Its never too late for anyone. My son changed his mind about his course (which he chose for himself) after 3yrs in the university and so much money down the drain. We had his official results and could even view from the schools website so we knew he was in school and didnt fail. He simply lost interest and was emotionally disturbed. He told us he was ready to take up any menial job so he can leave home and take care of himself. He saw himself as a complete failure and disgrace to the family and didnt want to be a burden.

He worried about his siblings and the fact that he had disappointed all of us. Its really the most trying period of my life especially coming at a time of economic downturn. However, we became philosophers and psychologists overnight to get him back on track and avoid depression. He rebuffed all entreaties initially and gradually became a recluse. I just couldnt cope with having him drop out of school with all the problems that we had so i guess i worried a lot and made things worse.

My younger sister and brother in law later invited him over to stay with them for a while to relax and have an opportunity to think without undue pressure. Surprisingly, they convinced him to choose a new course and transfer to a federal university since he had his transcript. He agreed and is a happy young man today.

I also have an inlaw who was expelled from the university at 300 level. After all the adult noisemaking, nagging etc, he sat for JAMB again and is today an M.Sc holder, happily married and with a good job.

Its not over till death do us part. Learn from the young posters here who have been through similar situations. They understand what hes going through.

Just gave you a brief summary of my experience to let you know that you are not alone in the occassional trauma that arises with child upbringing. Please pray with him constantly, avoid nagging-( too late for that ), voice out positive things to him and show him love. Give him other options aside Open varsity like ICAN, Inst of Bankers, IT professional courses for which he can attend regular lectures and start working earlier.

This cross shall pass and you will look back and thank God for His mercies.

This should be a warning to parents.

Freedom without control will lead to anarchy.

Demand to see your children's school payment receipts and results. Visit schoool, let your child know that you are interested in every details of his/her life.

chaircover:

This is a very sad story and it can happen to any parent but for the Grace of God. A determined child can outsmart even the cleverest of parents. This woman has other children that graduated OK so its not her general parenting skills that are at fault here. Maybe she could have looked more deeply into the kids activities, but even if she had there is no guarantee that she would have spotted anything.

[b]The only area in which I will blame both parents is the fact that they didn’t listen to the boy or give the boy enough confidence to be able to approach them when he started having issues because if he felt that he could talk to them this would have been sorted out a long time ago. There comes a time in your child’s life that you begin to treat them as a friend and not an over bearing parent.[/b]Moving forward, the first step is to ask him what he really wants to do, even if it’s something that you don’t want to hear of. Let him make his own mistakes but give him enough support for him to be able to feed for himself. So if he wants to do the open university, let him do it. When he comes out and realises that his friends are earning twice what he earns, he will one day wake up and want to better himself. That is why we all see people in their late 30’s and 40’s and even 50's still going for their masters etc. Sometimes you just have to let things take its course and accept that some things will take longer to achieve but its the end result that matters.

Fingers are no equal.

Exactly madam CC . . . How many parents can boast of being 'friends' to their children The kind of friend that has their trust.

When their daughter gets pregnant, she comes to her mum instead of listening to her friedns and going for an abortion . . .

When their friend finds himself in trouble, he runds to his dad, instead of doing what the poster's son did!

Like I always say . . . the days of 'If you do that, I'll kill you" are gone because children will ALWAYS find a way NOT to get killed. But who pays for it at the end of the day huh?

Who here is saying mechanics are poor? Uh, you are looking at aiye ati jo? Mechanics are self employed legitimate 419. Know quite a few with more than one wife and living comfortably. Afterall people of this days cannot do without driving cars which depreciate and spoil. Especially in naija with our second hand cars. mechanics are always available to scam. So people should stop looking down on technical people, they make a very decent living. Not everyone has to be a doctor, lawyer or accountant to live well . I am also interested in what he did with the school fees, housing allowance, school book money, pocket money and project or lab money for 3 years . That is a lot of money. Did he run from school because of cult activities? Or he was living large spending on girls with the money. It is your money and you deserve and explanation because this is very very strange and crazy. What a waste

2mch:

