Hello fellow nairalanders please i need your humble opinion on something that has been bothering me for the past decade.


Growing up life was smooth for us all as i came from a family of 5 and i was the second to the last born,my family was middle class so we lived quite a comfortable life which was short lived by the passing away of my father and ever since life has been one hell of a hardship after another. shortly after the death of my father we left lagos for our village and that was the start of all our hardship. I was just 9 years old at that time and for whatever reason my mum took it upon herself to make me suffer as she would deliberately starve me for up to 3 weeks and even deny me entry into our own home for no tangible reason,so right from age 9 i started hustling for food like most street and homeless children do and mind you we had all sorts of food at home and any time i was at home she would tie me up and give me bloody beatings and sometimes i would go unconscious as a result of those beatings as she used to hit me with anything her hands could hold even metal bars.....so i started avoiding home by all means as it was the last place on earth i could really call home and now I'm around 27 years of age and i don't want anything to do with her as anytime i remember her i would feel really sad and my heart heavy asl.i can go months without hearing from her as we now live in different states.....and she still lives in my head rent free as i always remember her before i go to sleep crying.i try to preoccupy myself with learning useful skills like programming but funds are my major hindrance but i still bust my ass every day to make a decent living and make sure i give my kids the life they deserve full of love and happiness...........
Dear nairalanders please give me tips on how to forgive and forget all she did to me as i believe it'll only hold me back and don't recommend a therapist as i don't have funds for that.people who have been in similar situation pls help me overcome it and i have no close family members to talk to about it as you know family ties these days thanks very much........

Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Farano
Rocktation
Mods front page please

You don't need any special process to forgive someone. Have a sit down with her and air out your feelings, then forgive and move on

Whatever she had done to you,you need to clear it off from your mind/head cus no matter what it was your mother would always be your mother.God knows best,that was your fate.

Just forgive her and give her space..
No need making any diehard enemy, forgive and keep your distance so that you wouldn't get hurt the second time..

Amna1:
Hello fellow nairalanders please i need your humble opinion on something that has been bothering me for the past decade.


Growing up life was smooth for us all as i came from a family of 5 and i was the second to the last born,my family was middle class so we lived quite a comfortable life which was short lived by the passing away of my father and ever since life has been one hell of a hardship after another. shortly after the death of my father we left lagos for our village and that was the start of all our hardship. I was just 9 years old at that time and for whatever reason my mum took it upon herself to make me suffer as she would deliberately starve me for up to 3 weeks and even deny me entry into our own home for no tangible reason,so right from age 9 i started hustling for food like most street and homeless children do and mind you we had all sorts of food at home and any time i was at home she would tie me up and give me bloody beatings and sometimes i would go unconscious as a result of those beatings as she used to hit me with anything her hands could hold even metal bars.....so i started avoiding home by all means as it was the last place on earth i could really call home and now I'm around 27 years of age and i don't want anything to do with her as anytime i remember her i would feel really sad and my heart heavy asl.i can go months without hearing from her as we now live in different states.....and she still lives in my head rent free as i always remember her before i go to sleep crying.i try to preoccupy myself with learning useful skills like programming but funds are my major hindrance but i still bust my ass every day to make a decent living and make sure i give my kids the life they deserve full of love and happiness...........
Dear nairalanders please give me tips on how to forgive and forget all she did to me as i believe it'll only hold me back and don't recommend a therapist as i don't have funds for that.people who have been in similar situation pls help me overcome it and i have no close family members to talk to about it as you know family ties these days thanks very much........

Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Farano
Rocktation
Mods front page please

Your mum need your forgiveness

Find it in your heart to forgive her

Thanks be to God that you survive all her maltreatments to you because I don't know why she did all that to you

Let go but becareful with her

Continue to live your life delete her number and forget about her

Amna1:
Hello fellow nairalanders please i need your humble opinion on something that has been bothering me for the past decade.


Growing up life was smooth for us all as i came from a family of 5 and i was the second to the last born,my family was middle class so we lived quite a comfortable life which was short lived by the passing away of my father and ever since life has been one hell of a hardship after another. shortly after the death of my father we left lagos for our village and that was the start of all our hardship. I was just 9 years old at that time and for whatever reason my mum took it upon herself to make me suffer as she would deliberately starve me for up to 3 weeks and even deny me entry into our own home for no tangible reason,so right from age 9 i started hustling for food like most street and homeless children do and mind you we had all sorts of food at home and any time i was at home she would tie me up and give me bloody beatings and sometimes i would go unconscious as a result of those beatings as she used to hit me with anything her hands could hold even metal bars.....so i started avoiding home by all means as it was the last place on earth i could really call home and now I'm around 27 years of age and i don't want anything to do with her as anytime i remember her i would feel really sad and my heart heavy asl.i can go months without hearing from her as we now live in different states.....and she still lives in my head rent free as i always remember her before i go to sleep crying.i try to preoccupy myself with learning useful skills like programming but funds are my major hindrance but i still bust my ass every day to make a decent living and make sure i give my kids the life they deserve full of love and happiness...........
Dear nairalanders please give me tips on how to forgive and forget all she did to me as i believe it'll only hold me back and don't recommend a therapist as i don't have funds for that.people who have been in similar situation pls help me overcome it and i have no close family members to talk to about it as you know family ties these days thanks very much........

Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Farano
Rocktation
Mods front page please

There is this verse in The Lord's Prayer that i always strive to live my life by and it goes like this " Father forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespasses against us " i know it hard to do but it's also simple. Here is my first advice to you , the second one..

Due to curiosity and a chance at full closure on the matter, go visit your mother wherever she is with an elderly person from your mother or father family or someone you know she trust and listen to and raise this issue with her, asking her for forgiveness if you have in any way hurt her but take care not be aggressive or forceful while at it..

Now my advice above should be taken under advisement. I pray God bless you and lead you to the right step to take in Jesus name.

Before anyone here dish out advice like a plate of hot party jolloff with spiced chicken should always put themselves in the shoes of the op. Else you won't be rational.

She's a woman alright but definitely not a mother anyone advising you that your mother is your mother like no other is mad,

I have seen irresponsible elderly people, because they are aged don't make them wise most times, owing to the face that she tortured you this bad, no kid deserves that amount of wickedness, nah only God know why she does what she did, but I will advice you to forgive her but stay very far away from her.

Any body that treats their child like that deserve to be ghosted.

It could be that she saw you as very stubborn when you were young, hence the constant beatings. But as a parent, she ought to know that beatings do not work all the time. Your dad would have mended your ways if you were going astray, but he was no more, and the only way she knew was to beat the devil out of you.

Well you just have to move on to better things now, and make sure you don't make same mistake with your children and also teach your wife how to train the kids so that she don't end up traumatising them if you're gone suddenly.

As for your mum, let her be. She's not changed and she'll never change. If she calls you, fine. Be polite. But don't go licking her ass like some fool or trying to force yourself to forgive her or her to forgive you and forget the past which is impossible.

Just be polite to her if your paths cross in future. Take what happened to you as a lesson on how to be a better father and how to raise your own family. That is why you must do everything to secure your children's future.

Wish you all the best

Amna1:
Hello fellow nairalanders please i need your humble opinion on something that has been bothering me for the past decade.


Growing up life was smooth for us all as i came from a family of 5 and i was the second to the last born,my family was middle class so we lived quite a comfortable life which was short lived by the passing away of my father and ever since life has been one hell of a hardship after another. shortly after the death of my father we left lagos for our village and that was the start of all our hardship. I was just 9 years old at that time and for whatever reason my mum took it upon herself to make me suffer as she would deliberately starve me for up to 3 weeks and even deny me entry into our own home for no tangible reason,so right from age 9 i started hustling for food like most street and homeless children do and mind you we had all sorts of food at home and any time i was at home she would tie me up and give me bloody beatings and sometimes i would go unconscious as a result of those beatings as she used to hit me with anything her hands could hold even metal bars.....so i started avoiding home by all means as it was the last place on earth i could really call home and now I'm around 27 years of age and i don't want anything to do with her as anytime i remember her i would feel really sad and my heart heavy asl.i can go months without hearing from her as we now live in different states.....and she still lives in my head rent free as i always remember her before i go to sleep crying.i try to preoccupy myself with learning useful skills like programming but funds are my major hindrance but i still bust my ass every day to make a decent living and make sure i give my kids the life they deserve full of love and happiness...........
Dear nairalanders please give me tips on how to forgive and forget all she did to me as i believe it'll only hold me back and don't recommend a therapist as i don't have funds for that.people who have been in similar situation pls help me overcome it and i have no close family members to talk to about it as you know family ties these days thanks very much........

Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Farano
Rocktation
Mods front page please

you have to learn to stay away from her, she has not changed. any body telling you to forgve her because she is your mother have no clue of the kind of situation your talking about.

some one who wronged you does not deserve forgiveness if they do not repent, apologize for their wrong doing and ask you for forgiveness. if they do non of these then dont forgive only concentrate on moving on with your life because it seems after all these years she has no changed and does not feel regret.

a mother is not called a mother because she carried you for nine months and gave birth to you, a mother is a woman who care and nutures and cares for their child in loving kindness as the child develops into an adult.

Amna1:
Hello fellow nairalanders please i need your humble opinion on something that has been bothering me for the past decade.


