MRbrownJAY:

@poster
- some people are unhappy yet still LOVE their partner and therefore hope for a better future.
- some people are unhappy but dishonest and therefore will pretend all is great and you would never know anything is wrong.
- in 9ja, i would certainly understand why a person would be unhappy and stay married "for show". marriage is synonymous with "happiness".- the religious fanatics would rather die than divorce so they stay in their miserable r/ship and pray for better days.
- it takes a very strong person (or a very bad deed) to walk away from a 5+ yr r/ship. if it's just a temporary unhappiness then it could be salvaged/dealt with, but if it is long term unhappiness then something MUST be fixed!
- for children/family. some people believe it's better to stay for the kids while it's actually worse for them to see their parent fighting/abusing each other and being miserable.
- for comfort. divorce could mean moving back to their parents house so some people rather stay married and miserable.
- and of course MONEY!!!! if someone has been used to the GOOD life, it's hard going back to being a common person!

Lax75:

Bros-man.

Very true in deed. I know too many couples in naija who are married to the public eye, and divorced behind closed doors. You will be amazed to find out some people you even know might be in this category, but because our society is all about "image" they are more concerned about what outsiders think, while they are miserable behind closed doors.

MRbrownJAY:

oh yeah, sadly, i blame SOCIETY and RELIGION for this craze. so many are in abusive r/ship and people will tell them to "pray". any marital issues they will go and talk with their pastor, who in return, will be against divorce whatever the problem is.

Mrs, Chima:

I am not a big fan of nilly willy divorces however if the woman life is in danger I don't see why she would stay in the marriage knowing damn well she could die any time.

A man is not to put his hand on a woman and vice versa. If a woman has to sleep with one eye open while holding a plastic fork then she need to pack her bags and GO.

Maybe separation from each other while BOTH GET HELP, TREATMENT, SHOT, AND WHATEVER before coming back together. If one is not willing to take the step for improvement then they might as well skip on down to the court house. Because if they remain married somebody going to be D.E.A.D.

Lax75:


Sister Chima.

Maybe you can talk to this woman I know. Her husband almost killed her last year, in addition to keeping a mistress for about 10 years, AND getting the mistress pregnant. He put her (wife) in a coma after beating the "b'Jesus" out of her. I personally have been mad at her for MOVING BACK INTO THAT HOUSE, but she says she does it for her children. My response is what use will she be to the kids if she is DEAD from this man's @ss whoopins

Mrs, Chima:

She is not doing it for the children. She is a battered woman. She is suffering what my colleagues would say, "Battered Woman Syndrome" and it is not so much she like getting her arse whooped it so much that the man brainwashed her so bad that she feels without him she is nothing.

That's what happens when women INVEST so much time into a relationship 100% without allowing the man to put his share in the relationship as well. When I say share meaning not just financially but physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, romantically, emotionally and all other "ally".

She need to be in a battered woman shelter where she will receive counseling and treatment. Yes, I said treatment and i am not talking about medically treatment but therapy related treatment where she will learn to trust HERSELF and LOVE HERSELF.
She doesn't love herself right now and using the children as a reason to be foolish. I strongly advocate the STATES to pass a law that women and men who are in a physically abusive relationship be held for child endangerment and neglect.

She needs to learn it isn't just HER that is being abused her children is affected by it. I feel sorry for those boys who will unfortunately grow up to be just like their father if they do not receive help and the girls who will learn to value her self by the amount of beatings she receive from a man.

Lax75:



But Sis.

This is impossible.

She is in naija. Where these shelters aren't readily available. Sad thing is that the culture would encourage women like this to move back in and beg their husbands, if they ever run away from home. Especially in the Yoruba culture.

I don't know, I can only pray for her. Situation is REALLY bad. Her husband "flaunts" his mistress in her face and he has even built his mistress a N50 million house. He has 10 cars and yet she has to take a taxi to work.

rokiatu:

Why do people stay in their relationships if they are that damn unhappy. I have seen so many cases even in marriages.

I mean why are they afraid of? Loneliness? Lack of financial support? Or they just believe they can't get better?


Anyone in an unhappy relationship here? Please share your view.

Mrs, Chima:

Oh! I take back everything I said and SAY SHE poo OF LUCK! NO OFFENSE!

Lax75:

Sis,

You're the craziest!

But true-true.

sexsinners:

u would be in a happy relationship with me

rokiatu:

Thanks BrowJay. Perfectly well said.


I thought this was the Pastor son who do not even look at women?

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
- some people are unhappy yet still LOVE their partner and therefore hope for a better future.
- some people are unhappy but dishonest and therefore will pretend all is great and you would never know anything is wrong.
- in 9ja, i would certainly understand why a person would be unhappy and stay married "for show". marriage is synonymous with "happiness".
- the religious fanatics would rather die than divorce so they stay in their miserable r/ship and pray for better days.
- it takes a very strong person (or a very bad deed) to walk away from a 5+ yr r/ship. if it's just a temporary unhappiness then it could be salvaged/dealt with, but if it is long term unhappiness then something MUST be fixed!
- for children/family. some people believe it's better to stay for the kids while it's actually worse for them to see their parent fighting/abusing each other and being miserable.
- for comfort. divorce could mean moving back to their parents house so some people rather stay married and miserable.
- and of course MONEY!!!! if someone has been used to the GOOD life, it's hard going back to being a common person!

MRbrownJAY:

oh yeah, sadly, i blame SOCIETY and RELIGION for this craze. so many are in abusive r/ship and people will tell them to "pray". any marital issues they will go and talk with their pastor, who in return, will be against divorce whatever the problem is.

pendo89:

I have been in an abusive relationship but I held on cz I kept saying he would change but it got worse by the day.
What is worse is when the dude admits hes got a problem but he cant do anything about it.His only way of venting out anger/stress is by way of violence.

uote]

My experience too pendo. At least we have moved on.

Mrs, Chima:

She is not doing it for the children. She is a battered woman. She is suffering what my colleagues would say, "Battered Woman Syndrome" and it is not so much she like getting her arse whooped it so much that the man brainwashed her so bad that she feels without him she is nothing.

That's what happens when women INVEST so much time into a relationship 100% without allowing the man to put his share in the relationship as well. When I say share meaning not just financially but physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, romantically, emotionally and all other "ally".

She need to be in a battered woman shelter where she will receive counseling and treatment. Yes, I said treatment and i am not talking about medically treatment but therapy related treatment where she will learn to trust HERSELF and LOVE HERSELF.

She doesn't love herself right now and using the children as a reason to be foolish. I strongly advocate the STATES to pass a law that women and men who are in a physically abusive relationship be held for child endangerment and neglect.

She needs to learn it isn't just HER that is being abused her children is affected by it. I feel sorry for those boys who will unfortunately grow up to be just like their father if they do not receive help and the girls who will learn to value her self by the amount of beatings she receive from a man.