Harddiskng:


There is no assumption, have you never cooked or cleaned or washed - if you have you know what each task entails. simple question: what does she do everyday from 8am - 8pm as a housewife for a nuclear family, Is it possible that she would cook clean wash every single day monday to Sunday, from 8am - 8pm? Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge, sometimes try common sense in your arguments.

Someone is saying for last 5 years …. You are still telling him to swear about what exactly. If it didn’t get to him enough, would he consider divorcing her or be here complaining about it.

You have stopped making sense long ago, you don’t listen to reason and you make very lowbrow arguments.

Lol coming from someone that has since lost touch with reality.

On one hand, you want me to believe that OP's wife lied about her complaints. On the other hand, you also want me to believe that a married man that lives with his wife can be denied intimacy for 5 years.

Make it make sense. Next time you want to sell assumptions, try balance it. You cannot activate common sense and reasoning on matters that only appeal to your sentiments.

If you have never been denied sex for 5 years (or even one year) by a woman you share a bed with, you cannot force me to believe OP's complaints while also forcing me to dismiss his wife's concerns. The two lies or truths can coexist. If you believe one lie, you SHOULD believe the other. That's how to make "highbrow arguments."

Jman06:
And you think I have problems with changing my kids' diapers? I will wholeheartedly accept your suggestion too

Domestic chores can be done in one to three hours. This idea of domestic chores draining all one's energy is really strange to me. Most of the day is spent doing nothing. children are even in School, so what work exactly are they talking of?

The wife has lost interest abeg. If anybidy should complain that sex is tasking, it should be men. unless, the wife is doing some reverse cow girl, which i doubt never hapoens..

If there's no medical condition involved, then the husband has ever right to kick her out. Women divorce men on the grounds of poor sexual performance, so why all of a sudden, the man is on the "selfish" side?

Acidosis, your arguments don't hold at all at all.

Jman06:
And you think I have problems with changing my kids' diapers? I will wholeheartedly accept your suggestion too

Ohh perfect! Your wife and kids will appreciate your effort.

[quote author=ADURA123 post=125671601]Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Don't divorce her. Please give her time she will adjust. You know we are wired differently. I started understanding sex after I gave birth to 3 children.

pocohantas:


Lol. Well said!
Some women would be slugging it out on jobs that cannot even pay their transportation, just so they are not seen as liabilities. I would rather these women get a handwork and do it from home. Many jobs out there are not worth the stress only to return home and pound akpu again.

See, at the end of the day the answer is to be careful who you marry because all those mental gymnastics I see couples do wear me out. The 35k job the women do just to keep bragging rights don't make sense either, because even the quarter of the rent cannot be paid with 35k * 12 annually, so what's the point. I watched actress Actress Gabrielle Union claiming she does 50/50 with her husband in most things to rub shoulder, she always reminds the audience she does 50/50 at any opportunity she gets to speak on TV. Me I don tire for her talks. I already know there is so much strive in that home, she & her husband are walking on egg shells.

Acidosis:


I don't think the idea of contributing equally will ever work. That already defiles the purpose of marriage.

Rather than contribute equally, then everyone should just fend for themselves na abi? When you return from your 700k job, you will make your food and change diapers for one child. Allow your woman manage herself and one kid. Trust me, a lot of women will wholeheartedly agree.

It can never work in reality, but it is good people enforce this movement. People usually look down on their partner's task & belittle it, therefore It is important each person has a taste of their own medicine. I was trying to explain to a lady sometime ago that your 9-5 job or business has a way of entirely affecting your emotions that it begins to affect your home, she asked if I am the only one with 9-5, why is my own different. Now she reached out to me regarding her job, It has been toxic as hell. Now that she is now experiencing it, she can testify.

In the same vein, anybody that says staying with kids is not a hard job, should be left to take care of kids for a week.

Make dem use their own eyes see am, as e be!

kkins25:


Domestic chores can be done in one to three hours. This idea of domestic chores draining all one's energy is really strange to me. Most of the day is spent doing nothing. children are even in School, so what work exactly are they talking of?

The wife has lost interest abeg. If anybidy should complain that sex is tasking, it should be men. unless, the wife is doing some reverse cow girl, which i doubt never hapoens..

If there's no medical condition involved, then the husband has ever right to kick her out. Women divorce men on the grounds of poor sexual performance, so why all of a sudden, the man is on the "selfish" side?

Acidosis, your arguments don't hold at all at all.

