| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by thesicilian: 12:33pm On Jan 23 |
Your are old enough now to have a man to man talk with your dad. Try to find out if there's a reason he did what he did. You may even be surprised that you and your mum are the ones who need his forgiveness. What if, in the most extreme of cases, you're not even his children? 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by iamjavadem(m): 12:35pm On Jan 23 |
My dad did almost the same thing but my mom also stepped up and we doing fine now. We have made up with him, after all he is still our father. You need to learn to forgive and move on and also accept people the way they are else too many things from your past will just be weighing you down. We learnt that from both my dad and mum and they also practice what they preach. |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by kole22k(m): 12:41pm On Jan 23 |
Mercylike:
Growing up with my family, I grew up not liking my dad but liking my mother so much that I can go to the extreme for her. It all started like this;
While we were growing, my dad having like 2 wives never really cared about us. Not even our steps siblings who are older than us. Their own even worse, they struggled and worked hard to get what the want with little or no help from our dad. Except for 1 or 2 out of 7 of them, the rest stopped at secondary school (public). My dad had no intention of being responsible for them.
Back to myself and my brother which are the only kids my mom gave my dad, he never still feels responsible.
Throughout my primary, secondary and tertiary years, I can't pinpoint one time that my dad bought sandal, cloth or anything for us. The only drug my dad has ever bought for us when we are seriously sick is paracetamol, even if we have serious sickness, he doesn't care. All he does is to call my mother to come take care of us (my mother doesn't stay fully with us because it won't even be convenient in such house with step mom but whenever she comes, she could spend a week).
Infact he was un-interested in sending us to school but thanks to my MOTHER. Though she didn't read well as she stopped as primary 5 or so but she said that she vow that she will train her children to school if they are ready to learn. Myself and my bro were ready to learn and my mom entered debts just to make sure we go to school. I could remember giving up when I gained admission, my dad already told us that he didn't send us to go to school ooo. I didn't know how my mother did it, she came home and gave me the acceptance fee and school fees with some other money. ( I cried before and after the incident, I don't know how this woman got this money but I'm sure she took loan). 
Sometimes our step mom gets jealous thinking it was my dad that was doing those efforts for us but never did she know that all was my mom. I won't deny, dad contributed little but it was by force, begging his friends to plead to him to pay part of our school fee and all. But he is always boisterous of the fact that his sons are in school and all which angers me to see him boast with me especially.
Till now, I still don't feel responsible for my dad well-being. I have tried adjusting myself to loving him well but I can't. I just like him and respect him as a father but for my mom, I will do anything for her. I will go hungry for her, I will starve for her.
Nairalanders, it's being like 3 or 4 years I went to see my dad even though his place is not too far from me. He has been calling me several times that he wants to see me but I have always told him that I don't have time.
My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.
One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.
Many stories but I can't say all...
Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him.
How can I free myself from this guilt? My brother the only thing you should learn to do is forgiveness, all his attitudes towards you made you who you are today, so forgive him and love him very well, remember you are a man, when you become old you will understand how our parents fells when their children keep long distance, it's not a good experience during old age when you fell like seening your children but they don't show up. Care for him and try to find time to see him. God bless you. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Aaaaarghmed(m): 12:43pm On Jan 23 |
Hmmn. |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Myer(m): 12:50pm On Jan 23 |
Mercylike:
Growing up with my family, I grew up not liking my dad but liking my mother so much that I can go to the extreme for her. It all started like this;
While we were growing, my dad having like 2 wives never really cared about us. Not even our steps siblings who are older than us. Their own even worse, they struggled and worked hard to get what the want with little or no help from our dad. Except for 1 or 2 out of 7 of them, the rest stopped at secondary school (public). My dad had no intention of being responsible for them.
Back to myself and my brother which are the only kids my mom gave my dad, he never still feels responsible.
Throughout my primary, secondary and tertiary years, I can't pinpoint one time that my dad bought sandal, cloth or anything for us. The only drug my dad has ever bought for us when we are seriously sick is paracetamol, even if we have serious sickness, he doesn't care. All he does is to call my mother to come take care of us (my mother doesn't stay fully with us because it won't even be convenient in such house with step mom but whenever she comes, she could spend a week).
