beekind:

Standing my ground will mean my dad, mom and other members of my own family will not attend the wedding cos my dad said he will not attend the wedding if she does not do a fertility test.
No I haven't met her physically yet, we have only been dating online for 10 months now and haven't had a chance to visit Naija but I am visiting naija and will spend 4 months in naija when I visit later this month.

What are the specific fertility tests he wants her to do?

I don't think you should marry the lady as it is obvious you are not yet ready to get married. Sooner than later, your father will need control your home and that will only bring more troubles and you will surely accuse the lady of not been submissive, has temper issues, etc.

bukatyne:


Mr. Sane Society,

In a haste to discredit what you do not understand, you started fumbling.

1. Virginity/Chastity tests in this case are actually discriminatory against women because only women can be tested. The Church acknowledges that a person might have fornicated before giving their lives to Christ or getting married and are giving you a clean slate to start afresh before marriage. At the start of counselling, you both are told to drop all old vices and consecrate yourselves towards the wedding. Considering that counselling usually occurs about three months before the marriage, it is not too long for a serious couple to abstain.

2. There is freedom of association. Infact, the Church is sometimes overburdened with ceremonies because they cannot conduct ceremonies during national/regional/provincial/area/parish programme days that they move marriages to sister parishes or combine weddings. In essence, the Church is not begging anybody to marry in it. If you do not like the rules, you can move on and continue attending the church after your wedding ceremony. The people whom the rules are made for are not complaining. The Church also stipulate their requirements during counselling; it is not a surprise. If you don't like it, waka. This is not a case for social justice warriors. Stick to your sane clime and do things as you like.

Typical Nigerian lacking in deductive reasoning.

If virginity test discriminates against women does pregnancy test not encourage people to abort their babies ?

Of what importance is a pregnancy test if the church will still wed a single mother/father ?

Does pregnancy test not discriminate against the women considering a man may have impregnated multiple women and still be eligible for wedding in the church ?

Lazy Nigerian youth who waits for half educated so called Men Of God to decide what directions their life will take.

Yet the country is the most corrupt and sexually depraved, pretenders forming holy.

Klass99:


I have had medical tests where I didn't know some of what I was being tested for. You know how you go in for one thing and they decide to do the full works, then they write stuff down in medical terminology lay men don't understand........I always have to ask them to speak English and break it down to me. It's possible that looking at his results alone he didn't figure it out, until popsie a medical doctor pointed it out..

I think you can be excused because a blood sample can be used to test so many things so of course unless you know what they are testing for, you many not realize it at the time.

But male fertility test requires sperm sample. They have to ejaculate semen into a cup and hand the sample over to the lab to be inspected under a microscope for concentration, viability and motility etc. Which is why it makes no sense that he didn’t realize what test it was for at the time. Just wondering if it’s another NL story. That’s all.

Klass99:


Lol. Okay I give up, you make a valid point. It could be a fake story but from my observation fake posters don't always stick around to engage and answer questions or when they do they are very dodgy. But then again I remember the likes of oldie.naive and I can't help but laugh.

What did oldie navy do? Lol

Klass99:






🤣 Una get issues no be small but thanks for making my day I am still laughing as I type this.

But na true na. Ednut wey run show for Lagos. If we investigate Ednut here ehn. I dey sure say e done break at least 43hearts in Lagos and Canada.

Klass99:


Lol. Okay I give up, you make a valid point. It could be a fake story but from my observation fake posters don't always stick around to engage and answer questions or when they do they are very dodgy. But then again I remember the likes of oldie.naive and I can't help but laugh.

Nah. One usual trait is how they intensify the story. It is always the same theme, "abroad, my father say, wife, infidelity, my mother say"

Klass99:


I am still learning how they operate. If a topic is interesting and I feel like sharing my thoughts I go ahead and do so, not knowing if it's fake or not. I truly can't tell sef.

