Mindlog:


Bragging about being the cause of your fiancée's emotional trauma is a waving red flag and a clear sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

You just reminded me of an undergraduate topic in my Marriage and Family Therapy course: Dating a Narcissist.

Ololade4:
Good day House.. I am an ardent Nairalander but I am using another identity to cover up..

It's almost over a year now that i started the journey with her, I met her parents 4 months ago, I was told by her day that thier daughter is not free( bride price things) normally... we talked it out and we decided to get marriage.. I am 35, she's 32. She has a 8 years old boy out of wedlock, the boy stays with her parent.. I don't have any problem with that, Single mother is not a disease.. we have being living together since March this year, just like a couple and i decided to tie the knot with her later in the year which we both agreed on.

So we both agreed to go for registry then normal engagement and rest the case.. she later changed her mind, she doesn't want the court registry anymore (i am not move with this anyway, but why? Is she having another secret affairs elsewhere, or maybe she's thinking she may leave if things go south, like she doesn't want to get into a legal marriage that will hinder her from having choice in the nearest future, because I don't understand..).. She only want Engagement, without the court registry for now.
Anytime her parents, especially her mom ask her about it in the wedding plan, she will tell her we will do it later in the future .
As a man in the first place I don't need to worry about this in the first place, because all this court marriage registration only favor the woman and I know most of them crave for it...

But she... What is she up to??

Olaide1295:

You don’t need court wedding for family visa.

SalamRushdie:


You people don't like to hear word ..leave single mother alone for your own good, nobody knows how to scheme like them , she is already scheming, it obvious she doesn't see a long future with you because you obviously can't provide the kind of life she wants for her son , she is still keeping he options open

obaidan:


I feel like slapping the OP. There are different types of daddy. Real daddy, baby daddy, step daddy...but na step daddy op wan become, as if that is not enough, he still wan dey legal with who no want am.. they are surely following him from his village

SalamRushdie:
■ Single mother games are very dangerous for any man that gets involved , trying to marry the is like swimming against the current..I pray he opens his eyes

Caaz:

Mindy yaff arrived.....lolz nsogbu ga di ofo'du obele oge.

Where's Persephone, magnolia folake4u the sisters crew.

blesdman:

Single mother has never been a disease and is not a disease. The holier than thou attitude of men stinks too much of hypocrisy. Even a virgin is imperfect in some ways. Allow people to breeth with the options they have to make themselves happy. Not doing court marriage is not a red flag. That's just a imported western culture which does not validate marriages. So long trad goes, I think all is well.

talented321:
Okay...

Ololade4:
Good day House.. I am an ardent Nairalander but I am using another identity to cover up..

It's almost over a year now that i started the journey with her, I met her parents 4 months ago, I was told by her day that thier daughter is not free( bride price things) normally... we talked it out and we decided to get marriage.. I am 35, she's 32. She has a 8 years old boy out of wedlock, the boy stays with her parent.. I don't have any problem with that, Single mother is not a disease.. we have being living together since March this year, just like a couple and i decided to tie the knot with her later in the year which we both agreed on.

So we both agreed to go for registry then normal engagement and rest the case.. she later changed her mind, she doesn't want the court registry anymore (i am not move with this anyway, but why? Is she having another secret affairs elsewhere, or maybe she's thinking she may leave if things go south, like she doesn't want to get into a legal marriage that will hinder her from having choice in the nearest future, because I don't understand..).. She only want Engagement, without the court registry for now.
Anytime her parents, especially her mom ask her about it in the wedding plan, she will tell her we will do it later in the future .
As a man in the first place I don't need to worry about this in the first place, because all this court marriage registration only favor the woman and I know most of them crave for it...

But she... What is she up to??

Ololade4:
Good day House.. I am an ardent Nairalander but I am using another identity to cover up..

