Unfortunately this is the reality of so many homes.What you sow in your children life is what you will reap.

Kobojunkie:
Who or what law convinced you of that bullsheet?

Gutter language deserves to be ignored.

Kobojunkie:
Yeah, your dad was not a good father at all. You had to earn your living as his child and were forced from a young age to live as a laborer in his own house. He was running a company in his home, and you were no different from a worker or a slave abeg!

That’s what I taught when I was growing up but when I grow up I realise he was a great father I swear to God. He make us fit for the challenges of this life, he make us a great thinker we are brought up in the hard way. I will be treaking from school to work a very far distance my dad will drive pass us and he will never carry anyone one day I confronted him why he said they are many and his car can’t contain everyone of us so better he leave us ..:: I realise one thing about him from that day ........ See all this my upbringings make me strong

Voiceofthestree:
That’s what I taught when I was growing up but when I grow up I realise he was a great father I swear to God. He make us fit for the challenges of this life, he make us a great thinker we are brought up in the hard way. I will be treaking from school to work a very far distance my dad will drive pass us and he will never carry anyone one day I confronted him why he said they are many and his car can’t contain everyone of us so better he leave us ..:: I realise one thing about him from that day ........ See all this my upbringings make me strong

I am a grown up accessing your story and all I can say is you were wiser as a child about who your father was than you are now as an adult. You see, it is not wrong for a father to teach a child skills from his childhood, and it certainly isn't wrong to enforce discipline on a child from a young age, what is wrong is to have a child live as if a slave in his own father's house, to cause a child to feel insecure and no different from a worker who has to anxiously earn his living at such a young age. You grew stronger, not because your father did good by you but because you had the will to thrive no matter what he threw at you.

Your dad was most definitely not a good father. That you, as an adult, choose now to see him as such means you are rationalizing his cruelty and are probably well on your way to treating your own kids in pretty much the same cruel manner, or even worse. I have seen this happen so many times now and I only hope you break the cycle before it is too late.

Voiceofthestree:

Omo to ni iya ohun ko la to ni baba ohun ko ni owo lowo enu ni ohun na wa yeh

whatever that means I hope it's not demeaning

Voiceofthestree:
Lol we are happy now we appreciate it make us stronger to be a man in this country is not mean oooo Omo to ni iya ohun ko la to ni baba ohun ko ni owo lowo enu ni ohun na wa yeh

Is this, "A child who has a mother who does not live and a father who does not have money in his mouth is the same thing", the correct translation of what you posted above?

1Sharon:


Shut up!! You men judge women based on their appearance all the time

Would you have said this if it was a woman?

Are you alright or being 'delusional'? How has my statement in anyway got to do with gender bias? Go learn manners and deal with your issues!

Interesting thread and it is clear that unless you had or have a deadbeat father, and the term deadbeat is not just about money, you will never understand why the child wrote what he or she did.

Personally, I feel the child should have avoided the funeral but if adding that to the programme helped the healing process (which I doubt), then good on them for doing so.

aswani:
Interesting thread and it is clear that unless you had or have a deadbeat father, and the term deadbeat is not just about money, you will never understand why the child wrote what he or she did.

Personally, I feel the child should have avoided the funeral but if adding that to the programme helped the healing process (which I doubt), then good on them for doing so.

How has avoiding funeral helped others with closure? I know many who either cut off communication with the wicked parent or avoided funeral yet still stewing in the hurt and bitterness of their past. One particular one spent the day of the funeral crying that death gave his old man an easy out from all the pain he inflicted on their childhood. You think say that kain one don move on by now?

Speaking up and speaking out is better than bottling it up any day and anytime. These one louded their hurt and I bet you they are happier than those who simply avoided funeral for it. No same individual will dear mention that man's name in their presence after that.

byrron:


I genuinely shed a tear after reading this piece and I hope and pray for your heart to heal.

All the memories I have about my dad is that of a father that prioritized the general wellbeing of his 5 sons and his wife even while on his dieing bed.

