Okay just so you guys know this is my first write-up for public reading and review. I am not a writer, i am computer science student but i write when it gets to me and this is the outcome of one of them. So if you think my writing is good then thank you in advance but if you think it's bad sorry i am not a writer i just type what ever comes to my head.

Enjoy the story and my real name is actually Umar Mash.

Good and bad comments are invited

Let the story Begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plz leave the story hear cos i believe some dudes and chicks will learn some things from this story

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Bros did you say you are a computer scientist? Pls keep being a computer scientist o.
#IfyouknowWhatIMean

mashnino:
Enjoy the story and my real name is actually Umar Mash.

Good and bad comments are invited

Sorry mate but your story is not that engaging. It was pretty cringe-worthy unfortunately but it did make me laugh (at the story mainly)
I'm even surprised that the author of such narrative is a male - this is not the style of writing I acquaint with men
It sounds more like a person relaying gossip than a memoir
Permit to ask, Umar Mash is this memoir loosely based on your life?

*Boring*

Well, Mash.
Which do you want first? The negative or the positive? Well, here goes;
NEGATIVES;
1. Punctuation!
You overused the 'comma' (especially in the first passage). Maybe the fact that NAIRALAND converts ellipsis to comma was responsible for that sha. Maybe reduce the commas and make judicious use of the semi colon, colon, ellipsis and exclamation mark.
2. You made your stance about women too obvious, which at the end made the story seem like a normal NL woman bashing thread.
3. Pick a tense you intend to use and stick to it as much as possible e.g past, present. We tend to mix different tenses, I make the mistake too.
POSITIVES:
1. You used the first person narrative in an endearing way. I felt like my friend was gisting me.
2. I found it funny and witty. Quite attractively infused with local flavour as well.
3. It was refreshingly simplistic, with some nice introspective quotes on love. Sometimes, that is just what the soul needs.
What I'd say is; if you have a passion for writing, then don't relent.  Practice they say, makes perfect and in a world with billions of people, surely there'd be people who would love your style. A piece isn't meant to be loved by everybody btw. It is for a target audience. So we can never write to please everybody.
Every opportunity you get/have, write and write! All tha very best and more ink to your pen!

Writing is not ur thing keep studying ur computer

LMAOOOO lola u are evil oo,kai see as u jus bombard Mashino ur web page designer.

Mash poraro u sef dey jump,wetin b dis ewa Agoyin rice olomi u are typing.Pls dude stick 2 ur talent which is server bisecting mehnnn

*yawns*
i read the first part halfway and its the most boring thing i'veever read so far.*yawns again*
@op,that computer science is just the way.this writing,EPIC FAILURE!

Idowuogbo:

LMAOOOO lola u are evil oo,kai see as u jus bombard Mashino ur web page designer.

Mash poraro u sef dey jump,wetin b dis ewa Agoyin rice olomi u are typing.Pls dude stick 2 ur talent which is server bisecting mehnnn

the bolded is your first writing that'd ever make me laugh.
I'm lolling so hard my ribs are aching.

^Iya no mind me jere, I even make attempt to read d tin oo halfway tru I noticed na edo,shaki and fuku he dey analyze give we

If this were your own personal story that you were presenting as a thread and asking for advice, then ok.
But as a story, am sorry. . . . Its just not a story, more of ranting, like you are just pouring out your emotions for your self only, but not for others consumption. You have to work more on your language, plot, contsruction, mech accuracy. But dont give up sha, this is a bold step, you can only get better from here.
I wrote my first novel in my ss3, it just wasnt making sense then, but i only got better from there.
Do you read novels at all, trying emulating some good authors style of writing, its a good start. Cheers!

Haba ID! Lol.
I didn't bombard mash. It's just my own critique and I also face mine when my supervisors go through my research work. It's not hate but constructive critique that should make us better at what we're doing.
You need to see two pages of complaint I had one time. I had to take it to heart and effect corrections because it makes me better at my research.
If my work is not corrected by my supervisor, then he hasn't gone through it extensively.
Note that I sincerely loved the writing. I am not shooting him down. I just made some suggestions that could make for smoother read.

^I no u harmless darling u one of my nl favorites, oya turn let me see ur ikebe

After you show me yours!

Mashino aboki na,kwana biu,ka na nan lafia ko?

Oh well,you'll make a fine computer scientist I'm sure,your writing is ban sen abunda zan kira shi ba walai anma kayi kokari,if you keep practicing you just might turn out a good writer.

Ka iko mun mail,na manta email address na ka,ka ya'nkuri. Btw na yi dariya da yewa at the story,its funny.

@Freecocoa, commot you dey block my view jorh

No vex,I don shift.

**yawns Boring**

@all but lola and cocoa

thanks for all dza comment especially the bad ones.

@lola and cocoa

"speechless",

jes so you guys know the story stil continues, how ridiculous will it be for someone to end a story just like that.

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Wow,wan nan another story ne gabadaya,toh continue its funny,walai you be comedian.

cocoa i just sent you an e-mail, reply me asap

Lets go there. . .

Mash poraro na only lola and cocoa u see hail abi , may a giant rat chop ur nose msteeeeew

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ahn ahn @idowu you are my only poraro na, no mind me jawe

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You are somehow all over the place. Now, you are using the omniscient style of narration (a change from the style you used earlier).
Interesting story nonetheless! Definitely a diamond in the rough, you can do better!
Waiting. . .