nairamaniac:


There is a lot she can do. But would have done much better if she hadn't compromised the whole thing.
I swear I would go to the very end, you have no idea.

nairamaniac:


No offence my dear, but U are acting like a real typical Nigerian.
Always running from a particular nucleus of discussion when they feel they are losing out.


1. You questioned my phrase when I use *AGRESSIVE PROBING*. You added *A 4YEAR OLD CHILD*

2. I said if the 4 year old is strong enuf to suggest beating to the other child then she is strong enough(old enough) for AGRESSIVE PHYCOLOGICAL PROBING.

Meaning, she should be well probed and shown consequences that would befall of her if she is lying.
CONSEQUENCIES like that same beating she suggested on the ACCUSSED CHILD.


3. I was expecting you to stick to the line of our communications but you just jumo out from inside the debate ground, enter market dey cry for jungle justice against me

Where did all these other things you are saying here come from?

My dear, stick to *MY LOGICAL REASON WHY THE 4YEAR OLD CHILD SHOULD BE AGRESSIVELY PHYCOLOGICALLY PROBED*.

AND ALSO STICK TO WHY I FEEL THE 4YEAR OLD IS RIPE ENOUGH TO BE AGRESSIVELY PROBED.

ibkayee:


The 4 year old is also his family. You hear your child has allegedly been inappropriately touched, most parents’ brains are going into overdrive. A strong emotional response isn’t uncommon or unreasonable.

ibkayee:

Ok let’s go with your theory that the 4 year old could have been exposed to adult movies or seen her parents before. Out of all the people in the world, the 4 year old concocted this very peculiar story and used her 15 year old cousin as the scapegoat for no reason at all. The 4 year old just had the cousin in mind as a target even 3 months later and there’s absolutely no truth to something fishy occurring.

ibkayee:

All we know is that the dad was angry and then relayed the information back to the family.

We don’t know how it was said, worded, if he asked them or outright accused them. We just know that whichever response he got from them made him turn his back and ‘shut’ his dad up. So I don’t really get you when you say they compromised the situation and disregarded the family relationship.

ibkayee:

I admit that I am leaning towards a bias, however for someone who is advocating for absolute neutrality you sure are making a lot of assumptions in favour of the family.

MsJackson:
Good morning house. I need your opinion on this issue.

Around May last year, my husband and I went with my 4 year old daughter to visit my sister in-law (hubby's elder sister). They insisted they wanted her to stay some days with them, that I should return for her in two or three days time.

After much persuasion from my oga, I left her. But my heart wasn't settled because I've never stayed away from her for that long.
I just noticed that when we called her on video call the very next morning, she looked and sounded depressed, telling us to come take her home. I just thought she was missing me.

I returned the next three days to pick her up. It was even the oldest cousin, a 15 year old girl, who was actually very fond of my daughter that helped me carry her on her back and saw us off to the bustop.

Two or 3 months later, at the end of a Bible study I had with her, my baby said she wanted to tell me something. Hubby was lying on the couch. My baby said the period I took her to that house, the 15 year old girl was always sucking her vagina. My brain shut down immediately. Her dad jumped from the couch and told her to repeat what she just said. She did. She also said that the girl usually holds her mouth close during the act, and that she beats the girl on the head to stop what she was doing, but the girl refused and beat my daughter back.

I broke down. Hubby had never become so mad at his family to the extent of turning his back on them, to the extent of shutting his dad up, but he did all these because his only child was involved.

The family, they all said my daughter was lying. My question is: can a four year old lie about such? The nature of this supposed lie. I don't think so. But all the family members said my daughter lied. And even the girl denied it.
They are totally refusing to address this. They even after some weeks have codedly believe such happened and have called my husband to beg, hubby said so, I don't know if it's true or not. But me the wife, NOBODY, I REPEAT, NOBODY CALLED ME. Like I am nothing in their eyes. Not even the evil mother that insisted my daughter spent some days with them. It's not like if they called me to apologize it would change the past, no, but I might have some tiny relief.