Infact he was un-interested in sending us to school but thanks to my MOTHER. Though she didn't read well as she stopped as primary 5 or so but she said that she vow that she will train her children to school if they are ready to learn. Myself and my bro were ready to learn and my mom entered debts just to make sure we go to school. I could remember giving up when I gained admission, my dad already told us that he didn't send us to go to school ooo. I didn't know how my mother did it, she came home and gave me the acceptance fee and school fees with some other money. ( I cried before and after the incident, I don't know how this woman got this money but I'm sure she took loan).
Sometimes our step mom gets jealous thinking it was my dad that was doing those efforts for us but never did she know that all was my mom. I won't deny, dad contributed little but it was by force, begging his friends to plead to him to pay part of our school fee and all. But he is always boisterous of the fact that his sons are in school and all which angers me to see him boast with me especially.
Till now, I still don't feel responsible for my dad well-being. I have tried adjusting myself to loving him well but I can't. I just like him and respect him as a father but for my mom, I will do anything for her. I will go hungry for her, I will starve for her.
Nairalanders, it's being like 3 or 4 years I went to see my dad even though his place is not too far from me. He has been calling me several times that he wants to see me but I have always told him that I don't have time.
My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.
One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.
Many stories but I can't say all...
Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him.
How can I free myself from this guilt? He reneged in his obligations as a father to you. So you are under little financial obligations to him. So stop feeling guilty. However, that unforgiveness is a big issue. That, you have to deal with. Find in your heart to know that he is simply a human being with his limitations. And if you're a believer, all things worked out for your good. Perhaps you won't have had the determination and drive to succeed that you compulsorily had to build. PS: God bless your mom. She is your angel on earth. May she age gracefully and enjoy the good fruits of her labor on earth and in heaven in Jesus name. 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Whatisurproblem(m): 12:51pm On Jan 23 |
Mercylike:
Growing up with my family, I grew up not liking my dad but liking my mother so much that I can go to the extreme for her. It all started like this;
While we were growing, my dad having like 2 wives never really cared about us. Not even our steps siblings who are older than us. Their own even worse, they struggled and worked hard to get what the want with little or no help from our dad. Except for 1 or 2 out of 7 of them, the rest stopped at secondary school (public). My dad had no intention of being responsible for them.
Back to myself and my brother which are the only kids my mom gave my dad, he never still feels responsible.
Throughout my primary, secondary and tertiary years, I can't pinpoint one time that my dad bought sandal, cloth or anything for us. The only drug my dad has ever bought for us when we are seriously sick is paracetamol, even if we have serious sickness, he doesn't care. All he does is to call my mother to come take care of us (my mother doesn't stay fully with us because it won't even be convenient in such house with step mom but whenever she comes, she could spend a week).
Infact he was un-interested in sending us to school but thanks to my MOTHER. Though she didn't read well as she stopped as primary 5 or so but she said that she vow that she will train her children to school if they are ready to learn. Myself and my bro were ready to learn and my mom entered debts just to make sure we go to school. I could remember giving up when I gained admission, my dad already told us that he didn't send us to go to school ooo. I didn't know how my mother did it, she came home and gave me the acceptance fee and school fees with some other money. ( I cried before and after the incident, I don't know how this woman got this money but I'm sure she took loan).
Sometimes our step mom gets jealous thinking it was my dad that was doing those efforts for us but never did she know that all was my mom. I won't deny, dad contributed little but it was by force, begging his friends to plead to him to pay part of our school fee and all. But he is always boisterous of the fact that his sons are in school and all which angers me to see him boast with me especially.
Till now, I still don't feel responsible for my dad well-being. I have tried adjusting myself to loving him well but I can't. I just like him and respect him as a father but for my mom, I will do anything for her. I will go hungry for her, I will starve for her.
Nairalanders, it's being like 3 or 4 years I went to see my dad even though his place is not too far from me. He has been calling me several times that he wants to see me but I have always told him that I don't have time.
My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.
One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.
Many stories but I can't say all...
Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him.
