.

Advice and observation needed.

Is a sign of some1 dat whants things to work but doesn't no hw to go abt it,buy her Good christain books about relationship and marriage.
She is disturbed about smtin and afraid to tell u.find out.
Take your place as a man.spend more time and be patient with her,d truth will surface sooner

efedavies:

Is a sign of some1 dat whants things to work but doesn't no hw to go abt it,buy her Good christain books about relationship and marriage.
She is disturbed about smtin and afraid to tell u.find out.
Take your place as a man.spend more time and be patient with her,d truth will surface sooner

Thank you, she has alot of books to read but no time to read, i know she's in a dilemma and really afraid of what the outcome is likely going to be, but i can't keep assuming,

There is someone else. . . Maybe she is not cheating but there is someone maybe toasting, wyning her head, showering her wiv gifts that is confusing her. . .

But I can assure u, there is someone else. . . . U need to act fast

sometimes in life we humans do feel dat way two, we wish to stay away from everybody even the ones we love most, but it takes more than words to show we care about people like di
She going tru alot and feels u dnt undastand her anymore, i think she trying to make u learn the HARD WAY but u must strive to stop her else u both fall out of track and lost d grip of u Relationship, u knw dose tins she cheerish about you dat make her once proud of you i advice you go back to how u both started.
Trust me she will cum back wit tears on her eyes telling u how much she is sorry for all she might hav cost you dose lenting periods, u must b a man to tell her u undastand how she feels so she can confind in u the more. Thanks

.

Poster, don't be too surefire that she aint cheating cos unstable is the emotion of women! There could be a very bad, sharp and fine guy running thinz behind your back!

2goodbobo:

Poster, don't be too surefire that she aint cheating cos unstable is the emotion of women! There could be a very bad, sharp and fine guy running thinz behind your back!

I am too "smart" to be played by her, she is the type that can't stand my curiosity, it's obvious she's going to break if she does anything funny, then pretend about it in my presence. i asked her if what was wrong had anything to do with the relationship and she said "No", so for now i think it's something else. (maybe her family?)

hisoccer:

sometimes in life we humans do feel dat way two, we wish to stay away from everybody even the ones we love most, but it takes more than words to show we care about people like di
She going tru alot and feels u dnt undastand her anymore, i think she trying to make u learn the HARD WAY but u must strive to stop her else u both fall out of track and lost d grip of u Relationship, u knw dose tins she cheerish about you dat make her once proud of you i advice you go back to how u both started.
Trust me she will precipitate back wit tears on her eyes telling u how much she is sorry for all she might hav cost you dose lenting periods, u must b a man to tell her u undastand how she feels so she can confind in u the more. Thanks

There's nothing i was doing before that i still do not do except that i have reduced it (man dey grow, time to be serious with words). she once complained i was being too "bossy", serious when talking and have reduced how many times i smile, but i kinda adjusted to this because she hardly took me serious (my words) when i smile saying them.

U keep underestimating girls. . .

Error number 1

freshcvv:

Sudden change in her behavior like:

Keeping to herself

Not minding how long it takes before we talk on phone

Travelling without telling me ( went to her house on Sunday and her mom was surprised she didn't tell me she was travelling for her results (collection))

confronted her on phone on my way back (claimed she told me but was not precise on the date she was leaving, asked her why she didn't call the day she was leaving, a day before or on her way (no answer was given), i hung up the phone and told her to continue cooking what she's cooking, when time's up, she's going to eat what she cooked alone)

Trying to avoid us talking about her sudden change in attitude

Always trying to pick holes from whatever i say to her

Telling me she does not know what is wrong.

(we were for 5 days without talking to eachother and she didn't make efforts), first one happened for 3 days and she claimed "it was one of her creative ways"

Cheating is out of the way because i know (fact) that she can't cheat, both parents know about our friendship even to her brother and mine. (even neighbors know and some church members too).

When i am around her, she's very lively and holds me most of the time.

(tips about the relationship and the parties involved)

I am more outspoken than her, i do most of the talking and she's naturally laid back (listens more)

I am the instigator, she just sits back, hardly starts anything in the relationship.

I am her first BF (relationship)

The relationship is almost 3 years now but we have been friends for almost 5 years.

She's 22 (going 23) while i am 27 (going 28)

She works (IT) but going back to school soon (got exams to write, work to go and also does mos of the house chores (last child)

I work too (self), still in school (PT).

We see once a week (Saturdays), no time to see often because of work, distance and also time. (moved far away from her for accommodation reason.

My questions are:

Is this a normal thing sometimes?

Does she want a break?

Is she overwhelmed with situations around her that's getting her so pressured up not knowing what and which to handle at a particular time?

Is she getting bored or tired (i should be the one complaining of boredom).

I am trying to understand her plight, so i wouldn't want to assume for her, i have told her we should talk about it but she keeps postponing it without giving me time for the talks.

