Mercylike:
Growing up with my family, I grew up not liking my dad but liking my mother so much that I can go to the extreme for her. It all started like this;

While we were growing, my dad having like 2 wives never really cared about us. Not even our steps siblings who are older than us. Their own even worse, they struggled and worked hard to get what the want with little or no help from our dad. Except for 1 or 2 out of 7 of them, the rest stopped at secondary school (public). My dad had no intention of being responsible for them.

Back to myself and my brother which are the only kids my mom gave my dad, he never still feels responsible.

Throughout my primary, secondary and tertiary years, I can't pinpoint one time that my dad bought sandal, cloth or anything for us. The only drug my dad has ever bought for us when we are seriously sick is paracetamol, even if we have serious sickness, he doesn't care. All he does is to call my mother to come take care of us (my mother doesn't stay fully with us because it won't even be convenient in such house with step mom but whenever she comes, she could spend a week).

Infact he was un-interested in sending us to school but thanks to my MOTHER. Though she didn't read well as she stopped as primary 5 or so but she said that she vow that she will train her children to school if they are ready to learn. Myself and my bro were ready to learn and my mom entered debts just to make sure we go to school. I could remember giving up when I gained admission, my dad already told us that he didn't send us to go to school ooo. I didn't know how my mother did it, she came home and gave me the acceptance fee and school fees with some other money. ( I cried before and after the incident, I don't know how this woman got this money but I'm sure she took loan).

Sometimes our step mom gets jealous thinking it was my dad that was doing those efforts for us but never did she know that all was my mom. I won't deny, dad contributed little but it was by force, begging his friends to plead to him to pay part of our school fee and all. But he is always boisterous of the fact that his sons are in school and all which angers me to see him boast with me especially.

Till now, I still don't feel responsible for my dad well-being. I have tried adjusting myself to loving him well but I can't. I just like him and respect him as a father but for my mom, I will do anything for her. I will go hungry for her, I will starve for her.

Nairalanders, it's being like 3 or 4 years I went to see my dad even though his place is not too far from me. He has been calling me several times that he wants to see me but I have always told him that I don't have time.

My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.

One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.


Many stories but I can't say all...

Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him.

How can I free myself from this guilt?

#If you are a real born again Christian, "a spirit-filled Christian" then to overcome something like this wouldn't be a problem.

1. God does a lot of things (his goodness) for both believers and unbelievers alike.

2. Love covereth multiple of sin. Love bears no grudges. Love is selfless. Love is peace (it brings about lasting peace of mind)

Love your dad and mom equally and overlook the errors and wrong deeds of your dad.

3. We are all sinners (by omission/commission) and the almighty God continues to forgive us our sins, THEREFORE ANY CHRISTIAN THAT CAN NOT FORGIVE IS EITHER A BABY CHRISTIAN OR AN UNBELIEVER.

Justkatty:
You are even a good person sef.
He should thank his ⭐ he gave birth to children with soft heart because hmmmm all those times he kept saying he doesn't have, wherever he was keeping such money,that's what he would have been using.

It's not your fault you spend more when it comes to your mom, he caused it.
Parents should learn,kids won't be kids forever,they see everything and they learn too.
God bless you dear.

Honour your Father and your Mother, that it may BE WELL WITH YOU and that you may LIVE LONG on the earth.
It doesn't say honour your father and your mother only if they have done their duty.

Pusyiter:
■ My brother, your responsibility to him is to honour him and try as much as you can to get his blessings whenever you give him stuff
Fathers blessing is unquantifiable,
Do not use pride to deny yourself of it ooooooo
I write from experience oooo

"Father's blessing" is unquantifiable? How do you know this to be the case of you can even quantify it?

While you are at it, explain this "Father's blessing".

It is not your fault that you do not like your dad. The way you are relating with him is OK don't feel bad about it

Healing or no healing ; forgiveness or no forgiveness,the Baba is harvesting what he sowed . Galatians 6:7 is very clear . .The children will just be trying to be humane and will be struggling to be good to him because of God yet they can't be passionate about his welfare like they will do to their mother . It is the law of Kama .. no need for guilty conscience my brother .You don't reward people equally because they don't play same role in your life. It is a law I used in rewarding people around me.

