IyaTola:
When it was sweet, why didn't she divorce the man?

Aren't you here assuming it was once sweet?

litigator:
This question was asked, Nicodemeously, by one of my followers who is also a nairalander. I promised her that I will write about it for others to learn. Especially, our Christian sisters and mothers.

But before we begin, what do you think?

She can divorce her terminally ill husband if she expects her man to divorce her when she eventually becomes terminally ill.

Lame face saving

Fahvvy:


First off...
Where in my write up did I compare men and women in issues like this? ... Abi is this one of your delusional "smart" response? ...

Secondly...
"Being alone is a whole lot better than being with someone who have no qualms leaving you when things goes south ..."

This concluding statement of mine is not gender specific, but I guess a "smart ass" like you couldn't figure that out uhn ...

Enjoy your day "smart ass" ...

efficiencie:


She can divorce her terminally ill husband if she expects her man to divorce her when she eventually becomes terminally ill.

Bottom line know who you married. If you know your man is not the type to do stuff like that, stick by him.

cococandy:


Bottom line know who you married. If you know your man is not the type to do stuff like that, stick by him.

Why would any lady marry a man that will divorce her if she is terminally ill? Well probably because she's marrying for money and comfort and not looking out for character, leadership, purity, piety and selflessness.

efficiencie:
■ Why would any lady marry a man that will divorce her if she is terminally ill? Well probably because she's marrying for money and comfort and not looking out for character, leadership, purity, piety and selflessness.

Such a man is somehow better than such a woman?

cococandy:
Lame face saving

Uhhhnnnn ...
Is this the best response a "smart ass" like you can give? ... How "profound" ...

Well it's to be expected ...
We can't always comprehend the "wisdom" of the "wise" ...

cococandy:


He won’t even ask the question, he will leave her and start sleeping with another woman the moment she gets sick. It’s been researched with Evidence that majority of men do not stay with their sick wives. So shush

See how u stylishly evaded the question, but was ranting all over hakimi thread for buying properties in his mother's name.
Nobody is saying the man will stay either.
The poster u quoted never said the man will stay. But will the mother ever raise the question of leaving her son because of illness? There is nothing like divorce in a mother & son relationship, but in the case of wife? This is the reason a man will always place his mother's trust above that of his wife.

efficiencie:


Why would any lady marry a man that will divorce her if she is terminally ill? Well probably because she's marrying for money and comfort and not looking out for character, leadership, purity, piety and selflessness.

You’re indirectly saying a great many men lack these qualities because the study is up there for you to see. This is not anecdotal. Evidence shows that among the spouses who dump their other half during an illness, a greater percentage are men.

Maybe instead of doing that slimy about face that y’all do when you’re supposed to face facts, maybe ask your fellow men why they take vows saying in sickness and in health with absolutely no intentions of keeping it.

I’m certain you’re no different. The fact that you’re trying to blame the woman for giving the man a chance tells me you’re not different.

Marrying for money indeed. How many of you have money? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Klass99:


Lmao 🤣.

🤭

Klass99:
Several times on this forum I have seen male users say things like, your wife is not your blood. She is just someone you married and she can never be your blood, blood is thicker than water.

But when they are critically ill they will look to that same wife for care and help. They suddenly forget that she is not their blood and they won't look to their blood relatives for care.

Even the stupid and foolish women who interfere in their brother's marriages, antagonizing their wives and forming he is our brother, blood is thicker than water, they just married you into this family, blah blah blah..........

Will all vanish and run away when that man is critically ill. Leaving him to his wife alone, they will not remember that blood is thicker than water or a wife is just a stranger they married into their family.

All this to say - I will gladly abandon that man in his sickness for his blood to take care of. If he has the mentality in paragraph one and if he is from a family that behaves like what I described in paragraph three.

If they believe that wives are strangers in their homes.

Are they okay with their mothers being strangers to their fathers?