It's almost over a year now that i started the journey with her, I met her parents 4 months ago, I was told by her day that thier daughter is not free( bride price things) normally... we talked it out and we decided to get marriage.. I am 35, she's 32. She has a 8 years old boy out of wedlock, the boy stays with her parent.. I don't have any problem with that, Single mother is not a disease.. we have being living together since March this year, just like a couple and i decided to tie the knot with her later in the year which we both agreed on.

So we both agreed to go for registry then normal engagement and rest the case.. she later changed her mind, she doesn't want the court registry anymore (i am not move with this anyway, but why? Is she having another secret affairs elsewhere, or maybe she's thinking she may leave if things go south, like she doesn't want to get into a legal marriage that will hinder her from having choice in the nearest future, because I don't understand..).. She only want Engagement, without the court registry for now.
Anytime her parents, especially her mom ask her about it in the wedding plan, she will tell her we will do it later in the future .
As a man in the first place I don't need to worry about this in the first place, because all this court marriage registration only favor the woman and I know most of them crave for it...

But she... What is she up to??

SalamRushdie:


Have you dated a single mom before? Baba a single mum is a psychologically damaged woman , she will come into any marriage with that baggage and hardly any young couple that can survive that ...

advanceDNA:


Lol..... nairaland men catching cruize here has given them ladies ptsd...... they can no longer comment on a topic without making it look they have a fight with someone..

AchrafHakimi:
Simping is worse than Ebola.
Only SATAN II missile can destroy it.

TemplarLandry:
Do you intend to be in a marriage that isn't legally binding?

If you want to apply for a family visa in the future, which proof are you going to present?

Tell her if she's not interested in registry, you're no longer interested in marrying her. This type of a woman will give you problems in the future.

pocohantas:
I love that girl.



I hope other ladies can read and learn. The reason some men claim they don't want marriage or they have more to lose is because women carry it for head. Always fighting tooth and nail for (registry) marriage. So they sit back and allow you do all the work while acting like they did you a favour marrying you. Have you ever considered the fact that you would be the one needing to escape from an evil man in record time? Breaking head over a man's property even at the expense of your life.

This OP claims it favours women more but he is restless because he met a woman who has mastered her emotions. He wishes she were chasing him upandan for a legal wedding and flying to catch ring. He is bothered because he doesn't hold all the ACES.

Isn't this the kinda arrangement they claim to want online? #TEAMBABYMAMA? Why is OP worried and why the responses from his fellow men above?

Men want this marriage as much as you do if not more. If they hated marriage so much, they wouldn't be open to polygamy or rushing to marry another wife after a divorce or death of the first wife. No man keeps two (polygamy), even four of what he doesn't benefit from. They benefit heavily from marriage. In fact, after tasting marriage, they find it hard to stay alone again. Unlike women who would rather enjoy companionship without commitment.

Stop fighting these men over registry. Tell him you don't want. Let him be the one to create thread and beg you to sign those lines. Stop begging them to see the usefulness in marriage. Stop answering stupid NL questions like "what can you offer a man?" He has the option of remaining single or marrying a fellow man or new yam.

You are the prize.
If he isn't giving you same energy, disembark.

SalamRushdie:


Have you dated a single mom before? Baba a single mum is a psychologically damaged woman , she will come into any marriage with that baggage and hardly any young couple that can survive that ...

Ololade4:



Reasonable answer so far..

According to what I have observed so far with her, your input seems to be accurate with the whole thing..

Kobojunkiee:
What exactly is this problem you claim everyone in it always end up having?

SalamRushdie:
■ Have you dated a single mom before? Baba a single mum is a psychologically damaged woman , she will come into any marriage with that baggage and hardly any young couple that can survive that ...

Ololade4:



You're judging the book by its cover.. She even want the marriage more than me, I always have my emotion on check when dealing with a woman.. do u know how many emotional trauma I don give am?? Trust me she's even the one doing the chasing...

Ololade4:
Good day House.. I am an ardent Nairalander but I am using another identity to cover up..