Exactly! Don't mind Acidosis and his likes that like to make excuses for lazy women.

Acidosis:



Lol coming from someone that has since lost touch with reality.

On one hand, you want me to believe that OP's wife lied about her complaints. On the other hand, you also want me to believe that a married man that lives with his wife can be denied intimacy for 5 years.

Make it make sense. Next time you want to sell assumptions, try balance it. You cannot activate common sense and reasoning on matters that only appeal to your sentiments.

If you have never been denied sex for 5 years (or even one year) by a woman you share a bed with, you cannot force me to believe OP's complaints while also forcing me to dismiss his wife's concerns. The two lies or truths can coexist. If you believe one lie, you SHOULD believe the other. That's how to make "highbrow arguments."

Talking about balance, You say one thing and contradict yourself like a slowpoke. Read the nonsense you wrote up there, if the roles were to be balance father takes one child and mother takes the other. She still have to work and bring an equal amount of income to the family. You feel OP’s wife would agree to that in her current state lol.

Anyways back to this your post, In other words you are saying the OP is lying.

If you believed the Op was lying, you should have said so and ended it at that. Not trying to create rubbish arguments from your stupid assumptions. making you look like someone that doesn’t have an iota of sense.

Simply say “OP is lying”. [fullstop]

tosinhtml:


See, at the end of the day the answer is to be careful who you marry because all those mental gymnastics I see couples do wear me out. The 35k job the women do just to keep bragging rights don't make sense either, because even the quarter of the rent cannot be paid with 35k * 12 annually, so what's the point. I watched actress Actress Gabrielle Union claiming she does 50/50 with her husband in most things to rub shoulder, she always reminds the audience she does 50/50 at any opportunity she gets to speak on TV. Me I don tire for her talks. I already know there is so much strive in that home, she & her husband are walking on egg shells.

The problem is people hate to be realistic. I also know someone doing business but everytime it is her husband paying staff. The business is rent free, so where does its revenue go to? Why not shut it down? She is a very domesticated wife whose input at home is very appreciated by the husband. What then is pseudo-independence for?

Can you blame Gabrielle? But the fact that people do not like to hear a woman say these things already shows that she shouldn't be doing it. ;
I am not doing 50-50 with any man. I would jump into a propeller first before that.

Divorce her and marry your shege pro max

pocohantas:


The problem is people hate to be realistic. I also know someone doing business but everytime it is her husband paying staff. The business is rent free, so where does its revenue go to? Why not shut it down? She is a very domesticated wife whose input at home is very appreciated by the husband. What then is pseudo-independence for?

Can you blame Gabrielle? But the fact that people do not like to hear a woman say these things already shows that she shouldn't be doing it. ;
I am not doing 50-50 with any man. I would jump into a propeller first before that.

@Acidosis, this is from a lady. Now who has lost touch with reality between both of is?

The OP is asking for “sex” from his “wife”. He is not asking for heaven and earth.

Harddiskng:


@Acidosis, this is from a lady. Now who has lost touch with reality between both of is?

The OP is asking for “sex” from his “wife”. He is not asking for heaven and earth.

You my dear. There is no correlation between my post and your argument so far. So, yes, I am mot doing 50-50 with any man.

bukatyne:


From the OP's tone, I doubt a conversation has been had. He insisted his wife is a good woman so this is not a case of 'give a dog a bad name and hang it'.

And this is about 5 to 7 years running. 'Don't kill me with sex' is not a conversation. If her boss or a team member complained about something for two months, she would engage them for clarity and feedback out of regard for them. She should extend same courtesy to her husband.

Hopefully, when he complains again, the wife would engage him like an adult and they reach a compromise.

Boss what are you saying? You dey injure your woman for pussy, you dey use your dick dey disturb her system and you say make she nor complain? While una dey blame OP wife? While una nor ask OP say while him won kill him woman with long hour sex?

okine4real:
■ Boss what are you saying? You dey injure your woman for pussy, you dey use your dick dey disturb her system and you say make she nor complain? While una dey blame OP wife? While una nor ask OP say while him won kill him woman with long hour sex?

Nigerians consider marriage a do-or-die affair even if they refuse to admit to it.

pocohantas:


You my dear. There is no correlation between my post and your argument so far. So, yes, I am mot doing 50-50 with any man.

Mr Acidosis was talking about balance and sharing roles equally (From rent to laundry). Most women won’t do 50-50 with their husband. That’s just the point

Acidosis:


You're the du m.b one, clearly. Your earning is useless if it doesn't reduce the burden and workload in your home.

