not gone and taken a rash decision based on your advice.

...

i do not know why some men take faithful women for granted. there also women out there that sleep with anything, even sleep with their husband's friends or any man that ask them out just for the fun of it, there is nothing that their husband would do to satisfy such women. so let put the husband in his wife's shoes whereby the wife keeps cheating on him for the past 11 years, that will cause emotional breakdown on anybody be it man or woman and bitterness. to worsen the event the husband is not discreet about all his extra marital affairs that is disgusting. i praise this woman for having the courage staying with a serial cheater for 11 years. it is totally different if he is discreet about it and she knows nothing, but cheating to the wife's face not by mistake but all the time is unreasonable. men push good wives into other men hands because short term enjoyment. men should Also remember that time will always come that they would need their wives the most , for example  what happens to a man that was pphysicallyaALright then all of a sudden the becomes physically paralysed all the mistress will run away because he is not their problem but just a sex partner, then he will have no option but his the wife. how to do think the wife will treat him after all the mental and emotional abuse ?men should think about the future not only today because nobody knows what can happen. wives are men companion in times of crisis and need so if you treat her good she will equally do the same when you need her. my advise for the wife is to take care of yourself and kids, do things you like to keep you busy in-order to decrease the feeling of being lonely and save money for the future .

armyofone:

now you want to blame thread contributors for a decision made by a matured lady, who continually come accross s.per.m on her man's clothing after
sleeping with women outside? Richv, are you for real?
it must be still rough living in nigeria in the 21st century *smh*

OP,
you are strictly advised to ignore all posts of this person,if you want to maintain your marriage.

chaircover:

I beg your pardon  . . . .  .

How are you so sure that she isnt taking your advise and is at this moment running his bath after giving him a good meal and is now getting ready to give him good sex and let him take nuude pictures of her.

Then she would be a very intelligent woman,fighting to maintain her marriage,by the way chaircover,you forgot the pedicure/manicure and the alcoholic beverage part.

Richvkunt:

@Ronkebp and chaircover,
This message is always implied in all your posts.
Ah!How can you take this?
Which kind of man is this?
Poster,stay there.
Hmnn! Na Waa oh!
Na marriage be this?
Na Man be this?
Na husband be this?
Poster wake up!
And so on and so forth.

While I accept that my posts may sound harsh to women,I believe I am actually helping them to cope with very difficult situations,and while I do not believe in love,I have no beef with anyone who does and I try never to encourage anyone,male or female to leave a relationship.
You went into the relationship with your eyes wide open,stay in it and try to fight to improve it!

Rich, i really did not want to bring this up, but seriously, if you are a serious advocate of marraiges being kept, and no divorce, why did you divorce your wife or vice versa?, please i do not mean any insult by my asking, just out of curiousity and i gat to know from one your other posts,

lol, you made me laugh so hard Richv
stop drawing us back to the stone age please.
manicure and pedicure ko, why not ask her to carry lawn mower to shave his private area and bring the women home for 2 or 3some, while OP serve them food and drinks on the bed and do some waitressing for them
you know, i think you must be joking.

^^ Sweetheart what are we doing for this week

armyofone:

lol, you made me laugh so hard Richv
stop drawing us back to the stone age please.
manicure and pedicure ko, why not ask her to carry lawn mower to shave his private area and bring the women home for 2 or 3some, while OP serve them food and drinks on the bed and do some waitressing for them
you know, i think you must be joking.

No I am not joking-go back and read my first post.

ronkebp:

Rich, i really did not want to bring this up, but seriously, if you are a serious advocate of marraiges being kept, and no divorce, why did you divorce your wife or vice versa?, please i do not mean any insult by my asking, just out of curiousity and i gat to know from one your other posts,

Not annoyed.
The fact that my marriage collapsed does not mean I should advocate against people who still have their marriage/relationship intact.
I made my mistakes and I live with them,but that does not mean I should be anti-marriage.

Richvkunt:

Not annoyed.
The fact that my marriage collapsed does not mean I should advocate against people who still have their marriage/relationship intact.
I made my mistakes and I live with them,but that does not mean I should be anti-marriage.

Thank you for replying, i am not anti-marraige, if i were i will not get marraige, but i will not stand for a marraige that one will not enjoy, do you know what it is like, for one to wake up every morning to look at that husband/wife that seriously irritates you? especially from abuse,(physically and verbally) someone who you cannot trust and misbehaves everywhere and anywhere with anything. Marraige is to be enjoyed, to an extent, like i said to the Poster to chanel her energy to things that would make her happy not worrying about who her husband is presently bashing even as i type this,

ronkebp:

Thank you for replying, i am not anti-marraige, if i were i will not get marraige, but i will not stand for a marraige that one will not enjoy, do you know what it is like, for one to wake up every morning to look at that husband/wife that seriously irritates you? especially from abuse,(physically and verbally) someone who you cannot trust and misbehaves everywhere and anywhere with anything. Marraige is to be enjoyed, to an extent, like i said to the Poster to chanel her energy to things that would make her happy not worrying about who her husband is presently bashing even as i type this,

You can not be sure of the bolded.
Please encourage this women and stop trying to depress her.Let us help her fight to keepher marriage.
I tell you it is no fun being divorced.Especially for the kids.Of course everyone labels you a failure.
Please think about it for a second!

If you believe that is a husband, remain in the marriage, simple.

and you think an emotionally abuse home is good for the kids?

Richvkunt:

You can not be sure of the bolded.
Please encourage this women and stop trying to depress her.Let us help her fight to keepher marriage.
I tell you it is no fun being divorced.Especially for the kids.Of course everyone labels you a failure.
Please think about it for a second!