Fearcom:
■ Honour your Father and your Mother, that it may BE WELL WITH YOU and that you may LIVE LONG on the earth.
It doesn't say honour your father and your mother only if they have done their duty.

The pick-n-chose churchians are never far away with their many lies to deceive people with. What about the other 613 commandments in the book? Do you also keep those or you don't realize that Law you quote from is All-or-nothing meaning that if you don't keep all 613 commandments at the same time, you will get absolutely none of the benefits of that Law.

By the way, that Law only applied in the Land of Canaan.

Bro ,you would have to let it go even if it's gonna be a hard task on you. My own Fate was similar too.Men with plenty women would later end up regretting such wickedness they did to Thier own kids after a while.I still feel so much pains from d past buti have moved on and now become a GATE KEEPER FOR MY FAMILY (SPIRITUALLY AND PHYSICALLY)DO THE SAME AND GET PEACE ALL ROUND.i don't see those olden changing ,forget that ,they are already formed

I can relate with you. One thing I will say to you is that, you shouldn't be nice to people because they were good to you; but because it is the right thing to do.

It lifts burden off your mind, makes you happier and a better person

obesse:
See the manipulative power of women at work! The time will come when you would understand and I just pray it would not be too late then.
I am speaking from experience. I wish God could bring back my own Father for just 24 hours, so I could hug him, cry on his shoulders and ask him to forgive me! I wish my Father could arise from his grave, so I could spend some money on him.
It took almost 40 years before I knew the whole truth! Alas, it was too late!!

Wotoporiously speaking

Don't conclude, your story might be different from his

Kobojunkie:
The pick-n-chose churchians are never far away with their many lies to deceive people with. What about the other 613 commandments in the book? Do you also keep those or you don't realize that Law you quote from is All-or-nothing meaning that if you don't keep all 613 commandments at the same time, you will get absolutely none of the benefits of that Law.

By the way, that Law only applied in the Land of Canaan.

Then why did Apostle Paul quote this same scripture in his letter to the churches?

And next time, learn to communicate without insult.s and condescending talk. People who do that do not have answers

Forgive him and do the needful for him

Wotoporiously speaking

Op, as an OG in the business, I will advise you let go of the past and focus on the future for your overall wellbeing...e get why

As for your dad na only God go ask am why cuz I believe everything we do on earth we go answer for am when the time comes.

treatise:

Just remember "like father like son" axiom. Soon you'd be a father and never create an opportunity for him to curse you( his blood runs in you) ; just do everything to show him love whilst alive ( he may not spend more than 10 years). Good luck!

No curse will stand without a course

On what basis will he curse me for?

Enlighten me... So sending money to him is not love, I shud go and pack my load and stay with him àbi

The only thing, I can tell you here is that the day your father dies, you will love him more than your mother.
I'm commenting from experience.

Why are you feeling guilty ? You have done no wrong. I know the forgive and forget crew, who are even more forgiving than God himself will soon come for me but that teaching is not even biblical. The bible says what you sow, you will reap it. He is reaping what he sowed. Donating sperms to a woman is not what makes a man a father! Your mom acted as both father and mother to you and she is also now enjoying it. You over try sef for sending him the little you can. Do not force a relationship with him where there should be none. You said yourself that all he wants is money so ots not like he is reaching out out of genuine love. Learn what you can from this story on how to bring up your own children when you have them and don't let anyone pressure you.

Fearcom:
■ Then why did Apostle Paul quote this same scripture in his letter to the churches?
And next time, learn to communicate without insult.s and condescending talk. People who do that do not have answers

Paul's quoted those words from the Old Law of Moses which God of Israel gave only to the Israelites, along with 612 other commandments in the land of Canaan. And what Paul said of those words apply only as far as those who lived in the land of Canaan at that time before the end came in 70AD.

