Kobojunkie:
1. How do you know this for a fact abeg?

Kobojunkie:
First and foremost, marriage isn't rocket science, so this myth that only the married understand is foolish thinking.

Second, none of what you described in your op is unique to married folks. Even children in kindergarten with friends can relate.

Socratiz:
It is interesting that young people these days see marriage in a different light from thebolder generation.

Many see marriage as a transactional relationship from which they can disengage for any flimsy reason. So the foundation is already insecure and when th slightest breeze blows, they step out of the relationship.

Some (especially some ladies) see marriage as a way to escape from poverty so they look for a guy with a fat account. If, for any reason the money disappears, the ladies opt out, in search of another guy.


It is even worse for young people who cannot take care of themselves getting married. I wonder the type of family they want to build.

I cannot enumerate the number of reasons people marry these day.

However, there are marriages that stand the test and stress of time. Let me add that the fact you have not seen a godly, happy and wonderful marriage does not mean they don't exist. It's just that bad news fly faster and people are more interested in reading news of failure.

To have a happy marriage, both parties need to prepare their minds that they will make the necessary sacrifices to stay married.

It's like when you get into the university. You make up you mind that whatever any lecturer does, you won't abandon your studies. Even if you finish with two Fs in a course, you resit th papers and continue.

Let me add that when you have to confront an issue which you don't know how to handle, it's best to consult a professional counsellor.

I say this from experience, having been married for over thirty years

ibechris:



I totally disagree with u.

Don't use your situation to think others are passing through the same thing u are going through. In fact, the problem with most Nigerians is that,during courtships,most intending couples don't discuss matters that are of concern to their future.

They often don't prepare for the future and that is why,many are in dire need of financial and moral uplifting in their marriage.

In China,an average Chinese don't ever talk about marriage except they are able to acquire an apartment where he and his wife would live,but here in Nigeria,immediately a guy makes 5million naira he runs to marry and spend virtually all that he had acquired just to impress everyone.

That is why u see most marriage crashing on a daily basis.

Another reason is,most men marry liabilities and come back to regret ever making that mistake. I am not perfect,but I remembered asking my wife her financial role if we get married and what we would be investing our money into as time goes on. I also remembered,she once told me,that she would like me to take charge of whatever investment we shall be putting our money in since I was more versed in investment than her.

We discuss a lot that i can't say here.

Many intended couples invest so much time in preparing for wedding than preparing for marriage and the future ahead.

Lastly, before u prepare for marriage,sit down with ur wife to be,discuss money matters with her,don't marry a man or a woman who has no job,no hand work or education. If he or her parents are not rich,pls be careful. Some may be lucky while others may not be.

Note: many homes are enjoying their marriages and I am one of them,with this,i think I have made my points

Good luck.

1Sharon:





Did you get married in-between the time you made this post till now?

Nickymichy:
To the glory of God i am enjoying my marriage. My wife is a full house wife. Though no be say she want be full house wife but she never get work since we've been married. I provide everything in The house. My income no too gallant like that but i dey move the house as God dey help me. Saving money dey hard due to meeting up with the family needs. But i believe things will change fee or better soon. As for my wife, she is the best thing that can ever happened to a man. Considerate, not demanding, hardworking, i must say she is everything. With her help, my kids are doing wonderfully well in their academics. When am not at home, i know i have a capable hands to make things happen and also she a good cook. If money fit dey Wella, e go sweet pass like this..e get some things wey i for like do wey money dey fall person hand..just like what someone said, having a good woman is the best gift for your children...may God bless every homes.. amen

ibechris:



I totally disagree with u.

Don't use your situation to think others are passing through the same [/b]thing u are going through. In fact, [b]the problem with most Nigerians is that,during courtships,most intending couples don't discuss matters that are of concern to their future.

They often don't prepare for the future and that is why,many are in dire need of financial and moral uplifting in their marriage.

In China,an average Chinese don't ever talk about marriage except they are able to acquire an apartment where he and his wife would live,but here in Nigeria,immediately a guy makes 5million naira he runs to marry and spend virtually all that he had acquired just to impress everyone.

That is why u see most marriage crashing on a daily basis.

Another reason is,most men marry liabilities and come back to regret ever making that mistake. I am not perfect,but I remembered asking my wife her financial role if we get married and what we would be investing our money into as time goes on. I also remembered,she once told me,that she would like me to take charge of whatever investment we shall be putting our money in since I was more versed in investment than her.

We discuss a lot that i can't say here.

Many intended couples invest so much time in preparing for wedding than preparing for marriage and the future ahead.

Lastly, before u prepare for marriage,sit down with ur wife to be,discuss money matters with her,don't marry a man or a woman who has no job,no hand work or education. If he or her parents are not rich,pls be careful. Some may be lucky while others may not be.

Note: many homes are enjoying their marriages and I am one of them,with this,i think I have made my points

Good luck.

EriMma1:
Even thriving marriages have their ups and downs which only the fittest can survive. At the end of the day, na bills and responsibilities you go still meet inside the marriage, thriving or no thriving. So, nothing special. Just enduring suffering and smiling.

Owo ni Koko.

Adexgentle005:
You have said it all. I was looking helplessly when landlord came to chase my neighbor away around 4am because he couldn’t pay his house rent and was given quit notice. Quit notice don expire and baba still dey the house. It wasn’t funny sha. Na Bills and responsibility you go meet for marriage!

1Sharon:


Jenifa had money. Her husband did not.