How can I free myself from this guilt? my case is 99.999% as yours Op but I'm doing my best to love him, because I don't want the situation to be generational stuff. Do your best and leave the rest 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by frank317: 12:53pm On Jan 23 |
SkengRay:
I Pray you find healing. I understand that wound isn't easy but you have to forgive and forget to find healing or else you be carrying that bitterness He does not need any healing and he carried no bitterness... he just paying back the old man. Thats how life is, what you give is what you get. you cant plant mango and expect to harvest apple. The op feeling guilty is normal, but he will feel worst if he goes all out to take care of a man who made very little effort to train him. 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Bahdguyishere: 12:57pm On Jan 23 |
Mercylike:
No. I will keep doing what I can do for him but I won't sweat on him.
You have already made up your mind, there's no point bringing this to Nairaland. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Mindlog: 1:03pm On Jan 23 |
obesse:
Don't be in a rush. The time will come when you will understand life. We live life moving forward, but we can only understand it backwards!
Cheers!
 "Understanding life" does not include being cold to your children, not providing for them nor giving them a sense of direction in life. So shove that "philosophical" jargon. The father is a DEADBEAT dad and OP, lived through that experience of his father being one. 6 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by honor4me: 1:08pm On Jan 23 |
udemzyudex:
Rubbish post everything is not about being manipulative, kids have brains too, the mum was the one coming while they stayed with their father, so what's your point here?
Oga zukwanike jare. If you are a male, you will soon understand the manipulative power of women about their husbands. Especially when you have your own kids. Don’t underestimate how most women make it look as if the father is not doing anything. I’m not saying there are no bad men! There are so many! But even then a good women will bring out the best in a man. You don’t even know whether the man is made to doubt if you are really his son by your mum! There are so many factors that bring out the bad sides of dads in marriage. No matter what, find it in your heart of heart to really forgive your dad and move on in life without shunning your responsibility to him as a father 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by nuelson2016(m): 1:09pm On Jan 23 |
...thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough - ( I know a particular region that's synonymous with this trend) 🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐 |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Officialenny1: 1:10pm On Jan 23 |
Bro/Sis
I'm not advising you to be rude to your dad but it will bs better if you sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him.
Tell him you aint happy with me ... |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by LalastiklaIa(m): 1:10pm On Jan 23 |
obesse:
See the manipulative power of women at work! The time will come when you would understand and I just pray it would not be too late then.
I am speaking from experience. I wish God could bring back my own Father for just 24 hours, so I could hug him, cry on his shoulders and ask him to forgive me! I wish my Father could arise from his grave, so I could spend some money on him.
It took almost 40 years before I knew the whole truth! Alas, it was too late!!
Na lie Which truth Who blinded you all the while 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Pootle: 1:16pm On Jan 23 |
RoadMozart:
Your story is almost same as mine. Just that my own papa worse. You should forgive but dont forget. What you should focus on is working hard to improve your status. Whenever i send money home, i make sure my mum gets 5x what i give my dad. The man has tried to settle with me bt i still cant forget even when i have forgiven him. i swear mind worse pass your own too my mother train and raise 3boys from primary to tertiary without any help from the husband me no dey give him anything i give his wife and ask her to give him what she like 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Horlamidei(m): 1:25pm On Jan 23 |
My story is almost similar as yours. I never gave the man that chance of reaching me even when he tried. He did all he could, I made sure I ghosted him..! Rejecting his calls and ignoring his messages. All I wanted from him is him purely saying am sorry. I even went to an extent telling some of my friends, if he dies, I won’t feel it, but when he did, [/b]omo, I wept bitterly like a child. Till now, I haven’t forgiven myself for not giving him that father and son relationship when he wanted it btw me and him badly [b]
I strongly doubt it if I can ever forgive myself for life. Upon all my efforts of bringing his bad side to my memory so I can get him off, that aspect of him trying to establish that relationship btw us still fades in and hope I can forgive myself.
Dad, please forgive me.. 6 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by justmi1: 1:28pm On Jan 23 |
I have similar story. I feel same way about my dad. I'm 34 (first born) and my dad was hardly around while growing up. Always travelling outside the country with nothing to show. He was absent, my mum had to struggle to take care of 4 boys alone. Even when I lost my immediate younger brother in 2007, he was not around. Now things are better but I feel no connections with him. A father's presence is important in the life of his children. No bond among us because we all had to live with people separately growing up. The matter long but it is well. I can't even settle down because I'm used to being by myself. 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by elevated2: 1:29pm On Jan 23 |
It is normal to feel how you feel after what you went through. There exist cause and effects in life.