Stingy criminal.

Ogbeni Acidosis, why the extreme vawulence?

Jman06:
It has never been our culture for women to sit at home and lazy around while men work. Rather, women were involved in farming and worked in their husbands' farms. That was one of the reasons why men married many wives in those days. Women were also involved in trading. All these never stopped them from doing their wifely duties at home.

So, while your likes encourage women to be lazy by not allowing them work, just do it because you want to. Don't attribute such laziness in women to our culture because no parts of our culture encourages women to be lazy and not work.

No my brother...

I do understand. It was never the African way for anyone to be idle, which is good and true. And even my mother was very active in business until we the children retired her. With the way my father is, she dares not sit at home.. My papa na real African man...

My sisters are the same, that is why I did mention them scolding me.

It's just my own kind of outlook on matters that concern me. I don't even know where it sprang from but I'm not opposed to it.
As long as she's sharp and can handle some things I have, she can do Oga wife and I'll be comfortable with it all...

This country favoured u so much I mean Nigeria! Ur papa raised you well based on the level of respect u have for Ur wife.
I love knack too much, u prank her about planning bringing 2nd wife and see her rxn or changes.
I hate divorce Wella but I encourage cheats if things like Ur own comes up. But have u investigated her if I may used that word to know if she is cheating?
Knacking is the 2nd in command in a man's health after food... I have more to say anyway

Harddiskng:


Mr Acidosis was talking about balance and sharing roles equally (From rent to laundry). Most women won’t do 50-50 with their husband. That’s just the point

No sane woman should do 50-50 finance with a Nigerian man in Nigeria. Not when she would have the kids and be left to tend to the home and submit.

ADURA123:
. . .
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

You see this issue of divorce, it's from Satan himself — truth be that.

Move closer to God. . . Go to church and pray hard. . . e.g. MFM.

Solutions:
1) Reduce her workload where possible.
2)Discipline your sex urge to once a month.

After two years, this phase will pass away BECAUSE:

1) The children will be older and their demands will reduce.
2) You don't regularly ask for sex — so she will be more willing to accept when you finally ask.

SIMPLE.

It's just a phase in life. . .
It will become a story one day.

Many people are looking for good woman to settle down with and God gave u one, u are here complaining that she doesn't satisfy ur sex drive anymore but she use to satisfy u before. My broda, say a big no to dat devil talking to u about divorce because the next woman that will enter ur life, u will regret Eva divorcing her. Advice treat her like u are dating her when Eva u wan sex her, for instance, buy her gifts, take her out and plan for a weekend hang out with her which will eventually end up in a hotel room. Ensure u decorate dat room wit beautiful flowers and candle lights then lastly don't forget a bottle of red wine.

My broda when u are riding her, don't be crazy ride it soft and gentle. Let her be the one to want more of u but as u are doing dis, don't cum fast o. Lastly ensure before u ride her as in immediately after ur meal with her, surprise her with a transfer and remind her of how much u love her.



Thank me later

Kobojunkie:
1. You do realize how disconnected from reality your response remains, right?
● Op is currently unhappy in his marriage and cannot wait to be rid of it. Your advise is that he remain in that unhappy marriage, funding a woman that he probably sees as part of reason for his unhappiness and chained to her for life, all while he pays for sex outside of his marriage.
● Op's wife is also unhappy about the strain on the marriage and is probably aware of the distance that has formed between them as a couple. She is also aware that once he starts cheating on her --- getting his needs met outside of the marriage-- the gap between them will definitely grow.

You claim that women are hardly bothered by what their husbands do outside of the marriage. Did your research consider that the reason many Nigerian women turn themselves(commonsense included) upside down after marriage has to do with the mental trauma that is living in an adulterous marriage?.

OP's wife is definitely not happy with the situation in her marriage and is probably already considering joining other women in praying and fasting rituals. Worse, in her unhappiness she might fall prey to one of Nigeria's many conmen out there
● Kids benefit nothing from watching Daddy and mummy live like complete strangers in the house. Studies show that the damage that kind of setting does is about the same as that a terrible divorce wrecks on them. So let's not even use kids to blackmail people into staying together in uncomfortable and unhappy marriages.

How Staying in an Unhappy Marriage Can Affect Your Children

2. In all, who benefits from living in an unhappy marriage for Heaven's sake? For whose benefit is this "necessary evil" when the damage done to all involved is all but sure?