Newnas:

Because he isn't popular or loud?
You must be joking!

IyaebeTheGreat:
Yes, I have five kids already

nabiz:
married for 9years when we hardly eat, and till date we have never had a problem that last more than 12 ours. We did not just married till life do us apart, our marriage is till life and eternity. 9 years of marriage without pastor, fried or family members to come and settle us. My wife is the woman any man can have. I have the most wonderful family a man can think of

Akwamkpuruamu:
All I have to say here are my experiences in my marriage. I have been married for five years now with two kids, Girl and boy. What works for me in my home may not work for you.

1. Tolerance is the first thing every man should have in marriage. You see women, your wife, they can dare you to a fault. Especially when your wife knows that you can't physically assault her based on your personal decision not to lay your hands on her, she will push you to the wall. How do I overcome that temptation, I walk out or I pretend as if I'm not hearing her nags by paying 100% attention to my phone.
2. SEX: This is an issue that most women use as a bargaining chip or power over a man especially when she believes you are 100% faithful to her. HOWEVER, if she understands that you get side chick, she will to an extent understand that she doesn't have the monopoly of denying you that. I'm such a man that I'm soft hearted. If I want to deny her money which is my own bargaining power when she denies me sex, I think about how I will feel to see her starved or deny her what she can put to look good, I just give.
3. It's not always good to hand over your finances to a woman to manage. NA LIE, every woman is selfish. If she's not selfish to using the money for her personal needs, she sends it to her family. I no de give my wife wetin I no say if she no gimme account well of how she spent it e go vex me well.


.... To be contd

iyaamoke:
My marriage will be 20 years old in June. I have had my share of pain and tears particularly in my early years of marriage but over the years as both my husband and I grew, I have cone to understand the following:
1. To have a successful marriage, you have to be a continuous forgiver
2. You must be ready to serve selflessly both your husband and offsprings. In this wise, you may lose yourself but eventually, the rewards surpass the sacrifice
3. Learn to overlook issues that won't rock the boat of your marriage. You needn't nag or complain over every issue. Just allow something to rest
4. Submission as a wife (I learnt this really late and it robbed me of a lot of peace and joy). I have since come to realise that submission to your husband will break the hardest of hearts. By the way, why struggle over control with him? By the time he becomes old, he will depend on you to make sure all is going well. Then, you can call the shots if you like
5. Keep your relationship with God intact. This helps your heart to stay on course. The Spirt of God prompts you when you start misbehaving
6. As for money, trust me, the multitude of it doesn't make a peaceful home. Granted, lack of it may be frustrating but once you both learn to cut your coats according to your cloth, you will be fine
Hope this helps someone. Enjoy the week ahead

EriMma1:


By the bolded I mean doing well in other areas apart from the financial aspect. I don't know if that makes sense.

Pojomojo:
Thank you for your honest contribution.

franchasofficia:
As a married man with 4 year old successful marriage, I would advice single men to take note of the following before going into marriage:


1.) Marry a mature lady not babies below 25yrs


2.) Marry your friend not just your lover


3.) Make sure you have a steady means of earning legitimate income before you marry. It could be a job, a thriving or promising business or trade, just make sure you have a sustainable job or a promising business or trade with office or shop before you go into marriage.


4.) Have it at the back of your mind that the number one thing that have the greatest potential of destroying your marriage is lack of money, followed by careless cheating.


5.) Expect lots of financial responsibility, so make sure you have the traditional man's mindset to be the sole provider for your wife and kids and family as a whole, don't expect much financial contributions from your wife. Pray to God for this and God will give you the finance to remain in charge of your family and marriage, God answers honest prayers like this more than ever.



6.) Expect less from your wife financially whether she is working, rich or not, just take your eyes off whatever money your wife makes or has and work for your own money and be ready to foot your family's bills 100% without fear or murmuring, this is one sure way to protect your marriage and be in total control.



7.) Don't marry a jobless lady, don't marry a lady without prospect. Even if she is jobless during your courtship, make sure you assist her start something before you marry her.


Being broke, jobless and idle is a sign of laziness don't listen to any excuse, a productive lady will definitely find a way to start something to earn some money while single. Avoid lazy, entitled ladies, they are not meant to be married unless as second wives to rich old men or old widowers and old moneybags, avoid them as a single man



8.) The family background of the girl you want to marry is important, don't do city marriage, find time and know who her parents, siblings, cousins and uncles are if possible, know her root before you marry ghost.


9.) Learn to speak less as a man in your marriage. Learn not to argue with your wife. Listen more, sometimes my wife wonders if I am a deaf and dumb cos I can listen to her gist me about several things without contributing much until she makes jest of me that I too like ameebo then I can contribute or tell her to gist more that she knows I enjoy listening to stories na



10.) Be ready to take care of your kids not just financially but in helping to bath them, dress them, change their diapers, etc. Despite the fact that we have helps and Nannies, I still bath my kids once in a while, I still change their diapers myself, I dress them myself, I play a lot with them and they have a permanent car seat installed in all my cars cos I love carrying them about whenever necessary.





To the ladies, learn to respect your man and also avoid cheating on your husband, these two things are the two major sins a typical Nigerian man will never forgive his wife for.

Zonefree:
Any man under the age of 45 coming here to say he's enjoying a thriving marriage with his Nigerian wife is telling a big fat lie!

lavylilly:
We do not want negativity na, share if you have got an experience

dododawa1:
Money money money money money money money money money money money and money money