^^

maclatunji: ^LOL, I don't expect any less #Thatisnotabadthing.

As for you saying I may not want to practice those things, don't be so quick to judge. It is not by what people say O, if it is that one you want to hold on to, I sincerely fear for you.

if only u wld answer d questions I asked instead of trying to save face.

deols: ^^


if only u wld answer d questions I asked instead of trying to save face.

deols! deols!! deols!!! My ever-so-competitive and feisty co-debater. There is nothing like trying to save face here. You have this idea that once someone (especially me) raises a contrary opinion, they are against your idea(s) or post(s). Well, that is not true, I am only moderating/diluting the intensity of your opinions which help to pass across your point(s) better.

I agree that a man should treat his wife as a jewel and I intend to do such to the best of my ability. However, I also know that many men who would like to do the same may be betrayed by the conditions in which they find themselves. All I am saying is that the women/wives should just exercise a little bit more of understanding and patience. That is where communication and trust comes in. If a wife loves her husband and she knows he truly loves her, her attitude towards him when she thinks he has done something wrong should be this: 'Sweetheart, you know I love you and vice versa but why is this happening?' The husband should then take time to explain and they can sort-out their differences amicably.

Should the woman now decide to become sanctimonious and thinks she has the moral high-ground, it will only create bitterness and enmity and I repeat those Quranic verses and Hadith are not meant to create such!

Note: In spite of my seeming idleness, I am an extremely busy person, so don't expect me to pick-up your points and start dissecting them one-by-one. In this case, I don't disagree with you on what you are saying, I may not totally agree with the way you are saying it, but that does not mean I disagree with you. Hence, I may not answer your questions because it is unnecessary to do so, if you still want them answered, it won't be here.

I always tell you, relax! You can achieve a lot more by calm discourse rather than the confrontational #Iwillshowhim #Mannerism
#Dontflareupagain #Smile

I believe i have miss out of the "action" and "thrills" of this thread.

olawalebab: I believe i have miss out of the "action" and "thrills" of this thread.

if u'r talking of d hidden posts, i assure u dey'r nothn.They must av bn due to some slips of d hand(but I doubt dat u call consecutive ones that) or of a troubled soul(acting psychologist here). You wld av thought it as an xchange of words but it is more like a sleep walker's axn. I hope u gerrit.

Actually, the hidden posts are due to bad network! #Confirmed

deols:
if u'r talking of d hidden posts, i assure u dey'r nothn. [s]They must av bn due to some slips of d hand(but I doubt dat u call consecutive ones that) or[/s] of a troubled soul(acting psychologist here). You wld av thought it as an xchange of words but it is more like a sleep walker's axn. I hope u gerrit.

Why the pretence? You might as well call me the bolded openly.

Oya breathe-in-and-out, you are still angry over what?

You see this post buttresses my point, I am sure deols knows that it is totally wrong to suggest that I (or any other person for that matter) have a 'troubled soul' but she still did it. Knowing is one thing, practice is another. Should I now start screaming that she is bad? Of course I won't just like any woman who is offended by her husband's attitude shouldn't, she should just engage the man and find a common ground.

[size=15pt]issue 4[/size]
when it is time for wife no.2

I seriously dont understand why men give xcuses for marrying another wife when truly, they need none. They just need to have everything it takes-money, time, the other things.
But some come up with such excuses as the first wife is bad, cant cook, doesnt respect them blah blah bla. They even feed d coming one with these stories that she ends up never respecting her senior(for being there first!)

the other side to this sees the second or new wife as d victim. Brother in Islam decides to marry her 'for jihad'. .hmmn! Not because he loves her, or wants her nor because she is a good woman but because hers is a pitiable case. And when pple hear she is a jihad case, they may not blame him for 'doing that' to his other wife.

Note, am not saying any of d above is a sin. It just isnt sensitive.

deols and mac, 'Nigeria muslim men and their women'

olawalebab: deols and mac, 'Nigeria muslim men and their women'

What happened to Nigerian Muslim men and women? I find your posts funny most times.

Mac,You know what i mean. "Iwo oni won kun,oun na oni gba labo" #justjoking

olawalebab: Mac,You know what i mean. "Iwo oni won kun,oun na oni gba labo" #justjoking

I would have loved to understand your Yoruba there but I didn't quite get it. I think I have a rough idea but not the whole thing.

you can always build on the idea. *smile* Don't let me derail the thread.

@ issue 4, deols first u need to know that a man does not need to take permission from his first wife before he marries the second, neither does he have to give a reason for his actions. Noteworthy is the fact that there is no such thing as senior wife or junior wife, it is more of an african concept than Islamic. Furthermore, a second wife on principle is not really a corrective measure against the first.

I think the real issue is about how fair can a man be to his wives as the case might apply. And that is where the real issue is, secondly does the man have the wherewithal to cater for the needs of am expanded family? Is the facility available sufficient so as not to create quarrels.

On your other point u might want to explain what marrying for Jihad means. Again some of these issues seems more to be cultural.

^*Nods head* Although, the husband might want to be diplomatic with the first wife if he wants to live long. She might just give him a heart attack with her reaction if she feels totally unappreciated and slighted.

It really shouldn't be an insurmountable problem if the man plays by the Islanic rules.