Our diasporan brothers should actually be feared like you rightly said, the colleague who left her husband over anal sex issues said the guy lived in the US for years and picked up the practice there, first it started with always wanting to insert his finger in her bum bum while taking her from behind, then it proceeded to wanting full blown action.

There was also a front page thread where a naija lady said she discovered her naija hubby had been visiting prostitutes for anal sex and all sorts in Canada before she moved to join him. Apart from their sexual practices overseas, you are spot on about the gun violence and drugs too, not to mention the skoin skoin some of them acquire from living there

I check these days because some are habitual trolls. I only responded to this one because of Ednut who I am quite familiar with.

Well said, but they somehow think they are perfect. I have never seen a story that involved them and they at least accepted one fault. It is always the lady. We have also seen stories of the ones that claimed to be doctors only for the lady to reach there and see Uber driver. Many stories abound, but NO, it is the lady here that should be investigated. Leave them alone and you still won't have rest.

Klass99:


Lol, I can't tell you I need to show you. I will update my post once I find the thread where he was busted.
Start from biglittle.lois's comment on page one then move on to Poco and Ishi's
https://www.nairaland.com/7595908/dilemma-she-problem-me-future#121454323

Cc: Cococandy, link to thread updated.

Omg I’ve gone down a rabbit hole. For the amount of time I spend on this forum you’d think I’d know what’s going on but no. Late to the party as usual

Klass99:


I am still learning how they operate. If a topic is interesting and I feel like sharing my thoughts I do so, not knowing if the story is fake or not. I truly can't tell sef.

Me too. In this case I’m just guessing based on how male fertility tests are done . I could be wrong. We’ll see

Klass99:


What is wrong with you Coco? You even went and commented on the thread, effectively resurrecting a dead thread. I am not showing you anything again in future

I’m sorry

Okay I’ll delete my comment. It was just too funny. Walls of his DM

Pocohantas won’t kill me

oldienavie:

Typical Nigerian lacking in deductive reasoning.

If virginity test discriminates against women does pregnancy test not encourage people to abort their babies ?

Of what importance is a pregnancy test if the church will still wed a single mother/father ?

Does pregnancy test not discriminate against the women considering a man may have impregnated multiple women and still be eligible for wedding in the church ?

Lazy Nigerian youth who waits for half educated so called Men Of God to decide what directions their life will take.

Yet the country is the most corrupt and sexually depraved, pretenders forming holy.

Do you lack comprehension that the Church is not forcing you to marry with them or are you just in the mood to tell us what you think about Nigeria today because this your ranting ko yemi.

Church is not forcing you to marry with them; their policies are also stated months before the wedding so you are not stranded if you can’t abide. They even give you the opportunity to clean your slate if you have been having sex prior to that.

So what exactly is your problem?

Bros, it is not everything you must have an opinion on. How can pregnancy test discriminate against a woman when the man & woman is penalised? How can a man pregnate multiple women and still be eligible for marriage when he would present himself as the partner for at least one of the women assuming he is so promiscuous that he has multiple sexual partners?

You have stated your point that you do not want to abstain from sex or want to be allowed to marry with pregnancy. We hear you and I believe that our traditional & court wedding allows that.

Do as you deem fit; the Church has decided to do as they deem fit and your opinion or lack of is inconsequential.

Won ri tie ro rara.

bukatyne:


Do you lack comprehension that the Church is not forcing you to marry with them or are you just in the mood to tell us what you think about Nigeria today because this your ranting ko yemi.

Church is not forcing you to marry with them; their policies are also stated months before the wedding so you are not stranded if you can’t abide. They even give you the opportunity to clean your slate if you have been having sex prior to that.

So what exactly is your problem?

Bros, it is not everything you must have an opinion on. How can pregnancy test discriminate against a woman when the man & woman is penalised? How can a man pregnate multiple women and still be eligible for marriage when he would present himself as the partner for at least one of the women assuming he is so promiscuous that he has multiple sexual partners?

You have stated your point that you do not want to abstain from sex or want to be allowed to marry with pregnancy. We hear you and I believe that our traditional & court wedding allows that.