Or are you of the mind that Paul became a god and made a different Law for you by that?

Mercylike:
■ No curse will stand without a course. On what basis will he curse me for? Enlighten me... So sending money to him is not love, I shud go and pack my load and stay with him àbi

Do not listen to the gobbledygook spewed by people who are themselves ruled by their many fears and anxieties.

saasala:


You might be totally wrong in your assumption about your father.

African fathers don't tell their kids they are broke, they only shout at you and say "Go and meet your mother"

Those times you thought he didn't care, he was probably very broke.

The crazy part is, your mum must have fed you ugly stories about your Dad while growing up which have made you resent him so much. Trust me, he is niot as bad as you think.

I thought my Dad was wicked until I grew up to become a man. He was just a poor man who would have done more if he had money

Shebi you seff don become man, you go born pikin and you go understand

Stop saying what u don't know..

My mom taught us to love our dad even when we don't have to.

Did u even read my post at all?

We stayed with our dad all tru, mom only comes once in a while.. Dey read post

patorial:
The only thing, I can tell you here is that the day your father dies, you will love him more than your mother. I'm commenting from experience.

Lol... rubbish!

Did you know that when people mourn, it is not necessarily the dead that they mourn but instead the space left empty by the dead no longer being there?

patorial:
The only thing, I can tell you here is that the day your father dies, you will love him more than your mother.
I'm commenting from experience.

Dreamer... Notin can ever make me like my dad than my mother... Notin

Is it financially support

Is it fasting and prayer that mom does on us

Is it the go and come she does all bcox of us?


You are joker man... I repeat, a joker

Ok

Mercylike:
■ Stop saying what u don't know.. My mom taught us to love our dad even when we don't have to. Did u even read my post at all? We stayed with our dad all tru, mom only comes once in a while.. Dey read post

So your mom raised you all to love him despite who he was to you. That seems like the reason for the guilt you feel there.

You need to overcome that training your mum set inside of you @Op. While your mum has her reasons for doing what she did, obviously, that teaching is what is at the root of the split in your person and needs to be replaced with that which is really you if you are to truly accept your father for who he is and forgive your dad in all of this.

maak400:
■ I understand you because I also experienced something a bit similar but not extreme like yours. My dad took care of us to the best of his ability. Just like someone said, tell your dad you would like to have a discussion with him with only both of you in attendance. Ask him to pour his heart to you and why he treated you and your sibling that way. When I lost my dad, I actually regretted not asking him to narrate his side of the whole story and also pour his heart out. Men have their own internal battles that they find difficult to discuss with anyone, I just realized that now that I have my own wife and kids. No matter how cruel he is, I tell you that you will miss him when he's gone and you'll actually regret not having a one on one discussion with him and hearing him speak from his heart.

So women don't have these same inner battles to deal with? If OP'S story had instead been of an absentee mother, would you equally advice him to go sit her down to hear her own side of the story and of her inside battles and all of that you pretend?

Iluvmycontr3:
■ #If you are a real born again Christian, "a spirit-filled Christian" then to overcome something like this wouldn't be a problem.
1. God does a lot of things (his goodness) for both believers and unbelievers alike.
2. Love covereth multiple of sin. Love bears no grudges. Love is selfless. Love is peace (it brings about lasting peace of mind)
Love your dad and mom equally and overlook the errors and wrong deeds of your dad.
3. We are all sinners (by omission/commission) and the almighty God continues to forgive us our sins, THEREFORE ANY CHRISTIAN THAT CAN NOT FORGIVE IS EITHER A BABY CHRISTIAN OR AN UNBELIEVER.

OP, do not fall for these lies Christians use to guilt others into doing that which they do not do themselves.

thesicilian:
■ Your are old enough now to have a man to man talk with your dad. Try to find out if there's a reason he did what he did.
■ You may even be surprised that you and your mum are the ones who need his forgiveness. What if, in the most extreme of cases, you're not even his children?

