Am not a good writer so forgive any grammar error or spellings.

One thing I want to believe is that you have not poured your heart about how you feel about the betrayal. My suggestion is both of you alone in a room. Sit him down tell him to shut up and not say a word not even sorry when you are talking. Tell him how you grew to trust him, married him and how that trust was broken with his betrayal (cry � if you feel like crying or shout if you feel like shouting). Pour out every bit of grief, disappointment, betrayal, no forgiveness and even the hate you have in your heart.

On this part you are responsible for your judgement. If he apologizes after you have said your heart I want to believe you'll be able to sense if he is remorseful or pretending. This is where you'll make your choice of either forgiving him or not. If you chose forgiving him then you'll let him know you he'll have start over gaining your trust like when he was asking you out. That means you have become insecure around him. Be sure to make him apologize specifically for everything he has wrong you word for word for example 'I am sorry for falsifying the price of the land and collecting you money'

NOTE: TO GET PASS FORGIVENESS YOU MUST NEVER TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

If you chose to forgive, do it because of you alone and not for anybody.


It helped while I was dating

I applaud him admitting and humbling himself to ask for your forgiveness. He is good man. Accept him back and create that beautiful future for your children. Always Remember you have hurt people too and they forgive you.
As for your father, assure him both of you are good.

My sister, when your head clear, make you remember say na just because of 200k (money wey people dey go blow for club), na him wan make your marriage crash o! The 200k you lost, is it really worth all these troubles and more to come?
My approach to life is that if things go wrong, the question should not be who is right or wrong. But the issue should be how do you find a solution to the challenge.
If you like go follow the advice of all these unmarried people on nairaland telling you to leave your marriage. It's your marriage not theirs and you will bear the consequences of any decision you take.
I suggest you both speak to an elderly couple you both respect! There is nothing that cannot be fixed.

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always
No insult please, I have cried enough.

You have an unforgiving spirit.
What he did is bad but isn't hat big of a deal. How can you hold grudge for this long?

What if he impregnated another woman you'll kill him

Kill that pride in you before it kills you.

All of you are ment…. Your husband oooo, You oooo alll of Una Dey ment…. You should be wearing pant and riding tyre inside rain than getting married….

My daughter, sorry you hear. Wipe your tears. I understand that feeling of betrayal and lack of remorse afterwards.

The good news is that he appears to be truly repentant and your two families are involved. He will think twice before betraying you again or deliberately misbehaving.

Give love another chance sweetheart. What you both have is so beautiful and rare. Protect it. You'll be happy, your children will also be huge beneficiaries.

May God heal you and your home. Hugs.

MufasaLion:
You don't need such a stupid, lazy, insensitive and selfish man in your life or your kids'. Move on and continue to provide for yourself and your kids. He abandoned you for months and was trying to manipulate you emotionally when you went to pack things, don't be deceived.

Don't let his family's plead to deceive you. That man can never change. That's his personality and once you go back and deliver that baby, you will be trapped!

You can do well without him! Marriage is not an achievement. There are many successful people in the world raised by single mothers. Don't let the society define your happiness!

She said she needs a father figure in her kids life, you can't just wave that aside if that's how she feels and want things to be.

Good, and I will tell u what that conductor told me that day: let d 200k provide all d responsibilities dt d man would've provided as a husband. Let the 200k provide d father figure, mentorship and protection for her and her kidz!
Shikena!

missimelda01:

You cannot forgive a person that hasn't acknowledged his fault and ask for forgiveness. It's as simple as that but the need to support your gender will not let you calm down and read the write up properly.

MufasaLion:
You don't need such a stupid, lazy, insensitive and selfish man in your life or your kids'. Move on and continue to provide for yourself and your kids. He abandoned you for months and was trying to manipulate you emotionally when you went to pack things, don't be deceived.

Don't let his family's plead to deceive you. That man can never change. That's his personality and once you go back and deliver that baby, you will be trapped!

