obinna58:
What does she need privacy for as she’s not a wife yet, people like her need to be shunned and stop putting mouth where she’s not suppose to.
She’s faster than her shadow

You're a wise man

Sixfeetbelle:


It's good that we're at this impasse.

Cause if your sibling doesn't understand decorum and why she can't just show up whenever she feels like it, then I can't be in a relationship with a man who encourages such lack in their sibling.

So you'll leave your parents house and move in with guy who hasn't paid your bride price and be dragging roof space with his blood sister...

Anyways I've always known that Nairaland's anonymous nature makes it very easy for people to catch cruise here.

That's why I hardly take any comment here serious cos over 90% of opinions from females here on real life issues are always in favour of their gender. One can hardly have a neutral and unbiased communication with any female on this forum on relationship matters...

TheGoodAmerican:
Don't lump every Nigerian female into the gf's category. I'll never be this wicked towards anyone woman like the OP's sister who's in an abusive situation and needs a safe place to stay for the time being. It's not as if she will be there forever. OP said she has a job and can afford to get her own place but perhaps she has not yet found. Is he supposed to kick her out for the useless gf (that's not even supposed to be there sef)? Of course not!

Recall that the sister has been going back to the abusive man/babydaddy. Who knows if the pressure from the gf in the house is one of the reasons she has been doing that? If she has peace of mind in her brother's house, she would take the time to sort herself out there, but the gf's treatment of her in the house might not be helping matters.

I'd be damned if I were a man and the OP and one yeye person thinks they've the audacity to make me turn my back on my own blood sibling. They won't dare.

We are saying the same thing. The OP handled it how he should have handled it. An average lady will act how the OP girlfriend acted. Ladies don't like such infringement on their so called privacy in someone else home.

It's just what it is.

Demigod22:
OP, I have always watched my elder brother putting me before his wife. He made sacrifices, inconvenience himself for me the way he never did for his wife. Then one day I asked him why he always does that. He looked up at me and said; never in my life should I choose a partner over family.

Personally, I can go to any length to sacrifice for my family. I can sacrifice that parasitic and self centred relationship just to help a family, I won't think twice.

The kind of help and encouragement I have received from family, I don't think a girlfriend or any girl at all can tell me how to help my family.

From my elder brother, I have learned to leave my doors open for family come rain or sunshine.

You are a great brother for always standing up for your sister and I will advise you to take your stand with that girl. An NYSC Corp should know the importance of shelter. I bet if she is contributing anything apart from sex.

Family first.

That brother of yours is a rare man. You no go understand this, please follow in his footsteps.

OP first I'll like to know how old you are. If you are above 26, then she is right to an extent. Relationship between two adults need space and privacy. And when you let emotions control you and don't set boundaries in your relationship with your family, you can't set it in marriage because by then it will be too late, else you don't want to marry the girl. She saying your sister should get an apartment di not make her a bad person. Your sister living with you with a child doesn't make sense too. You need your space and your sister also needs hers. And it depends on the kind of house too. There are other things you can use to know a bad woman but this is not one. Forget what all these yeye red pillars are saying. If your sister is in her shoes, she will not also be comfortable with it. And stop making your sister believes he can always run to your house. Knowing she can always run to your house will even make her not to do the right thing in her relationship. And it all depends on the kind of girl involved. If she is a loyal woman that knows what she is doing in life, and have a life for herself, my guy you fit use your money rent house for your sister and build with your woman. Family members are always entitled especially the elderly ones. No use your sister life destroy your own life. Family is family, but there should be boundaries. For me, the family I know is the one I create. My wife, my children, and my parents. Everybody should take care of yourself. No be your fault say your sister go carry belle for man wey never marry her. No niaja girl go dey comfortable in this situation. Everyone need space. Why your eldest brother no help her? No matter what, Op you no fit marry your sister. Rent house for your sister, start your own life and concentrate. No time.

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

Your sister is blood, your gf is just an outsider, she might even be cheating...
There is nothing you do for your sister that is ever too much, better breakup with your gf, she hates your family

.

I was in this situation 5 years ago. I am married now with a child for 3 years happily. It is your sister that is manipulative. I'll explain;

My elder sister after NYSC moved in with her boyfriend in Abuja. They stayed for 2 years together until I moved to Abuja too. Immediately I moved to Abuja my sister started having series of issues with her boyfriend until she moved into my house. I accepted her. This month, she will stay with the guy, the next month, she will be at mine.

