Miracood2:
The man is plotting how to NACK your wife with his 8' BBC.

Tell your wife to respect herself and give some distance because at this rate, it's not gonna take too much time before phone calls will turn to moan calls.

Socratiz:
Your wife's indiscretion is not helpful. She is taking her freedom too far. I wonder what she finds enticing in a 50 year old man.

Firstly, you need to be more firm with your objection to the relationship your wife is keeping with this man. Be bold and frank whole discussing with her and spell out the implications to her.

Secondly, talk to the man. When he calls, while speaking with your wife, interfere and tell him boldly that you are not comfortable with the way he calls your wife. Put it to him that would he like his daughter to be constantly bombarded like this by an elder man. How would he like his wife to be treated like this? Tell him that as an elderly person, he should not destabilise a younger family. Tell him in the presence of your wife. She may not like it, but make your point.

If your wife still continues with this relationship after these , then you can assume she is hooked to the man.

I cannot suggest what to do now unless you confirm that their relationship is still ongoing after your intervention.

BikoMERCYme:


Didnt u say the damned guy issa 50yr old 9ja man??he fvck yo wife......

Same way......I was forming understanding and caring to a girl back in uni.......even tho I knew she was in a relationship but distance relationship anyways.......it took time but i still fvck her

9ja guys no get conscience wen it cums to fvcking......

jesmond3945:
the man likes your wife. However, he is not your problem but your wife. She is not a kid, sitting her down will not do anything. Ignore her and continue making money. Just try and find a way to monitor her chats.

Slynation:
I wonder your expectations when you gets married to a lady wey Ashawo still dey her eyes...well, nothing might be going on or might go on between them but it's not just proper in all ramifications.

Richy4:
Let's just look at it this way OP...

<<What's the main reason your wife went to the UK?... I guess to study right?
<< She had met a studying partner... Both were pursuing the same goal which happens to be to succeed in their Academics...
<< I believe that the UK style of studying is 100% different from that of the Nigerian system. People invest genuine time and energy to come out with flying colours.. No "sorting". If she fails one paper, she will pay the same amount of money just to pass that same paper again...

<<So, I will suggest that you have a matured discussion with your wife devoid of emotional attachment AKA (Husband Jealousy)... Let her organize herself properly and understand family time and academic time. She should let the man know when he can call her... He can't just call at any time he feels like.
<< If your wife can put a timetable in place or to do list and strictly adhered to it, she will be fine and she will save you from the emotional torture...

<<Again, when next you were privileged to intercept him phoning at the ungodly time of the day, you can respectfully reprimand him and let him understand the right time to call a married woman....Even if their VC is in labour and decides to set an exam that same day.... it can wait.

Miracood2:
The man is plotting how to NACK your wife with his 8' BBC.

Tell your wife to respect herself and give some distance because at this rate, it's not gonna take too much time before phone calls will turn to moan calls.

Okonandmary:


What a nice and understanding man.

It will be nice to become a study partner with your wife.

I love your sarcasm, I didn't know it was part of your talent .
if you know whom you got married to, then no shaking...Oh by the way, she is kinda snubbish ,.So she might not want u 100meters close to her

ldon444:
Hi guys,

Happy weekend to you all! I just moved to the UK with myself and my family in Oct last year
as my wife is doing her masters in one of the unis in london here. There is something that
in a way wasnt bothering me before, but now I seem to be bothered and based off of the fact
that this country does not allow men exercise some sort of rightful move here, I am limited
to the decisions and actions I cant make or take.

So my wife have been friends with this 50 year old course mate, they talk on the phone
for minutes, sometimes hours, I noticed she always put the call on speaker just so I could hear
the content of their discussion. This became frequent, though at a time I wasnt bothered, so one day
I asked her that do you know if I was the one that was schooling and I had a female married frien
who is 50 years old, you would have started questioning me and telling me how uncomfortable
you are with the way we always talk, she was like oh well thats true, but that as long
as it is school discussion and thats it. I was like oh well I doubt you would
mind even if you know its just assignment discussion she said oh well, she doesnt trust her
gender that she would be observant. She now said that this her classmate that nothing can
ever be between them, that he's 50, I was like when did u hear a 50year old Nigerian man does
not have penis, and that anytime they talk, she always put it on speaker so I can hear that it is only school
stuffs they talk about. I was like thats not the issue, that sometimes familiarity
breeds contempt.

