fortunateme:

A legendary advice from a legend.
"Women will push you into well and claim innocency"
Don't lose guard, save for rainy day because it will surely come.

When that rainy days come, Oyo is your case if not prepared. It has been like that from time immemorial. Nothing to be angry about but be prepared for.

Kobojunkie:
huh?
No be deception that one be?

Deception, then later you see some creating threads like this as many deliberately choose not to discuss finances before marriage.

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting. My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get. She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

She needs a senior lady to re orientate her otherwise that will be beginning of break up. Some do have mentality that if they don't collect it someone else will do.

Wat about investments? Wat about school fees?

You need to have a discussion with her on this. Wat does she do with her income? If shes saving, will the savings be available to you?

Truly this should have been spelt out before marriage. Who bears wat and your savings plan. Come up with a monthly budget too.

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting. My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get. She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

Mindlog:
■Deception, then later you see some creating threads like this as many deliberately choose not to discuss finances before marriage.

I suspect that ain't far from OP'S truth.

Gloriagee:
Wat about investments? Wat about school fees?

You need to have a discussion with her on this. Wat does she do with her income? If shes saving, will the savings be available to you?

Truly this should have been spelt out before marriage. Who bears wat and your savings plan. Come up with a monthly budget too.

She likes to look at her bank account and say yes, u have made XYZ or complain that I had certain amount but It has depleted to this usually after she buys some things in the house like groceries. ,Y major worry is that she doesn't assist her own family much.

234GT:



You are doing well sir. Reduce the 40k to 30k, start a savings scheme of 10k monthly for your unborn children and let her be aware. Tell her to balance up any shortfall.
Bulk foodstuff, gas, RENT, nepa bill/gen are statutory to you. As she works and earns well, she can take care of her clothes and hair and other little little stuffs.
Hold your ground now, because there are more expenses to be taken care of when babies come.

I even initiated an idea that we create a joint account for our unborn children with the aim of saving like 20k each in the account she should non-commital response.

As I said, you need to have a discussion with her like yesterday. Her orientation is clearly different from yours and i see you being short changed and ultimately resentful, if this is not nipped in the bud.

Some people are hoarders or stingy even to themselves. Note you said shes stingy even to her family. There was a thread about a woman whose family was complaining about her stinginess , though without more info on her circumstances in canada. I bet you, she will be stingy in marriage, even without intending to. Some women build houses and watch their husbands pay rent. What a mess!

Unfortunately, money is one of the 3 leading causes of divorce so you have to tread carefully. Explain to her that you are bothered cos theres rent, u need to buy land, soon you will be paying fees so she needs to be your helpmeet and try to earn her trust. I wish you Gods wisdom.

Femmyfamous4u:


She likes to look at her bank account and say yes, u have made XYZ or complain that I had certain amount but It has depleted to this usually after she buys some things in the house like groceries. ,Y major worry is that she doesn't assist her own family much.

Femmyfamous4u:
■ She likes to look at her bank account and say yes, u have made XYZ or complain that I had certain amount but It has depleted to this usually after she buys some things in the house like groceries. ,Y major worry is that she doesn't assist her own family much.

1. Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman.
■ Did you have the conversation with her before marriage about how you would both share the financial responsibilities involved in your union?
■ And did you reach some sort of agreement as far as what share each person is meant to bring to the table or something along those lines?

Not having that conversation before marriage only to the try to force it on her afterwards amounts to deception abeg! You need to go back to the negotiation table to renegotiate your agreement if you want her to happily accept what may be a new reality for her in marriage.

Femmyfamous4u:
■ I even initiated an idea that we create a joint account for our unborn children with the aim of saving like 20k each in the account she should non-commital response.

1. When did you initiate this idea? Before or after marriage. If you didn't broach any of it before marriage then definitely she would rightly feel shortchanged since it is likely you gave her the impression that she was entering into a union where you would be responsible for all of the financial burden.

Yes, according to your topic.

Kobojunkie:
1. When did you initiate this idea? Before or after marriage. If you didn't broach any of it before marriage then definitely she would rightly feel shortchanged since it is likely you gave her the impression that she was entering into a union where you would be responsible for all of the financial burden.

It was after marriage but really? is it okay for any lady going into marriage with the mentality of not contributing even though she earns?

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting. My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get. She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

Most Nigerian women don't believe in financially supporting their spouses.

Mindlog:


Deception, then later you see some creating threads like this as many deliberately choose not to discuss finances before marriage.

There is no deception anywhere. I did not deceive her at all. although somehow the topic did not come up but I felt it is only reasonable to do.

labake1:


The most silliest thing I have ever read on NL

From a perspective, it's true.

EriMma1:
This is why I'll never marry an average income earner because they can complain and press calculator? See all of them here. Calculator pressers.
That is why i advise men not to get married until they have a high income job, to avoid all this kind of headache but no, that small thing dangling under can't wait to start eating what the big boys are eating. They just jump enter marriage with 120k salary and start punching calculator here and there.

So when it comes to giving your wife money, mathematics go enter am?. You can't give her money to maintain that same body you mount every now and then? Na him you turn financial expert seeker/adviser.? SMH. This generation of men have lost it.