Lost him sometimes in February 2022 and still grieve once in a while over his demise after I had already planned visiting Nigeria with my family to see him.

Be the best parent that one can ever be to your kids or once you start having them.

Him go rest in peace

Kobojunkie:
How has avoiding funeral helped others with closure? I know many who either cut off communication with the wicked parent or avoided funeral yet still stewing in the hurt and bitterness of their past. One particular one spent the day of the funeral crying that death gave his old man an easy out from all the pain he inflicted on their childhood. You think say that kain one don move on by now?

Speaking up and speaking out is better than bottling it up any day and anytime. These one louded their hurt and I bet you they are happier than those who simply avoided funeral for it. No same individual will dear mention that man's name in their presence after that.

Going to the funeral wouldn't guarantee closure either.

I know people who avoided funerals to avoid putting more pressure on themselves hearing people say nice things about who they consider a monster. Or to avoid saying their true feelings at some point.

Per you saying people won't mention the dead dad in their face after such an outburst, I doubt that's true.

Good luck to all that have been hurt by people that are now dead as I doubt they can ever move on.

aswani:
1. Going to the funeral wouldn't guarantee closure either.

2. I know people who avoided funerals to avoid putting more pressure on themselves hearing people say nice things about who they consider a monster. Or to avoid saying their true feelings at some point.

3. Per you saying people won't mention the dead dad in their face after such an outburst, I doubt that's true.

4. Good luck to all that have been hurt by people that are now dead as I doubt they can ever move on.

1. It doesn't but it presents an opportunity that forces them to deal with their grief and hence let it go. To gather the kain confidence alone, you go don consider say many people there no go agree with, in fact, dem fit cast you down if care is not taken. Facing your fear requires lots of courage. So the kain courage person go need to do that alone turns out a kind of cleansing courage and that helps one to get closure.

2. Avoidance is never a good tactic when trying to get closure.

3. Once people don know say you no dey entertain their bullsheet about the dead, only those of them looking for trouble will mention the dead in your presence.

4. People dey fit move on even when the one who hurt them still dey alive. So why not even when the person don dies?

Kobojunkie:
1. It doesn't but it presents an opportunity that forces them to deal with their grief and hence let it go. To gather the kain confidence alone, you go don consider say many people there no go agree with, in fact, dem fit cast you down if care is not taken. Facing your fear requires lots of courage. So the kain courage person go need to do that alone turns out a kind of cleansing courage and that helps one to get closure.

2. Avoidance is never a good tactic when trying to get closure.

3. Once people don know say you no dey entertain their bullsheet about the dead, only those of them looking for trouble will mention the dead in your presence.

4. People dey fit move on even when the one who hurt them still dey alive. So why not even when the person don dies?

We are going to have to agree to disagree, Kobojunkie.

aswani:
We are going to have to agree to disagree, Kobojunkie.

But why chose avoidance when you can get the truth out there and finally off your chest onto where it belongs instead?

Do you know why folks write books? Aside from making money, many infact do it so as to get a burden of knowledge, no matter how lame it may be, off their chests. It is sort of same as speaking out about it or speaking up for truth. Gets a burden off ones chest and out there where it belongs instead.

Kobojunkie:
But why chose avoidance when you can get the truth out there and finally off your chest onto where it belongs instead?

Do you know why folks write books? Aside from making money, many infact do it so as to get a burden of knowledge, no matter how lame it may be, off their chests. It is sort of same as speaking out about it or speaking up for truth. Gets a burden off ones chest and out there where it belongs instead.

I just don't see any of what you are writing as practical, great in theory though.

I'll let you have the last word on the matter.

aswani:
I just don't see any of what you are writing as practical, great in theory though. I'll let you have the last word on the matter.

I don't get it! This thread was created to highlight a practical case of kids getting off their shoulders and only a eulogy the practical yet you keep insisting it isn't?

Do you think Psychologists and mind experts out simply silly for declaring that facing your demons /fears — rather than making excuses for them or avoiding them —is the right way to be rid of them?