But recognising your current state will help you feel better and improve relationship with your dad.
Mourn and sob your pain and after a while go deep inside and see what you can do to improve on things. It is difficult to state exactly what could be done in your case because there are questions I would have asked for me to suggest ways to you. All the best 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by purpleicious(f): 1:32pm On Jan 23 |
Ahhhh, i have seen someone whose case is worst than mine. |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by saasala(m): 1:32pm On Jan 23 |
Mercylike:
Growing up with my family, I grew up not liking my dad but liking my mother so much that I can go to the extreme for her. It all started like this;
While we were growing, my dad having like 2 wives never really cared about us. Not even our steps siblings who are older than us. Their own even worse, they struggled and worked hard to get what the want with little or no help from our dad. Except for 1 or 2 out of 7 of them, the rest stopped at secondary school (public). My dad had no intention of being responsible for them.
Back to myself and my brother which are the only kids my mom gave my dad, he never still feels responsible.
Throughout my primary, secondary and tertiary years, I can't pinpoint one time that my dad bought sandal, cloth or anything for us. The only drug my dad has ever bought for us when we are seriously sick is paracetamol, even if we have serious sickness, he doesn't care. All he does is to call my mother to come take care of us (my mother doesn't stay fully with us because it won't even be convenient in such house with step mom but whenever she comes, she could spend a week).
Infact he was un-interested in sending us to school but thanks to my MOTHER. Though she didn't read well as she stopped as primary 5 or so but she said that she vow that she will train her children to school if they are ready to learn. Myself and my bro were ready to learn and my mom entered debts just to make sure we go to school. I could remember giving up when I gained admission, my dad already told us that he didn't send us to go to school ooo. I didn't know how my mother did it, she came home and gave me the acceptance fee and school fees with some other money. ( I cried before and after the incident, I don't know how this woman got this money but I'm sure she took loan).
Sometimes our step mom gets jealous thinking it was my dad that was doing those efforts for us but never did she know that all was my mom. I won't deny, dad contributed little but it was by force, begging his friends to plead to him to pay part of our school fee and all. But he is always boisterous of the fact that his sons are in school and all which angers me to see him boast with me especially.
Till now, I still don't feel responsible for my dad well-being. I have tried adjusting myself to loving him well but I can't. I just like him and respect him as a father but for my mom, I will do anything for her. I will go hungry for her, I will starve for her.
Nairalanders, it's being like 3 or 4 years I went to see my dad even though his place is not too far from me. He has been calling me several times that he wants to see me but I have always told him that I don't have time.
My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.
One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.
Many stories but I can't say all...
Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him.
How can I free myself from this guilt? You might be totally wrong in your assumption about your father. African fathers don't tell their kids they are broke, they only shout at you and say "Go and meet your mother" Those times you thought he didn't care, he was probably very broke. The crazy part is, your mum must have fed you ugly stories about your Dad while growing up which have made you resent him so much. Trust me, he is niot as bad as you think. I thought my Dad was wicked until I grew up to become a man. He was just a poor man who would have done more if he had money Shebi you seff don become man, you go born pikin and you go understand 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by ednut1(m): 1:34pm On Jan 23 |
Nothing to be guilty about. He should suffer for the consequences of his actions. |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Otuasworld: 1:34pm On Jan 23 |
Am in the same shoes like you, bros you just have to let it go and move on |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Mercylike(f): 1:37pm On Jan 23 |
saasala:
You might be totally wrong in your assumption about your father.
African fathers don't tell their kids they are broke, they only shout at you and say "Go and meet your mother"
Those times you thought he didn't care, he was probably very broke.
Shebi you seff don become man, you go born pikin and you go understand U r not making sense.. He is broke but he buys aṣọ ebi for every Party. He is broke but keeps money well well that we have to steal his money to eat well sometimes.. U didn't live with my father.. Keep ur opinion 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Mercylike(f): 1:38pm On Jan 23 |
Horlamidei:
My story is almost similar as yours. I never gave the man that chance of reaching me even when he tried. He did all he could, I made sure I ghosted him..! Rejecting his calls and ignoring his messages. All I wanted from him is him purely saying am sorry. I even went to an extent telling some of my friends, if he dies, I won’t feel it, but when he did, [/b]omo, I wept bitterly like a child. Till now, I haven’t forgiven myself for not giving him that father and son relationship when he wanted it btw me and him badly [b]
I strongly doubt it if I can ever forgive myself for life. Upon all my efforts of bringing his bad side to my memory so I can get him off, that aspect of him trying to establish that relationship btw us still fades in and hope I can forgive myself.