Rubbiish:

See how u stylishly evaded the question, but was ranting all over hakimi thread for buying properties in his mother's name.
Nobody is saying the man will stay either.
The poster u quoted never said the man will stay. But will the mother ever raise the question of leaving her son because of illness? There is nothing like divorce in a mother & son relationship, but in the case of wife? This is the reason a man will always place his mother's trust above that of his wife.

By that logic why bother getting married at all? He is free to marry his mother. And let her bear children that will simultaneously be his siblings, children and her grandkids.

After all incest is not a crime.

RomanGreen:
The question should be, should your husband divorce if you have a terminal illness? When you answer this genuinely then you will have your answer

no mind am. Women are naturally selfish and scheming. They are like sirens. They rotate according to financial circumstances

Kobojunkiee:
Aren't you here assuming it was once sweet?

Why didn't she divorce the man before he became terminally ill?

cococandy:


You’re indirectly saying a great many men lack these qualities because the study is up there for you to see. This is not anecdotal. Evidence shows that among the spouses who dump their other half during an illness, a greater percentage are men.

Maybe instead of doing that slimy about face that y’all do when you’re supposed to face facts, maybe ask your fellow men why they take vows saying in sickness and in health with absolutely no intentions of keeping it.

I’m certain you’re no different. The fact that you’re trying to blame the woman for giving the man a chance tells me you’re not different.

Marrying for money indeed. How many of you have money? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I don't see how you could deduce that I am inferring that more men lack the qualities I listed or that the woman gave the man a chance - which chance? Your conclusion does not logically follow from the premises you culled from my statement. I am not debating your so called facts even though overall, women are more likely to initiate a divorce than the man. My point is that men and women are complicit in the disaster that happens to them. Women prioritize financial security and physical attributes in their choice of a spouse while men prioritize physical attributes and sexual gratification in their choice of a spouse. Most men and women end up incentivizing bad men and bad women by gratifying them maritally. If all ladies agree never the marry a man for financial security or physical attributes but rather seek piety, purpose, leadership, selflessness and character I assure you that most bad men would be weeded out of the gene pool. Also if all men refuse to marry ladies that falter in piety, purpose, submissiveness, loyalty and sexual purity such women would be weeded out of the gene pool as well and generations later humanity can be proud of their ancestors and the decisions that made towards creating a perfected human race. However, this is not the case as most women love bad men that have money and look good while most men love bad women who have great physique and can perform signs and wonders in bed.

I knew about this line of thinking way before I got married and to GOD be the glory I have never regretted my marital choice. If couples make the right marital choices we won't have anyone asking the question that the OP asked.

efficiencie:


I don't see how you could deduce that I am inferring that more men lack the qualities I listed or that the woman gave the man a chance - which chance? Your conclusion does not logically follow from the premises you culled from my statement. I am not debating your so called facts even though overall, women are more likely to initiate a divorce than the man.

[b]My point is that men and women are complicit in the disaster that happens to them. Women prioritize financial security and physical attributes in their choice of a spouse while men prioritize physical attributes and sexual gratification in their choice of a spouse. Most men and women end up incentivizing bad men and bad women by gratifying them maritally. If all ladies agree never the marry a man for financial security or physical attributes but rather seek piety, purpose, leadership, selflessness and character I assure you that most bad men would be weeded out of the gene pool. Also if all men refuse to marry ladies that falter in piety, purpose, submissiveness, loyalty and sexual purity such women would be weeded out of the gene pool as well and generations later humanity can be proud of their ancestors and the decisions that made towards creating a perfected human race. However, this is not the case as most women love bad men that have money and look good while most men love bad women who have great physique and can perform signs and wonders in bed[/b]

I knew about this line of thinking way before I got married and to GOD be the glory I have never my marital choice. If couples make the right marital choices we won't have anyone asking the question that the OP asked

@bold and 2nd paragraph:

Very well said.

People should stop marrying foolish spouses so they stop asking foolish questions.

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What are you saying?

Kobojunkiee:
Aren't you here assuming it was once sweet?

Klass99:


You are just wicked or should I say evil?