(the changes started about 2 months ago ever since i told her i was taking the passenger seat in the relationship because she was too laid back and often rely on ONLY what i bring to the relationship without her doing much to make it lively. she got annoyed, told me she was never going to be able to do it alone, never did i say i was not going to do anything,  that has been her excuse most of the time.

this scenario sounds all too familiar.
op,she's gon keep saying nothing is wrong and bla bla but  seriously,it s about time!
be prepared!

^^^

Meaning?

^the end is near!
and btw,its a supposition!

^^^

 just like every other thing.

^^^
Ok. now is a lady talking! now what?

I just found out u have ego. Do you know there are guys that can really comfort this ur girlfriend so well that they will feel free and talk and bring someting to the relationship. You just believe u are doing to much bro. Many guys will handle this relationship better than u.

just throwing this out there to the poster,
when u guys started dating she was 19 and you were 24. Don't you think that she might have changed in the sense that she's beginning to understand herself as a woman, what she wants from her man, and how she wants her future to look like. I found it really funny that you were so sure that no dude is toasting her, guy i beg don't be too sure! Besides, i'm not saying she's cheating, i'm just saying she's aware that you are not her only option.
Just from reading your comment, i can totally understand why she thinks you are bossy. You said; "i told her i was not ready for a woman who wants to spend her youthful life chasing after 8am-9pm jobs (which she kinda cherish) and i gave her an assignment to check out people she knows doing such a job and how their home front look like. (relationship with their kids)". This statement gave me the impression that you love to make decisions alone in the relationship and her opinion about what you guys future should look like is not necessarily solicited.
About her not instigating anything in the relationship, that might just be her personality, bearing in mind that you are her first and whatever she knows about relationships now, is what you taught her. If you want her to be more fun in the relationship, you teach her by letting her get involved in your planning process when trying to do something fun together, and gradually maybe she would be able to instigate something fun on her own. You shouldn't just take the backseat and tell her to start what she really has no experience doing. she probably always taught she could count on you for that.
But bear in mind that i do not know u guys on a personal level, so this is just my opinion based on what you have written, it's not necessarily the truth!

Mayflowa:

^^^
Ok. now is a lady talking! now what?

I just found out u have ego. Do you know there are guys that can really comfort this ur girlfriend so well that they will feel free and talk and bring someting to the relationship. You just believe u are doing to much bro. Many guys will handle this relationship better than u.

Well you obviously don't know much about us, hence the reason for your comment, thanks for the comment, but i began sounding bossy a month ago when i saw that most of what i talk about (smiling and playfully) even though they are major issues are not taken seriously by her, i decided to change tactics, now she thinks i am bossy and that she likes it the playful way even though she never takes them serious.

Ego? maybe but i like to be blunt and she knows that already so sometimes it sounds like i am being bossy (just a month now).

Shollypopz:

just throwing this out there to the poster,
when u guys started dating she was 19 and you were 24. Don't you think that she might have changed in the sense that she's beginning to understand herself as a woman, what she wants from her man, and how she wants her future to look like. I found it really funny that you were so sure that no dude is toasting her, guy i beg don't be too sure! Besides, i'm not saying she's cheating, i'm just saying she's aware that you are not her only option.
Just from reading your comment, i can totally understand why she thinks you are bossy. You said; "i told her i was not ready for a woman who wants to spend her youthful life chasing after 8am-9pm jobs (which she kind cherish) and i gave her an assignment to check out people she knows doing such a job and how their home front look like. (relationship with their kids)". This statement gave me the impression that you love to make decisions alone in the relationship and her opinion about what you guys future should look like is not necessarily solicited.
About her not instigating anything in the relationship, that might just be her personality, bearing in mind that you are her first and whatever she knows about relationships now, is what you taught her. If you want her to be more fun in the relationship, you teach her by letting her get involved in your planning process when trying to do something fun together, and gradually maybe she would be able to instigate something fun on her own. You shouldn't just take the backseat and tell her to start what she really has no experience doing. she probably always taught she could count on you for that.
But bear in mind that i do not know u guys on a personal level, so this is just my opinion based on what you have written, it's not necessarily the truth!

Thanks, she was 17 when we knew, 19 when we started dating, she has toasters which she tells me off (the ones she wants me to know), but i told her to stop telling me all the time except anyone harassing her.

That statement you quoted came up during one of our serious chat, she was not taking the discussion serious and would just fold her arms listening without saying anything, at the end of the day, she still wants to do what's on her mind, knowing her to be such a person, i advised her to seek such experience outside on her own.

We have been talking since i posted this thread and she promised to talk when she return so i am waiting to hear from her.

I have 2 things in mind:

1: family and person issues might be the problem
or
2: trying to play a prank as if something "major" is wrong because i use to punk her alot.

Fresh she is not playing a prank,I think some1 out dere is saying all she needs to hear.I won't assume till you have a word with her,BUT! I don't think its family I think its emotions diverted.I await her response to you sha.



Goodluck!

Beats me why he doesn't bliv me n he feels so sure of what her problem myt be. . . Shud I add the part of "I said it from personal experience"?

As someone already said, she is preparing for the day she will tell you its over.

