chaircover:

Deciding to stay in a bad marriage or move on is a very hard decision. There are no guarantees that life will be better on the other side and so its not a decision to be taken lightly especially when children,  life and health are involved

I am often reluctant to tell a woman or a man to leave their marriages because I have seen terrible marriages suddenly turn round for good; I know of a couple whose marriage was so bad, the guy didn't even turn up for his own first child's naming ceremony simply because he asked his wife to abort the pregnancy of his own first chikd and she didnt. He used to bring girlfriends to his matrimonial home but the wife persevered and if you see the couple today you wont believe it. Its like they are on permanent honeymoon.

. . . . . . but I do also know of a great deal of bad marriages that just continue to get worse over the years.

We all have different thresholds, situations, baggage etc and so have to sit down and weigh our own options/situations before making such a life changing decision. What worked for A may not work for B

One thing I do agree with is that a bad marriage puts the brakes on ones life and everything just grinds to a halt and people with good marriages tend to be more successful & enriched in other areas of their lives. (I am not just referring to financial success)

The poster has decided to stay and make things work with her husband and we can only but to respect her decision. It is her cross to bear at the end of the day and she will be in the best position to decide how to carry it.

Debrief your sharing your story is very brave of you and I believe that someone somewhere is touched by it and is able to learn from it.

Yes,the capo di tutti of the family forum has spoken.
So all feminist foot soldiers need to shut up!
The woman has decided to stick to her husband,warts and all.
If you are not happy,please go and divorce your husband or break up with your partner in order to reach your delayed or.gasm.
Advising innocent women to leave their relationships when you are in worst situations(Vile,disgusting violent, and abusive relationships)
When you point a finger,the remaining ones point back at you.
Rubbish.Am done with these fake internet gangsta b1tches.
Moderators,PPLLEEAASSEEEEE!

jennykadry:

So because a man provides for me , i should stay in the house and accept his cheating habits? so he is using his money to bribe you? oma se ooooo what are you doing? can't you look for a job yourself? or you are sitting down at home doing madam and watching African magic. .

If na me say women must work the same women would bring out their knife.

How would someone unemployed without any means of feeding herself and kids leave a relationship thats threatening to take her life.

Richvkunt:


Yes,the capo di tutti of the family forum has spoken.
So all feminist foot soldiers need to shut up!
The woman has decided to stick to her husband,warts and all.
If you are not happy,please go and divorce your husband or break up with your partner in order to reach your delayed or.gasm.
Advising innocent women to leave their relationships when you are in worst situations(Vile,disgusting violent, and abusive relationships)
When you point a finger,the remaining ones point back at you.
Rubbish.Am done with these fake internet gangsta b1tches.
Moderators,PPLLEEAASSEEEEE!

You sound bitter than the lady gan in question, oga ju!!!!, all this one for faceless people that you cannot see, if you kon see them nko?,

^^^
Am pissed because I am talking from experience.
Women talk any how and feel they are just gossiping.
However that is how they convince poor innocent women to leave their husbands while they stay put in their own relationships.
Follow the thread from the begining and see how happy they were when it seemed Gayi was gonna leave her husband,her marriage and her home,then juxtapose their vile and wicked comments after the lady decided she was gonna stick with her husband despite his faults.She was going to try and make things work.
Of course the enemies of progress were not happy.
That is to say they would be rejoicing if the woman had decided to leave her marriage.
With friends like that,who needs enemies?
Sorry if I sounded pi.ssed,but this is exactly how my own divorce started-people not minding their business.
However I apologise if I insulted anyone but I so much wanted these people to suceed in their marriage

eating atarodo moin moin loaf w/ blueberry yoghurt and laughing so hard
Richv, come and share my meal, cheer up eh, e don do. you've called all contributors to the thread names and still dey vex?
irie irie mon

@ronkebp, anybody who knows me in real life knows I fit the profile of the ideal husband (tall,dark,good looks,viciously independent and free minded). I am also a realist and I don't dwell on fantasies. Life is too short for that. I call a spade what it is. If that makes me an "evil man" in your world, then so be it. Men like me are actually the happiest coz we go into the world with our eyes open. We are not brainwashed with new age feminazi ideology. We know how things work. We know how to treat women better than some of the wimps who come here talking trash and thinking that will get them laid. We are also very perceptive and have no room for nonsense. The moment a lady thinks she has us in her trap and dancing to her whims, we rip her serpentine scales of and hang her on a spike to dry! Done with! Nuff said! ! !

