Jackie999:
This is the best comment. I appreciate your input.

To answer your questions.
- I am not missing him physically but definitely thinking about him.
- I've always put myself first and thus built a good life for myself but this time I thought compromising would've served me well. Tbh, it's not with it.

He has 3 children. I cannot even imagine explaining that to my parents. I've been a perfect daughter and I guess this relationship is not worth tarnishing my reputation over. It's very shameful to me (privately) to love a man who I know I won't ever completely call my own. I love his kids, we support them etc but there's nothing I can do except leave and choose my future

Thanks

Babe, let that man go forever. Don't even maintain a friendship with him so you don't get tempted to go back to the relationship.

There are some other men for you out there. He is married and unwilling to let go of his marriage. If he tells you that he will divorce his wife, he must be trying to cajole or deceive you. He was your di..ck, definitely not your husband.

You haven't done anything wrong, you were only being a woman in love and following your heart but it is time to stop, think deeply, terminate the unfaithful relationship and move on. Keep being a loving, beautiful and great soul.

You are scammed, no one keeps text massages of over 8 years

I want to start off with a few important pointers/ disclaimers.

1. I am NOT Nigerian and do not claim to know everything about Nigeria.
2. Please do not be xenophobic or rude to me. I'm not strong enough lol
3. I will be as respectful as possible💞
4. I'll call the man in the story "Sam"

Okay so I'm a lady from a Southern African country. I met a Nigerian man who came here for "japa"/ "looking for better opportunities". I met him after he had arrived within 2months. I was walking into the club with my friends and he was in a vehicle with his friends. The driver stopped me to greet and he said hello. Sam greeted me and the driver asked for my number on his behalf lol. It was cute.

First thoughts, he was handsome in the face but definitely not anyone I'd be interested in talking to. He was unkept and clearly struggling financially just from his appearance. Anyway, he called that night to see if I'd be willing to chill with him and his friends, and I agreed. They came back around. He came into my car but I was put off by him telling me I'm so beautiful, calling me babe and saying "I'd wish to kiss you". Omg I was sooooo freaked out. Anyway I told him to leave my car and never call me again. Within an hour, my car's tyre burst ON THE flipping HIGHWAY😲. I called my father but he was almost 2 hours away so I called him and he came within 20minutes. Him nd his brothers came and fixed it for me.

From that day, we spoke and discussed every single day. I had never been with a Nigerian man or any serious relationship before but I liked him. I supported him financially for the longest time because I saw potential in him. I bought him his firs new clothes here, took him to all the nice places, and helped him with personal hygiene etc. I saw him as a friend. He is genuinely a good good person and I fell for his soul. His just so normal and pure. I am considered pretty, intelligent and independent so I won't lie and say that I can't find anyone else but he has my heart tbh.

Everything was going good but after 3months of being together everyday, he obviously wanted the Bleep. It was such a huge deal for me because I take that seriously. But anyway our relationship progressed in that direction - positively.

He would share the little money he had with me and food with me etc if I had recklessly spent my money etc lol. I was giving him a salary to start a business. Mind you, I studied psychology and I'm smart enough to know when I'm being scammed just because I'm a paranoid/anxious detective type naturally 🙈 anyway, we had the most incredible times and I know without a Shadow of a doubt he loves me.

Fast forward 2 months then I find that he is married with 3 kids. I knew about the kids - after finding out. Buti understand why he'd be hesitant to share that. My father is from a polygamous home so I do have strong feelings about that arrangement and single probably thought it's a bad idea to tell me. Well I found out, I was upset af. But I got over it. He never forced me to or anything but I genuinely thought I'd figure it out.

Well it's been 3 years. We have NEVER argued once about anything. We have the most compatible personalities. His calm, sweet and soft spoken. Same with me. His business is doing good and he has put me on a salary as I resigned, and want to start a business.

Nigerian men are the hill I'm willing to die in lol. I had Nigerian friends in the past (Yoruba) but Igbo men are just built different. They're natural born providers. I have access to his phones and vice versa. He knows everything about me and so do I. Including his marital issues (which are unfortunately plenty).

I know my family would not accept me marrying him although my mom adores him. My father would probably have a heart attack. They worked hard for us to be very well balanced, mentally strong women so I'm so surprised that I landed up in this position. I have an incredible family and lack nothing. Financially, emotionally, mentally... Everythingally...my family is able to provide.

Maybe because his my first actual relationship, I am failing to see the big picture. Truth is... I know he'll forever care for me but I also know that his wife only loves him for money, and uses his children against him. She literally told him she'd use juju on him and deny him access to the children if he leaves her.