😌 me? 🤭

efficiencie:


I don't see how you could deduce that I am inferring that more men lack the qualities I listed or that the woman gave the man a chance - which chance? Your conclusion does not logically follow from the premises you culled from my statement. I am not debating your so called facts even though overall, women are more likely to initiate a divorce than the man. My point is that men and women are complicit in the disaster that happens to them. Women prioritize financial security and physical attributes in their choice of a spouse while men prioritize physical attributes and sexual gratification in their choice of a spouse. Most men and women end up incentivizing bad men and bad women by gratifying them maritally. If all ladies agree never the marry a man for financial security or physical attributes but rather seek piety, purpose, leadership, selflessness and character I assure you that most bad men would be weeded out of the gene pool. Also if all men refuse to marry ladies that falter in piety, purpose, submissiveness, loyalty and sexual purity such women would be weeded out of the gene pool as well and generations later humanity can be proud of their ancestors and the decisions that made towards creating a perfected human race. However, this is not the case as most women love bad men that have money and look good while most men love bad women who have great physique and can perform signs and wonders in bed.

I knew about this line of thinking way before I got married and to GOD be the glory I have never regretted my marital choice. If couples make the right marital choices we won't have anyone asking the question that the OP asked.

It’s illogical to think that everyone whose spouse left them when they were ill must have been complicit by choosing the wrong person when in fact some of them were married over decades together and then their illness happened and they saw the person they married couldn’t handle the situation.

This is happening in such high volume you don’t think the problem is the way we are raising men to shy away from care giving? Calling it feminine to expect caregiving from men. You think the real problem is with the women choosing them? Following that logic no Nigerian man should be chosen because in that same situation, most of you would definitely leave. Apply this logic y’all claim to have.

bukatyne:


@bold and 2nd paragraph:

Very well said.

People should stop marrying foolish spouses so they stop asking foolish questions.

You don’t hesitate to add naive and reductive comments to posts that require more complex and nuanced takes. I’ve seen sick wives of decades who get left at the diagnosis of a terminal illness (some husbands too). Through those decades they built together, unlike what Efficience is implying some of them got married in their 20s as college sweethearts so definitely no gold digging involved. And 20-30 years later they get left in their 40s and 50s because they got a debilitating diagnosis.

You think they are at fault because they should have known 20-30 years ago what their spouse was going to do decades in the future.

Middle age will come for us all. I’m in my early 30s now. I’m humble enough to look at women in their 50s (even 60s) being continually done dirty and recognize they used to once be like me, young and assuming they know it all and have made all the perfect choices. This is not in any way to promote a pessimistic outlook on life but to recognize that I don’t know what I don’t know.

The haughtiness of assuming all those people made the wrong choices and we are the only ones who have it figured out.

litigator:
This question was asked, Nicodemeously, by one of my followers who is also a nairalander. I promised her that I will write about it for others to learn. Especially, our Christian sisters and mothers.

But before we begin, what do you think?

You have to share some basic details of their marriage (without breaching confidentiality). How long have they be married, number of children (if any), what their married life had been like before the man's health status became terminal etc.

I listed those because we have had a similar case in one of the therapy practice, I have worked in and after some sessions, the woman developed the clarity she needed to push for the divorce because there was a lot of deceits involved from the onset, the now ex-husband intentionally withholding some life-altering information etc. She didn't want to be a widow to a man, who depersonalized her during their 6 years together.....she moved on.

cococandy:




It’s illogical to think that everyone whose spouse left them when they were ill must have been complicit by choosing the wrong person when in fact some of them were married over decades together and then their illness happened and they saw the person they married couldn’t handle the situation.

This is happening in such high volume you don’t think the problem is the way we are raising men to shy away from care giving? Calling it feminine to expect caregiving from men. You think the real problem is with the women choosing them? Following that logic no Nigerian man should be chosen because in that same situation, most of you would definitely leave. Apply this logic y’all claim to have.