When I got to 28, I decided I wanted to start a relationship so I can settle down in a year of two.

I met a girl I liked at my place of work and we started talking. The babe was everything I want in a woman. I am a guy that like spending enough time to know any banny wey I wan marry. I always ask my girlfriend to come around and spend weekend or 2 weeks.

It happened that anytime my babe was around that is when my sister will have an issue with her boyfriend and run to my house. I was still staying in a room and parlour then. One certain time, I was inside my babe when my sister knocked that she was calling and I did not pick. I had to pull out sharp sharp.

When the thing got too much and I was sure I wanted to wife my babe. I called a family meeting and told them that I want to marry and I will be needing my privacy. There is no way my elder sister will be living with me and my wife in the same house. It is not possible. My parents understood. Everyone put heads together and got her an apartment. That apartment was there wasting because my sister was still living with this same guy she is always running to my house for.

After one year, my sister told everybody she doesn't want to stay in the house again that she is relocating to Ibadan, she moved in with her boyfriend and got pregnant. They are living happily now and the guy has called to marry her officially. Ever since she knew my house wasn't available anymore she started behaving herself and work her relationship out.

Family is family, but we have our lives too and should set boundaries. Most family members are entitled and manipulative, especially the older ones.

If you don't correct this now as a man, your sister go enter your house one day with her load even if you don marry and try to emotionally blackmail you.

OP, if your babe is a good girl, decent, honest, loyal and dedicated, get an apartment for your sister. Or call family meeting for her head. If she planned her life well and lived rightly, she won't get pregnant out of wedlock. She won't make mistakes in her life and except you to take the consequences and stop your own life. Even your sister is happily married to a rich man, na once in 6 months you go dey hear from her. And if your sister is in the shoes of your banny she will feel the same way.

In my 3 years in marriage, I have come to understand that nothing destroys a marriage faster than family members. Your eldest bro wey marry mind em business em no be mumu. He has a reason for that. Last last, your family na the one wey you bring come out.

95% of problems I have had in my life since I married is between my wife and I. Na we dey suffer, cry together, work hard together and pray together. Na when you marry, you go understand say family ends when we are children.

Nazgul:

So you'll leave your parents house and move in with guy who hasn't paid your bride price and be dragging roof space with his blood sister...

Anyways I've always known that Nairaland's anonymous nature makes it very easy for people to catch cruise here.

That's why I hardly take any comment here serious cos over 90% of opinions from females here on real life issues are always in favour of their gender. One can hardly have a neutral and unbiased communication with any female on this forum on relationship matters...

Na you know wetin you dey yarn as per wetin you conclude that's based on mere assumptions

OP e be like say that your elder sister sef olosho dey her eye and she no get better character for relationship.

1. What made her break up with her boyfriend she was staying with in Lagos right before you came. You never mentioned the guy was violate to her or maltreated in anyway. For a guy to accommodate her and take her full bills simply mean that guy like her. And for her to still be with the guy after she moved in with you mean to say the guy no treat her badly when she dey with am for the house.

2. How will she just move in with a guy and was living with him when they are not married? That will make the guy not to even respect her and her family in the first place, else the guy just like her and the nigga dey very mature. Em only make sense if her parents don die.

3. Did she inform your eldest brother before coming to lagos or she just carry bag show for lagos with the entitlement say him go accept her. My first apartment na the cash I save for nysc I take rent am as at 2017. So sister no save for nysc abi she follow for nysc got babes. If to say she save small money no how wey she go tell your eldest brother say she get small money and make me complete am wey em no go help.

4. How come she met a man in 6 months and got pregnant for him immediately. Was she desperate. Some guys sef go deny the belle. Relationship wey never start you don go carry belle when you no be small pikin.

5. Your girlfriend is selfish and trying to protect her man and her relationship which is normal.

OP, family is not only by blood again oh. The things wey my babe don do or sacrifice for me none of my siblings don do half. Sometimes sef 4 months me and my siblings never talk for phone. If you carry your problem meet them na so so story about how them just pay school fees for children how wife just born.

If your babe na good person wey get sense dey loyal. Abeg help your sister make she find apartment commot make you too get chance build your own life. If your sister plan her life well she for no dey in this mess. You sister fit even dey jealous of your gf say she dey build good relationship with you when her own no work. Even though my babe get her own house sef me still dey ask her to come stay small with me. Even if na 1 week or 2 make I take see how she dey do things for house.

gaby:


Orijin bitters, please.

Say God