I thought it'd be easy. Divorce in my country is so accessible and in a situation where a husband has suffered immeasurable abuse from a woman, he definitely has grounds to divorce her. Mind you, I know this because I went through his old messages from 8+ years ago and she was always berating him, accusing him, being hot and cold etc. She's so ungrateful and her only obsession is money. She compared him to Obi Cubana😅 calling out his supposed incompetence. Well I don't know, men aren't just money. They're people with feelings and lives, they deserve love regardless.

For an example, we bought his dad motorcycle and she complained that her dad didn't get one 😩 him and I are now financially good and blessed but I know deep in my soul that I cannot be a second wife.

This post is because I broke up with him yesterday and I know for a fact his not allowed to divorce since this was a marriage introduced by his dad. She has a child from another relationship but nobody even knows. I mean she's a liar liar. He knows but his family don't. And the kids is like 15.

Anyway, I wasn't to know what you guys think of this situation. Just chat honestly. I know he won't divorce and she would kill him but I also don't know what it's like to be a second wife or partner to a Nigerian. It sounds like a really bad idea because I like being the only one for my baby. [/quote] I think I'd be interested in a friend of yours. Damnnnn

Jackie999:
He has asked and spoken to his wife. Like 6 months ago. She agreed saying she has no choice but now she's always complaining that he does not have time for her anymore... that's another problem

Which country are you from?

Say your country with your full chest. No dey disguise again

Demigod22:


Hahaha, your English teacher needs to be arrested for this crime. No thanks to Nairaland for throwing word around without giving detail meaning of the word.

For being humane is simping in your dictionary? Your toxicity and negative energy is extreme.

K

@ OP
Did I hear you say you're from SA? This is good news for me. Not to sound insensitive, aunty, am sorry about your predicaments but my problem now be say since my childhood, I no know wetin I see for SA girls oh. I know and play all of Brenda Fassie songs, I know all SA female national team with Them I kgatlana and their coach, Desire Ellis. During BBTITANS, Ipeleng was my fav. It's like they buried my umbilical cord in South Africa it Namibia o.
OP, you'll help me arrange a good SA or Namibia girl for a serious relationship that will crash-land into marriage. Am full blooded naija, Igbo to be specific. You have cousins a d good friends, don't you? Arrange for me abeg. I must marry from there, whether Zulu or any tribe atall.
Check your Inbox, I've already messaged you, thanks in anticipation and on e again, sorry for your predicament. It's different strokes for different FOLKS

Jackie999:
This is the best comment. I appreciate your input.

To answer your questions.
- I am not missing him physically but definitely thinking about him.
- I've always put myself first and thus built a good life for myself but this time I thought compromising would've served me well. Tbh, it's not with it.

He has 3 children. I cannot even imagine explaining that to my parents. I've been a perfect daughter and I guess this relationship is not worth tarnishing my reputation over. It's very shameful to me (privately) to love a man who I know I won't ever completely call my own. I love his kids, we support them etc but there's nothing I can do except leave and choose my future

Thanks

He has too much baggage. Please don't look back. I personally cannot start life with someone with so much complicated baggage

Jackie999:
Ugh that's sweet. Bless you.

Lol yeah, I don't even want to have to defend any man to my parents. I just need to focus on my own things, and if the appropriate man comes, I'll know. Because I'm not willing to stress my parents just because I have big eyes for a man

Tbh, this is just my first heartbreak so I felt like I'm dying when we discussed our options the other night. I'm glad I decided to break up with him though.

I'm very much sure you won't break up... Just go to him and marry him

U love him, marry him at once

Ishilove:

He has too much baggage. Please don't look back. I personally cannot start life with someone with so much complicated baggage

What baggage?

Don't single mothers have baggage yet be looking for single guys to marry them?

Ok!
I've read everything.
Now what's his offense

How he is treated by his wife is no business of yours. I am sure he would have divorced or put her away if he was tired of her. Divorce is MOSTLY EASY AND STRESS-FREE in Nigeria and women are not as protected as it is done in the West and the fact that he hasn’t done so means he still wants her as his wife.

The way you put up with him knowing he is married is the dream of most married Nigerian men abroad - fumble with another woman where they are while the woman is aware that they have a family back home and hoping a divorce would happen some day. It often NEVER happens and the reason is pretty simple; your system probably works and that means trouble for him. Getting married to you means he is setting himself up for problems when the love turn sour.

What you have done is gently and patiently played the role of a side chick. Perhaps the situation would have been different if the other woman is only a girlfriend. He might compensate you for the time spent, the investment and opportunities but staying with him, knowing he is married and hoping a divorce will happen is doing yourself a disservice.

If you’re to “die on the hill” of a Nigerian man, be sure it is one without entanglement. It’s safe to say you’ve been played all along. At this rate, you might do 10-15 years with him in the name of a “divorce will happen soon” or “it is only you I love and want to be with.”