A reason why for 365 days of the year and over 10 years at that, a man refused to be a father to not one but all 7 of his own children? Are you people for real?

2. A child needs his father's forgiveness?

BOOKWORMLUX:
This is the case of many families. There's something wrong with some Nigerian dads

There's something wrong with Nigerian mother's too.
Hausa people talk say "Magana jari ci".

maak400:
I understand you because I also experienced something a bit similar but not extreme like yours. My dad took care of us to the best of his ability. Just like someone said, tell your dad you would like to have a discussion with him with only both of you in attendance. Ask him to pour his heart to you and why he treated you and your sibling that way. When I lost my dad, I actually regretted not asking him to narrate his side of the whole story and also pour his heart out. Men have their own internal battles that they find difficult to discuss with anyone, I just realized that now that I have my own wife and kids. No matter how cruel he is, I tell you that you will miss him when he's gone and you'll actually regret not having a one on one discussion with him and hearing him speak from his heart.

Internal battles na to dey go party up and down while your kids no even get cloth... To dey hide money like sáy he dey carry am go heaven..

Rent the room we are living to someone else for us to go and be squatting...

Oga our fathers are different... Don't compare pls

I stayed with my father longer longer longer longer than I see my mom, don't say mother influence me

kole22k:
■ My brother the only thing you should learn to do is forgiveness, all his attitudes towards you made you who you are today, so forgive him and love him very well, remember you are a man, when you become old you will understand how our parents fells when their children keep long distance, it's not a good experience during old age when you fell like seening your children but they don't show up. Care for him and try to find time to see him. God bless you.

So, your problem is that you lack understanding of why those damaged children chose to distance themselves from the very parents who damaged their minds and lives?

If OP is a better parent to his own kids, they won't abandon him in his old age. The chances of that happening is slim to none. So why do you pretend that because OP distances himself from his own father, somehow the same will befall him even if he makes better choices as a parent?

Blakjewelry:
■ Since you already know its a problem then it's a start. Learn to let go of the past. Better still sit him down and pour out your thoughts and given then and there also it will take a burden off your shoulders.

Sit a parent who damaged his own child down to ask what? Why did you damage my childhood? Or to tell him how his actions severely damaged you? Are you folks for real?

obojememe:
bro , i have a similar story trying to love my dad cos of the same issue, but when i lost him october last year, i realized that as individual that he is , he has his own battles . i regretted not doing enough until i lost him..he is human and we al have our flaws

Stop using "battles" as an excuse. Every human no matter how small has them. Go hospital go see premature babies dealing with their own battles too. So, the having of battles is no excuse to give to anyone.

I have seen fathers battling schizophrenia yet going to all lengths to to there for their children even at tha . I have read of disabled fathers going out to beg every single day all so they could make sure their kids has that pair of shoe or toy they desired. That your father was no different from a deadbeat dad was all him and nothing else. You using his battles to excuse his incompetence as a dad is you and you alone.

BaddaMan:
■ It’s tough being a man out there, what ever your father did I’m sure you’re in better position now. Forgive and let go off the past.

It was tough for the man who basically lived as a deadbeat to all 7 children --- a sperm donor basically--- but not tough for the mothers who actually had to raise and provide for the children?

Mercylike:


Internal battles na to dey go party up and down while your kids no even get cloth... To dey hide money like sáy he dey carry am go heaven..

Rent the room we are living to someone else for us to go and be squatting...

Oga our fathers are different... Don't compare pls

I stayed with my father longer longer longer longer than I see my mom, don't say mother influence me

Don't let the past steal your present. You are still judging thing base on the past like seriously you are not the only one into this.

I was in University my dad sent little fund I was very angry at him because I knew he was capable to some extent. There was a particular time I was scared of failing I didn't know what happened to me I just called him, he thought I wanted to ask for money and I told him to pray for me that I am scared of failing it was very emotional since then he started calling me and asked about my school life.

What measure have you taken. How often have you called him on phone. Anyone can change.