Do as you deem fit; the Church has decided to do as they deem fit and your opinion or lack of is inconsequential.

Won ri tie ro rara.

Since you lack comprehension, I will break it down for you.

A man working in Abuja impregnates 3 women while engaged to a lady in Lagos.

He comes to Lagos to marry the lady he is engaged to, how does pregnancy test address that.

Also, a woman can get pregnant abort and still wed in the church and so does a single lady who has given birth previously.

oldienavie:

1. Since you lack comprehension, I will break it down for you.

2. A man working in Abuja impregnates 3 women while engaged to a lady in Lagos.

3. He comes to Lagos to marry the lady he is engaged to, how does pregnancy test address that.

4. Also, a woman can get pregnant abort and still wed in the church and

5. so does a single lady who has given birth previously.

1. That's your forte

2. What concerns the Church with the three side chics expect they are marrying another man which is then paternity fraud because an innocent man would not be wedded.

3. Is the lady he is marrying pregnant? Do you know the purpose of the pregnancy test Go and do your research and stop asking nonsense questions

4. Is the woman doing the Church or herself? Would the Church grapple with the guilt of murder and complications (if any)?

5. I ask again: do you know why the Church does not wed pregnant women?

bukatyne:


1. That's your forte

2. What concerns the Church with the three side chics expect they are marrying another man which is then paternity fraud because an innocent man would not be wedded.

3. Is the lady he is marrying pregnant? Do you know the purpose of the pregnancy test Go and do your research and stop asking nonsense questions

4. Is the woman doing the Church or herself? Would the Church grapple with the guilt of murder and complications (if any)?

5. I ask again: do you know why the Church does not wed pregnant women?

You are missing the point, so Sade can get pregnant abort it and still have the church wed her but Ngozi that kept her pregnancy cannot be wedded in church ?

Do you realise this policy promotes hypocrisy and encourages abortion ?

This conversation reminds me of a church whoose Pastor told that a TV is a devils box for years, they even went to the extent of excommunicating members who had TV in their houses.
Today that same church has a TV in all their branches for bible study.

I am sure its people like you who refuse to reason and always agree with what they are told that full that church.

@OP how come you have chosen to marry a lady in her mid 20s, we have plenty if women in nairaland in there 30s who are still single, who will marry such women ?

oldienavie:

You are missing the point, so Sade can get pregnant abort it and still have the church wed her but Ngozi that kept her pregnancy cannot be wedded in church ?

Do you realise this policy promotes hypocrisy and encourages abortion ?

This conversation reminds me of a church whoose Pastor told that a TV is a devils box for years, they even went to the extent of excommunicating members who had TV in their houses.
Today that same church has a TV in all their branches for bible study.

I am sure its people like you who refuse to reason and always agree with what they are told that full that church.

Oldnavie stop biko. You are not supposed to be fornicating and aborting. The solution is not to abort. The solution is to close ya legs. Rather than be a hypocrite, you can choose not to wed in the church. It is not compulsory o!!

pocohantas:


Oldnavie stop biko. You are not supposed to be fornicating and aborting. The solution is not to abort. The solution is to close ya legs. Rather than be a hypocrite, you can choose not to wed in the church. It is not compulsory o!!

I didnt say you are, but making pregnancy a condition to deny wedding in the church is an ill thought decision.

I just showed the dangers of such a policy, this is the reason why our churches are filled with hypocrites and pretenders.

If the church wants to really discourage fornication then they would be demanding for virginity tests and not pregnancy tests.

oldienavie:

I didnt say you are, but making pregnancy a condition to deny wedding in the church is an ill thought decision.

I just showed the dangers of such a policy, this is the reason why our churches are filled with hypocrites and pretenders.

If the church wants to really discourage fornication then they would be demanding for virginity tests and not pregnancy tests.