Dad, please forgive me.. Mine reaches me... I send him money every month... Just dt i don't feel free with him 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by usagee36: 1:38pm On Jan 23 |
You might never forget what he did but try to give him something and make peace with God. Whatever you give your mom, give him like 1%. Trust me, if that man dies, you will have guilt all your life. You don't have to see him because that's not what his after as he has never changed. Just show love from a far. Let him go settle his bad mind with God. |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by saasala(m): 1:39pm On Jan 23 |
Mercylike:
U r not making sense..
He is broke but he buys aṣọ ebi for every Party.
He is broke but keeps money well well that we have to steal his money to eat well sometimes..
U didn't live with my father.. Keep ur opinion Why did you bring your stinking family issue to a public domain if you didn't want people's opinion. Receive sense. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by jeff1607(m): 1:39pm On Jan 23 |
Mercylike:
I don't think there is anytin to seat an old man and talk about..
I still do what I do for him like sending him money monthly.... I don't think there is sumtin else I need from him.
Dad attend party buys aṣọ ebi but never deem it fit to ever buy us clothes or shoes to wear. Never ever did..
Only mom will wear rag so that we can wear good thing. Story plenty |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by djon78(m): 1:53pm On Jan 23 |
nuelson2016:
...thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough - ( I know a particular region that's synonymous with this trend) 🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐
But in the end he still made something useful out of his Life |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by treatise: 1:56pm On Jan 23 |
Mercylike:
Growing up with my family, I grew up not liking my dad but liking my mother so much that I can go to the extreme for her. It all started like this;
While we were growing, my dad having like 2 wives never really cared about us. Not even our steps siblings who are older than us. Their own even worse, they struggled and worked hard to get what the want with little or no help from our dad. Except for 1 or 2 out of 7 of them, the rest stopped at secondary school (public). My dad had no intention of being responsible for them.
Back to myself and my brother which are the only kids my mom gave my dad, he never still feels responsible.
Throughout my primary, secondary and tertiary years, I can't pinpoint one time that my dad bought sandal, cloth or anything for us. The only drug my dad has ever bought for us when we are seriously sick is paracetamol, even if we have serious sickness, he doesn't care. All he does is to call my mother to come take care of us (my mother doesn't stay fully with us because it won't even be convenient in such house with step mom but whenever she comes, she could spend a week).
Infact he was un-interested in sending us to school but thanks to my MOTHER. Though she didn't read well as she stopped as primary 5 or so but she said that she vow that she will train her children to school if they are ready to learn. Myself and my bro were ready to learn and my mom entered debts just to make sure we go to school. I could remember giving up when I gained admission, my dad already told us that he didn't send us to go to school ooo. I didn't know how my mother did it, she came home and gave me the acceptance fee and school fees with some other money. ( I cried before and after the incident, I don't know how this woman got this money but I'm sure she took loan).
Sometimes our step mom gets jealous thinking it was my dad that was doing those efforts for us but never did she know that all was my mom. I won't deny, dad contributed little but it was by force, begging his friends to plead to him to pay part of our school fee and all. But he is always boisterous of the fact that his sons are in school and all which angers me to see him boast with me especially.
Till now, I still don't feel responsible for my dad well-being. I have tried adjusting myself to loving him well but I can't. I just like him and respect him as a father but for my mom, I will do anything for her. I will go hungry for her, I will starve for her.
Nairalanders, it's being like 3 or 4 years I went to see my dad even though his place is not too far from me. He has been calling me several times that he wants to see me but I have always told him that I don't have time.
My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.
One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.
Many stories but I can't say all...
Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him.