My daughter talks about that experience till date. Even up till yesterday. I am beyond heartbroken. I can't forgive.

The family all turned their face away. Nobody cared to address it, even his parents. I'm thinking of going to their church to expose her because I hear the 15 year old girl is getting baptized next week. Hubby told me to forget about it, his brother told me not to try it. But anytime my daughter remembers this incident and brings it up, I become very disturbed. I don't know what to do.

Please advise me.

brain54:

In my opinion…

I think the word causing problems in your statement is “aggressively “ maybe you should rephrase that word.


Yes the child should be probed to make sure she is saying the truth… (which I think the mom already did) I think it’s not fair on the other 15 year old kid for people to conclude she is guilty just because we assume a 4 year old kid cannot lie. Some kids too can have crazy and wild imaginations( I am not saying that’s the case in this scenario)


It was on this same NL a young man living with his relatives came here to narrate how a minor (I can’t remember the specific details of this story) but I think less than 8 years or so lied to her parents that he tried to make her suck his penis in the bathroom. And people believed her because it’s unthinkable for someone that age to come up with such a story. ( I am not saying it’s same in this case)

nairamaniac:


Okay. Sorry, you are right.

When I said *agressively*. I didn't mean violently.
I meant *SERIOUSLY* and also let your child knwk the consequence to befall on her if she isn't getting things right.
She didn't give us a picture here that she probed the child good/well enough.

mariahAngel:


First and foremost, you must show your children that they can have confidence in you, and that you can protect them at all cost.
Parents are the God they see, as far as they're concerned.

brain54:

In my opinion…

I think the word causing problems in your statement is “aggressively “ maybe you should rephrase that word.


Yes the child should be probed to make sure she is saying the truth… (which I think the mom already did) I think it’s not fair on the other 15 year old kid for people to conclude she is guilty just because we assume a 4 year old kid cannot lie. Some kids too can have crazy and wild imaginations( I am not saying that’s the case in this scenario)


It was on this same NL a young man living with his relatives came here to narrate how a minor (I can’t remember the specific details of this story) but I think less than 8 years or so lied to her parents that he tried to make her suck his penis in the bathroom. And people believed her because it’s unthinkable for someone that age to come up with such a story. ( I am not saying it’s same in this case)

nairamaniac:
you are free to have a n emotional reaction, but thread tactfully without extending undue hate&agression to extended parties.


All these extrapolations you and I are both guilty of would have been savaged if only the op had threaded carefully. She compromised her own investigations.

That's not all we know. We also know this in her original post:
"I broke down. Hubby had never become so mad at his family to the extent of turning his back on them, to the extent of shutting his dad up, but he did all these because his only child was involved".

That breaking down was immediately after the daughter repeated what she said to the father's hearing. The OP never mentioned of any moment they didn't conclude based on what the child said from the very first time.

U sayin im making assumptions on behalf of the accused family is SUBJECTIVE.
Iv not said the accused family is INNOCENT, NEITHER AM I SAYING THEY/THEIR CHILD ARE GUILTY of the OFFENSE.
My assumptions are not in favour of the accussed family. They are in favour of RATIONAL-THINKING&BEHAVIOUR as A HUMAN BEING.

nairamaniac:


In my secondary school there was a very wicked house master.

He was also a boy scout master.

So you know how they got him sacked from his work?

Some boyscouts in the hostel accused him of sexually harrasing them.
Cos they assisted him with his housemaster duties as boys scout members.


They called him out in the assembly and announced his sack to him.

I'm that assemble hall I was very dissapointrf I'm him, cos I never knew the motives behind it.


Do you that weeks after he had been sacked those that plotted his downfall started boasting of their actions.

The boyscouts who did this were calling him stupid idiot that was messing them up and now they had messed him up.


