pendo89:

I read an interesting topic and I couldnt help but share. It reminded me of some peeps here who date for ages but later things fall apart.
Waste of time and emotions.

For real, some men are such users,They make you invest time and emotions but never get to ask the magic question. I think that if you have been in a stable relationship for about three years and the guy has not said a thing or even hinted on marriage, you should walk out of the relationship.

This is definitely a hard decision but I believe that if he has not hinted in three years, he may never. And I think most men don’t easily ask women to marry them because so many women start cohabiting and of course do all the things a wife would do for the man. If you are cooking for him, washing for him, pampering him and fulfilling his intimate needs before he has married you, why then should be marry you?

Do you think that after playing wife for him he must marry you?
Should this kind of man be 'dragged' to the altar?

please think worlwide. All continents ie.

pendo89:

@ legal fuckin! but most would say they must 'taste' to find out if they compatible so they dont consider it illegal but a 'right'

I am not an advocate of long time dating. Meet,declare,commit, engage and marry.That shouldn't take 8 years.

r231:

pendo89:

I read an interesting topic and I couldnt help but share. It reminded me of some peeps here who date for ages but later things fall apart.
Waste of time and emotions.

For real, some men are such users,They make you invest time and emotions but never get to ask the magic question. I think that if you have been in a stable relationship for about three years and the guy has not said a thing or even hinted on marriage, you should walk out of the relationship.

Should this kind of man be 'dragged' to the altar?(it happened to some indian dude)

coogar:

yes, i have to test intimate compatibility. it's a must, it's my right. when i am buying an automobile, i do a test-drive.

does this not depend on the age of the man? if i meet a girl at 19 and i love her. . . .whether she likes it or not, she must wait till i am 30 before i can enter marriage. i am never going to marry her @ 24. it's impossible.

freecocoa:

R321 like for real?

@ Topic I wouldn't say they should be dragged but I suggest asking him"where is this relationship going?" If he doesn't shake body,in short if I'm with a man for a year plus he just has to let me know what his plans for us is.

pendo89:

I always ask cz 99% guys believe in test-drives. Will that guarantee a happy intimate life? Most guys/ladies do it just to find out if everything down south is normal and functioning at maximum capacity when tried. I dont think it translates into great sex in marriage .(my thoughts)

Age does matter of course. My view is a guy committing before hes 25 is taking a big big risk.Financially ,Emotionaly he still has a lot going on for him so he may be easily distracted. A girl at the same age is pretty mature and ready for marriage.(again my opinion)

tpia@:

some men have to be dragged to the altar else they'll keep on dragging their feet.

tpia@:

some men have to be dragged to the altar else they'll keep on dragging their feet.

mobf:

Lol @ Topic. I don't think dragging him is the solution. What's the guarantee that it will be a happy union.
Now don't think i embrace the "user" term quoted by the poster, it's just one of those things ladies goes through

coogar:

it's not about great sex in marriage. it's about discovering what one doesn't like to see after walking the aisle. by then it would be too late to do anything and one would have to live with it for the rest of one's life. imagine if my partner had a putrescent odour down south. something i never knew cos i never went there during courtship. how am i supposed to feel after the discovery?

mobf:

^^
None. It's a chance she has to take. Afterall, she agreed to date him

pendo89:

Good Lord. You should have given a better example say deformity, cz such an issue is detectable when you are dating due to the odour.No need to go down south to discover unless everytime you meet you are sitting 10m from each other.

pendo89:

yep the reason they must be dragged cz agreeing meant investing emotions

mobf:

Funny, but a lady should know if her man is serious enough about her to make her his wife.
Thing with most guys is that once you start asking where the relationhip's headed, you're looking for trouble

coogar:

says who? her perfume does a good job for her when she's clothed.
the odour oozes out the moment the panties come off. odour bad enough to kill live rats instantly.
don't lemme go into details. some women aren't hygienic at all. if you have stayed in the hostel before, you'd know what i am talking about.

pendo89:

. Yep just spare me the details but when you apply perfume on a stinking body,it only gets worse.Its no longer perfume but very bad odour. eew.
But being female I know there's nothing females cant do.
Fine but if you are dating always encourage your woman to go for medical checkups for her own sake and accompany her if u have doubts.