She is preparing her mind until it becomes so strong to withstand the pain of telling its over.
I advise you become more caring and let her have a say in whatever you are doing.

You need to open your mind and give her freedom and encourage her in what she really likes rather than telling her to agree to your own conditions or else,
she will be gone.

@Idowuogbo

Well she gave a tip about (parents not caring), so i think it's somewhat related to family and she also said it has nothing to do with the relationship.
emotion diverted? yes, but i dont think it has to do with a man, i think she's overwhelmed. (lost her school credentials a while ago but just found them 2 days ago).

@kpolli

I have always told her to make it plain if she wants to go because i don't own her, so i am sure it has nothing to do with her wanting to go, something within me is saying she actually has confusion over her life, career and mental capacity.


@newmusic

If you read my post very well, you would have seen that one of the things she complained of was that i told her to have the driving seat, meaning she should have a major say in the relationship, yet she accuse me of wanting her to be the main driver of the relationship for this year, so not giving her freedom to talk or contribute in the relationship is not an issue here because she's the one even running from taking responsibilities.

All the same, got a text already this morning about her activities, we both spoke 4 times yesterday (she called twice) and we gisted too,

I don't really know why i think her issues has nothing to do with the relationship.

Freshcvv bro hope you don mark register wella sha? Nah my own be that.
Also man,I see you trust her so much which is the mistake you made.Watch out for the crash man Bro

^^^^^why am i in a relationship if i can't trust? My job is to trust, its left to her to misuse the trust. Whatever happens, nothing's new.

I always say, dont get more involved than your partner. If she suddenly begins to detach, then detach yourself too, so that when the breakup later comes up (if it does) it wont be hard, you saw it coming.
I know you want to hear things like how to get her involved again, but believe me when a girl starts loosing interest in you, the last thing you would want to do is crowd her, there are only few things you can do to get her back.

freshcvv:

^^^^^why am i in a relationship if i can't trust? My job is to trust, its left to her to misuse the trust. Whatever happens, nothing's new.

Hmmmm Fresh d above statement deserves a tap on d back, u sure do U wiv a clear conscience.Listen up b its not U its her, don't start going "what ifs" wiv yourself,yes I no u telling ur ursef its not anoda man,but dude trust ME neva say neva.I don't no her but I stand my ground wen I say something(Man)is defo distracting her.Don't get worked up, have anoda 1 to 1 wiv her and if nothing seems to click anymore den am sorry Fresh she is not wot u desire LET GO!


Peace  

@poster,gone 2ru all ya replies,nd it seems u knw her 2 well,u should av keep d post 2 urself nd wait 4 her reply b4 posting, no man can predict a womans mind

OP,
She is not cheating on you. Things were going great until you started being a TYRANT. Now she's wondering if she's going to be happy and fulfilled with a controlling guy for a husband. You caused it with your putting your foot down about how she needs to start initiating activities in the relationship. How do you expect a n introverted laid back person to all of a sudden change personality and switch roles with you? You better return to being the nice fiance you were or she'll panic and run away from from you. Who needs a bloody tyrant for a husband!

freshcvv:

I am too "smart" to be played by her, she is the type that can't stand my curiosity, it's obvious she's going to break if she does anything funny, then pretend about it in my presence. i asked her if what was wrong had anything to do with the relationship and she said "No", so for now i think it's something else. (maybe her family?)

There's nothing i was doing before that i still do not do except that i have reduced it (man dey grow, time to be serious with words). SHE ONCE COMPLAINED THAT I AM TOO BOSSY!!, serious when talking and have reduced how many times i smile, but i kinda adjusted to this because she hardly took me serious (my words) when i smile saying them.

Aha! Thank God she said it herself cz you would have accused me.

I read through your post and felt soo uncomfortable with the the way you run the show. This is but a one man show and she's given up in her heart already.
When she says you are bossy take that seriously cz it is all she must be thinking about everytime you open your mouth to talk.
She has started interpreting everything you do into 'being bossy' and it's no wonder she isn't bothered and doesn't care cz she's a time bomb ticking.
Am sure there's hot lava burning in that girls heart and when it explodes, I swear that volcano will engulf you in seconds.

You know even volcanoes give out warning signs.These are hers. Run or open a fissure to let out steam.

Note this: Never underestimate women.The most quiet and dormant mountains produce the worst volanoes. You are left wondering,what the heck was boiling in there.
Bring luster into that  relationship cz boredom has already kicked in and trust me if another exciting guy comes her way ? you are history.

freshcvv:



  I have always told her to make it plain if she wants to go because I don't own her,

dude?? its true but again the way you say it matters.

Flashaldrin:

I always say, dont get more involved than your partner. If she suddenly begins to detach, then detach yourself too, so that when the breakup later comes up (if it does) it wont be hard, you saw it coming.
I know you want to hear things like how to get her involved again, but believe me when a girl/boy starts loosing interest in you, the last thing you would want to do is crowd him/her, there are only few things you can do to get him/her back.

its swings both ways!