To cut the long story short as to why I started feeling uncomfortable. The dude called as early as 5mins to 8am
early in the morning when we are trying to prep the kids for school, she had gone to drop the kids but her phone
was at home, I picked and told him she had gone for school runs, he quickly said oh sorry for disturbing and hung up.
Secondly, that very day, I had stepped out, on gettig back, I pressed the bell tire, so tey my hand begin dey pain me, she didnt open
the door, luckily for me the front porch door was opened so i gained entrace through there, lo and behold
she was in kitchen where the bell could be loudly heard but she was on call with this same dude
and that made her not hear me. 3rdly I had worked overnight and I got home to rest, she then told me that she needs
to get to the library, that they both have an assignment to do together, that she will be back in 2hours, I was now like
why didnt u guys plan out a time, I needed to rest and ur friend just called
without a proper timing that u should start coming. She left and I had to use sleepy eyes
to take care of the kids that morning. Now am on the verge of sitting her down and
have a dialogue with her that I have finally figured out that her close friendhsip with this person
seems not to go down well with me, I know some people will call me simp or weak man, but being very pragmatic in halding
issues like this is foremost, besides most women here seem to maturally exhibit that
sense of freedom and i can make decisions without u kinda thing, and I truly dont want to get in the way of that.

Munzy14:

She isnt your best friend..You are just couples making and raising babies.

50yr old man is the friend you couldnt be..Small small she will drift away.

Stop it now or activate planB.

If your wife needs a friend , it should be you..talk to her..And giv it a last warning.

ldon444:


In her own words, its just assignment and school stuffs. Nothing more

Munzy14:

Dont believe what a woman says..Pay more attention to her actions.

Feelings don enter.


You are losing her..She is going going ....

As man, never give room for rubbish..protest it from day1..If you snooze, you lose.

It is hard to tell you this, start thinking of option B if she is gone..So you dont see ďivorce papers as shock.

Women are emotional humans..Feelings goes hand in hand with Emotions.

Socratiz:
Your wife's indiscretion is not helpful. She is taking her freedom too far. I wonder what she finds enticing in a 50 year old man.

Firstly, you need to be more firm with your objection to the relationship your wife is keeping with this man. Be bold and frank whole discussing with her and spell out the implications to her.

Secondly, talk to the man. When he calls, while speaking with your wife, interfere and tell him boldly that you are not comfortable with the way he calls your wife. Put it to him that would he like his daughter to be constantly bombarded like this by an elder man. How would he like his wife to be treated like this? Tell him that as an elderly person, he should not destabilise a younger family. Tell him in the presence of your wife. She may not like it, but make your point.

If your wife still continues with this relationship after these , then you can assume she is hooked to the man.

I cannot suggest what to do now unless you confirm that their relationship is still ongoing after your intervention.

Zonefree:
If you truly love your wife and cherish your marriage, bring your wife back to Nigeria. Western culture is about to take away the love of your life.



My 2 cent.

ldon444:
To cut the long story short as to why I started feeling uncomfortable.
■ The dude called as early as 5mins to 8am early in the morning when we are trying to prep the kids for school, she had gone to drop the kids but her phone was at home, I picked and told him she had gone for school runs, he quickly said oh sorry for disturbing and hung up.
■ Secondly, that very day, I had stepped out, on gettig back, I pressed the bell tire, so tey my hand begin dey pain me, she didnt open the door, luckily for me the front porch door was opened so i gained entrace through there, lo and behold she was in kitchen where the bell could be loudly heard but she was on call with this same dude and that made her not hear me.
■ 3rdly I had worked overnight and I got home to rest, she then told me that she needs to get to the library, that they both have an assignment to do together, that she will be back in 2hours, I was now like why didnt u guys plan out a time, I needed to rest and ur friend just called without a proper timing that u should start coming. She left and I had to use sleepy eyes
to take care of the kids that morning.
■Now am on the verge of sitting her down and have a dialogue with her that I have finally figured out that her close friendhsip with this person seems not to go down well with me, I know some people will call me simp or weak man, but being very pragmatic in handing issues like this is foremost, besides most women here seem to maturally exhibit that sense of freedom and i can make decisions without u kinda thing, and I truly dont want to get in the way of that.