You can do well without him! Marriage is not an achievement. There are many successful people in the world raised by single mothers. Don't let the society define your happiness!

marriage is an achievement..........you learn that you could change and forgive.
how many single moms know how to do that .............
single mums aint wives too.........

look around you and try not to join the bulldozer to bring down its achievements.
lastly, its voluntary.....
....keep its wins and losses to one's self.

MufasaLion:


Imagine the trash you wrote. Stop justifying a breach of trust!

Trust had been breached, yes. It is either she forgives, reconciles and move back or she moves on. She can't have it both ways

advanceDNA:


Ofcourse naaaa...but its not a big deal....women inflate price of everything....

That's exactly my point. It's not a big deal. After all the money is still within. If na me, the marriage is over.

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

how much is #200000 that you exchange you life time happiness with my sister, what ever a responsible Man does, is always come back to his family, am a family Man too, the money he duped you, he also spent on you too so why taking thing's too far for heavenly sake return back to him you shall have a happy home again.

Marriage comes with the good ,the bad and the ugly. You have just seen a bad side. You must have experienced the part before this bad situation. My advise will be: show your dad the reason you need to keep your home. Afterall, you father cannot play the role of husband in your life. Secondly, your disposition is well justified but you must give room for forgiveness for peace to reign and even for your mental health. This may be difficult without help. So l recommend for you a therapist who can help you to overcome your present emotional state. You also need to bring your hubby to join you in the therapy. Finally, don't make attempt to get him to refund the 200k. Let it go please but insist that he must higher the truck that will bring your belongings back home if indeed he wants you back in his life. Let him bear the cost of his misdemeanor. Don't forget to take your children into consideration in whatever decision you take eventually. Note also that your dad is angry about the whole senario but find means to persify him. Seek help to get healed first through a professional and other things will take shape. God bless you.

Faposky95:


marriage is an achievement..........you learn that you could change and forgive.
how many single moms know how to do that .............
single mums aint wives too.........

look around you and try not to join the bulldozer to bring down its achievements.
lastly, its voluntary.....
....keep its wins and losses to one's self.

Marriage is not an achievement. Whether you are married or single you can still be who God wants you to be.

Abeg where una dey see land 400-600k buy.. am interested to buy biko

bestdudes:
The man should have been up front about that extra fees...

Bros. Women do this all the time and heaven does not fall. Some things are not worth the stress please. Worst case, spark, do small shakara and move on like nothing happened. I say again, if na me, the marriage don end be dat. I hate nonsense abeg.

jc173:
Abeg where una dey see land 400-600k buy.. am interested to buy biko

Be careful make your hubby no go chop your 200k make marriage no scatter o

Eprincess:


Marriage is not an achievement. Whether you are married or single you can still be who God wants you to be.

No vex o. Who does God want you to be? Is that person different from who you want yourself to be?

Weirdcamila:
You have kids , and from your explanation you are doing well. Move forward and don’t look back . The man is an idiot .
Why cheat your own wife ? Nawa o
Where una dey find animals marry?

Lol. Like wives don't cheat their husbands all the time.

bdchange:
This is the most funniest reason I have read why someone packed out of her matrimonial home. What he did is totally wrong but forgivable. Just not to trust him with money again or for a long time, but moving out? Haba...he is not your bf oo. If you can move out just for this, I can't imagine what you will do if he cheats on you or commit grievous offense than this, because believe me..there are so many of it. He married you at 22, which means he played a big role in your success today, except you want to tell me your own family did that. There are things you should have learnt before going into marriage but did not get the chance due to your early marriage. Marriage is not a do or die, either you are in it or you are out of it. Choose one peacefully.

When we have seen men who spent the entire money given to them by their wives for developments. This one who is supposed to simply ask for the return of her 200k is busy complicating things for herself, her kids and the silly husband. Life is too short to be suffering oneself because of little things like this.

emorse:

No vex o. Who does God want you to be? Is that person different from who you want yourself to be?