Who here is saying mechanics are poor? Uh, you are looking at aiye ati jo? Mechanics are self employed legitimate 419. Know quite a few with more than one wife and living comfortably. Afterall people of this days cannot do without driving cars which depreciate and spoil. Especially in naija with our second hand cars. mechanics are always available to scam. So people should stop looking down on technical people, they make a very decent living. Not everyone has to be a doctor, lawyer or accountant to live well . I am also interested in what he did with the school fees, housing allowance, school book money, pocket money and project or lab money for 3 years . That is a lot of money. Did he run from school because of cult activities? Or he was living large spending on girls with the money. It is your money and you deserve and explanation because this is very very strange and crazy. What a waste

Thank you. My point exactly. What a waste, every parent's got the right to know what their kids used the money they gave them for. That was the reason why I asked about the receipt issue. How can you spend so much on a boy for four years and never for once did you ask for receipts? I don't get it at all, I don't. Not even once. So all they did was give him the money and that was it, it's not all about not the trust, It is the duty of every parent to know what their money was used for. Come onnnnn


I am not judging her parental skills and don't think I have the right to, my only concern in this case is the money, cannot be bothered about the boy for now. Do you know that the money spent on that boy for 4 years is enough to feed and train an orphan in school? it is enough to rent a self contained furnished apartment for a victim of harsh circumstances?haba

//

chaircover:

To be honest, I dont think that asking for receipts would have changed anything.

Good, limit it to whatever you think. Not all parents are as dumb as you so passionately and indirectly put it.

//

Who the hell is talking about a kid dropping out of school? do I look like I care if he dropped out of school or if he dropped out of a club? I have said it a million times, I do not care about that right now, I am more concerned about the money they wasted, the money that could have been used on someone else. If they had followed the receipts case up, they might have been able to discover that they were wasting money and spent it instead on someone else. You think fees, plus pocket money, plus textbooks money and so on for four years is small money abi?

Haba, do you people even bother to read my posts? or you all just jump at it when you see "receipts".

chaircover:

Asking for or even seeing the receipts wouldnt have stopped the kid from dropping out of school.

It is no excuse that a parent should pay any amount and have no account of where or what is being done with the money. All parents should be involved in their kids lives at all levels. You cannot hands off and then become involved with the kid gets into trouble that could have been prevented. If she doesnt care what he does with her money, then what does she care when he bleeps up his life? There are ways to get around investigating if school fees are paid. The parent can go to the school. Nigerian schools are too greedy not to have account of paid school fees. They are very active in chasing peeps from school if you dont pay. Or withholding results. The school has records otherwise they will not be able to provide transcripts or cummulative graduating grades.

^^People make it look like all parents are dumb as and cannot outsmart their kids.

You think you can outsmart a 20yr old?

If I was the kid, my parent wont nab me for that kain thing

If they ask for receipt, I would produce it, if they ask for transcripts I would produce it even without being in school

All he needs to do is to get the format of the school receipt and trascripts from his friends and with #400 you would make an exact replica of it.

And present to your parents

I knew a time when UNILAG was mailing statement of results to your home address directly

Some students either changed their home address with the school authorities or intercepted the statement of result and planted the fake statement of result there.

I knew a guy who was sending his parents statement of result till he was supposed to graduate.

It was when his name didnt come out on the published graduation list in Newspapers that his father went to his Department and found out he had issues since year 2.

No matter how smart you think you are, you would never be smarter than some mischievious kids

//

Must we all go to Uni though?

dayokanu:

You think you can outsmart a 20yr old?

If I was the kid, my parent wont nab me for that kain thing

If they ask for receipt, I would produce it, if they ask for transcripts I would produce it even without being in school

All he needs to do is to get the format of the school receipt and trascripts from his friends and with #400 you would make an exact replica of it.

And present to your parents

I knew a time when UNILAG was mailing statement of results to your home address directly

Some students either changed their home address with the school authorities or intercepted the statement of result and planted the fake statement of result there.

I knew a guy who was sending his parents statement of result till he was supposed to graduate.

It was when his name didnt come out on the published graduation list in Newspapers that his father went to his Department and found out he had issues since year 2.