MatrixReloaded:
Give ur life to Jesus christ. His is the auto and finisher of your faith. You won't divorce him if you marry Jesus.

my brother auto ko automatic no

Nigerian men are the best!!! They are very goooooooooooood!

Seun ...I go post, my post no go enter front page, so na this no*nsense post make front page abi?

luminouz:
.
Stop quoting me, it's irritating!!

Who are you?

Jackie999:
He has asked and spoken to his wife. Like 6 months ago. She agreed saying she has no choice but now she's always complaining that he does not have time for her anymore... that's another problem

I sensed you still love him but since he is married, you need to move on. Though I will say Nigerian Men especially from the southern part know how to care for women but that should not be a basis to select your life partner. He can come from anywhere in this planet. Just be open minded and pray God gives you a husband that will you peace of mind and a man in major aspects of the marriage.

We4all:


Who are you?

K

First off, the story is fake and he/she is trying EXTRA HARD to be seen as miss-goody-two-shoes. Send this person a DM and be love-scammed. Yahoo get levels this days....

Anyway, that's not the issue..

Imagine it's a married woman with kids who has a side covk that she lied to that she was single.. Then the side covk comes on Nairaland saying he is in love despite being deceived. Despite the married woman saying she can't leave her husband because of JuJu. LMAO
The entire Nairaland would have shut down with rage and roar and insults upon insults on how the entire Nigerian women are this and that.

Infact if this supposed sidechic said she was a Nigerian lady, the screams of asheeeewooooo would have rented Nairaland air.


Bunch of hyp0crites!

South African una.

ChybuzzDD:


Why don't you speak for your illiterate self??

I finish reading that in less than 2mins and it's nowhere near what many of us read in a day

Off course you finished it in 2 mins🙄
I mean what more could a jobless man do??

Please I'm talking about other 200+ million Nigerians that are gainfully employeed and who know what to do with their time bro...

Not some jobless SIMPS like you hovering around Nairaland looking for relationship tales from women to cushion the effect of their failures in life 😆😆

It sounds like you're facing a complex and challenging situation. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

Considering the potential complications involved, seeking support from friends or a counselor might be beneficial as you navigate these difficult decisions.

Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own needs and seek a relationship that aligns with your values and desires.

Jackie999:
We could get married tomorrow if I agreed. I'm not going to compare cultures but here marriage isn't do or die. I love him, yes but I am confused that's why I posted.

Her complaining does affect me it affectsu boyfriend.

if he loves you, he can divorce his wife. Make sure he gets divorce decree Papers showing he is divorced. It should take a year.

Jackie999:
Yeah that's an impossibility. I've made up my mind. I'd be silly to think that I'm special when these type of relationships always end in the same way. With the other woman / "second wife" being compromised.

He loves and respects me and me too but the love definitely doesn't override my sensibilities. I was just going through the most this evening but now I've gained clarity thanks to the comments by his fellow Nigerians lol

You're better off moving on Sis. You've dealt fairly with him but he's obviously not going to leave his wife to marry you. The reasons may be sentimental but it is what it is.

Boring... Please can somebody summarize this super story?

Jackie999:
We could get married tomorrow if I agreed. I'm not going to compare cultures but here marriage isn't do or die. I love him, yes but I am confused that's why I posted.

Her complaining does affect me it affectsu boyfriend.

If you love him then marry him and be a co-wife. He can cope. But don't ever expect him to divorce his wife and for you.

Naija men can handle polygamy very well.

In other words, person husband Dey enter your eyes 👀.. Aunty no gree for anybody oo, you can' take him from her

I have about 99% feeling you are Nigerian

@Jackie999 I can feel Ur confusion but if you need another nice Nigeria man we are not far from your door step...

His not a possession. I do not want to take him away from her. That was a choice for him to make darl. He has decided to stay in the marriage primarily for his children's sake. No love lost

Miracle4325:
In other words, person husband Dey enter your eyes 👀.. Aunty no gree for anybody oo, you can' take him from her

Don't feel too much. That's how I go in this predicament. Think carefully

Alphafeezay:
I have about 99% feeling you are Nigerian

Lol I'm fine now yoh. I've seen what I need to see. No dating anytime soon.

Patosky4U:
@Jackie999 I can feel Ur confusion but if you need another nice Nigeria man we are not far from your door step...

I wish it was just about love. He has responsibilities and the way their marriage happened is also another issue. His father arranged the lady for him. The lady is a family friend of his father's. So those loyalties. And she has threatened him over and over again. Any small post on WhatsApp and she's losing her mind. Accusing him of forgetting about them in Nigeria which is ridiculous because he does everything for his family. Idk but I cannot force anyone to do anything. Neither should I wish to

360command:
if he loves you, he can divorce his wife. Make sure he gets divorce decree Papers showing he is divorced. It should take a year.