uplawal: Asalamu Alaykum everyone,is doing household chores the duty of a married man that has gone to search for survival,i bet if any wannabe wife would find such man,very rare to find,i mean, why would a busy man come home to do chores when hes got a wife at home,except if shes pregnant,it can be understandable if both are working and busy,then,its better for them to hire a maid.

sis Uplawal, wa alaykum salam. Doing the house chores may not be his duties. They are not the wife's either---that is the point. whatever works for each couple. many WOmen would take pride in doing all of these things sef But a woman not doing it is not necessarily a bad wife, according to Islam.

I would also tell to the men that they dont need to ask for any permission before they marry mathna,but they should fear Allah by treating all four equally

I said the same thing. that a man doesnt need an excuse to marry another WOman.

,and wives should obey their husbands even if you have to[b] wash his clothes[/b],plates,mop,cook etc,as long as not against Allah's command.

I wouldnt like to do the bold. And dont worry about me, I'll let him know that before I marry him.

Obinrin to ba gboran si oko lenu,awon omo won man ni Al-barka.

hmmmn!

AbuHanifa: Alhamdulilah, my wife to be surname and my surname are exactly the same...what a good match

good for you

@issue no1, I've been told by @least 2 prospective spouses (yh, $#*t happens) dt dey would like to keep dia fathers surnames but I refused as I was ignorant of d injunction u made mention of - I don't av a problme wiv it anymore sha (n it aint cos of d urname issue dat it didn't work on doz occasions )

@issue #3, d only tym I remember my father helping out in d kitchen, my mom was away n he jus came n gave us directives I fink. But then, he works very hard outside d home so u can't really fault him.

@issue #4, d guy can as well marry a 2nd wife for any reason he so wills, but he shd be fair in his dealings wiv both wives. He shd also know dat its gonna be a difficult tym for d 1st wife n should address all her fears n stand by her.

@issue #5, dat goes wivout saying.

olsmade: @issue no1, I've been told by @least 2 prospective spouses (yh, $#*t happens) dt dey would like to keep dia fathers surnames but I refused as I was ignorant of d injunction u made mention of - I don't av a problme wiv it anymore sha (n it aint cos of d urname issue dat it didn't work on doz occasions )

@ bold no1. yh! they do happen.

@bold no.2--dats d point jare

@issue #3, d only tym I remember my father helping out in d kitchen, my mom was away n he jus came n gave us directives I fink. But then, he works very hard outside d home so u can't really fault him.

dr's is one kind generation. dont think my pops ever boiled water. @ least av never seen dat happen

@issue #4, d guy can as well marry a 2nd wife for any reason he so wills, but he shd be fair in his dealings wiv both wives. He shd also know dat its gonna be a difficult tym for d 1st wife n should address all her fears n stand by her.

Men should consider those feelings. I heard of a man who bought the first wife a brand ne car when he wanted a second wife. At least anytime she sees the car, her temper could cool down

@issue #5, dat goes wivout saying.

o

salam .am new here..nice meeting everyone

Yu'r welcome

Seeing this thread for the first time.

Pardon my ignorance peeps. I always here people quoting Surah Ahzab:5 in relation to a woman bearing her father's name but what I see in that verse is about adopted sons, I don't see anything relating to a woman's surname there. Someone please enlighten me.

@topic, very sound issues you have there deols. This handheld won't allow me type much in contribution.

zayhal

toba

zayhal: Seeing this thread for the first time.

Pardon my ignorance peeps. I always here people quoting Surah Ahzab:5 in relation to a woman bearing her father's name but what I see in that verse is about adopted sons, I don't see anything relating to a woman's surname there. Someone please enlighten me.

True, There is a hadith that supports the fact that one should not bear the name of anyone other than his/her father.

Al-Bukhaari (3508) and Muslim (61) narrated from Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Any man who knowingly attributes himself to someone other than his father is guilty of kufr. Whoever claims to belong to a people when he has nothing to do with them, let him take his place in Hell.”

Thanks tbaba. But I still don't see the correlation between quran 33:5 and a woman not bearing her father's name. That ayah is explicit enough in its meaning. Even the hadith you quoted still does not say that a woman should or should not bear her hubby's surname.

Until I see a clear evidence on this, I would not blame a woman who chooses to use her hubby's surname nor would I blame a man who wishes that his wife bears his name. I do not think there's any sin on them. It's a societal thing. No one would say a woman who bears her hubby's name is now related to that family by blood, at least not in our immediate society here.

Not that I'm against a woman bearing her father's name, infact, I bear mine and I have no intention of ever changing it but I just want us to be clear on what Islam really says on the issue.

