I think it was an invasion of privacy to view people's browsing history.

1Sharon:
■ I think it was an invasion of privacy to view people's browsing history.

Invasion of privacy on network wey I dey pay for?

Kobojunkie:
Invasion of privacy on network wey I dey pay for?

So? Are you the type of African patent that wont allow their kid's to lock doors or search their things all because you pay the bill?

1Sharon:
■ So? Are you the type of African patent that wont allow their kid's to lock doors or search their things all because you pay the bill?

I am not that kind of parent neither am I the kind who would turn a blind eye or ignore when I see something wrong. I am equally not that kind of parent who wouldn't monitor the activity of my kids in my own home. They are your ward and you their guardian for that very reason.

Kobojunkie:
I am not that kind of parent neither am I the kind who would turn a blind eye or ignore when I see something wrong. I am equally not that kind of parent who wouldn't monitor the activity of my kids in my own home. They are your ward and you there guardian for that very reason.

Prevention is better than cure

VeeVeeMyLuv:

■ Prevention is better than cure

Nothing grinds my gears in this more than parents who have absolutely no clue what their kids have been up to. If you can't be a guardian then you have no business having kids at all.

Some folks here will tell you they are raising "free range" kids, and my response to such is when such kids err, both child and parent should be incarcerated.

1Sharon:
I think it was an invasion of privacy to view people's browsing history.

It's not, especially if I am the one paying for the Internet subscription and their bills.

questioner:
My mum has people staying with her - my niece, an extended family member and a close family friend and her daughter.
We are okay with it cos it ensures she always has company and reduces the need to always travel to check on her.


Recently the monthly subscription I do on the router at home, which usually has carry over data by the time it expires, now lasts about a week before they start calling me to renew
Everybody in the house denied being the cause of the data drain.


Last week, I came to spend some days at my mum's and first thing I did was to install a network tracker to monitor.
Long story short, I discovered the excessive consumption was from my niece but that's not the major issue.
She was visiting porn sites which was draining data but that's still not the major prob.
My problem was the frequency and how long she spent on porn daily.


The day I came, after she retreated to her room, the porn streaming started and didn't stop until the family member sharing a room with her came back at night.
The next morning once the other lady left for work, she continued with the porn until it was time to leve for her lessons.
Once she came back in the afternoon, she did some chores, ate, sat around the sitting room for a while and went inside
and boom the porn resumed until the other girl came around hours later. This was practically the routine for the 4 days I stayed there.


The day I was to leave I told my mum that I observed the drain came from my niece and blocked her from the router.
She called my niece and questioned her but she denied knowing anything about it, I spared her blushes by saying sometimes apps have background processes that consume data without the owner knowing.


Ever since, I have been wondering if I handled the situation properly.
I didn't confront her about it cos I was concerned about the embarrassment she will feel for a male family to find out about her secret.
She might even assume I have told my mum or my elder bro (her dad), which might weigh her down emotionally.


Also, I am concerned if this is a sign of promiscuity, she will be 17 next month And aside the fact that she's quite tall, she might as well pass for a 14 year old. She's barely endowed for her age- bottomline, not the kind of girl, you will associate with waywardness.

My question is
1. Would it have been better if I had confronted her
2. Is this a possible sign of promiscuity ? - if so, I will suggest mum sends her back to her Dad cos I am not sure at her advanced age
she should be dealing with issues like this, to avoid stories that touch later on

just an opportunity to educate her on the ABC of sex & the consequences of excessive porn addiction, just mk it an harmless & casual conversation, starts with open ended questions & end it with your advise. Meanwhile, add her back on the network & cap her daily usage to maybe 2-3gb.

Pray for her and allow the holy spirit guide her

Kobojunkie:
Nothing grinds my gears in this more than a parent who has absolutely no clue what their kids have been up to. If you can't be a [b]guardian then you have no business having kids at all.[/b]

Some folks here will tell you they are raising "free range" kids, and my response to such is when such kids err, both child and parent should be incarcerated.

A teenager who has lived with her parents from the day he/she was born can easily fool that parents. and they could concealed somethings by using stealth they have mastered for years, they understand how sensitive their parents are and could easily apply counter psychological measures to avert any possible suspicion. One of the best ways to know what your teenage child is capable of doing is inviting their close friends home and study their friends behavior.

i hate this generation, back in the days of old such an act is treacherous and should be dealt with before it degenerate to pregnancy or other bad stuff, but people are out there saying leave her alone. that why we keep breeding oloshos everywhere

note she fit don dey upload her nude and earning some change o

mariahAngel:
Are you waiting till she gets pregnant?
That "embarrassment" might be what would save her from ruining her future.

You found out for a reason, so do something about it.
If not, you might regret not doing so on time.