Growing up life was smooth for us all as i came from a family of 5 and i was the second to the last born,my family was middle class so we lived quite a comfortable life which was short lived by the passing away of my father and ever since life has been one hell of a hardship after another. shortly after the death of my father we left lagos for our village and that was the start of all our hardship. I was just 9 years old at that time and for whatever reason my mum took it upon herself to make me suffer as she would deliberately starve me for up to 3 weeks and even deny me entry into our own home for no tangible reason,so right from age 9 i started hustling for food like most street and homeless children do and mind you we had all sorts of food at home and any time i was at home she would tie me up and give me bloody beatings and sometimes i would go unconscious as a result of those beatings as she used to hit me with anything her hands could hold even metal bars.....so i started avoiding home by all means as it was the last place on earth i could really call home and now I'm around 27 years of age and i don't want anything to do with her as anytime i remember her i would feel really sad and my heart heavy asl.i can go months without hearing from her as we now live in different states.....and she still lives in my head rent free as i always remember her before i go to sleep crying.i try to preoccupy myself with learning useful skills like programming but funds are my major hindrance but i still bust my ass every day to make a decent living and make sure i give my kids the life they deserve full of love and happiness...........
Dear nairalanders please give me tips on how to forgive and forget all she did to me as i believe it'll only hold me back and don't recommend a therapist as i don't have funds for that.people who have been in similar situation pls help me overcome it and i have no close family members to talk to about it as you know family ties these

Amna1:
Hello fellow nairalanders please i need your humble opinion on something that has been bothering me for the past decade.


Growing up life was smooth for us all as i came from a family of 5 and i was the second to the last born,my family was middle class so we lived quite a comfortable life which was short lived by the passing away of my father and ever since life has been one hell of a hardship after another. shortly after the death of my father we left lagos for our village and that was the start of all our hardship. I was just 9 years old at that time and for whatever reason my mum took it upon herself to make me suffer as she would deliberately starve me for up to 3 weeks and even deny me entry into our own home for no tangible reason,so right from age 9 i started hustling for food like most street and homeless children do and mind you we had all sorts of food at home and any time i was at home she would tie me up and give me bloody beatings and sometimes i would go unconscious as a result of those beatings as she used to hit me with anything her hands could hold even metal bars.....so i started avoiding home by all means as it was the last place on earth i could really call home and now I'm around 27 years of age and i don't want anything to do with her as anytime i remember her i would feel really sad and my heart heavy asl.i can go months without hearing from her as we now live in different states.....and she still lives in my head rent free as i always remember her before i go to sleep crying.i try to preoccupy myself with learning useful skills like programming but funds are my major hindrance but i still bust my ass every day to make a decent living and make sure i give my kids the life they deserve full of love and happiness...........
Dear nairalanders please give me tips on how to forgive and forget all she did to me as i believe it'll only hold me back and don't recommend a therapist as i don't have funds for that.people who have been in similar situation pls help me overcome it and i have no close family members to talk to about it as you know family ties these days thanks very much........

.... is she lightskin?

Sucre6:
Before anyone here dish out advice like a plate of hot party jolloff with spiced chicken should always put themselves in the shoes of the op. Else you won't be rational.

She's a woman alright but definitely not a mother anyone advising you that your mother is your mother like no other is mad,

I have seen irresponsible elderly people, because they are aged don't make them wise most times, owing to the face that she tortured you this bad, no kid deserves that amount of wickedness, nah only God know why she does what she did, but I will advice you to forgive her but stay very far away from her.

You spoke my mind! ...
It's super annoying seeing some of the comments above ...

Some of them are making excuses for the woman, others are saying crap like "your mother is your mother and bladderdash" ...

OP if I were in your shoes, I would gather up evidence and have her arrested for child abuse (if possible) ...

No matter how stubborn, a child of 9years old is, starving them and beating the day light out of them is CHILD ABUSE! ...

And to think that this is someone who claims to have "carried you in the womb for 9months"🙄

Well...
I dunno about other people, but seeing those who made life tough for me going through tough times of their own gives me premium satisfaction ...

I move on a lot faster knowing that those who served me, got served too ...

But if you're not like me, then I advice you have a conversation with her, tell her how you feel and see how things go afterwards ...

I believe you'll find the closure that you seek when you do so ...

Are you sure she's your real mother or you are the result of your father's affair and you were foisted on her?
Is it only you she treats this way or all your siblings?