I just do not see the relationship between a woman bearing her father's name and what Ahzab 33:5 says.

Allahu A'lam

This is from Islamqa

Praise be to Allaah.

The effects of imitating the west in naming ourselves are many. One of them is the way in which people have got used to omitting the word ‘ibn’ (son of) or ‘ibnatu’ (daughter of) between their own names and the name of their fathers. The reason for this is, firstly, because some families have adopted children and given them their surname, so that the adopted child is called Foolaan Foolan [where ‘Foolaan (=So and so)’ stands for a name] and their real children are called Foolaan ibn Foolaan (So and so the son of So and so). Now in the fourteenth century AH, people have dropped the word ‘ibn’ or ‘ibnatu’ – which is unacceptable according to linguistics, custom and sharee’ah. May Allaah help us.

Another effect is the habit of women taking their husband’s surnames.

Originally, the woman is So and so the Daughter of So and so, not So and so the wife of So and so! Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their fathers, that is more just with Allaah…” [al-Ahzaab 33:5].

As it is in this world, so it will also be in the Hereafter, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“On the Day of Resurrection, each betrayer will have a banner raised beside him, and it will be said, this is the betrayer of So and so the son of So and so.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5709, and Muslim, 3265).

Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd (may Allaah preserve him) said: This is one of the beauties of sharee’ah, because calling a person by his father’s name is more appropriate for knowing who is who and telling people apart. The father is the protector and maintainer of the child and his mother both inside and outside the home. This is why the father mixes with people in the marketplaces and takes risks by travelling to earn a halaal living and strive for their sakes. So the child is given the name of the father, not of the mother who is hidden away and who is one of those whom Allaah commanded (interpretation of the meaning):

“And stay in your houses…” [al-Ahzaab 33:33]

(Tasmiyat al-Mawlood, 30, 31).

On the basis of the above, there is no blood tie between the husband and wife, so how can she take his surname as if she is part of the same lineage? Moreover, she may get divorced, or her husband may die, and she may marry another man. Will she keep changing her surname every time she marries another man? Furthermore, there are rulings attached to her being named after her father, which have to do with inheritance, spending and who is a mahram, etc. Taking her husband’s surname overlooks all that. The husband is named after his own father, and what does she have to do with the lineage of her husband’s father? This goes against common sense and true facts. The husband has nothing that makes him better than his wife so that she should take his surname, whilst he takes his father’s name.

Hence everyone who has gone against this and taken her husband’s name should put matters right. We ask Allaah to put all the affairs of the Muslims right.


More:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a woman to take her husband’s name or his family name because that is attributing oneself to someone other than one’s father, and imitating the kuffaar from whom this custom was adopted.

Al-Bukhaari (3508) and Muslim (61) narrated from Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Any man who knowingly attributes himself to someone other than his father is guilty of kufr. Whoever claims to belong to a people when he has nothing to do with them, let him take his place in Hell.”

“when he has nothing to do with them” means, when he has no lineage among them, as is highlighted in some reports.

Based on that, the husband has no right to force his wife to do that, and if he forces her to do it she should not obey him, because it is obedience to a created being which involves disobedience to the Creator. So she should persist in her refusal and explain to him that it is haraam, and look for Islamically acceptable means of establishing her rights from a legal point of view.

For more information please see the answer to question no. 6241 and 1942.

And Allaah knows best.

^ alright jazak Allah khayran. I've always been in support of a woman bearing her father's name. It is attributing that surah earlier mentioned that I'm in doubt about.

May Allah keep us on the right path.

zayhal: @topic, very sound issues you have there deols. This handheld won't allow me type much in contribution.

you welcome.

the surname issue reminds me of a South Sudanese girl I know. It was interesting that she could recite the names of her fathers up to the tenth generation . there was a cousin of hers we(friends and I) knew and she told us that girl was related to her from her third grandfather .

When we met her dad, he asked us of our names and when we told him, he started to ask us questions about our fore fathers . He seemed so proud and knew he could beat us to that(knowing our ancestors). Since then, I started to care more about genealogy. I thought it was cool to know up to ur tenth fathers and knowing so well that one reason the history and message of Islam was preserved is the ability to trace back who said what, nt just by his names but of those of his fathers made me appreciate more of what Islam wants us to achieve by calling ourselves by the name of our fathers.


[s]if my story isnt in sync, feel free to say so[/s].

zayhal zayhal

Yes deols, you're right. I know mine up to the 5th generation and I'm so proud of it.

For people to be able to trace these generations, they have to know their history and ask constantly from the elders in the family. It is easier for the Arabians and like nations because it is their own custom to be called A son of B son of C... But here we only stop at our surname which is usually either the father's name or grandfather's.

.