You don’t hesitate to add naive and reductive comments to posts that require more complex and nuanced takes. I’ve seen sick wives of decades who get left at the diagnosis of a terminal illness (some husbands too). Through those decades they built together, unlike what Efficience is implying some of them got married in their 20s as college sweethearts so definitely no gold digging involved. And 20-30 years later they get left in their 40s and 50s because they got a debilitating diagnosis.

You think they are at fault because they should have known 20-30 years ago what their spouse was going to do decades in the future.

Middle age will come for us all. I’m in my early 30s now. I’m humble enough to look at women in their 50s (even 60s) being continually done dirty and recognize they used to once be like me, young and assuming they know it all and have made all the perfect choices. This is not in any way to promote a pessimistic outlook on life but to recognize that I don’t know what I don’t know.

The haughtiness of assuming all those people made the wrong choices and we are the only ones who have it figured out.

When DJ Cuppy tells us that her daddy flew her from UK to Italy for a cone of ice-cream, it sounds strange to me because my papa nor get that kind money. I would however not dismiss her experience.

The fact you are surrounded by evil men doing women dirty or you have never seen a good man doesn't mean it is my experience.

I have seen really good men (nobody is perfect) do all they can to make their wives and children happy. I have seen men really respect and uphold the sanctity of marriage. I have seen men give wives second chances that wives might not give their husbands. I have also seen the not so good and the ugly.

So ma'am, leave me with my 'naive' posts borne out of my experience, my Christian faith and my personality while you continue to post your complex and nuanced ones borne out of your own experience.

Thank you.

efficiencie:
■ Why didn't she divorce the man before he became terminally ill?

1. Why can't she divorce him whenever it pleases her?

Why must she do so before?

Yes it’s totally ONLY my own personal experience because the world I live in only consists of my immediate surroundings. Nothing to do with anything I’ve seen or read happen to others. All the thousands of patients I care for in year in year out, are my personal experience.

Don’t get snippy when you tried to chime in (on a post that wasn’t responding to you anyway) with a haughty attitude and get called out for it. Just say you don’t see anything beyond 3 feet from your face and call it a day.

Christian faith. Me I’m a Buddhist I suppose

Edited. I seem to recall a post where you were saying men who find a traditional wife that doesn’t expect them to do caregiving duties are lucky. I don’t recall the exact text but it’s something along the lines of he who finds a wife that plays her part and doesn’t expect such does not know how blessed he is.

You don’t see how those uber strict social norms can contribute to a society where sick women get left because they can no longer be the primary care giver as the men aren’t adequately prepared to function in such roles?

bukatyne:


When DJ Cuppy tells us that her daddy flew her from UK to Italy for a cone of ice-cream, it sounds strange to me because my papa nor get that kind money. I would however not dismiss her experience.

The fact you are surrounded by evil men doing women dirty or you have never seen a good man doesn't mean it is my experience.

I have seen really good men (nobody is perfect) do all they can to make their wives and children happy. I have seen men really respect and uphold the sanctity of marriage. I have seen men give wives second chances that wives might not give their husbands. I have also seen the not so good and the ugly.

So ma'am, leave me with my 'naive' posts borne out of my experience, my Christian faith and my personality while you continue to post your complex and nuanced ones borne out of your own experience.

Thank you.

cococandy:

1. Yes it’s totally ONLY my own personal experience because the world I live in only consists of my immediate surroundings. Nothing to do with anything I’ve seen or read happen to others. All the thousands of patients I care for in year in year out, are my personal experience.

2. Don’t get snippy when you tried to chime in (on a post that wasn’t responding to you anyway) with a haughty attitude and get called out for it. Just say you don’t see anything beyond 3 feet from your face and call it a day.

3. Christian faith. Me I’m a Buddhist I suppose

4. Edited. I seem to recall a post where you were saying men who find a traditional wife that doesn’t expect them to do caregiving duties are lucky. I don’t recall the exact text but it’s something along the lines of he who finds a wife that plays her part and doesn’t expect such does not know how blessed he is.

