My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria - Family (8)

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My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria - Family (8) - Nairaland

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Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by ModCaller: 1:08pm On Feb 24

phorget:
Dont just send her to Nigeria but send her to a village where she will have to go to the farm,fetch water from the stream, cook with firewood, feel the bite of mosquitoes and tsetsefly, attend village schools and then learn your local language and culture. By the time she is done experiencing all these then she will become a changed person and beg you to come to her rescue.

Don't forget to add "where she will probably be kidnapped for having oyibo accent"

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by johhnnie(m): 1:09pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Show her more love, care and attention.

Understand her perspectives.

Discuss with her like an adult.

Take her out.

Have one on one with her.

Let her feel her place and play her role as the first born.

Delegate to her.

Warm yourself up to her.

Stop chastising her infront of her siblings..

Let her feel that you got her all the time.

Be her confidant.....she is your daughter.

Don't believe everything your wife tells you about her.

......you will be more successful with her.

2 Likes

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by DonXavi(m): 1:10pm On Feb 24

henrimoto:
I have heard a similar story like this... Same from Spain, ... A son too but it's from a third party I heard of it.

You know anyone from Edda? Sorry for too many questions.

No, I don't know anybody from Edda.

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by airsaylongcome: 1:11pm On Feb 24

Zupay:

Social service will "take special interest" in the remaining members of the family in the UK or US especially if the mention issues of abuse in the home. Mind you collecting children from their parents is big business in the UK and US as it is a whole industry. Do you know that taxes paid by around 200 full time factory workers in the UK per month, is used to support only one child per month who have been taken away from their families?

Yeah they will take "special interest". But in the interim, the bone wey hook am for throat has been dislodged. The "other" children aren't problematic as yet. If e too bad, you do "reverse japa", bring the whole family back. Reading OP's post history though, it looks like the "problematic" child was cool until there was a tango with her step mum two years ago. Child got called a b*stard by the stepmom and things started going south. Given that premise, there are more deep seated underlying issues

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by usagee36: 1:12pm On Feb 24

You guys didn't train her well. You might be in America where parents chase money and ignore parental duties. At 13, it's too late my brother. I don't know if bringing back would help. She has started seeing guys, trust me. If she wasn't born there, then you also made a mistake taking her there and allowing the western culture to englove her. Best of luck 👍

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by sunky2sweet(m): 1:13pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

let her know grandma’s birthday is around the corner and everyone will be attending

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by phorget(m): 1:14pm On Feb 24

BRATISLAVA:

No boys in the village, right? Punishing life will correct her... Or make her deeply resentful and evil.

Why should she endure that while the children from his next wife live in relative comfort? Sounds like child abuse.

It will even be better if the boys in the village get her pregnant, she will understand what it means for someone to lose an opportunity.
For now she has the same opportunity as the children from the other wife but she chooses to misbehave and abuse the opportunity, theres no crime if they make her go through some pains so as to reset her demeanor.

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by verminnel(f): 1:15pm On Feb 24

Mr man ..posterity will judge u if u send that girl back to Nigeria after ur wife has subjected her to trauma that made her turn out this way. You already made a mistake marrying a woman who doesnt love ur child from a previous relationship. Kids try to fight back by being rebellious if u must know, please show all the love and care u can show to that girl since u can't reuniting her with her biological mum is not an option for u cos you owe that child that. Don't send her away she would forever hate u for it

4 Likes

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Zejeed: 1:21pm On Feb 24

Your daughter is suffering from depression, get a therapist to evaluate her the therapist may refer her to psychiatrist. We had the same experience with my 13 year old daughter during Covid, it was a very difficult experience for my family, but thanks to the team that worked with her. She doing great now.

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by donogaga(m): 1:24pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

My neighbor here did the same, they sent two of their kids back to naija, now they have peace of mind here.

Your peace is none negotiable. After the normal daily hustling here, you don't need anything that would disturb your mind when you get home or even when you are at work.

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Tranquillity360: 1:25pm On Feb 24

Zupay:

Even if he had told her they are going to Ghana on holidays, she will certainly tell her friends here in the UK that she is going home with her dad for holidays. If she doesn't resume school the next term, that would be an issue, her friends will talk and social worker will knock at my colleague's door to explain the whereabout of the daughter. If e talk say she don start school for Ghana, not informing the UK school is a red flag as dem go even suspect say she carry the girl go do female circumcision for their village.. Police would be involved, there would be video call to the girl in Ghana and she go expose her papa and when dem go bring am come back him, she no go live with her parents again, na government get am.

Let government take her nah.

All this kids dey spoil because this your mentality.

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by descarado: 1:25pm On Feb 24

phorget:

It will even be better if the boys in the village get her pregnant, she will understand what it means for someone to lose an opportunity.
For now she has the same opportunity as the children from the other wife but she chooses to misbehave and abuse the opportunity, theres no crime if they make her go through some pains so as to reset her demeanor.