Haven't you seen people die in marriages? Is that God's plan for them?

You people are just taking marriage out of proportion. It is not an achievement. Yes, it is good to be married if you are married to the right person. Being married or single does not define who you are, it doesn't make you less or more. Marriage does not make you more important than a single person.

I guess the problem started when you decided to go solo in buying a land which both of you would have contributed. You didn’t consider his feeling before proposing such. Imagine he does that to you also, having things in his name only when you’rea family. It’ll hurt also. He acted dubiously though, and not should have taken your money without your consent. I don’t always subscribe to forgive without digging deep to why the person acted in such a way. Either you invite him to your new place or go to his place to discuss your hurts and his also, then you can decide on what next to do.

richie240:
Good, and I will tell u what that conductor told me that day: let d 200k provide all d responsibilities dt d man would've provided as a husband. Let the 200k provide d father figure, mentorship and protection for her and her kidz!
Shikena!

You seriously believe a man who can financially cheat his wife will be interested in protecting his wife and kids...

mkoabiola:

God bless u jare
More wisdom
Jus cos of 200k. She has d gut o pack out. � Lol
Some women sha get mind ooo. D guy even knelt down to beg her but she still de do stubborn head.

Don't mind that self centered woman. She see person wey even beg her. She's luck she didn't meet me that's not emotional about issues

For 200k u no fit forgive qnd you want to be blessed with millions abi?

Eprincess:


You seriously believe a man who can financially cheat his wife will be interested in protecting his wife and kids...

If u and ur agemate cousin are accosted by rogues who tend to (for one thing or the other) roughhandle u both, who tends to step-in to challenge them, you or your cousin? If ur cousin tends to take d bull by d horn being the male species, how much more a man to his wife and kids.

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

First of all, how old is your husband?

Registeredguest:

No insult please, I have cried enough.

Return to your husband just fot the sake of your children now.

You will leave him later. In few years time when your last born is a little grown.

Cutehector:
If you cannot forgive him and you also want a father figure, what do you want nairalanders to tell you now?

Pls seek professional advice from Pst K.

Chief you no go fall

My sis na beg I beg you

You no even thank God say he buy the land for you if he no even con buy the land like some men way thing you go do you go use police arrest your husband or sand and to jail so your baby father is in jail .
Think we’ll some men will spend all that money on bet 9ja and not gain anything back ..
Please forgive him oh and work with him again .
Please this time claim he knows he as Bleep up and he will not want to do the same again na you go show say you sharp pass am now .
Know you will handle your finance alone .
So no be all your money paro you go tell your husband if you have 200k you go lie say na 50k they your hand see if he will do too .because my sister no serious men too much outside because woman done show them Pepe them done jar . So please stay with him he holy that way then letting another man into you and into your honey pot lol

Men outside now are fu ckers of Africa
They will use and dump
Please be wise
Stay with your husband
Or your body and regret go worst pass this one

This is and advice I can give my sister am giving you please like and comment under if you don’t understand

Fahvvy:
How do you forgive him?
By forgiving him na ...

Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish ...
Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..

On a more serious note...
It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...

Let's look at your write up ...

I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...

The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...

So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...

Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...

I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...

And that too will affect your kids ...

He sees them as a team and he indirectly stole from her?? Wow, colour me surprised

Eprincess:


Haven't you seen people die in marriages? Is that God's plan for them?

You people are just taking marriage out of proportion. It is not an achievement. Yes, it is good to be married if you are married to the right person. Being married or single does not define who you are, it doesn't make you less or more. Marriage does not make you more important than a single person.

I only asked what God's plan is for you and if it is different from your own plan for yourself.

Did those that died in marriage, plan to?

The point is, this is more of our problem and less of God's. You decide what you want and work towards it. Marriage is just like life itself. It comes with its ups and downs. You don't need God to teach you that. And if for whatever reason you cannot take the heat of marriage, you simply step out. Cheers!