Good writ up OP. Just a few additions and personal opinion on the conversation.
Firstly, watching porn is as you rightly explained can be extremely addictive to the brain caused by the chemical and hormonal reaction it creates for a brief sense of pleasure, this however can lead to very serious consequences.
Your view of the opposite sex becomes skewed and distorted which makes your see them as means of sexual gratification. Also you have unrealistic expectations about the opposite sex and crave for sexual indulgence even from formal, just friend relationships.
You dependence on only material and financial capacity to induce and form of commitment or connection with the opposite sex increases drastically. And worst of it, it becomes your go to drug under any slight pressure, frustration, worry and sexual urge, not forgetting the low testosterone level masturbations causes and daily drop of energy effect.
Best advice for anyone struggling in this areas is to f
a. Accept you have a problem be willing to change
b. Notice your pattern and durations watching porn or masturbating and try to double the number of hours or days you stay away, with that, you are training your brain to reduce its dependence.
c. Easiest way to achieve step 2 is to get an accountability partner, engage more in spiritual growth (church, mosque, Buddhism, pilates) whatever works for you,
d.the accountability partner could be your very close friend, spiritual leader, girlfriend, boyfriend spouse etc.( Don't worry about the shame, phonography and masturbation is a global topic affecting billions of people, you just want to have more control over your life by outgrowing it)
e. Lastly always remember more sex won't stop you from masturbation and watching phonography, only you can stop you and take control of your time and life. 1 Like |
Pukkalolo:
In the early 19 century, some scientists were very curious to really understand how addiction works in the brain. So they put a rat in a small cage and placed 2 containers in the cage.
One of the container contained ordinary water and the other container is water mixed with heroin and cocaine.
The rat tasted the ordinary drinking water and felt like, 'well, nothing special.'
But when it drank the drugged water containing heroin and cocaine, it 'hit' differently. The rat preferred the drugged water and was immediately latched on to it. The rat drank the drugged water to stupor and almost killed itself with overdose in couple of weeks.
The scientists came into conclusion that when one experienced something that hit differently(dopamine hit) and feels so good, then addiction will begin automatically.
"That is our theory of addiction," they said.
In the '70s, Bruce who was an American scientist and a psychologist read their experiment and theory and wasn't satisfied with it.
He was like, "Wait, fellas, this is not cool. You placed a rat in an empty cage and gave it a choice between ordinary experience(normal drinking water) and pleasurable experience(cocaine & heroin water)........what were you expecting?"
"The rat is in an empty cage, so it has nothing doing. Of course, due to boredom, it would be immediately drawn to the drugged water and become addicted to it....this is because the drugged water provide a form of excitement."
Then Bruce was like, "let's try this differently."
So he built a beautiful Rat 'amusement' Park. The Rat Park was kind of like heaven for these rats. Everything a rat could ever wanted was in the Rat Park: different varieties of lovely food; Lots of sex; Other rats to befriend and roll with; other rat to fight and compete with; shiny and colorful balls to play with; different random holes to run into and explore. And importantly, Bruce also placed both the container with ordinary water and the one with drugged water(cocaine & heroin).
Then he observed the rat park for couple of days and weeks. He discovered something surprising: In the Rat Park, the rats don’t really fancy the drugged water. Infact, they hardly drank it. When they randomly encounter the drugged water, after tasting it, they quickly moved on (and gets carried away) with other random engaging activities in the park.
None of them got overdose or wasted by the drugged water. None of them got addicted to it.
Then Bruce came to a conclusion that addiction is largely an adaptation to an environment. Basically, if one is busy engaged in different amazing activities, then there's less likelihood of falling in to (porn) addiction.
Ok, we are just starting...
In the early 2000 or so, a French psychologist was worried about the rising 'tsunami' of porn addiction, especially among the young men.
Then after making some research, he encountered Bruce experiment and his theory of addiction... and thought it was excellent. But he was not totally satisfied.
He made some analysis:
"According to Bruce experiment, in the rat park, none of the rats fell into the addictive trap of the drugged water because there was lots of activities going on for them.
But the real world is kinda similar to the rat park: there are lots of cool activities going in on the world, but why are young men still falling into the trap of porn?"
Understand this:
The opposite of addiction is not abstinence, self-restraint or self-control.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Basically, your addiction isn't due to boredom or lack of self-control, but it's simply due to feeling DISCONNECTED from.......
Disconnection is a state of mind. Meaning, there might be a lot of engaging activities going on around you, but you can still feel psychologically disconnected for whatever reason.
Remember, in the first experiment where the rat was placed in a small cage and they put 2 containers in the cage: ordinary water and drugged water.
The rat became addicted to the drugged water not necessarily because it enjoyed the drugged water but because it felt disconnected from the outside world.
Feeling disconnected is closely related to feeling frustrated. The frustration of being disconnected from the outside world was what led the rat to seek a sense of connection from the drugged water.
Since the rat didn't have any other rats around to connect with, it immediately bonded with the drugged water and fell in love with it.
And this is our problem has humans: our whole society is geared toward making us connect with things but disconnect with people.
Even social media that was intended to connect people to each other...actually ended playing a big role in disconnecting people... It create a toxic, comparison and competitive vibe.
After taking a picture with a good camera that enhance their looks, they edit it and remove any kind of flaws, and then they upload it for you to salivate and view. And since they want you to think that they're are living an amazing life, scrolling through their incredible photos and post will make you feel like you are not doing so well in life.
