JeffreyJunior:
You guys have been dating online, have only known each other for 10 months and she has already agreed to marry you.

Lord have mercy.😮

You really need to slow down, dude. No wonder your dad feels uncomfortable. I'm sure you are currently lying to him about knowing your woman so well and all that sh1t just like I lied to my folks too.😄

Been there, done that and I have a feeling you're headed the same path that I did. Thanks to heavens, things fell apart and it was like the shells in my eyes fell off.

You may not be as lucky as I was and once you're all in, your clock of destruction starts ticking.

beekind:

Let me explain, he says he is not forcing her but if she does not take the fertility test he will not attend the wedding, and he is very likely to prohibit my mom from also attending the wedding and maybe other family members too.

That puts me in a very difficult spot, very difficult spot.

beekind:

Na your type Ashake dey take sing, (agbongbon ju).
Even those that grew up together and dated for 20 years still have trouble in marriage, some even divorce sef.
I have seen the important ingredient I consider non-negotiable in a marriage in this lady and I love her.

Even if you know someone from birth, its not a fool proof assurance that the marriage will work.

beekind:

Standing my ground will mean my dad, mom and other members of my own family will not attend the wedding cos my dad said he will not attend the wedding if she does not do a fertility test.
No I haven't met her physically yet, we have only been dating online for 10 months now and haven't had a chance to visit Naija but I am visiting naija and will spend 4 months in naija when I visit later this month.

ednut1:
you have been out of 9ja for a long time. You dont know wetin dey sup. How about find an investigator in Nigeria to out about her. I volunteer to pay. Person wey fit dey another man house right now 🤣🤣🤣

beekind:
I am a 38 year old Nigerian American citizen dating a 26 year old Nigeria girl.
I grew up in Nigeria but travelled out to the USA when I was 25 years old, I am a citizen now and doing really well for myself.
I met a beautiful and godly Nigerian girl on facebook and we have been dating for some months now we are now thinking of marriage, she is in Nigeria while I am in the USA.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

This was very shocking for me as he insisted that it is his position, I haven't told my fiance cos I dont know how to and my fiance is scheduled to pay my parents a visit for the first time in Port Harcourt in 2 weeks time.
My fiance is from Delta but lives in Portharcout as my parents while we are from Port harcourt.

My dad has said if I cannot tell her that he will, what do you guys think ?

Honest advise please and admin kindly push to front page for wider advise.

Thanks.

beekind:

Standing my ground will mean my dad, mom and other members of my own family will not attend the wedding cos my dad said he will not attend the wedding if she does not do a fertility test.
No I haven't met her physically yet, we have only been dating online for 10 months now and haven't had a chance to visit Naija but I am visiting naija and will spend 4 months in naija when I visit later this month.

ExpressBooking:
Well I'd like to ask if you are the one marrying or your dad?

Your dad's role in your marriage at 38, should me advisory.

Does your dad want you to get married for the purpose of happiness and companionship or for the purpose of reproduction?

What do you want for yourself?.

Forcing or coercing the prospective wife to do a fertility test, might send the wrong reasons about the marriage to her. And trust me she will discuss it with people who will put such thoughts in her head, even if she wasn't that kind of person.

Equally be assured that if you choose to go ahead with ur marriage plans, and encounter fertility issues tomorrow, you won't dare speak to your family about it, it's your cross alone.

It all boils down to taking your decision for or against it, and standing by your decision. That's what makes you a man

ednut1:
you have been out of 9ja for a long time. You dont know wetin dey sup. How about find an investigator in Nigeria to find out about her. I volunteer to pay. Person wey fit dey another man house right now 🤣🤣🤣

JovialJune:
Subtle jabs everywhere 😒

I'm here for it😂

pocohantas:


How about you pay an investigator to find about yourself? Majority of you diasporans will use your hand to come for homebased partners, then peace of mind would depart them. Save yourself the stress and marry there.