It's almost over a year now that i started the journey with her, I met her parents 4 months ago, I was told by her day that thier daughter is not free( bride price things) normally... we talked it out and we decided to get marriage.. I am 35, she's 32. She has a 8 years old boy out of wedlock, the boy stays with her parent.. I don't have any problem with that, Single mother is not a disease.. we have being living together since March this year, just like a couple and i decided to tie the knot with her later in the year which we both agreed on.

So we both agreed to go for registry then normal engagement and rest the case.. she later changed her mind, she doesn't want the court registry anymore (i am not move with this anyway, but why? Is she having another secret affairs elsewhere, or maybe she's thinking she may leave if things go south, like she doesn't want to get into a legal marriage that will hinder her from having choice in the nearest future, because I don't understand..).. She only want Engagement, without the court registry for now.
Anytime her parents, especially her mom ask her about it in the wedding plan, she will tell her we will do it later in the future .
As a man in the first place I don't need to worry about this in the first place, because all this court marriage registration only favor the woman and I know most of them crave for it...

But she... What is she up to??

iamtardey:
… enjoy your day

Ololade4:
Good day House.. I am an ardent Nairalander but I am using another identity to cover up..

It's almost over a year now that i started the journey with her, I met her parents 4 months ago, I was told by her day that thier daughter is not free( bride price things) normally... we talked it out and we decided to get marriage.. I am 35, she's 32. She has a 8 years old boy out of wedlock, the boy stays with her parent.. I don't have any problem with that, Single mother is not a disease.. we have being living together since March this year, just like a couple and i decided to tie the knot with her later in the year which we both agreed on.

So we both agreed to go for registry then normal engagement and rest the case.. she later changed her mind, she doesn't want the court registry anymore (i am not move with this anyway, but why? Is she having another secret affairs elsewhere, or maybe she's thinking she may leave if things go south, like she doesn't want to get into a legal marriage that will hinder her from having choice in the nearest future, because I don't understand..).. She only want Engagement, without the court registry for now.
Anytime her parents, especially her mom ask her about it in the wedding plan, she will tell her we will do it later in the future .
As a man in the first place I don't need to worry about this in the first place, because all this court marriage registration only favor the woman and I know most of them crave for it...

But she... What is she up to??

Ololade4:
Good day House.. I am an ardent Nairalander but I am using another identity to cover up..

It's almost over a year now that i started the journey with her, I met her parents 4 months ago, I was told by her day that thier daughter is not free( bride price things) normally... we talked it out and we decided to get marriage.. I am 35, she's 32. She has a 8 years old boy out of wedlock, the boy stays with her parent.. I don't have any problem with that, Single mother is not a disease.. we have being living together since March this year, just like a couple and i decided to tie the knot with her later in the year which we both agreed on.

So we both agreed to go for registry then normal engagement and rest the case.. she later changed her mind, she doesn't want the court registry anymore (i am not move with this anyway, but why? Is she having another secret affairs elsewhere, or maybe she's thinking she may leave if things go south, like she doesn't want to get into a legal marriage that will hinder her from having choice in the nearest future, because I don't understand..).. She only want Engagement, without the court registry for now.
Anytime her parents, especially her mom ask her about it in the wedding plan, she will tell her we will do it later in the future .
As a man in the first place I don't need to worry about this in the first place, because all this court marriage registration only favor the woman and I know most of them crave for it...

But she... What is she up to??

correctguy101:
■ Blessings on your soul that you know this especially when you're very clear of what's what in your relationship. Your other concerns are troubling though.... Don't tell me or anyone else, on your own, ponder on this...What's her level of exposure and what reasons is she giving to want to dodge a properly registered and State recognized union? In any relationship, emphasis should be on transparency, it takes really little for trust built with so much to become nothing....I hope it's nothing serious...But don't let this pass. Make sure you're clear about why she's suddenly developing cold feet on something she gave her consent on at the onset....