harakiri:

@ronkebp, anybody who knows me in real life knows I fit the profile of the ideal husband (tall,dark,good looks,viciously independent and free minded). I am also a realist and I don't dwell on fantasies. Life is too short for that. I call a spade what it is. If that makes me an "evil man" in your world, then so be it. Men like me are actually the happiest coz we go into the world with our eyes open. We are not brainwashed with new age feminazi ideology. We know how things work. We know how to treat women better than some of the wimps who come here talking trash and thinking that will get them laid. We are also very perceptive and have no room for nonsense. The moment a lady thinks she has us in her trap and dancing to her whims, we rip her serpentine scales of and hang her on a spike to dry! Done with! Nuff said! ! !

Good for you Harakiri!!!!

Richvkunt:

^^^
Am pissed because I am talking from experience.
Women talk any how and feel they are just gossiping.
However that is how they convince poor innocent women to leave their husbands while they stay put in their own relationships.
Follow the thread from the begining and see how happy they were when it seemed Gayi was gonna leave her husband,her marriage and her home,then juxtapose their vile and wicked comments after the lady decided she was gonna stick with her husband despite his faults.She was going to try and make things work.
Of course the enemies of progress were not happy.
That is to say they would be rejoicing if the woman had decided to leave her marriage.
With friends like that,who needs enemies?
Sorry if I sounded pi.ssed,but this is exactly how my own divorce started-people not minding their business.
However I apologise if I insulted anyone but I so much wanted these people to suceed in their marriage

I gat you, thank God for life, we learn from every mistake, and hope not to make anymore (if possible), The truth is most women here practise empathy, (putting themselves in the posters shoes) not that they really want her marraige to break, if she leaves her hubby will she pack to my house? no naa!!!.

armyofone:

eating atarodo moin moin loaf w/ blueberry yoghurt and laughing so hard
Richv, come and share my meal, cheer up eh, e don do. you've called all contributors to the thread names and still dey vex?
irie irie mon

Very funny, infact i feel like eating that moin moin, my blender will not let me cook moin-moin, i don change blender tire,

...

chaircover:

try soaking the beans in warm water for a couple of hours. it will soften them enough for you to blend.

i do that oooo, infact what i also do, is peel of the skin, and put it in the freezer (in large quantities), and as i need it, i bring it out and allow it to thaw, i only blend enough quantity for akara (bean cake), but moi-moi? the quantity i will blend is already giving me phobia,

Make una leave richy. Him wife kick his sorry azz out of the house and divorced him so he still dey hyperventilate. Sorry you hear, e go  better.

@CC
Who cares if she wants to stay with that ashewo of a man? if you wanno advise her on how to stay and make her marriage work(since she's decided to stay),go ahead and do so. Some of us are not willing to give such advise. It's not by force to agree with whatever she's decided to stick with. She brought her issues here and me I will reply as I deem fit, not minding whatever her decision maybe. Her decision her wahala, but if you people are expecting me to dry her tears, i'ro ni ooooo. not when STD and HIV is involved. God have mercy on those kids.

@richy
Go and check your BP. The thing is rising to the roof right now. I am a feminist oya hug transformer. Loser oshi , thumbs up to that woman that dumped your sorry impotent azz for a more fruitful and less ''barren'' man. Oga watery spermatozoa oshi . See ya man plummmmmpy bosoms like zobo. C'non find ya way to the gym eediot.

I have always advocated that Divorce should never be an option in marriage situations, at worst it should be the last. Today's modern women and men have lost courage to fight for what belongs to them. The effect of divorce on children is certainly unimaginable . i commend and appreciate ur courage to stick to your family, its very rare.

I would advise that hence forth, u refuse him sex, except he is putting on a condom, do not bulge to his rage for demanding for a condom, he would certainly feel an inner sense of guilt over your demand.

Secondly get his view on the future of your marriage, getting married is not the end of the struggle in any relationship, its actually the beginning of another stage and phase of struggle of the relationship, which is keeping the marriage. i just hope u are not not idle because if u r, that would double the effect of the pain u feel.

Another advice i would give to u is to make your self attractive again, look beautiful, enough to make him salivate and yearn for u. giving birth is not the end of a woman's beauty, steal his attention by looking attractive and make him feel uncomfortable at your new attractive looks.