Even though I dont agree with this, I respect your opinion cos it's coming from a lady.
You said do something - what do you suggest can be done ?

questioner:
I also had periods in my early 20s when I was sort of addicted to porn for a couple of years. And it sort of left on its own when I started dating and having sex

Also in my case and in many cases, watching porn wasn't associated with promiscuity. Infact, I wasn't freaked about it during the period I consider my wayward phase. I have many friends too who were quite reserved who told me they battled porn while younger.

These are the reasons why I sort of didn't want to address her.

Just that I am a guy and the reality might be different for girls

that means it runs in the blood

questioner:



Thanks for your take.

My mum doesn't know she views or is addicted to porn, I just told her the huge consumption is from her phone.

Also the network tracker is on my system and I have left the place now, so the network is no longer being monitored. Just that her phone is blocked

When next you go home. Tell her u blocked for going to sites that consume Data and only u and her knows about the sites. You are going to unblock her now and if you notice her visiting those sites, your mum and her dad will know about it. Tell her you love her so much and don't want her to spoil

questioner:
My mum has people staying with her - my niece, an extended family member and a close family friend and her daughter.
We are okay with it cos it ensures she always has company and reduces the need to always travel to check on her.


Recently the monthly subscription I do on the router at home, which usually has carry over data by the time it expires, now lasts about a week before they start calling me to renew
Everybody in the house denied being the cause of the data drain.


Last week, I came to spend some days at my mum's and first thing I did was to install a network tracker to monitor.
Long story short, I discovered the excessive consumption was from my niece but that's not the major issue.
She was visiting porn sites which was draining data but that's still not the major prob.
My problem was the frequency and how long she spent on porn daily.


The day I came, after she retreated to her room, the porn streaming started and didn't stop until the family member sharing a room with her came back at night.
The next morning once the other lady left for work, she continued with the porn until it was time to leve for her lessons.
Once she came back in the afternoon, she did some chores, ate, sat around the sitting room for a while and went inside
and boom the porn resumed until the other girl came around hours later. This was practically the routine for the 4 days I stayed there.


The day I was to leave I told my mum that I observed the drain came from my niece and blocked her from the router.
She called my niece and questioned her but she denied knowing anything about it, I spared her blushes by saying sometimes apps have background processes that consume data without the owner knowing.


Ever since, I have been wondering if I handled the situation properly.
I didn't confront her about it cos I was concerned about the embarrassment she will feel for a male family to find out about her secret.
She might even assume I have told my mum or my elder bro (her dad), which might weigh her down emotionally.


Also, I am concerned if this is a sign of promiscuity, she will be 17 next month And aside the fact that she's quite tall, she might as well pass for a 14 year old. She's barely endowed for her age- bottomline, not the kind of girl, you will associate with waywardness.

My question is
1. Would it have been better if I had confronted her
2. Is this a possible sign of promiscuity ? - if so, I will suggest mum sends her back to her Dad cos I am not sure at her advanced age
she should be dealing with issues like this, to avoid stories that touch later on

It’s a phase but you need to speak with her.

Abeg which router/infrastructure you dey use wey allow you monitor traffic?

questioner:
I also had periods in my early 20s when I was sort of addicted to porn for a couple of years. And it sort of left on its own when I started dating and having sex

Also in my case and in many cases, watching porn wasn't associated with promiscuity. Infact, I wasn't freaked about it during the period I consider my wayward phase. I have many friends too who were quite reserved who told me they battled porn while younger.

These are the reasons why I sort of didn't want to address her.

Just that I am a guy and the reality might be different for girls

Ah, now I see why you couldn't report her to your mum. I give it to you, you're not a hypocrite, but you could have had a word with her in private. Knowing that her cover has been blown, she would focus her time on more progressive things.

1Sharon:


So? Are you the type of African patent that wont allow their kid's to lock doors or search their things all because you pay the bill?

Lock doors in the house I built myself? oga just dey play.

Kobojunkie:
I am not that kind of parent neither am I the kind who would turn a blind eye or ignore when I see something wrong. I am equally not that kind of parent who wouldn't monitor the activity of my kids in my own home. They are your ward and you there guardian for that very reason.

He wasn't scrutinising the browsing history because he's a guardian. He did it because he wanted to know why his data kept running out.
He happened to find out it was the 17 year old that was watching porn. If it was the adult, what would he have done then?

The girl is curious and may be going through a phase. Most men have been watching porn at a way younger age.

mysticwarrior:
A teenager who has lived with her parents from the day he/she was born can easily fool that parents. and they could concealed somethings by using stealth they have mastered for years, they understand how sensitive their parents are and could easily apply counter psychological measures to avert any possible suspicion. One of the best ways to know what your teenage child is capable of doing is inviting their close friends home and study their friends behavior.