How can I free myself from this guilt? Just remember "like father like son" axiom. Soon you'd be a father and never create an opportunity for him to curse you( his blood runs in you) ; just do everything to show him love whilst alive ( he may not spend more than 10 years). Good luck! |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by AKWATGOLD1(m): 2:02pm On Jan 23 |
Length and breadth of my advice to you is Forgive your father even your mother still recognised him as her husbandMercylike:
Growing up with my family, I grew up not liking my dad but liking my mother so much that I can go to the extreme for her. It all started like this;
While we were growing, my dad having like 2 wives never really cared about us. Not even our steps siblings who are older than us. Their own even worse, they struggled and worked hard to get what the want with little or no help from our dad. Except for 1 or 2 out of 7 of them, the rest stopped at secondary school (public). My dad had no intention of being responsible for them.
Back to myself and my brother which are the only kids my mom gave my dad, he never still feels responsible.
Throughout my primary, secondary and tertiary years, I can't pinpoint one time that my dad bought sandal, cloth or anything for us. The only drug my dad has ever bought for us when we are seriously sick is paracetamol, even if we have serious sickness, he doesn't care. All he does is to call my mother to come take care of us (my mother doesn't stay fully with us because it won't even be convenient in such house with step mom but whenever she comes, she could spend a week).
Infact he was un-interested in sending us to school but thanks to my MOTHER. Though she didn't read well as she stopped as primary 5 or so but she said that she vow that she will train her children to school if they are ready to learn. Myself and my bro were ready to learn and my mom entered debts just to make sure we go to school. I could remember giving up when I gained admission, my dad already told us that he didn't send us to go to school ooo. I didn't know how my mother did it, she came home and gave me the acceptance fee and school fees with some other money. ( I cried before and after the incident, I don't know how this woman got this money but I'm sure she took loan).
Sometimes our step mom gets jealous thinking it was my dad that was doing those efforts for us but never did she know that all was my mom. I won't deny, dad contributed little but it was by force, begging his friends to plead to him to pay part of our school fee and all. But he is always boisterous of the fact that his sons are in school and all which angers me to see him boast with me especially.
Till now, I still don't feel responsible for my dad well-being. I have tried adjusting myself to loving him well but I can't. I just like him and respect him as a father but for my mom, I will do anything for her. I will go hungry for her, I will starve for her.
Nairalanders, it's being like 3 or 4 years I went to see my dad even though his place is not too far from me. He has been calling me several times that he wants to see me but I have always told him that I don't have time.
My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.
One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.
Many stories but I can't say all...
Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him.
How can I free myself from this guilt? |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Akhaz024: 2:04pm On Jan 23 |
You need to learn how to control your emotion, you still need to honor your dad irrespective of what he has done. Don't deprive yourself of the blessings one derive from honoring ones parents.
He might have offended you nevertheless he brought you to this word. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Kobojunkie: 2:08pm On Jan 23 |
Mercylike:
■ My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.
One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.
■ Many stories but I can't say all... Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him. How can I free myself from this guilt? I think you have this twisted in ways that are strangling you @OP. Somehow you formed this idea in your head that you are obligated to provide for him even though deep down you resent him for not being a provider to you when you needed him to be that. Was there a person in your life that convinced you that you had to be his provider and like him too, or something?  What I think you need and this is all really is you accept that ■ You must forgive him for your own sake and not for his. Forgiving him means you accept him for who he is, a parent who occupied the role of sperm donor than provider in your life and has since then turned a burden on you. Forgiving him does not mean that he has turned a new leaf even though transitioning from an absentee parent to a mooch is sort of a new leaf. Forgiving him means you chose to let go of the hurt and forge a new life for yourself and those around you. ■ another thing you need to do is understand exactly why you feel you have to send him money regularly. What you described feels like blind obligation which you are obviously not happy with. Honestly, I think that money would be best saved up somewhere for actual family emergencies and so on. ■ There is no obligation as far as liking or loving, someone , even one's parents. People earn your life and your dislike. From the much you stated, your dad did not do much to earn your like and respect so you are not to feel guilty that all he earned is your dislike. No need to feel guilty, and you are not alone. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Clear This Guilt Against My Dad? by Pusyiter(m): 2:09pm On Jan 23 |
My brother, your responsibility to him is to honour him and try as much as you can to get his blessings whenever you give him stuff Fathers blessing is unquantifiable, Do not use pride to deny yourself of it ooooooo  I write from experience oooo |