The one bad thing about social media is that it's good at showing the more fascinating parts of people's life and its bad at showing the realistic part of life.
People often flaunt their best sides and blissful moments on social media: cheerful faces, weddings, birthdays, graduations, new cars, new apartments, engagements, vacations, new jobs, parties
But....People dont flaunt their worst sides and shitty moments on social media: getting hit by a cyclist, being held in traffic, fighting with the bus conductor over change, getting rejected, messing up a project, not being able to fix a problem, arguing with someone, embarrassing yourself in front of everyone, failing an examination, not being invited to an event, getting a query letter, getting sacked at work
Now, since you're are only seeing the best part of their life on social media....you feel shitty and DISCONNECTED because you feel you are the only person going through shit in life.
Our society didn't help matters; they created more disconnections. They created a hyper-individualist; with slangs like "you are on your own" or "All man for himself,"
So while young men are hustling and grinding on their own, they still feel lonely and disconnected, and so on low-key, they try to get connection from porn, weed, video games...
Remember, since the rat didn't have any other rats around to connect with, it immediately bonded with the drugged water and fell in love with it.
Many young men find it difficult to sexually connect with the modern women. This is maybe because many of these women are selfish and lack loyalty OR have inflated ego and entitlement mentality. Or worse, many of these women have unrealistic standards and prefer to chase superficiality.
Many times, I have heard news about ladies being killed (and ofcourse they were used for rituals) because they were busy chasing superficiality and good life.
Yes, hookup, is the modern prostitution.
Nonetheless, the dating market is not welcoming for the average young man, so he's force to go into......
For example, John, a 21 years old responsible dude ask out 20 years old lady named Stella. But he was soundly rejected. This is because she's busy dating and smashing Honorable Bayo, the 60 years old senator and business tycoon who's already wealthy....duh 
John has probably woo quite a number of Stella(s) in the past but they all declined him. So he feels lonely and disconnected. Although he's grinding and making effort to make his own money. But he still feels disconnect regardless, so he decides to connect and bond with porn, just like the rat decided to bond with the drugged water.
Remember, John isn't a lazy and he isn't a miserable loser ; he's actually a hard-working serious minded dude who's very much concern about earning a living.
I have already talked about this here on nairaland.
We often make the big mistake of thinking jerking off to porn is just for lazy miserable losers.....but that's wrong.
Many of the world’s respected celebs and top figures have admitted to masturbation and porn.... The likes of Eva Longoria, Dustin Hoffman, John Mayer, 50 CENT, Tailor Momsen, AMBER ROSE, Rihanna, AUBREY O’DAY, ROBERT DOWNEY JR, KANYE WEST and many others have reveal the fact that they sexually play with themselves and jerk off from time to time.
Some even say they do it all the time...for example, AMBER ROSE said in an interview that she masturbate all the time. Infact she said she masturbate at least once a day....
JOHN MAYER once said, Jerking off has save him from petty issues, he even said:
"I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life"
So it doesn't make sense to associate porn and jerking off to being a loser.
Let's use Kanye West as a case study...
Kanye west is your standard example of a successful and alpha guy...He's goes to the gym. He lives an exciting life. He's very confident.. he's doesn't give a Bleep about what people thinks of him. He's a famous. He's a billionaire. He's a ....Whatever, duh!
But guess what's he once reveal in an interview that he jerk off to pornography times without number. He reveal that he's even addicted to it.
The real issue, as Kanye West stated: his porn addiction didn't start now; it started way back in the years before he became rich and famous.
Just like John who felt lonely and DISCONNECTED because he couldn't get Stella and every other girls he's attracted to... Kanye was unable to get the female he desired to also desire him.
Although Kanye was broke at that time, but he was seriously grinding and making effort to create music, make a name for himself and be a successful man. But he still feels sexually disconnected regardless....then he decided to connect and bond with porn and jerking off, just like the rat decided to bond with the drugged water.
Now, he finally made it and becomes very rich and famous. He has lots of women chasing him and trying to get with him. But he's still attached to porn regardless....this is because Porn was the only thing that was there for him when he was nothing, broke and disconnected from the outside world.
Now, many women wants to connect and bond with Kanye, but he still pledge is loyalty to "porn" who didn't turned his back on him when he was a nobody.
Porn is like that overly attached girlfriend who was there with you when you had nothing, but now you have start succeeding and making money you want to dump her and connect with other women. Of course, she's not gonna accept that. She will fight for your love by any possibile means.
Many people don't realize this: Porn is the reason why Kanye got separated from Kim.
When you connect and bond with porn during the DISCONNECTED times of your life.... And then fortunately, things change a bit and women start noticing you, porn will get jealous and prevent you from connecting with those women.
So.....
It's funny how people blame porn for their lack of success. But, as you've read so far, that's big lie. The likes of Kanye West, 50 CENT, JOHN MAYER and even your naija artists, SMALL DOCTOR and others were jerking off to porn and still became successful regardless.
In my works and interactions, I have met numbers of goal-oriented minded dudes who watch porn, but they are still high achievers in the market and business world.
Again...It's funny how people blame porn for their loneliness. The reality is, watching porn and jerking off ISN'T the reason why you lonely. It's quite the opposite. Being lonely is the reason why you are jerking off to porn.
If you're a young man and you find it difficult to get the women you want, please don't settle for porn; you deserve better.
Simply click the link in my profile or signature and learn how you can genuinely improve your game with "real-life" beautiful women in a fast and remarkable way.
Wow this is brilliant 1 Like |