No matter how smart you think you are, you would never be smarter than some mischievious kids

When the suspicion came up, she could have easily gone and done this. no? . At least a random visit here and there should be done. At least bi anually to the HOD. I know some parents so involved that the lecturer's know these kids and even encourage them to do well because they see the parents are so active and concerned. Even if it is to go to the teachers sometimes with gifts. Even without the kids knowing. Just to check up on their academic progress. Every parent is responsible for their child and get the blame if the child fails. You dont hands off a child's future and pretend to care when they fail. Also most Nigerians are still little kids when they enter uni. Average age is 16. What do you think a 16 year old is interested in in uni? books? think again. More like girls, fast cars and party. So it is up to the parent to steer them in the right direction. No wonder a lot of kids are LovePeddlers and yahoo yahoo.

//

Yes I can outsmart a 20 yr old kid. I was once 20 remember ? the more reason we ask parents to get involved in their kids lives. You don't just send them school, sit back at home and expect them to tell you as it is. God forbid bad thing. Which kain yeye forge receipts? with the kind of father I have, he would have discovered your lie long before you started growing pubic hairs.

Dayo someone talked about trust being the main reason why the parents did not investigate this dudes academic perfomances, let me use my self as an example, my parents trust me to death, I finished high school @ 15+ and left Nig almost immediately for uni. You think people did not call them crazy for allowing me travel to a country where I had no family member around, their last child for that matter? no one till date knows me better than my old man, he watched me grow and knew the path I was going to follow. I remember him telling me that I should not mess up the trust he has in me. But for every dime he spent on me, I was accountable for it, he used to  come to my school and speak to my lecturers to know how I was coping. He did the same with my other siblings as well, one studied in Unilag, one In uniben and another one in Abia state Uni. I gave account of every money(except pocket money) they spent on me. They had the right to know, it was their duty to know. I have never seen parents trust a child the way mine trusted and still trust me. And thank God I lived up to their expectations and even more, and contrary to the kind of person people thought I was back then and still am, I have only being to a club once in my life and till date my mum still thinks I was a virgin when I got married and is tired of asking me to confirm it   . What am I trying to say here? no matter how much you trust a child, even if you have 20 kids(and BTW we are six in the family) it is your duty as a parent to be involved in things like this. You trusting them is not enough, they are your responsibility, my father used to travel outside lagos a lot to check up on his kids, every accomodation my siblings found and told him about it, he would travel and check the place out himself before bringing out one kobo. He lived a hard life and told us he suffered and sold things in traffic back in the day and for that has a right to know what we use his money for.

You don't sit back at home and do nuffin. I repeat, they had their doubts but no one ever bothered to find out what was going on. Come onnnnnn mate.

2mch:

When the suspicion came up, she could have easily gone and done this. no? . At least a random visit here and there should be done. At least bi anually to the HOD. I know some parents so involved that the lecturer's know these kids and even encourage them to do well because they see the parents are so active and concerned. Even if it is to go to the teachers sometimes with gifts. Even without the kids knowing. Just to check up on their academic progress. Every parent is responsible for their child and get the blame if the child fails. You dont hands off a child's future and pretend to care when they fail. Also most Nigerians are still little kids when they enter uni. Average age is 16. What do you think a 16 year old is interested in in uni? books? think again. More like girls, fast cars and party. So it is up to the parent to steer them in the right direction. No wonder a lot of kids are LovePeddlers and yahoo yahoo.

That you were once 20 doesnt mean you can nab a current 20yr old child.

You were 20 over 20yrs ago and many things have changed. There are some video games that 5-7yrs olds operate that I cant. Should I say i should know their tricks because I was once 7yrs old?

When my dad was 20, there was no computers never mind internet. many parents who have kids that are over 20 now dont even know how to use Computers and internets effectively

I remember when one of my cousin was trying to get admission abroad via the internet his dad told him no one can ever get admission through the internet. Why because he was using his own intelligence of over 30yrs ago where the Schools would have to write to you and you go and meet their representative.

A parent that sees receipt how could he or she have imagined that those receipts were fake.

A father who receives statement of results in mail, How should he need to go to the HOD again to verify what has been sent?