Richvkunt:

You can not be sure of the bolded.
Please encourage this women and stop trying to depress her.Let us help her fight to keepher marriage.
I tell you it is no fun being divorced.Especially for the kids.Of course everyone labels you a failure.
Please think about it for a second!

The bolded was just an exagyration, i was only going by how loose she said her hubby was,, Ok Rich, with all you have said, what do you sincerely think she should do to her husband situation?

I really appreciate all your efforts in putting your thoughts down hear to help my situation. I dcannot say i have not weighed all the options available for me. I am old enough to know exactly when to quit and when to stay put. Sometimes you hear marriages of say 25yrs or 30yrs hitting the rocks. The problem did not just start and end in that 30th yr. It might have been a case like mine and like the woman weighed options and found out that leaving at the 11th or 10th yr of the marriage would have destroyed the children psych and attitude towards life. like i said i can go to any length and take anything just to make sure i raise goodly and godly children. My desire is to make my children to be better than me in all ramifications. Mind you we have a God that sees and knows all things. You see you appreciate love when you live with someone who dodoesn't love, in Nigeria today we all appreciate good governance because we have lived under leaders that do not govern well. So you see (sorry to dwel on it) Richvkunt may have a point because he is living in a similar situation. However, i really appreciate the views of many of the women here, the men will only get to understand these feelings and expressions when they put themselves in the woman's shoes. And a point of correction for some views that point at the bible and trace Roman history to back up their propositions for marital infidelity, you must learn to read objectively and always remember that God's gift of freewill is not to be used erroneously. Furthermore, I strongly believe in the words of my spiritual director, "My daughter nobody can resist love, it maybe very difficult but you must try. Pray for the grace to love him" Yes it is quite to continue to love such a man but, "His grace is sufficient for us". Being a mother and father to my children will not be easy and certainly will not give me the best results. I might be suffering the consequences now but His grace is sufficient for me. Somehow i feel really sorry for him, for i see a man wallowing in his own bad habits. he has a deposit of God in him. do you guys know that when he prays, the whole place is filled with God's anointing, but you see sin has a way of eating deep into one's soul that it makes you not to desire to pray so that you will continue living in sin. He does not pray anymore, he gives exccuses not to go to church, uses work as an excuse not to join in any church activity. I have tried to analyse him thoroughly, and i discover that his growing up has contributed a lot to his behaviour. An only son of 3 children, that had his way with anything and raised by his mother for according to sources the mother was the bread winner and father was no good. So you see ladies, i cshould not repeat history and recycle the same products of children into the society. Somewhere, somehow, later in life one or all of their wives will be here or some other space writing this same thing. As he is not vicious, we will try and work the sxe aspect out if he wants to. I really appreciate all of u. Thank you and God bless y'all.

Gayi:

I really appreciate all your efforts in putting your thoughts down hear to help my situation. I dcannot say i have not weighed all the options available for me. I am old enough to know exactly when to quit and when to stay put. Sometimes you hear marriages of say 25yrs or 30yrs hitting the rocks. The problem did not just start and end in that 30th yr. It might have been a case like mine and like the woman weighed options and found out that leaving at the 11th or 10th yr of the marriage would have destroyed the children psych and attitude towards life. like i said i can go to any length and take anything just to make sure i raise goodly and godly children. My desire is to make my children to be better than me in all ramifications. Mind you we have a God that sees and knows all things. You see you appreciate love when you live with someone who dodoesn't love, in Nigeria today we all appreciate good governance because we have lived under leaders that do not govern well. So you see (sorry to dwel on it) Richvkunt may have a point because he is living in a similar situation. However, i really appreciate the views of many of the women here, the men will only get to understand these feelings and expressions when they put themselves in the woman's shoes. And a point of correction for some views that point at the bible and trace Roman history to back up their propositions for marital infidelity, you must learn to read objectively and always remember that God's gift of freewill is not to be used erroneously. Furthermore, I strongly believe in the words of my spiritual director, "My daughter nobody can resist love, it maybe very difficult but you must try. Pray for the grace to love him" Yes it is quite to continue to love such a man but, "His grace is sufficient for us". Being a mother and father to my children will not be easy and certainly will not give me the best results. I might be suffering the consequences now but His grace is sufficient for me. Somehow i feel really sorry for him, for i see a man wallowing in his own bad habits. he has a deposit of God in him. do you guys know that when he prays, the whole place is filled with God's anointing, but you see sin has a way of eating deep into one's soul that it makes you not to desire to pray so that you will continue living in sin. He does not pray anymore, he gives exccuses not to go to church, uses work as an excuse not to join in any church activity. I have tried to analyse him thoroughly, and i discover that his growing up has contributed a lot to his behaviour. An only son of 3 children, that had his way with anything and raised by his mother for according to sources the mother was the bread winner and father was no good. So you see ladies, i cshould not repeat history and recycle the same products of children into the society. Somewhere, somehow, later in life one or all of their wives will be here or some other space writing this same thing. As he is not vicious, we will try and work the sxe aspect out if he wants to. I really appreciate all of u. Thank you and God bless y'all.

The Lord is your Strength, he will strengthen you and give you wisdom, it is well my dear, it is well. (just pray for him, and you will see that God will anwer your prayers). My mum used to tell me that i should pray for the things i want my husband to be and those things i do not like in him, i should pray them out of his life, you should have your own private alter, where you can go on your knees and pray for your family, when things are going on smoothly and when they are not. and you will definitely see a turn around. God bless you too.

may God be with you, stay strong as you decided to pitch your tent with him and stay. keep condom handy because you want to live for the children you are protecting (yes sleeping around, he can get HIV, STD etc) so be careful.
it is well, amen and cheers.

...

This lady was never looking for advise. Her mind was made up even before she posted here. May God not let that man kill you.