Parents were themselves once children and so should be able to apply even the wisdom from those years to their raising of their wards. A parent easily fooled by the antics of his ward is a parent that is not qualified for the job of parenting in my book.

Pootle:
i hate this generation, back in the days of old such an act is treacherous and should be dealt with before it degenerate to pregnancy or other bad stuff, but people are out there saying leave her alone. that why we keep breeding oloshos everywhere

note she fit don dey upload her nude and earning some change o

Abeg. Back in the days you guys had blue films. Most men have been watching porn from way younger than 17, from around 12.

Kobojunkie:
Nothing grinds my gears in this more than a parent who has absolutely no clue what their kids have been up to. If you can't be a guardian then you have no business having kids at all.

Some folks here will tell you they are raising "free range" kids, and my response to such is when such kids err, both child and parent should be incarcerated.

Lol you can never know 100% what your kid is up to.

1Sharon:
■ He wasn't scrutinising the browsing history because he's a guardian. He did it because he wanted to know why his data kept running out.
■ He happened to find out it was the 17 year old that was watching porn. If it was the adult, what would he have done then?
■ The girl is curious and may be going through a phase. Most men have been watching porn at a way younger age.

1. If you are back on the OP's story, well, OP is paying and his mother is the girl's guardian, right?

2. So long as it is his money paying for the internet, he has a right to decide what users on his network can use it for.

3. Who cares? She can go through the phase on her own tab, not when the person footing the bill is complaining.

1Sharon:
■ Lol you can never know 100% what your kid is up to.

I didn't say anything about knowing 100%. Parents ought to be in the know of who their kids are hanging with, where their kids may be, and what their kids may be up to.

I suggest you have a conversation with her about it, curiosity is when she goes to porn site once in a while, addiction is when she is on it for hours everyday, caution her politely and make her see reasons why it will not help her in any way.

Kobojunkie:
I didn't say anything about knowing 100%. Parents ought to be in the know of who their kids are hanging with, where their kids may be, and what their kids may be up to.

Lol they can easily lie about that..

Jovialjune1:
I suggest you have a conversation with her about it, curiosity is when she goes to porn site once in a while, addiction is when she is on it for hours everyday, caution her politely and make her see reasons why it will not help her in any way

P.S hope she doesn't just watch lesbian porn cos I notice most teenagers prefer to watch that than hetero sèx, all the best.

Why does it matter if she watches lesbian porn?

1Sharon:
■ Lol they can easily lie about that..

And somehow parents don't know what lies are or how they work and stuff? You never told some of the very same lies when you were a kid yourself?

Kobojunkie:
Parents were themselves once children and so should be able to apply even the wisdom from those years to their raising of their wards. A parent easily fooled by the antics of his ward is a parent that is not qualified for the job of parenting in my book.

The fact that parents were once children doesn't mean they can't be fooled by their children, parents who who were once sexually active at a young age in most cases can't even detect when their children start having sex even right under the same roof with them. Some children who brought shame to their parents are mostly brought up with close supervision, does this means such parents are not qualified for the job of parenting despite all their effort to give the child the best upbringing?

mysticwarrior:
■ The fact that parents were once children doesn't mean they can't be fooled by their children, parents who who were once sexually active at a young age in most cases can't even detect when their children start having sex even right under the same roof with them.
■ Some children who brought shame to their parents are mostly brought up with close supervision, does this means such parents are not qualified for the job of parenting despite all their effort to give the child the best upbringing?.

I am sorry, but why do you need to detect when your kids start having sex when instead?

2. Close supervision? Being a guardian is not the same as being a hawk-parent. There is a difference, a huge one. Your children are not prisoners under your supervision. Rather, they are individuals placed under your care, and it is for you to make certain that you are up to date on their needs, affairs, etc. while respecting their boundaries.

Kobojunkie:
I am sorry, but why do you need to detect when your kids start having sex when instead?

Isn't it the duty of parents to ensure that their underage child don't start having sex?

Kobojunkie:
I am sorry, but why do you need to detect when your kids start having sex when instead?

2. Close supervision? Being a guardian is not the same as being a hawk-parent. There is a difference, a huge one. Your children are not prisoners under your supervision. Rather, they are individuals placed under your care, and it is for you to make certain that you are up to date on their needs, affairs, etc. while respecting their boundaries.

There was no where I used the word "close supervision" to mean prisoner in my writeup, it's either you are misrepresenting my writeup or it's just an assumption cooked up in your imagination. Parents who do not take keen observation of their children would never know when that child start going astray untill it's probably to late. So in your own opinion parents who supervise their children are subjecting to be prisoners, why the parents who don't apply these measures are not fit to for parenting right?