Walai! My mouth open in shock.


Everyone believed these bouyscout members, becos in first place they spent nights in his room.

As a house master, his room was very comfortable.

We all drink normal temparatue water.

But he had fridge with cold water in his room.

Air conditioner, he had it.
Off hostel foods.
Music, Television and DVD.


He only rewarded the boys who assisteed him to keep the hostel at peace by giving them comfort in his room.


Yet, some of them and also some outside them accused him of side molestation.

He was sacked for it.


Years later I graduated from that secondary school.

I started colliding with him on groovy grounds.

We started carrying babes from the same domains by coincidences.

This guy showed no sign of being gay or bysexual.

I even deliberate lashed some girls that he had lashed, so I could find out his true performance with them.

This man even performed better than me to these babes.


I didn't bother to ask him about the incident that got him sacked, cos my School mates had already told me and few others about what they did to him to have gotten him sacked.


Guys, life is Deep.
Just be a JACK BAUER(24) when it comes to issues like these.

Even when you fail to find out the truth, look back and know you went around things the right way.

If your wife is accusing you of not fighting for your daugher like a MAN of THE FAMILY, still be in control of emotions, Take charge as a A Man, to avoid her from pushing you into doing things that would get you, yourself in trouble.

EXOUSIAng:
Msjackson please kindly send me a mail. I believe your daughter needs therapy.
I would recommend a doctor who is focused on handling cases like yours. He also does does group therapy. I hope you are based in Lagos. Without therapy your child may be psychologically affected.
No be everything be prayer

ibkayee:

You don’t know the details of the discussion they had. You don’t know the manner in which they asked, or whether or not they outright accused them. All we know is that it was addressed and then there was a fallout after discussion. You don’t know anything about who or how anyone was aggressive during that discussion. We just know that the dad turned his back AFTERWARDS.


Nothing about this quote tells us how the message was relayed, worded or the details of the engagement except that he was angry when he brought it their attention.

Like I said, all we know is that whichever response he got from them caused him to turn his back and ‘shut’ his father up. So I still don’t know how you know they ‘compromised’ anything since the only thing we’re aware of is that they addressed it with their family, there was some sort of engagement that we know absolutely nothing about, the family denied it and then the dad turned his back on them and his shut dad up in response.

Were they not meant to be angry or address it? You aren’t actually privy to the details of the engagement that occurred between the families.


‘Breaking down’ could have manifested in multiple different ways, she did not actually detail what actions they took except addressing it with the family.


I didn’t say you said they were innocent, just that the assumptions you made were conveniently in favour of the family despite your ‘neutrality’ stance.

A truly neutral person would not be filling in gaps he thinks may have happened in the story in favour of anyone at all. E.g. your assumptions on the mum and dad ‘compromising’ the situation despite not having any details on the interactions

MsJackson:

She always tells me: mum when are we going to her house to beat her up?�

nairamaniac:


Okay. You are right about me making conclusions about how the op and husband approached the other family about the issue.

I only got picture based in step by step narrative put in here by the OP.

Maybe the Op should be nice enough to tell us on how they approached the other family as regards the issue.
Were they more of accusative than interrogative?

brain54:

Things do happen no doubt…


I think this your Boy Scouts story don’t correlate though because those were young adults who had an intention and a plan. They knew what they were doing…


This is just a 4year old who most likely was molested or small chance she is being imaginative.


I think we should not trivialize.

ibkayee:

That’s probably the least of her concerns now given the situation at hand, I hope she overcomes this, whatever happens.

nairamaniac:



It's definitely are concern. That's why she came here to ask for our opinions&suggestions.


Abi you no see the very end part of her original post?

It clearly says:
Hubby told me to forget about it, his brother told me not to try it. But anytime my daughter remembers this incident and brings it up, I become very disturbed. I don't know what to do.

Please advise me.


Before you advice someone, wouldn't you discuss with the person.