Remain prayerful and steadfast, "the heart of the king is in God's hands, he twists and turns it as he wishes"

Please do not leave your home, concentrate on your children and your job, i know it really hurts cos u really love your husband, remain faithful and prayerful and talk to someone who has got positive influence over him, someone he respects and holds in high esteem.

jennykadry:

Make una leave richy. Him wife kick his sorry azz out of the house and divorced him so he still dey hyperventilate. Sorry you hear, e go  better.



@richy
Go and check your BP. The thing is rising to the roof right now. I am a feminist oya hug transformer. Loser oshi , thunbs up to that woman that dumped your sorry impotent azz for a more fruitful and less ''barren'' man. Oga watery spermatozoa oshi . See ya man plummmmmpy bosoms like zobo. C'non find ya way to the gym eediot.

Jenny,
Your obsession with my life and my divorce is starting to get veerry scary.
You read all my posts religiously and make sure you mention my name and single me out so that I know you are talking to me.
I just hope you are not stalking me cos its begining to look weird.
Or are you a Viewer?
Lady,please your obsession with the anatomy of a man you have never seen before sounds funny and absurd.
Baby,you don't know nothing about me,so stop assuming you do.

LMAO@Gallery Dancing.To be expected as usual.chior

Read only the OP's first post and mine is,OP:
Get a job(if u are unemployed) and a new life.(a hobby,something to keep u positively occupied)life's short.
Protect urself from STD's
Secure ur kids future and education.
Arm urself with a d.ild0(IF needed)
Enjoy ur life as much as possible.

The decision to seperate,divorce or stay is urs to make as u'd be the one to live with the consequences.IMO,It's only but a cheat,worthless,self hating and jobless(depends&eats from the cheat) fella that wud hang on to a "serial",non-repentant cheat.

Goodluck with ur decision and marriage.
btw,marriage is NOT for everybody,some are created for games and formed to kiss all rose and frog.

Stay strong my child 4 u'r never alone

...

^^ Heaven helps those who help themselves. Why should I empathize with a woman who's not ready to help herself? The silly excuse of ''he gives me money'' is even the worst of them all. I have no iota of respect for this lady neither do I feel any pity for her. When she's done drowning in this mysery, she might start reasoning like an intelligent woman and not the opposite. I only feel for her kids. God have mercy on them.

jennykadry:

^^ Heaven helps those who help themselves. Why should I empathize with a woman who's not ready to help herself? The silly excuse of ''he gives me money'' is even the worst of them all. I have no iota of respect for this lady neither do I feel any pity for her. When she's done drowning in this mysery, she might start reasoning like an intelligent woman and not the opposite. I only feel for her kids. God have mercy on them.

this is the kind of crap i warned the OP she would get if she listened to the children and internet Nigerians. She was wise enough to ignore thwm, but it seems they are so full of thier crap that they have to castigate the poor woman for not allowing herself to be misled.

^^ obsessed with me ehn? Shove your fist up your azz and suck on it. That will keep you busy. Fu/cktard

My dear this is too bad , but in life there is nothing that is greater than prayer you will always over come if you pray, the idea that all men cheat is not true but its how you have been disappointed on several occasions , i pray that you will heal and God will make a way

Well the simple truth is that- this ur husband has been sweared on, sweared for, sweared against, and sweared awsy, how do you cope emotionally with a philandering dyke? fear of contracting 'things', u sef u get mind o. Is his pp diamond-encrusted that u cant jump all these while? 10yrs cheating hubby? Abego, i cant play chess with my life-STDs, and all

You said :"Many women in Nigeria want to just marry --- like just the OP, she knew darn well that she was marrying a cheater. But she ignored all the glaring signs --- these women don't realize these types of problems, until years in marriage. Remember the culture in Nigeria is if you're a woman and not married, you are useless." I am not Nigerian, but married to a Nigerian man, anyway, 80% of the women in my country would kick his ass out of the door, making him pay alimentary for the children and look for a job to provide the rest. And I would do the same with my husband, if I ever experienced him cheating me (yet of course I know he doesn´t :-) ), What I do not understand that a woman that is not married should be useless? Women who are as educated as men earn their own livinghood - most important. Anyway they care for the children and have a most important challenge in educating them properly. If one considers an unmarried woman useless, you could say the same about an unmarried man. Or is there anything, an man makes different, if he doesn´t want to take responsibility in a partnership? I haven´t been married for some years, anyway because I didn´t want to marry. It just gives you more jobs to do. If your husband doesn´t support you with work in the household, you not only have a job and children to care for, but wash his dirty clothing and iron it, cook, care for him - this is just like having another child! And if he uses his energy outside, then this girls can eagerly have the rest of the job, too!

my dear it is your choice. you place you life in teh hands of a man who obviously cares nothing for you each time you sleep with him being condoms are not 100% effective and some diseases are not protected agaist at all with condom use. you can continue your life as you have been and risk dying anyday, remain married without sex or with your own lover or you can stand up for yourself and demand to be treated like a human being as opposed to a door mat by leaving him and having a dignified life

As you made your bed, so lie therein mrs somebody.