Na this kind things make marriage no dey hungry me again because if all a man can offer is to panel-beat my body and not care whether knots and bolts don dey loose or find it difficult to open hand and give me when I request, then ill rather live singularly, work and take care of myself without stress or any body knacking me up and down with no benefits or repair in sight. abi you wan dey chop me make i no chop you back? Damn! Na wa o.

Oga, give her pocket money. Na that one she go take know say she marry. Men are supposed to spend on their wife's, working class or not. That is why igbos name their wifes Oriakum, "eater of my wealth". It is your obligation to spend on her. I'm guessing you're Yoruba otherwise mouth no go gree you come talk this kind thing outside. I'm sure all your supporters here na Yoruba men. Kobojunkie number one.

In your 40s and you still don't have sense Mercychen.

Look at what a matured woman is spewing.

Did you even read the Op's story?

Femmyfamous4u:


It was after marriage but really? is it okay for any lady going into marriage with the mentality of not contributing even though she earns?

Which kind childish question be this?

Didn't you gauge the mentality of your wife before marrying her?

Seems like you assumed, no wonder we have this thread.

Kobojunkie was right afterall.

Do a simple calculation, her saving 50% of her salary for ten years.
Compare that with what you are able to save currently for same number of years.
Wake up bro, there is a need to have a conversation about family finances.

Femmyfamous4u:
Hello all, I need to know if I'm doing some things right or over reacting. My wife and I just married some months ago and we just spend here and there on stuffs. I bought food stuffs in the house and told her I will place her on 40k monthly to cover for soups and all and I expect her to add to it if it's not enough. I foot all bills- house rent, Power, and all . She earns a decent 6 figures salary also which is slightly higher than mine without the allowances I get. She expects me to still give her another allowance apart from the 49k I give her for food. Each time she buys stuff in the house she always want me to pay back in full; most times, I just pay a part of it which she always frowns and complains about. It appears she has a notion that her money is her money and mine is ours. My income is more than hers though. Do you think I should still give her personal pocket money?

Raalsalghul:


In your 40s and you still don't have sense Mercychen.

Look at what a matured woman is spewing.

Did you even read the Op's story?

Lol how do you know she's Mercychen?

That's silly. That woman may end up building a house secretly, putting it for rent and collecting huge sums, without you knowing, at least for some years.

What were u guys discussing during courtship...?

I guess nothing!

There is still room for adjustment but i doubt if this is good for a progressive family.

"Your money is our money and my own is mine" has made many family regressed badly beyond explanation,and it is the mentality of a suspicious woman

Femmyfamous4u:


I even initiated an idea that we create a joint account for our unborn children with the aim of saving like 20k each in the account she should non-commital response.

I feel your pain man, financing family alone these days is not an easy task at all. Let me teach one thing, selfish women hardly listen to peaceful talk or suggestions especially the ones that will curb their excess. You don't need to discuss anything with her or sit her down blablabla, just find some excuses and drop the money you feel is OK that will give your chance to save and invest.

Stop listen to her complaints, if the money is not enough, tell her to add to it or borrow you till you get enough money. By the time you do this for 6 months, she will get use to it and stop bordering you on some bills.

My wife works but I foot all the bills because I choose to. Although she buys things for the house on her own accord.

I'm a traditional man and I choose to take care of everything. I don't give her an allowance though, just occasional gifts, monetary or in items.

I'm not advising for people to do same, split the bills if that's what works for you.

My handling all the bills comes with its advantages, my wife doesn't begin to challenge me unnecessarily. When women contribute with you, they start seeing you as equals instead of you being the captain.

Maybe I should clarify, try to marry a woman you earn far more than. I've never believed in being with a woman who is in the same financial bracket as me. Women are not wired to be providers.

Since you both work, try this out.

Be responsible for all the major spending in the house and drinks.

Let your wife be responsible for only and all the food in the house.

Things you should have discussed b4 marriage is what you want to discuss after marriage.

Her money is her money oo

"Marriage is a strategy, there is no guarantee for its success" How many women really prefer a home to a house? A woman who needs a home will not put pressure on her Husband and will remain faithful, Sincere and committed till death do them apart.
Her money is her money while your money belong to all of you in the house. The only stranger a man is having in his house is his wife. When the chips are down she relocate back to her father's house and leave the children with the Ex as so called.Marriage is a deceit.

No. Collect from her instead!

Working class wife


Nigerians and anyhow talking is like bread and beans

Praisepriest:
You won't have savings not to talk of a future. If your salary is ,#100. Feeding should be #40, give her #10. You too take #15, parents #10 invest the rest for future. Women will push you into well and claim innocency

That last line..."Women will push into well and claim innocence" is too valid

Money is a big subject

This should have been taken care of during courtship and if this is not handled amicably now in this early stage, a time will come when if you dont bring money you will not eat, so I recommend going to the drawing board and define responsibility and financial budgeting.

I am just wondering how you met, dated, got engaged, visited your parents, then got married, and till today you have not discussed finances. People are interesting!