Megabig:


That’s the only option have, you cannot help her abroad because as you train at home, they get destroyed in school.
Pack up with others for holiday or say burial or something, arrange with family back home and take them with you. Collect passport and leave when ready, she will cry and beg on phone. In few days she will adjust and make friends and get into school, make sure it’s a good private school, they will teach her like others, during holiday breaks, she will get back to the family back home and help wash dishes, clean the house etc.
In 5 years, she will already have good friends, enroll her a good university and make sure she starts, you will just know when you can bring her abroad . Thats how life works. I went to boarding school and I saw kids like that and they turned out so good. Infact we see some of them as Oyibo the way they speak and they were just fine like that.
Save her from leftists!!!

Me i don't buy private school idea...government boarding school is better...command or Nigerian Navy

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Understanding how to help your daughter will require more information. First of all how was and is your relationship with her mother? Does she still have contact with her? You operate a blended family, do you even understand the dynamics of a blended family? Depending on when your wife became a guardian to your daughter, they should blend together either on a mother to daughter level or a guardian to ward level, a resistance in authority is a big indicator that you just assumed that things will be fine without creating a working system to make them fine.

You can decide to send her to Nigeria with the hope that hardship will cure her, but it's 50-50. I will advise you get a family life professional that you all can see so as to get to the root of the matter, she has some grievances that needs healing. You need to do it ASAP because of the phase of training she is in.

What that girl want is your affection and attention as her father but you seem to have left her entirely in the hand of a step mother she doesn't like. If she is that bad under your watch, you can't imagine what will happen if you go to dump her in Nigeria!

Send her back to Nigeria the correctional centre of the World small heat and Tinubu wave go correct am sharply. Them no dey tell person.

PROPEACE:

Since your Ghanian co worker was stupïd enough to tell his daughter of his plan, then he should live with it.

He's a big idiot for that, like who does that?

They don't listen to you at that age. Social media menace and the environment has becloude them . You have to arrange for family holidays to Nigeria and technically drop her in Nigeria. A friend of mine had similar problems in the past in the UK and he just traveled to Nigeria and drop his elderly daughter to Nigeria. The girl finished her high school in Nigeria and finally traveled back to the UK after attained the age of 18 years in Nigeria. She learned her lesson while in Nigeria. Better still, don't be too harsh on her. Behave nicely to her and of course, always pray for her. Best of luck.

Sending her to Nigeria can even be more worse than good because the next thing you Gona hear boys don give am belle.
Nigeria is a training ground for such stubborness

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Not advisable to raise high school kids overseas
Primary & University education is okay

Anguldi:

Read his other thread and understand the origin. Look for my comment at the end of that thread . Peace

And he is here pretending as if he doesn’t know the cause, meaning all of us just wasted our data typing to him for nothing.

So has he explained what became of that particular situation before opening a new thread here?? Nawaooo

Foodqueen:
Good decision. Make sure she stays with a family that can correct and guide her.

Please take this candid advice. It will work and I pray God change her for better

immortalcrown:
Gagantuan gaga! You are blessed with Jennyclay as a daughter. Send her to her congenial colleague in the person of Jennyclay.

Yankee is the headquarter of juvenile delinquency. Wise Africans in the West send their children to do primary and secondary education in Africa and return the children to the West for university education and career pursuit.

Meanwhile, you didn't tell us how it started. How was the girl brought up to her present age?

Address the matter and leave how it started alone

I have always imagined appealing to a child's conscience is the best way to keep them in check. It worked on me. I saw the struggles of my parents and I didn't want those effort to go to waste. I was somewhat stubborn but kept myself in proper check. Lots of things wey I no fit do, but I'm sure my parents would imagine I can do worse.

Try to appeal to the conscience of your daughter, tell her your fears, get her to talk about her fears and desire. And explain to her what is good for her, give her reasons. You and your wife have work to do sincerely, I have strong reasons to believe this your daughter somehow feels not as privileged in that family unit as her siblings. Your wife needs to help you here. She needs to help you show her love. She needs to help you make her feel as important as her own kids, beg her, kneel down for her if possible. She needs to sacrifice, the reality is that a situation where a woman marries a man with a child and vice versa, sacrifices have to be made, else the kid's development will be affected.

lagosrd:
Address the matter and leave how it started alone

Only a quack doctor treats an illness without trying to know the cause.

BRATISLAVA:


She's not a Jezebel.

It's happening under his roof, under his care, meaning that he's the one nurturing it. Let him tell us more about his fatherhood and parenting, or does he only listen to the side of his new wife, the way men usually do, to the detriment of his child from another woman?