Good Lord. You should have given a better example

mobf:

Funny, but a lady should know if her man is serious enough about her to make her his wife.
Thing with most guys is that once you start asking where the relationhip's headed, you're looking for trouble

coogar:

i hate that question!
it oozes of desperation. she should wait for me to make up my mind.

don't ask me where it's headed to in the 3rd week.

pendo89:

3 weeks is too short and 5 years is a lifetime as well.At 6 months some clouds ought to be forming if both of you are mature enough by the way.
2 serious people don't waste time playing hide and seek.You ask straight forward questions and you enter it fully aware that you are looking for a partner.

But ladies dont care how much you do for them if you fail to commit and define it.The reason you start hearing that question.

If you dont put a head to it after a while she starts pulling off. This she does to protect herself from hurt because ladies give it their all and want to be sure they are with the right person first before they fully surrender.
Am not talking high school dating here by the way.

coogar:

what about their finances? i think that is often the issue when it comes to marriage in this generation.
a far majority of the ladies think only about the wedding and not the marriage itself. all they want is a glamorous wedding, a fat rock on their finger, a stunning wedding dress and exotic drinks/food at the reception. that is how far they think. they don't even want to know if their partners have enough in his tank to start a family or face the challenges that lie ahead.

I am assuming that every learned lady knows there's a difference between a marriage and a wedding. If she doesnt know then she is not yet ready for marriage.

there are different kinds of men. some men would marry regardless of what the future holds for them. i will not marry any woman if i am not sure my finances can guarantee a life of luxury for her and the unborn children. those are the issues. so it's not about failing to commit and defining it. sometimes the issue is about money and mostly the mental part of it .

Makes sense but instead of luxury,'comfortable' should have been best. Most couple at the time of marriage have just enough to live comfortably. The luxuries come later when resources are pulled and couples work hard to gain wealth. Now if you are waiting for the luxurious life before saying I do, you might miss on God given opportunities. And yes financial stability is necessary before walking down that aisle.

oh ye weaker s[i]e[/i]x of little faith!

the moment a man says let's take it slow - a woman starts pulling off. she loses faith completely and she's seeking other options. while she's doing that, the man is doing his math. how to get a house comfortable to house his newly wed, how to put money in his savings account for the coming child, etc. the woman is now making herself available for her other admirers. then one day, she gets unlucky and her partner finds out she's been flirting lightly with some other blokes. he's vexed and he kicks her out. then the myth that men are evil is reborn!

2 cases have been discussed here(romance) regarding this very issue. If you dont define that 'take it slow well'then you live her to the wolves.
To some women it could mean 'he finds me less desirable cz he's met another lady'. Thats how some females think. You can take it slow but keep the action going.After all actions will speak louder.(phone calls,dates evrything remains but slow).
What most guys do during the 'go slow' is withdraw,go MIA then resurface and expect to find a girl where they left her?

MRbrownJAY:

@pendo98
nobody should be dragged/blackmailed into doing something they are NOT ready to do. some women believe they can MAKE men ready but they are simply fooling themselves. these men decide to marry them simply because they are weak and have no other choices. . . . . . . . .  they go into it half-hearted and, most often than not, the union fail due to it.

also, how can men be "users" when they are in a R/SHIP?are we not giving TIME and EMOTIONS as well? just because we dont show our emotions as you women do , doewnt mean we aint in it deeply.
you are talking as if men are just TAKING and women are solely GIVING, abeg! we also give equally and therefore we cannot be labelled as USERS.

pendo89:

They both lose,like one downcasted guy. A prolonged dating period has its dangers u know.Ladies have what I like calling 'the fruitful years'
They want to date and settle within this period. picture a dude dating a lady from the time shes 22yrs of age for say 10 years without any sign of commitment.
Career,education,distance could be genuine reasons for delays but hey the clock is ticking for the gal. what to do? drag or dump.
The guy needs to just call it off soon enough if he feels there are other things holding him back rather than waste time for her because it takes another say 1 year to build another relationship. Sooner or later shes 40!! and still waiting to be taken to the altar!!