Kobojunkie:
Your wife is taking classes and she is having to work with a classmate while at it. Your problem is that the coursemate is a man and not a woman?

ldon444:
I just hope comprehension isnt a problem for you here, cos I know you are an oldie on this forum. If you read through again, you would see that I specified what and what I wasn't down with, and where I expressed my concerns of not being comfortable with some certain occurrences.

ldon444:


Bro I understand! I made the mistake the moment it started and I didnt lay the rules. It was based on the fct that we have been having issues with trust from nija, where she can easily say am insecure and all, am going to b4 40 this year so in a way am trying to deviate from cautioning too much when it comes to men. Trying to start having option B when am not too sure shes drifting and i get caught in the act, nor be me go lose at the end?

Kobojunkie:
Oh, I clearly comprehend all you wrote and it seems—this from your write up mind you— that your particular issue is that he is a man. Consider this, if the coursemate had been a woman, and your wife had had to,
* last minute, go to the library with her to study,
* been so busy on the phone with her that she didn't hear the bell ring when you were at the door
* pick up a call from her at 7:50 am in morning...
...would you be as irritated by it all as you seem to be in this case?

I have taken classes myself and I know that all you mentioned were commonplace back then as I had to shift my life and relationships in order to accommodate my course needs. So, help me clearly understand that your particular issue is not with the gender of this coursemate.

ldon444:
■ Just a quick question, if you find your husband at a restaurant with another man without u knowing were going to see them there, VS you seeing another lady with ur husband in a restaurant. Would your thoughts be the same as for the man and the woman seen with ur man? If you can answer that question, then I can properly analyze my answer.

Munzy14:

She isnt your best friend..You are just couples making and raising babies.

50yr old man is the friend you couldnt be..Small small she will drift away.

Stop it now or activate planB.

If your wife needs a friend , it should be you..talk to her..And giv it a last warning.

Kobojunkie:
1. Here's a thing. If a person is going to cheat on you, nothing you do can stop them from doing that. Pretending you can control these things means your like to put undue stress on your self for no real reason. There is a saying that if you love somebody set them free. I hold to that belief as it makes a lot of sense given both that even in relationship, we remain complete and separate individuals ---- we never loose that even in marriage and it should work for our benefit but be perceived as an evil that needs to be curbed as many assume.

I wouldn't like it if my partner unleashed own monitoring side on me in my relationships so I tend not to do that to them either. If I met my partner at a restaurant with another, I would go over to say hi and talk and then go on about my day from there.

Marriage no be prison, and the moment it begins to feel like that is actually when people begin to look outside for solutions.

Munzy14:

Talk to her..

Words get deep in the dead night..Wake her, and talk to her..Let her know you are hurting deep!.

If she insists on doing what she is doing, activate optionB.

armyofone:
■ I think he shouldn't have shown his jealously right from the beginning or even made the "penis" comments.
■ He should have invited the older guy and his family to dinner and get to know him better. His wife may be innocent and needed the academic navigation the older guy is giving her.

armyofone:


Didn't know you be prophet too

armyofone:


Disturbing sleep and breaking REM? No try it.

Munzy14:

There are a thousand and one sleep ahead..

That particular one must be broken to fix a serious issue.

Kobojunkie:
1. Here's a thing. If a person is going to cheat on you, nothing you do can stop them from doing that. Pretending you can control these things means instead that you enjoy putting undue stress on yourself for no real reason. There is a saying that if you love somebody set them free. I hold to that belief as it makes a lot of sense given that even in a relationship, we remain complete and separate individuals ---- we never lose that even in marriage --- and so we ought to use that fact to our benefit rather than pretend it is an evil that needs to be curbed as many assume.

I wouldn't like it if my partner unleashed their own monitoring side on me in my relationships so I tend not to do that to them either. If I were to meet my partner at a restaurant with another person, be it male or female, I would go over to say hi and maybe talk for a bit, if i have something important to say, and then go on about the rest of my day from there.

Marriage no suppose to be or feel like a prison. The funny thing is that for many, the moment it begins to feel like that is actually when people begin to look outside for solutions.

armyofone:


I think he shouldn't have shown his jealously right from the beginning or even made the "penis" comments.
He should have invited the older guy and his family to dinner and get to know him better. His wife may be innocent and needed the academic navigation the older guy is giving her.

Kobojunkie:
1. That's pretty much what I perceive from his posts! Imagine him suggesting he would warn his mate as though she is a ward he is to wield control over in the relationship.

2. Good idea! Get to know the guy with whom his wife is friends and all. Imagine some commentators suggesting that he alone should be best friends with his wife as if these things are by magic or something. Most of them can't even tell you what their wife's favorite color(s) is let alone her saddest moment in life, yet they want to delude OP with ideas that don't mirror reality.