While you have a point, it is really as simple as not having a church marriage if you can't meet up with their "standard". Or maybe they don't do virginity test because they know some people have fallen short of His glory and repented. This doesn't include the pregnant ones obviously.

cococandy:
She’s even doing him a favor. Small small he will clock 45 and still wait for his dad to tell him what to do.

may God purnish u coco Hippocrates u are too fake for my liking a wicked person remember u born son and brother.why did u hate men so much. U are attacking dis guy but where d woman did bad I mention u but u neva talk but quiet as a coward but come here to start rubbish u see wat bad woman do u kept quiet

Thanks everyone for your words of advise, I decide I will inform her albeit diplomatically rather than let my dad do it.
That means it will have to wait till I arrive naija later this month.
We'd both be doing another round of tests together, I won't tell her I did it already to prevent her feeling like this was planned.

Will try to make it as spontaneous as possible and also sound like its standard procedure, just like people have suggested.

Thanks all.

Bossjakande:
may God purnish u coco Hippocrates u are too fake for my liking a wicked person remember u born son and brother.why did u hate men so much. U are attacking dis guy but where d woman did bad I mention u but u neva talk but quiet as a coward but come here to start rubbish u see wat bad woman do u kept quiet

coco never born son na , na only daughters she get biko

One minute we are in page one, the next e don jump to page 4. Una too like argument on these streets

beekind:

Guy please don't address my dad like that.

Guy how u want me to address him?? Isn't papa same thing as dad?

beekind:
I am a 38 year old Nigerian American citizen dating a 26 year old Nigeria girl.
I grew up in Nigeria but travelled out to the USA when I was 25 years old, I am a citizen now and doing really well for myself.
I met a beautiful and godly Nigerian girl on facebook and we have been dating for some months now we are now thinking of marriage, she is in Nigeria while I am in the USA.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

This was very shocking for me as he insisted that it is his position, I haven't told my fiance cos I dont know how to and my fiance is scheduled to pay my parents a visit for the first time in Port Harcourt in 2 weeks time.
My fiance is from Delta but lives in Portharcout as my parents while we are from Port harcourt.

My dad has said if I cannot tell her that he will, what do you guys think ?

Honest advise please and admin kindly push to front page for wider advise.

Thanks.

Assuming you are around with her then you can pregnant her and the issue of fertility test will end naturally

Your dad have asked you to do the same test and you did, so inform her that your dad wants to do medical test for you and her

If she refuses, then she is not willing to subject herself for the test

Your dad wants to be medically sure of whom you are getting involved with in your relationship to avoid stories

beekind:
I am a 38 year old Nigerian American citizen dating a 26 year old Nigeria girl.
I grew up in Nigeria but travelled out to the USA when I was 25 years old, I am a citizen now and doing really well for myself.
I met a beautiful and godly Nigerian girl on facebook and we have been dating for some months now we are now thinking of marriage, she is in Nigeria while I am in the USA.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

This was very shocking for me as he insisted that it is his position, I haven't told my fiance cos I dont know how to and my fiance is scheduled to pay my parents a visit for the first time in Port Harcourt in 2 weeks time.
My fiance is from Delta but lives in Portharcout as my parents while we are from Port harcourt.

My dad has said if I cannot tell her that he will, what do you guys think ?

Honest advise please and admin kindly push to front page for wider advise.

Thanks.

Please never mind the unguided statements by others.
The reality just as said by some, is that, your father wants your best interest.
Here are my reasons for. him opting for a fertility test from you both.
1. Remember he asked for yours before the girls' hence, he's not being one sided.
2. The rate of quackery and non-medical abortion is on the rise in Naija, especially the big cites.
3. If any imbalance is noticed, it can be fixed timely. Remember, early detection gives good prognosis in most cases.
4. There are several things that can be avoided/amended without disturbing God in Heaven, if we do our own part.
5. I'm sure in additon to the fertility, he had also requested for blood typing/phenotyping, grouping, veneral diseases etc

My resolution: follow his advice

Has to do fertility tests before he allows you to marry?

You're a grown man. Put your foot down.