@Jenny - Take it easy. The woman wants to mend her marriage. You are now making a mess of whatever point you think you have.

^^^ STfU. Azzhole

jennykadry:

^^^ STfU. Azzhole

Whatever. Just take it easy.

I can't believe that a man can really be so brainless,imagine one of em boasting of bedding divorcees and u thinks that makes u a man,well,it makes u a waste of space,a garbage fit for the bin.OP,I must say that for you to be able to hang on to a worthless man for 10yrs or so,you can as well stick it out the rest of your life.Anyone that tells you that every man cheats is a liar from the hottest part of hell whose intent is to twist and distort normal pattern of reasoning.Staying with the man or leaving him is your choice but don't think there is anything heroic about being worthless and pathetic before your kids.U don't ve to divorce the man but you can separate from him as he is a threat to your life.I wonder the women that will marry this low lives that call themselves men and talk like fools.I am married,I have kids,A woman must have a limit.Cheating is not part of the deal.Get a life of your own and pray from a distance.

I don't know why people think divorce is the end of the world . . . I'm not praying for it for anybody oh. But c'mon . . . .
I know a woman who was married for just five years and had two daughters. Hubby wouldn't keep his pr1ck to himself and she walked out.
Today she's raised those girls to be wonderful and women; the elder's a medical doctor, also married to a medical doctor, bothe living and working in the US. She never re-married but went ahead to create a successful career for herself!
IMO, walking out of a bad marrigae won't hurt the children . . . staying will!

@ OP, last year December i could have written this post myself. My relationship was in shambles, came on NL family section posted my problems and well got pretty much the same response you got, from the same people. Listen work on your relationship as you have promised to do, things will change for you like they have for me. Ask g-d to help you and change your husbands attitude. You will see changes in him, he will return to teh man you originally fell in love with. Im also in this relationship for 10 years like you so i know. Today my home is happier place there is more understanding and appreciation. It does get better but it takes hard work. GL and you can do it.

agiboma: @ OP, last year December i could have written this post myself. My relationship was in shambles, came on NL family section posted my problems and well got pretty much the same response you got, from the same people. Listen work on your relationship as you have promised to do, things will change for you like they have for me. Ask g-d to help you and change your husbands attitude. You will see changes in him, he will return to teh man you originally fell in love with. Im also in this relationship for 10 years like you so i know. Today my home is happier place there is more understanding and appreciation. It does get better but it takes hard work. GL and you can do it.

Glad things are working out but your post does not help much. What exactly happened to make things better?

Well I worked on it my goal has always been to make the family work so my children dont grow up fatherless like i did. That was my motivation. So i started to see the route cause of the decay in my marriage and their where many, i started on the issues that where dividing us.

1.) Me being in another country for extended period of time, i went back to my home country for 18 months. This made hubby feel like i was not interested, nor did i want him to play a major role in bringing up our son. We decided that its not enough for him to visit every few months but i need to relocate permanently to Nigeria so he can feel more comforteble. I have done that.

2.) Money was another issue, he thought that i spent to much and demanded a lot from him. I decided to open up my business and day by day i am becoming more independant. My husband has seen the potential in my business and the work that i put into it daily and that has been a major turning point for us, as he is happy what i have done and im currently doing, he actually tells me he is prod of me.

3.) Reduce the nagging, i try not to complain that much put look past his shortcomings and i actually acknowledge his strenghts, he is a wonderful father and a great provider to me and my son, i let him know this and he know beleives that i see him that way and has softned up to me more.

4.) We talk more we still have issues our marriage is not perfect by any means, but we communicate and let each other know what is going on in our world. These days we work as a team and not independant contractors.

5.)We are both committed to raising our growing family and have an objective in mind, that we are working towards.

6.) I take time now to bring back the romance in our relationship and appearently it has worked well in many ways .

7.) I now have a good understanding of what triggers his anger, and i know know its best to let the anger subside and they try to communicate with him. Start to see him as a person that brings joy into your life and not misery, that change of perception is very important.

@ op get to know your husband again, you will be surprised to find out how you enjoy him again.GL