You all deserve the kind of leaders who govern you.
Spit on you

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Inspirer1: 1:28pm On Feb 24

Deebami:
Sending her home is a good idea, but sending her to a boarding may not be the best option. Your trusted family member can be of help to monitor her activities.

While not absolving her step mum, one thing is that a biological child can do same over there.

Even in Nigeria, its not that easy to mentor a child to our liking, talk less of over there where there's absolute freedom.
Once a child is aware of his/her 'rights' over there, its only God that can make them still give that submissiveness.

You can use this scenario to judge too, here in naija, if a child knows that his/her mother is not that strict, the child will be closer to the mother, may even be reporting the father to the mother, so same thing with knowing those 'rights' over there.
Sincerely, it's only the grace of God that will make a cold turn out good over there especially those taken there at very young age.

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Megabig: 1:33pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

That’s the only option have, you cannot help her abroad because as you train at home, they get destroyed in school.
Pack up with others for holiday or say burial or something, arrange with family back home and take them with you. Collect passport and leave when ready, she will cry and beg on phone. In few days she will adjust and make friends and get into school, make sure it’s a good private school, they will teach her like others, during holiday breaks, she will get back to the family back home and help wash dishes, clean the house etc.
In 5 years, she will already have good friends, enroll her a good university and make sure she starts, you will just know when you can bring her abroad . Thats how life works. I went to boarding school and I saw kids like that and they turned out so good. Infact we see some of them as Oyibo the way they speak and they were just fine like that.
Save her from leftists!!!

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by phorget(m): 1:33pm On Feb 24

descarado:

You all deserve the kind of leaders who govern you.
Spit on you

How is that related to me dealing with my own child?
You expect me to keep pampering a spoilt brat so as to make you happy? They say if a crab does not enter hot water it wont ever believe that there are two types of water,since the daughter has refused to act right then why wont the father make her go through some life lessons?

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by drlateef: 1:35pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

I have been in your shoes for slightly different reasons. Bringing her home is the best option. How you will do it with her complying with the travel plans is the major obstacle. When she gets here, keep her passport under lock and key. And you are good to go.

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by descarado: 1:35pm On Feb 24

Ishilove:

So the child will now dictate to the parents how she should be raised? Just imagine the guts on that little kid. That's what you get in a system that mollycoddles bad behaviour.

Nigerian system that do not mollycoddle bad behaviour, where are we now?
Still dependant on the system that mollycoddle bad behaviour 100%
We always assume we know best how to psychologically handle human behaviour and any other way aside ours is a no no., when in real fact we know absolutely nothing else we wouldn't be a failed country.

2 Likes

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Jokkarm2: 1:37pm On Feb 24

send her back immediately for behavior reformatting and dont bring her to Lagos else you just send her to same place . send her another city

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by PROPEACE: 1:40pm On Feb 24

Mandem2:

Gbam!! These abroad children think say dem get mind until dem see strong tin! E get one man wey mari wife from Naija carry go US, dem never finish her immigration papers bifor she begin call police for oga. Na so og come pet di banny wella then carry back to Naija say make dem visit home. As dem reach house oga cancel immigration papers den con divorce di banny. Till today di banny hang for Abuja.

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Praktikals1000: 1:42pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

If you finally decide to take her to Nigeria, you will have to hide your intentions from her. Maybe say you are going for a family function.

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by descarado: 1:45pm On Feb 24

phorget:

How is that related to me dealing with my own child?
You expect me to keep pampering a spoilt brat so as to make you happy? They say if a crab does not enter hot water it wont ever believe that there are two types of water,since the daughter has refused to act right then why wont the father make her go through some life lessons?

What makes a 13yrs old a spoilt brat if you are not a bad parent.
A 13 yrs old is a child. Maybe, that should get into your head first.
A 13 yrs old undergoing puberty needs all the love she can get.
Never give a child like that room to think she is all alone. NEVER.
Never let your prik remove common sense from you.
Dude's priority is his new wife and new kids. Girl will naturally hate the step mum. It's her duty and that of the dad to prove her wrong that step mum is not the reason her mum is not living with them anymore.
Does she communicate with her mum, step mum and dad together?
Is her mum part of her life or she was denied access to her completely?

Guy, sit down. You know nothing about child psychology.
You think the gragra we do in Nigeria is how to raise kids.
We raise kids with very low self esteem. Do you know the damage that has done to use as a nation.

Get books and read and stop making blind argument.
It's nauseating.

And to think like minded folks applauded your first post.