Abi one someone cry's to you about an issue and ask for your advice, after letting the consoling the person(which I also would do).
You would just enter battle field with the person with the matra of *that's the least of her problem now, to probe the person*??



As that how you operate?

ibkayee:

I mean coming here to list out the intricate details of how the family discussion went is the least of her concerns. Not the situation itself

mariahAngel:


First and foremost, you must show your children that they can have confidence in you, and that you can protect them at all cost.
Parents are the God they see, as far as they're concerned.

IamAsiri:


That's not a lie now. It was only what she interpreted in her own brain (talking about your own experience). Now imagine a 4-year-old narrating a molestation ordeal several times without changing any part of the story... How is that a lie? Is it possible to make such stuffs up when it's not what she is used to or cartoon stories? This, sir, is hundred percent true, especially when the girl wanted her parents to come pick her the following day. Thank God the girl is quite vocal and can relate her mind - not all kids can do that.

MsJackson:
Good morning house. I need your opinion on this issue.

Around May last year, my husband and I went with my 4 year old daughter to visit my sister in-law (hubby's elder sister). They insisted they wanted her to stay some days with them, that I should return for her in two or three days time.

After much persuasion from my oga, I left her. But my heart wasn't settled because I've never stayed away from her for that long.
I just noticed that when we called her on video call the very next morning, she looked and sounded depressed, telling us to come take her home. I just thought she was missing me.

I returned the next three days to pick her up. It was even the oldest cousin, a 15 year old girl, who was actually very fond of my daughter that helped me carry her on her back and saw us off to the bustop.

Two or 3 months later, at the end of a Bible study I had with her, my baby said she wanted to tell me something. Hubby was lying on the couch. My baby said the period I took her to that house, the 15 year old girl was always sucking her vagina. My brain shut down immediately. Her dad jumped from the couch and told her to repeat what she just said. She did. She also said that the girl usually holds her mouth close during the act, and that she beats the girl on the head to stop what she was doing, but the girl refused and beat my daughter back.

I broke down. Hubby had never become so mad at his family to the extent of turning his back on them, to the extent of shutting his dad up, but he did all these because his only child was involved.

The family, they all said my daughter was lying. My question is: can a four year old lie about such? The nature of this supposed lie. I don't think so. But all the family members said my daughter lied. And even the girl denied it.
They are totally refusing to address this. They even after some weeks have codedly believe such happened and have called my husband to beg, hubby said so, I don't know if it's true or not. But me the wife, NOBODY, I REPEAT, NOBODY CALLED ME. Like I am nothing in their eyes. Not even the evil mother that insisted my daughter spent some days with them. It's not like if they called me to apologize it would change the past, no, but I might have some tiny relief.

My daughter talks about that experience till date. Even up till yesterday. I am beyond heartbroken. I can't forgive.

The family all turned their face away. Nobody cared to address it, even his parents. I'm thinking of going to their church to expose her because I hear the 15 year old girl is getting baptized next week. Hubby told me to forget about it, his brother told me not to try it. But anytime my daughter remembers this incident and brings it up, I become very disturbed. I don't know what to do.

Please advise me.

MsJackson:
Good morning house. I need your opinion on this issue.

Around May last year, my husband and I went with my 4 year old daughter to visit my sister in-law (hubby's elder sister). They insisted they wanted her to stay some days with them, that I should return for her in two or three days time.

After much persuasion from my oga, I left her. But my heart wasn't settled because I've never stayed away from her for that long.
I just noticed that when we called her on video call the very next morning, she looked and sounded depressed, telling us to come take her home. I just thought she was missing me.

I returned the next three days to pick her up. It was even the oldest cousin, a 15 year old girl, who was actually very fond of my daughter that helped me carry her on her back and saw us off to the bustop.