I advise him base on his explanation. These are the points I could deduced from his post that made me giving him such advise.

1. I have been married to her for 10years but this problem started about 5 years ago.

2. I am the best friend to my wife and kids.

3. I love my wife so much that cheating on her will be so hard.

Now let me treat each point one after the other:

1. Why didn't she denies him of frequent sex during their first 5 years of marriage? Why the sudden uninterested in sex after 5 years of marriage? Why can't we take the issue of hormonal change due to child birth, marital stress, and some other factors into consideration before jumping into conclude that he should divorce his wife?

2. The fact that he could boldly says he is the best friend to his wife and children shows they are still very much in good term as happy family, so there is no grounds for unhappy marriage as a reason for divorce.

3. By claiming he loves his wife so much, it is good to say that his decision is solely base on external factor( what his dad told him), in which he might regret doing till rest of his life.

It was from the points above that I arrived at the advise I gave him. What he is passing through is simply a contradiction of will and desire, in which its results are usually temporal. Until he fulfilled that erotics desire that he is unable to get from his wife, he may not be in right state of mind to take a good decision.

The first advise is to use reverse psychology on his wife by stop asking for sex and be happy with her. Nothing bring best out of a woman than this. He should also try to assist her in house chores if he has not been doing that before.

The second advise is to get sex and ease off tension in his body.

I specifically gave him the second option because he is at the point of taking a decision. Besides, he seem not to have enough patient to exercise that.

They don't have a choice.

Many men don't make that much to singlehandedly or even split bills equally on Nigeria. No sane woman would watch her kids sit home because of school fees, or starve because she doesn't want to do 50-50.

pocohantas:


No sane woman should do 50-50 finance with a Nigerian man in Nigeria. Not when she would have the kids and be left to tend to the home and submit.

Gohs:
■ You see this issue of divorce, it's from Satan himself — truth be that.
Move closer to God. . . Go to church and pray hard. . . e.g. MFM.
Solutions:
1) Reduce her workload where possible.
2)Discipline your sex urge to once a month.
After two years, this phase will pass away BECAUSE:
1) The children will be older and their demands will reduce.
2) You don't regularly ask for sex — so she will be more willing to accept when you finally ask.
SIMPLE.
It's just a phase in life. . .
It will become a story one day.

From Satan? Zi when God Himself said He divorced Israel, God was channeling Satan?

Whatever it is you are close to there is definitely far from God. Save yourself from that foolishness before it is to late.

pocohantas:


No sane woman should do 50-50 finance with a Nigerian man in Nigeria. Not when she would have the kids and be left to tend to the home and submit.

I want follow you talk.

pocohantas:


No sane woman should do 50-50 finance with a Nigerian man in Nigeria. Not when she would have the kids and be left to tend to the home and submit.

Even in full trust and love, roles are generally gender-inclined whether we like it or not, it can’t be balanced. However that is the place of team-work. Even in office groups, there are people we carry. Team work is key, it’s for the party seemingly contributing less to make sure that they are making effort to bring the other happiness and lighten the burden.

@the bolded but this your comment took a dark turn. There are countless Nigerian men in beautiful marriages with Nigerian ladies and there is 100% teamwork, please renew your mind and believe you would be one of them (Job 3:25 - What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me).

************************************************
The level of toxicity here ehn, can alter anybody’s mind. Enough Nairaland for today. I don leave una

Sterope:
They don't have a choice.

Many men don't make that much to singlehandedly or even split bills equally on Nigeria. No sane woman would watch her kids sit home because of school fees, or starve because she doesn't want to do 50-50.

True. But I am referring to those ones that see all the signs only to convince themselves that they can handle it. Some are already dating stingy men, but they are there claiming they don't need a man's money. I need his money o. My children need it too.

Foodqueen:
And if the other woman too starts doing the same thing after some years

Besides, adhere to your signature.

He will divorce her too.

pocohantas:


True. But I am referring to those ones that see all the signs only to convince themselves that they can handle it. Some are already dating stingy men, but they are there claiming they don't need a man's money. I need his money o. My children need it too.

What do you mean is your children, are you the only one that gave birth to them??


Selfish gender.

achimendy:


What do you mean is your children, are you the only one that gave birth to them??
Selfish gender.

MOogoo

pocohantas:


MOogoo

He knows nothing

doggedfighter:


He knows nothing

I think some of them just love having back and forth with ladies. They would create an agenda and want you to spend time arguing with them. I refuse biko.