Something as simple as going to the office of records with their matriculation number and your ID, is enough. . When you as a parent is street wise and work hard for your money, no child that is comfortable can scam you. none. Na you born your pickin, you know when they are lying by their body movement. Something as small as shifty eyes or stammering sef is enough to raise suspicion.

dayokanu:

That you were once 20 doesnt mean you can nab a current 20yr old child.

You were 20 over 20yrs ago and many things have changed. There are some video games that 5-7yrs olds operate that I cant. Should I say i should know their tricks because I was once 7yrs old?

How did you come to this conclusion? ooppsss the post wasn't meant for me but I couldn't resist.

I wasn't 20 over 20 yrs ago and if you must know, I am offended that you will even think I am that old. Are you sure say you no senior me


My old man might have been 20 over 40 years ago but damn that man is smart even till date I still cannot deceive him. I once asked him if he had jazz in his eyes. He just knows too many things. Agbero man

dayokanu:

That you were once 20 doesnt mean you can nab a current 20yr old child.

You were 20 over 20yrs ago and many things have changed. There are some video games that 5-7yrs olds operate that I cant. Should I say i should know their tricks because I was once 7yrs old?

When my dad was 20, there was no computers never mind internet. many parents who have kids that are over 20 now dont even know how to use Computers and internets effectively

I remember when one of my cousin was trying to get admission abroad via the internet his dad told him no one can ever get admission through the internet. Why because he was using his own intelligence of over 30yrs ago where the Schools would have to write to you and you go and meet their representative.

A parent that sees receipt how could he or she have imagined that those receipts were fake.

A father who receives statement of results in mail, How should he need to go to the HOD again to verify what has been sent?

Did your parents not have your matriculation ID or record of your admission and acceptance into school? My father has all our originals. Everything. The man is so meticulous, and has all our information to date. You cannot simply scam the man. He even used to set traps for us. He makes the effort. And always makes sure he paddies with an adult in our location and some teachers constantly selling us out for some egunje. A parent does not have to be technologically savvy. There is wisdom that comes with age, which children can never ever have. That beats any kind of cunning any day. A parent is responsible, period. If the child fails, you get the blame. Not because other children did not fail, the others were simply more considerate. Like all fingers are not the same, so are all children. It is the parents duty and responsibility. If you fail at that, then you have yourself to blame. A 16 or 15 year old is too young to know what is best for him. And as long as anyone relies on my money, you can bet your arse that your privacy is out the window. If you want privacy, get a scholarship or become the next steve jobs or bill gates. Even den sef gan, i will still follow up. Till i die. . My children must succeed, because so i can feel fulfilled and successful in life. Be they mechanic or whatever they choose to pursue.

jennykadry:

How did you come to this conclusion? ooppsss the post wasn't meant for me but I couldn't resist.

I wasn't 20 over 20 yrs ago and if you must know, I am offended that you will even think I am that old. Are you sure say you no senior me


My old man might have been 20 over 40 years ago but damn that man is smart even till date I still cannot deceive him. I once asked him if he had jazz in his eyes. He just knows too many things. Agbero man

I mean for you to be a parent of a 20yr old you must have been around 20yrs 20yrs ago.

You thought your father had jazz because he didnt have agbero pikin. If you meet some correct Agbero Shuldren you go fear fear

2mch:

Something as simple as going to the office of records with their matriculation number and your ID, is enough. . When you as a parent is street wise and work hard for your money, no child that is comfortable can scam you. none. Na you born your pickin, you know when they are lying by their body movement. Something as small as shifty eyes or stammering sef is enough to raise suspicion.

Definitely you didnt grow up in Nigeria which body movement or shifty eyes?

By age 13, I knew how to lie glibly while keeping eye contact.

All those scope na fr Oyinbos

Why would you want to go to examination records again when the "school sends the statement of results to your mailbox" that shows your kid is a 2-1 student and of good behaviour

My father still has my primary school results and receipts sef. Infact he keeps everyone record right from the first day they started school. You just cannot deceive that man.

dayokanu:

I mean for you to be a parent of a 20yr old you must have been around 20yrs 20yrs ago.