Nigerians will start with their emotional blackmail of forgive and forget
.. Op run away from your mother I don't understand why you are trying to force yourself on someone who has made it sure she will make your life a living hell
Are you looking for validation to continue suffering
@ kobojunkie please advise this young man I don't think he knows what an healthy relationship looks like

Amna1:
... now I'm around 27 years of age and i don't want anything to do with her as anytime i remember her i would feel really sad and my heart heavy asl.i can go months without hearing from her as we now live in different states.....and she still lives in my head rent free as i always remember her before i go to sleep crying.i try to preoccupy myself with learning useful skills like programming but funds are my major hindrance but i still bust my ass every day to make a decent living and make sure i give my kids the life they deserve full of love and happiness...........
Dear nairalanders please give me tips on how to forgive and forget all she did to me as i believe it'll only hold me back and don't recommend a therapist as i don't have funds for that.people who have been in similar situation pls help me overcome it and i have no close family members to talk to about it as you know family ties these days thanks very much...

Start by forgiving yourself for all you may think you could have done to deserve the treatment you got from your mother all that while. Forgive yourself primarily because you were a kid and kids are notorious for getting it wrong most of the time. Every time one of those feelings of guilt or shame invades your mind, accept fault completely and forgive yourself for not being perfect at even that time. Do this every time you recall what you may have done wrong.

In addition, forgive yourself for not having the best of mothers. As it is, you probably think of her as an arsehole, and yes, there are arseholes out there for real. That she happens to be one of them is not your fault and it was never your place to change her nor bring the angel in her out. So, accept her as she is and forgive her for all the wrong she did to you. Now, when I say, forgive, I don't mean you should run back to her and embrace her and all that. Just, in your mind, forgive her, so her ghost can move on from the space it continues to occupy in your head rent-free.

I think a major key to overcoming all those thoughts is to acknowledge, accept, or own your part in it all, and forgive yourself in order to move forward one step at a time.

Na wa o, your biological mother for that matter. It is really painful and sad to read. Your mother na witch or even worse than a witch, she deserves to be stoned. Some women do not deserve to be mother.
Confront her and tell her what is on your mind. If she is nonchalant or show no remorse ; then move on. It is upto you to forgive or not. I hope all goes well

Farano
Rocktation
Dominique
Ftp please

Move on


Get a man and settle down


Forget about your mom

Purvan:
■ Move on. Get a man and settle down. Forget about your mom

So, in 2023, with all we know of mental illness and the burden it is, you would suggest someone clearly struggling mentally as a mate for your son or daughter?

Kobojunkie:
So, in 2023, with all we know of mental illness and the burden it is, you would suggest someone clearly struggling mentally as a mate for your son or daughter?

Love conquers all things even if you're mentally deranged


I believe there's someone out there who can love her as she's and take good care of her .

Ok

Thanks for your input
Ok

Forgive her and clear your head because one day she will realize her mistakes and come back to you for forgiveness.Take heart forget the past and face the future...

What u need is closure.

Go and ask her why she did what she did to you.

Amna1:
Hello fellow nairalanders please i need your humble opinion on something that has been bothering me for the past decade.


Growing up life was smooth for us all as i came from a family of 5 and i was the second to the last born,my family was middle class so we lived quite a comfortable life which was short lived by the passing away of my father and ever since life has been one hell of a hardship after another. shortly after the death of my father we left lagos for our village and that was the start of all our hardship. I was just 9 years old at that time and for whatever reason my mum took it upon herself to make me suffer as she would deliberately starve me for up to 3 weeks and even deny me entry into our own home for no tangible reason,so right from age 9 i started hustling for food like most street and homeless children do and mind you we had all sorts of food at home and any time i was at home she would tie me up and give me bloody beatings and sometimes i would go unconscious as a result of those beatings as she used to hit me with anything her hands could hold even metal bars.....so i started avoiding home by all means as it was the last place on earth i could really call home and now I'm around 27 years of age and i don't want anything to do with her as anytime i remember her i would feel really sad and my heart heavy asl.i can go months without hearing from her as we now live in different states.....and she still lives in my head rent free as i always remember her before i go to sleep crying.i try to preoccupy myself with learning useful skills like programming but funds are my major hindrance but i still bust my ass every day to make a decent living and make sure i give my kids the life they deserve full of love and happiness...........
Dear nairalanders please give me tips on how to forgive and forget all she did to me as i believe it'll only hold me back and don't recommend a therapist as i don't have funds for that.people who have been in similar situation pls help me overcome it and i have no close family members to talk to about it as you know family ties these days thanks very much........

Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Farano
Rocktation
Mods front page please

Search Online for Psychotherapeutic Measusres to heal your mental wounds ...

Pray to God to Intercede on whatever happened between the two of you to be settled amicably ....

Go back home & She will do normal once she sees you smiling !

9OK thank you

Ok thanks

Are you sure of your narration,
There must be a reason before she treats you that way. Find out the reason first