The guy is 38 and SINGLE, but na the girl you wan pay to investigate. So the OP hasn't visited another woman's house since he was born? Diasporans always claiming spotless by virtue of foreign citizenship. Na all these girls wey fit die to marry abroad guy una fit do this one for. Bunch of narcissists!

Exodus15v11:
As a Doctor and as your Dad, he has your best interests at heart. He's in the best position to guide and advise you accordingly, and is trying to do just that. It's up to you to listen.

Besides, these are normal pre-marriage protocols and he asked you to do them first, so it only makes sense that she does the same. I don't see the big deal in asking her to also do them, unless you're afraid to ask.

ednut1:
lol the volunteer to pay part na joke o. To me any guy wey don pass 35 and never married na red flag too 🤣🤣. Poverty and hardship dey the land many people both men and women dey find who to use for japa. Me I expect a 38 years old guy who don tey for usa which is one of the divorce capital of the world to be wiser o , girl wey you never see 🤣

beekind:

Standing my ground will mean my dad, mom and other members of my own family will not attend the wedding cos my dad said he will not attend the wedding if she does not do a fertility test.
No I haven't met her physically yet, we have only been dating online for 10 months now , and haven't had a chance to visit Naija but I am visiting Naija and will spend 4 months in Naija when I visit later this month.

And you don't want to request for fertility test? Lol, I will not talk.

Why are you scared to tell the lady? Did it take you extra effort to finally find a woman? I don't understand why you are making a mountain out of a molehill here.

Persephone1:
And you don't want to request for fertility test? Lol, I will not talk.

Why are you scared to tell the lady? Did it take you extra effort to finally find a woman? I don't understand why you are making a mountain out of a molehill here.

pocohantas:


It is not an easy thing to say to anyone. If my dad requests for my man's fertility test, I would also find it hard to tell him. It is on this thread I realised it is easy for many of you.

Persephone1:
When a father request for fertility test, it does not necessarily mean result will be shared with him. It is for intending couples to know what they are getting into.
This way it is very easy for many of us.

pocohantas:


Based on this thread, it would definitely be shared with him. Maybe you are talking of another thread.

beekind:

Let me explain, he says he is not forcing her but if she does not take the fertility test he will not attend the wedding, and he is very likely to prohibit my mom from also attending the wedding and maybe other family members too.

That puts me in a very difficult spot, very difficult spot.

Persephone1:
If the test is conducted by him, yes. If not that is a decision for the couples to make. Perhaps sharing result should be the debate and not requesting for test.

pocohantas:


I do not take any age as a red flag, because life happens to people and sometimes they find themselves there. In fact, I prefer them in that age range. Except of course you show me something that I can't take.

So what if they want to japa? The most important thing should be the person's intentions for you. Your citizenship is a bonus, a good one. I am not hyped abour relocation, as such I am quite impatient to you guys usual shenanigans. Feels like it is not worth it to me. I would rather be divorced in Nigeria than in America/Canada or UK. At least there is no incentive to leaving a man in Nigeria. But abroad? No one would listen to me. They will say I have used Ednut for papers and dumped him. Women are as scared as you guys are. Some of you could be drug addicts or serial killers. You can shoot me to death. We have seen it happen.

Make una allow us breathe abeg. One of your Canadian brothers is currently giving my friend high bp and I have told her the day she breaks up is the the day she will start sleeping well.

pocohantas:


Please read the opening post again.

ednut1:
lol if your friend loves herself make she break up o. Its not every abroad guy self that wants to bring their wife over o. Some want to keep in Nigeria o.

Man or woman i take God beg una before you go back home to marry at least know this person well first. 10 months of online dating with seeing . This one is talking marriage. I weak o

Persephone1:
Read.
I maintain there is nothing wrong with the request and it should be a thing to do for anyone who wants to gamble into getting a life partner from an online dating pool.

Op's father is proactive , Op should have thought about it and requested for it first. The father nullify any form of judgement from me because he did it to his own son first. He is fair.