You thought your father had jazz because he didnt have agbero pikin.  If you meet some correct Agbero Shuldren you go fear fear

Lol, I knew what you meant by 20 years ago, was just playing with ya head small

Dayo, I am not saying kids are not smart, they are smart. What I am saying is this: there are some lies you just can't tell your parents without being caught, when I mean lies I mean lies like the ones the OP told for 4 yrs. I insist if parents are more involved in all em school things, the boy will think hard and well before he collects a dime from them. Like someone said, some parents are good friends with their children's lecturers. You just cannot lie to them. I know of a man that bought his daughters lecturer a car when she graduated just to thank him. I am not saying all parents should do this, but just letting you know that some of them have built a good rapport with lecturers, like it is no news

If they like, let them send results back home. I must still go to that school to know how my child is doing.

dayokanu:

Definitely you didnt grow up in Nigeria which body movement or shifty eyes?

By age 13, I knew how to lie glibly while keeping eye contact.

All those scope na fr Oyinbos

Why would you want to go to examination records again when the "school sends the statement of results to your mailbox" that shows your kid is a 2-1 student and of good behaviour

There is no way that you can deceive your parents long enough if they are involved and you come from a close family. they know when you lie even if you think you have escaped. Why will a parent not go to the school and go to the office of records? If you do that once a year, the child will not dream of bringing fake results. That is what we are saying about a parent being involved. Yes, i grew up in naija and naija to the very core. Even school sef. Na my papa teach me this sense o. Dem never born the pickin. I suffer na . The man will rather throw away money on a motherless babies home than on my scams. fact.

And you seriously think shifty eyes and body language work on Nigerian liars?

2mch:

There is no way that you can deceive your parents long enough if they are involved and you come from a close family. they know when you lie even if you think you have escaped. Why will a parent not go to the school and go to the office of records? If you do that once a year, the child will not dream of bringing fake results. That is what we are saying about a parent being involved. Yes, i grew up in naija and naija to the very core. Even school sef. Na my papa teach me this sense o. Dem never born the pickin. I suffer na . The man will rather throw away money on a motherless babies home than on my scams. fact.

Ok when a school mails you statement of result, attendance and academic trasncript every semester and your son also presents receipts, what is there for you to want to confirm from the school

Do you want to go and confirm if what they sent you was right?

How did some kids from closely knit families become cultist and aristos in school.

dayokanu:

And you seriously think shifty eyes and body language work on Nigerian liars?

Ok when a school mails you statement of result, attendance and academic trasncript every semester and your son also presents receipts, what is there for you to want to confirm from the school

Do you want to go and confirm if what they sent you was right?

How did some kids from closely knit families become cultist and aristos in school.

Is lying different in every country? A lie is a lie. A parent knows when their kids lie, even if they defend them in a court case. They are only being the parent that does not want to lose a child. When you have a child that you are involved with you know. My child will never try that, because they will know baba is very active about what goes on in their lives and checks on their progress. Yes, it is not too much for me to go at the end of every school year. I am the one paying the school fees. Without him even knowing i can have the school send the results to my office. With the way all our schools are becoming wired and connected a lot of information is now online. And this goes back to kids that claim they got admission that the parents never bother to check if it was true. Simply buying a newspaper or checking online will suffice if you are too lazy to go to the school. Anyone spending my money owes me an account. I can be generous with pocket money but will never play with my child's future. If you intend to raise your children that way, then that is your perogative. Everyone is different. . But every parent will get the blame if their child fails. That is expected.

Lying is different in different countries my brother

In America the antedote for lying is to tell the person to look into your face

Never in Naija even as a 14yr old, I can beat that easily

una still dey on this topic? the boy should be locked up in jail until he learns to be responsible.

^^^^^^^^GBAAA!!!! irresponsible MAN.

Thought the OP is on NL to seek advises from responsible peeps, all I see here is basically blaming the parents etc. The deed is done already and blaming them won't solve anything. We are different individuals nd handle things differently. because d guy dint graduate now doesn't mean he won't be responsible later in life. Abeg make una leave ds woman alone jooor

@ Prof_femi you are right. The thread was turning into a bash outstrip thread I certainly don't want to divert the thread.
@ jenny can you stop telling all my secrets on NR