5. You don’t see how those uber strict social norms can contribute to a society where sick women get left because they can no longer be the primary care giver as the men aren’t adequately prepared to function in such roles?

1. I said your experience and not your personal experience. I also said my experience. However you got that experience (books, patients, relatives, neighbours etc) is inconsequential.

2. This is cracking me up. Are you the OP? Come out and let's give you advice. Efficien. cie made a post I agreed with and I quoted the part relevant to me to address the OP. If you are not the OP, I honestly do not see how my post concerns you.

3. I gave a summary of what forms my 'naive' posts and you think it is tackling you again. Seems you dreamt of me this afternoon. Abeg send me meatpies and puffpuff. Since you mention Christianity, let me address this: you are not a Christian. You are struggling not to identify as one; I don't know why. Why did I state you are not a Christian? By your fruits (posts) here. You support things that God has stated is an abomination; you support Nigerian women doing wrong things because 'it is in retaliation to men'; you do not uphold the sanctity that the Biblical marriage has. You shy away from supporting the Biblical model of marriage and lifestyle. Nobody would read your posts and think you are a Christian. I do not know why you are struggling to dissociate yourself from Christianity; perhaps it is your conscience or the Holy Spirit still trying to convict you. To be honest, you cannot please the world & God. You need to choose one and be proud of it.

4. From the little you know about me, you should know I love receipts. Quote the post (not out of context) here. I have written epistles dissing fathers who think their role stops at financial provision. I have addressed several posters who think only women should do chores. Bring the receipts, don't speculate.

5. Back to point 4. Bring receipts where I stick to strict social norms. I don't stick to strict gender roles in my home so why would I preach it here when I know I would account for every post here as a Christian?

Waiting for receipts o! It makes the posts sweeter.

Mmm. So you quipped in with your snippy comeback to a post that efficience directed at me and you don’t know what it has to do with me. Sneaky lil thing.

Since you’re such a better Christian, why not let God have the final say? I mean your Bible does say that. And Jesus himself describes your type perfectly too. I know you see those verses when you read it. If you do read it.

If you’re such a champion for marital sanctity, you should be very vocal about the disgusting things the Christian men on here post about marriage and how they treat their wives. But they won’t see you a good woman if you do and that’s more important to you.

bukatyne:


1. I said your experience and not your personal experience. I also said my experience. However you got that experience (books, patients, relatives, neighbours etc) is inconsequential.

2. This is cracking me up. Are you the OP? Come out and let's give you advice. Efficien. cie made a post I agreed with and I quoted the part relevant to me to address the OP. If you are not the OP, I honestly do not see how my post concerns you.

3. I gave a summary of what forms my 'naive' posts and you think it is tackling you again. Seems you dreamt of me this afternoon. Abeg send me meatpies and puffpuff. Since you mention Christianity, let me address this: you are not a Christian. You are struggling not to identify as one; I don't know why. Why did I state you are not a Christian? By your fruits (posts) here. You support things that God has stated is an abomination; you support Nigerian women doing wrong things because 'it is in retaliation to men'; you do not uphold the sanctity that the Biblical marriage has. You shy away from supporting the Biblical model of marriage and lifestyle. Nobody would read your posts and think you are a Christian. I do not know why you are struggling to dissociate yourself from Christianity; perhaps it is your conscience or the Holy Spirit still trying to convict you. To be honest, you cannot please the world & God. You need to choose one and be proud of it.

4. From the little you know about me, you should know I love receipts. Quote the post (not out of context) here. I have written epistles dissing fathers who think their role stops at financial provision. I have addressed several posters who think only women should do chores. Bring the receipts, don't speculate.

5. Back to point 4. Bring receipts where I stick to strict social norms. I don't stick to strict gender roles in my home so why would I preach it here when I know I would account for every post here as a Christian?

Waiting for receipts o! It makes the posts sweeter.

Creamypie:
no mind am. Women are naturally selfish and scheming. They are like sirens. They rotate according to financial circumstances

Human beings (in general) naturally pursue what benefits them, yourself included.