Glaring evidence have been presented before us by this man seeking our common resolve and recommendations
..for example the girls phone .......having different escapade with men in terms of conversation
.....the late coming to home after school ......
See my own submission to this is that,so long tht spoilt chin chin of a girl don't see tht second in command mother as a mother she will never respect her even when the would be mother try to correct her ...infact she will become more aggressive to her ....as for the father his nature of job will cost him this his daughter who is already derailing.......in conclusion owing to the foolish system of the whites in terms of child support and tht girl will continue to grow horns until it becomes thorns to herself ...so my only recommendations remains shipping the bad crude to an already crude country where she will be refined from her bad crude base to a partial bad crude ....after over heating and local reformation process must have taken place .....she will learn to respect her rights nd parents

descarado:

What makes a 13yrs old a spoilt brat if you are not a bad parent.
A 13 yrs old is a child. Maybe, that should get into your head first.
A 13 yrs old undergoing puberty needs all the love she can get.
Never give a child like that room to think she is all alone. NEVER.
Never let your prik remove common sense from you.
Dude's priority is his new wife and new kids. Girl will naturally hate the step mum. It's her duty and that of the dad to prove her wrong that step mum is not the reason her mum is not living with them anymore.
Does she communicate with her mum, step mum and dad together?
Is her mum part of her life or she was denied access to her completely?

Guy, sit down. You know nothing about child psychology.
You think the gragra we do in Nigeria is how to raise kids.
We raise kids with very low self esteem. Do you know the damage that has done to use as a nation.

Get books and read and stop making blind argument.
It's nauseating.

And to think like minded folks applauded your first post.

Yes you can raise kids with over pampering but here in Nigeria we raise kids without withholding the rod, our 13year old wont dare threaten to call the police on us,We grow up understanding communication by mere looking at our parents facial expressions.
Your culture ain't the same as ours and I can assure you that many folks that understand the advantages of our culture has sent their wards here for proper home training different from the nonsense you do over there.

Good decision. However, make enquiries to find a good school with with good discipline not these schools that pay millions for children in nursery school.

Meanwhile, though I have an opportunity of taking my family abroad but I have refused my wife's persuasions. My children will only go for their masters or second degree abroad, not now please. I don't want to lose all that I have toiled for.

Send her back to naija. Since she Wan spoil, community boys go help spoil her.


But on a more serious note, have you sat her Down, and talk to her as a father should? Most of these new generation kids being harsh doesn't work on them. She might be doing this just to get you attention. Also maybe you wife is going overboard with her.

Talk to your daughter.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

You are a weak father for you to come to the public and be asking for what should be done on your spoilt daughter. You better bring her back to Nigeria before she destroy your life or family. She needs to come and learn in Nigeria. N.B: Don't take her to Chrisland and those yeye boarding school where they pamper students, take her to model college or command Army schools so that her bad character can be checked.

demoBaba:
9ja boarding skool you say? she'll add with her bad behaviour.

No, when they mend her very well in the school, her head will calm down. Here in Naija wey she wan see police to call and complain about being abused? Na de police go even discipline her wella

efemena5050:
Glaring evidence have been presented before us by this man seeking our common resolve and recommendations
..for example the girls phone .......having different escapade with men in terms of conversation
.....the late coming to home after school ......
See my own submission to this is that,so long tht spoilt chin chin of a girl don't see tht second in command mother as a mother she will never respect her even when the would be mother try to correct her ...infact she will become more aggressive to her ....as for the father his nature of job will cost him this his daughter who is already derailing.......in conclusion owing to the foolish system of the whites in terms of child support and tht girl will continue to grow horns until it becomes thorns to herself ...so my only recommendations remains shipping the bad crude to an already crude country where she will be refined from her bad crude base to a partial bad crude ....after over heating and local reformation process must have taken place .....she will learn to respect her rights nd parents

If that is all you saw in his post, then you cannot see that he's a preferential father. Read through his post again and you will see it blatantly.

He's neglecting his daughter and has violent tendencies himself. This really isn't about her sexual activity or lack thereof.

Anyway, this is a forum of children. Half of you are yet to pass the 40 age mark.

We dey mgt ourself no decay something come naija ooo

phorget:



It will even be better if the boys in the village get her pregnant, she will understand what it means for someone to lose an opportunity.
For now she has the same opportunity as the children from the other wife but she chooses to misbehave and abuse the opportunity, theres no crime if they make her go through some pains so as to reset her demeanor.

You haven't really read what he posted.

You were concerned she's having sex. Well, that won't stop. So what exactly is the point sending her to a remote village, except to deprive her of a better life unlike the children of his favored be wife? She didn't misbehave on her own. It began under his roof. The reason is in his write-up.

Leave the vaginometer duties and you will see it clearly.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Your daughter finishes from school at 4pm which is a 10 minute walk from home and your work starts at 6:30pm but you barely see her. You need to make time to try to connect with your daughter, take some time out to try to connect with your daughter, go pick her up from school, take her some where to get lunch, try to find out what is really happening with her, her step-mother and siblings. There is a reason why she rather be anywhere but home.

The story of Cinderella is one of the oldest stories out there and e get why. Having grown-up in a not so dissimilar situation, Step-mothers dey behave some how you could be the most well-behaved person and still managed to get on their bad side.

Efewestern:


We know the game and plot. Key points to note.

* Girl behaves well when daddy is around.