3 Likes

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by haphizz57(m): 1:45pm On Feb 24

Village big boies go use her shine. Village kids really corrupt n spoil

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by BigIyanga: 1:49pm On Feb 24

U still dey wait for advice until she gets u two locked up…and then gets in trouble and gets locked up by the system… tried and sentenced like an adult. Buy her 1-way ticket

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by aribisala0(m): 1:49pm On Feb 24

I don't know your situation but many migrant families tend to live in impoverished areas especially if you live in a city so what you are experiencing is probably a reflection of her peers and the neighbourhood you live in as well as financial situation
The more money you have the more you can afford to live in a better neighbourhood and pay for productive after school activities.
Kids need quality extracurricular activities and supervision to keep them out of trouble.. That is not cheap. Is she into sports ,music etc

Four children hmm
That is not a cheap undertaking outside Nigeria in the Western world

If you can move out of the city if you live in the city
that helps but has its downsides if it is a majorly white area you move to
Generally speaking neighbourhoods make a difference

Ultimately money answereth many things

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by blacksam01: 1:52pm On Feb 24

demoBaba:
9ja boarding skool you say? she'll add with her bad behaviour.

na lie sh cant get worse....sh will inly b worse if u send her to a priavte boarding school....send her to command boarding Or FGGC

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by falopey: 1:52pm On Feb 24

Send her to a regimented boarding school in Nigeria. Maybe a military, police or catholic boarding school. She will learn discipline and good behavior and turn out to be a responsible person.

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Cmanforall: 1:53pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Make out time for your daughter. Sending her to Nigeria won't solve it

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by ceejay80s(m): 1:54pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

My guy
The truth is that's how they are when they grow with their mom
Take control of ur house, if she's not ready to abide by ur rules and regulations, let her go before u die of cardiac arrest,
They are always bitter but they don't know the whole truth about their mom and what u went through.....
If she's not ready to be raised u, let her cater for herself

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by tochez24(m): 1:56pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

What are you still waiting for?? Don't you know it's the best approach.... Nah NIGERIA be correctional center for stubborn kids abroad⚠️

When she see shege pro max, she will start understanding life as fast as possible!!!!!

Nigeria's hardship and no bullshit way of life will surely set her on the right steps as a teenager, by the time her hungry classmates over here beat the hell out of her she will adjust perfectly⚠️

But instead of sending her a boarding school in Nigeria... Just send her to one of your married sibling or cousin in naija to look after her for you and tell them to put her in a day school.

So, with cains and slaps she can be explaining in details where she normally go after school😆😆😆

My brother.... This works like magic i tell you, in 6 months time you're already seeing results for yourself.

Just find a way and bundle her back to Nigeria to any of your relatives or siblings care and just wait for good news!!!!

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by opera1(m): 2:00pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Have you personally talked to her like father and daughter?
You need to ask her the reason for her change in behavior and let her know the consequences of her actions.
Sending her home may not be the best as she can also continue her wayward life style here

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by CorrectionFLuid: 2:00pm On Feb 24

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

According to you,she doesn't act like that when you're around. She needs you, not the step mom. Unfortunately you're pushing her away.

If the mother was with you, will you have this thought? This is akin to situations where the kids mom is dead, and dad is siding with new wife to treat the kids like outcasts. That's exactly what you're doing.
I noticed that you used the word "we" when you talked about sending her back to Nigeria. Which means it's a decision you and your wife are taking. Have you ever wondered whether it's all a manipulation from your wife to get rid of her?
A quick way to find out is, pretend that you have plans to send all your kids to Nigeria once they become teenagers. If she disagrees, then it's all a manipulation. Her kids are yours, same as this one you and her want to push away.

If you send her to Nigeria, just know that you've lost her forever. Forget the people on nairaland encouraging you to do that. They are talking from the position of poverty. And their poverty mindset. People glorify poverty here, and sometimes even declare it to be better. For goodness sake these are people that justify spiritual flogging.

What you should do is, First of all, keep an open mind and find out why she is at loggerheads with your wife. The results might shock you. Also take her side sometimes. She's already experiencing self doubt, and it will affect her as an adult.
Take her side, take her side, take her side. This is the only way you can draw her close. Not with gifts, she will smell that from afar, and the results will be the opposite.
When she's now close to you, you can then change her.
You cannot change her as distant as you are from her.

Take her side. Side with her. Don't go to have a fatherly talk with her. That will be counterproductive,because it needs the right emotions. And right now the emotion that kid has for you and your wife is resentment.
Just be taking her side, and the perfect time for pep talks will present itself.
I am telling you this out of experience.
Also don't leave parenting for your wife. Be there for her, she doesn't owe your wife nothing, but for you, she doesn't have a choice. And your wife equally doesn't owe her nothing especially as she has her own kids.

This is turning out to be my longest post by a mile on nairaland but I repeat, if you send her to Nigeria, you've lost her for good.

Another opportunity to remind you that this is your daughter. Take her side, and keep her close. You might be doing this thinking it's your idea, not knowing it's all a big manipulation.

Shalom.

3 Likes

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by rapheal5(m): 2:01pm On Feb 24

Do DNA first before sending her to Nigeria, but if she inherited that attitude from her mother, she will never change, if you like do spiritual flogging deliverance for her it won't change anything, i have 2 niece trained with iron hand in nigeria by my mom, till date they never change, it was inherited through their mother gene...

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