Two or 3 months later, at the end of a Bible study I had with her, my baby said she wanted to tell me something. Hubby was lying on the couch. My baby said the period I took her to that house, the 15 year old girl was always sucking her vagina. My brain shut down immediately. Her dad jumped from the couch and told her to repeat what she just said. She did. She also said that the girl usually holds her mouth close during the act, and that she beats the girl on the head to stop what she was doing, but the girl refused and beat my daughter back.

I broke down. Hubby had never become so mad at his family to the extent of turning his back on them, to the extent of shutting his dad up, but he did all these because his only child was involved.

The family, they all said my daughter was lying. My question is: can a four year old lie about such? The nature of this supposed lie. I don't think so. But all the family members said my daughter lied. And even the girl denied it.
They are totally refusing to address this. They even after some weeks have codedly believe such happened and have called my husband to beg, hubby said so, I don't know if it's true or not. But me the wife, NOBODY, I REPEAT, NOBODY CALLED ME. Like I am nothing in their eyes. Not even the evil mother that insisted my daughter spent some days with them. It's not like if they called me to apologize it would change the past, no, but I might have some tiny relief.

My daughter talks about that experience till date. Even up till yesterday. I am beyond heartbroken. I can't forgive.

The family all turned their face away. Nobody cared to address it, even his parents. I'm thinking of going to their church to expose her because I hear the 15 year old girl is getting baptized next week. Hubby told me to forget about it, his brother told me not to try it. But anytime my daughter remembers this incident and brings it up, I become very disturbed. I don't know what to do.

Please advise me.

MsJackson:

She always tells me: mum when are we going to her house to beat her up?�

Sultty:
I don't believe this weird story except u hear the accused 15yo side of the story. hearing this story from your daughter (could be true) does not make u judge. call her, get the facts else u could be glorifying a made up story
As regards them not apologizing to u could be as a result of how they perceive u u wey don dey plan to expose them at their church seems petty to me.
Go all out, involve law enforcement, get a lawyer or do nothing but always keep ur daughter away

Mustiboy:
I’m not saying your daughter is lying.

But I’ve seen children of your daughter’s age lie against innocent people in issues such as this and beyond.

Children aren’t always innocent and have the potential to do evil, especially considering they don’t know the consequences of their actions.

You can insult me all you want, but I’m only speaking from experience.

nairamaniac:
https://www.nairaland.com/7510404/7-year-old-nephew-fingered#119724934

There is a similar thread like this one on front page.

It was even the father of the molested child that calmly got the uncle of the Child-molester involved.
CALMLY, TACTFULLY with Trust&Love for the uncle.
Also putting into consideration their relationship as *FRIENDS*.
FRIENDS/NEIGHBORS ooo.
Not even relatives/inlaw as we see in this very case

These were the factors I was pointing at for OP to put into consideration&operation.

CC
southsouthkin
mariahAngel
dettolgel
Ishilove
Ibkayee


Yes I know at times we are prone to be spontaneous, but please try to master the act of being more patient&tactful in your approach, albeit Effective.

nairamaniac:
https://www.nairaland.com/7510404/7-year-old-nephew-fingered#119724934

There is a similar thread like this one on front page.

It was even the father of the molested child that calmly got the uncle of the Child-molester involved.
CALMLY, TACTFULLY with Trust&Love for the uncle.
Also putting into consideration their relationship as *FRIENDS*.
FRIENDS/NEIGHBORS ooo.
Not even relatives/inlaw as we see in this very case

These were the factors I was pointing at for OP to put into consideration&operation.

CC
southsouthkin
mariahAngel
dettolgel
Ishilove
Ibkayee


Yes I know at times we are prone to be spontaneous, but please try to master the act of being more patient&tactful in your approach, albeit Effective.

mariahAngel:


He even dey type epistle give me.

All these " unfortunately, there's nothing you can do, since there was no penetration to prove it" I swear, I no get.

vatiqan:
I pray similar thing would happen to you and you'd certainly remember this post. It could take decades, but would surely come to pass!