* All negative things are reported by the wife. The man hasn't experienced any bad behaviours. My wife said this , she said that.

I know men reason too much with their joysticks that they always fail to protect their flesh and blood, but I think it's about time we put an end to the terror of women to their step kids. It's becoming unbearable and I'm already feeling sad for this innocent child because the wife has so much manipulated the head of her father.

That's exactly what's happening here.

It's his duty to be a father. Not the woman. She's enjoying the benefits of his inability to be a father to his daughter.

Truths9ja:
exactly you are much on point. No cordial relationship with his daughter at all. It’s when her daughter knows the right to sue her dad that he is asking advice from the people. The huge problem is from the daughter dad.

That's it.

BRATISLAVA:


If that is all you saw in his post, then you cannot see that he's a preferential father. Read through his post again and you will see it blatantly.

He's neglecting his daughter and has violent tendencies himself. This really isn't about her sexual activity or lack thereof.

Anyway, this is a forum of children. Half of you are yet to pass the 40 age mark.

Ancestor well done ....faceless forum will always give rise to assumed personalities without any identity in life. enjoy ur exorbirance......I blame u ....dey call ur papa Children .....Simple topic for discussion without any form of insult from my end .....u tht claim to be an ancestor ....resorted to demeaning rhetoric.....see the adult in u.....adult tht still wear diapers

https://www.nairaland.com/7137380/confused

Hey guys really need ur advice since I can't sleep. This evening when I came back home I met my 11 years old looking so sad , I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing.

Later in the evening when I was sitting ouside in the garden to get some fresh air she followed me and asked me what does bastard mean..
I asked her where did she heard that from and she said her mummy call her that. I asked her what did she do to mummy she said she was carrying her baby sister and she accidentally caused her to hit her head in the door, mummy got angry and call her a bastard .

It really shocked me and I had lied to her it doesn't mean anything bad but she said she knows the meaning because she had googled it. I wasn't happy with my wife no matter what the girl has done she doesn't have to use such words to her , despite being angry I was patient enough waiting for the little ones to go to bed.

I have confronted her calmly but I was so shocked that she has taken it to another level accusing me to be sleeping with my daughter mother.
We had a heated argument which she held me by shirt shouting at me if you are a man hit me without minding she is 7 months pregnant.

She knows hitting woman is not my nature and she was tempting me to hit her so she can call the police on me because she knows that we are in abroad and not in naija anymore. I have quietly left the house for her and I am now sitting in my car cooling down and I don't really know if I want advice but I just felt like to vent. Sorry for the long post

https://www.nairaland.com/5728674/decision-right-wrong

I have 3 wonderful children 9,2, 5 months. My first daughter is from my previous relationship. I recently changed her school to an expensive one 50k more than her old school. My son still attending the old school which is a good school with expensive fees too. My wife is not happy and accused me of loving my daughter more than her kids. I love my children equally and told her I don’t see the point of changing his school Now , he is only 2 in primary one and has promised to change him to the new school when he is in primary one. She has been acting funny and treats my daughter like her worst enemy , which I reported the matter to her mother. She supported my wife and said I should change his school for peace to reign, I was shocked I taught she would talk to my wife and makes her understanding instead she sided her. Anyways I still stick to my decision of not changing his school and my wife is still mad. Is it worth it to move him school ? I hope I’m not wrong with my decision ?

@ mrperfecto - your wife is the problem. your daughter is simply responding to the way she is treated like an outsider or fifth wheel. i do not have the answer because you have allowed this matter to fester to this state.

it is really a battle between your daughter and your wife and her children. basically your daughter is in a cinderealla situation.

i cannot tell you what to do, unfortunately.

Send her to her mother and she will be fine.

BRATISLAVA:


That's it.

yes soo

Kaido:

It is better for kids to finish high school here, before sending them abroad.

There are still good boarding schools. I think it is a good decision you about making.

Good boarding school? 😂

You probably never went to one or you went long long ago. Boarding school has a lot of benefits but “good” is highly contextual. it might be a solution to op’s issue but it doesn’t guarantee anything. She will learn independence and life skills there for sure, which isn’t bad

Zupay:


Even if he had told her they are going to Ghana on holidays, she will certainly tell her friends here in the UK that she is going home with her dad for holidays. If she doesn't resume school the next term, that would be an issue, her friends will talk and social worker will knock at my colleague's door to explain the whereabout of the daughter. If e talk say she don start school for Ghana, not informing the UK school is a red flag as dem go even suspect say she carry the girl go do female circumcision for their village.. Police would be involved, there would be video call to the girl in Ghana and she go expose her papa and when dem go bring am come back him, she no go live with her parents again, na government get am.

story story. All dis na just story. Nothing concern social worker once your daughter don reach Nigeria here. You’ve the right to decide where you want your child to school. UK can’t decide that for you so just stop story

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

give her a phone back to her, pit the tv back in her room, take a day out from work, take her out talk to her , pet her and then send her a$$ to nigeria make grandma train her very well