[size=18pt]5'[/size]
I am not saying they are not, dont even have a stat to back it up But just this hadith that supports being romantic. .so let the men try show their wives a lil more love as the prophet syas-

"When a husband and wife look at each other with Love, Allah looks at both with Mercy" [Bukhari 6:19 & Tirmidhi 14:79]

On issue no. 3, you are right deols, brothers need show compassion and mercy to their wives and help out in their daily chores, but really its our society that enables men to believe they dont have to carry out any responsibility other than providing for the house. A boy grows up almost never seeing his father go to the kitchen or do lundaries in turn believes that's the way it should be. If my wife is prepared to chop beans day and night, i'll gladly do the cooking and if she wouldnt mind putting on "super" clean clothes then i'll do the lundaries

On issue 4, the fact still remains that most females do not like it, dont want it infact hate it so very much that they keep singing it directly or indirectly to the man's ears. I think first thing is for sisters to accept it in their hearts so that brothers wont have to scheme differnt ways of bringing in the second wife and it wouldnt hurt them so much.

sino: On issue no. 3, you are right deols, brothers need show compassion and mercy to their wives and help out in their daily chores, but really its our society that enables men to believe they dont have to carry out any responsibility other than providing for the house. A boy grows up almost never seeing his father go to the kitchen or do lundaries in turn believes that's the way it should be. [b]If my wife is prepared to chop beans [/b]day and night, i'll gladly do the cooking and if she wouldnt mind putting on "super" clean clothes then i'll do the lundaries

only beans??

On issue 4, the fact still remains that most females do not like it, dont want it infact hate it so very much that they keep singing it directly or indirectly to the man's ears. I think first thing is for sisters to accept it in their hearts so that brothers wont have to scheme differnt ways of bringing in the second wife and it wouldnt hurt them so much.

it is not easy o. am not married and I can tell it is not. why is the man the head if not to continually listen to her tell it to his ears while he just shrugs it off(i mean not angry at her). I agree it would help that they have it at the back of their heart. AM going to have it but will work very hard to prevent it

Seconded, Nigerian men no too sabi pet! Truly only those married can answer why? Maybe they undergo petting fatigue who knows, women too should also join in the petting, and maybe we could start a loving your spouse more revolution, who knows? A verse in the Qur'an says Allah has place companssion in the hearts of men as a sign to mankind, so let compassionalise our spouses, charity begins from gida/home.

deols:
only beans??

Trust me, i am a specialist lol.




it is not easy o. am not married and I can tell it is not. why is the man the head if not to continually listen to her tell it to his ears while he just shrugs it off(i mean not angry at her). I agree it would help that they have it at the back of their heart. AM going to have it but will work very hard to prevent it

I know it is not easy, the earlier the sister thinks about its possibility, the better. You know some females do say that their husband can never marry a second wife maybe cos he said so, so they cant just take it when it does happen. Its good you putting it at the back of your mind, and goodluck with your "hardwork" on preventing it lol.

@ no. 5, Love, romance, sex etc are topic that have been made difficult to talk about by muslims and no thanks to what the media has turn these lawful things to mean this days.
@vedaxcool, i support your revolution. Seriously speaking, going on a date with your wife and having a romantic dinner is not harram na? I can understand my pa and ma not doing so in their days, but not this generation.

vedaxcool: @ issue 4, deols first u need to know that a man does not need to take permission from his first wife before he marries the second, neither does he have to give a reason for his actions. Noteworthy is the fact that there is no such thing as senior wife or junior wife, it is more of an african concept than Islamic. Furthermore, a second wife on principle is not really a corrective measure against the first.
.

oh! I ddnt c ds earlier. I agree with all of the above But I just must add that a new wife(even though Islam doesnt specify this) should actually respect the first wife or whoever she's meeting at home for certain reasons.for example, in school, it is never a matter of age or of position, whoever comes first gets the honor, 'senior'. and even regarding the Islamic etiquette of greeting, the person standing greets d one sitting, the young, the old. And the one coming in, the one inside. I, personally hate the idea of new wives coming with the hope of 'taking over' or feeling like equals with people who could give birth to them(may Allah forgive me if am wrong and I stand corrected).

I think the real issue is about how fair can a man be to his wives as the case might apply. And that is where the real issue is, secondly does the man have the wherewithal to cater for the needs of am expanded family? Is the facility available sufficient so as not to create quarrels.

On your other point u might want to explain what marrying for Jihad means. Again some of these issues seems more to be cultural

marrying for jihad includes she's a widow, a divorced woman, an orphan, a revert,a poor beautiful virgin.

deols:

oh! I ddnt c ds earlier. I agree with all of the above But I just must add that a new wife(even though Islam doesnt specify this) should actually respect the first wife or whoever she's meeting at home for certain reasons.for example, in school, it is never a matter of age or of position, whoever comes first gets the honor, 'senior'. and even regarding the Islamic etiquette of greeting, the person standing greets d one sitting, the young, the old. And the one coming in, the one inside. I, personally hate the idea of new wives coming with the hope of 'taking over' or feeling like equals with people who could give birth to them(may Allah forgive me if am wrong and I stand corrected).




marrying for jihad includes she's a widow, a divorced woman, an orphan, a revert,a poor beautiful virgin.

Is it impossible to marry as second wife a rich beautiful virgin for Jihad? The way you bolded 'poor' there got me asking the question.

Asalamu Alaykum everyone,is doing household chores the duty of a married man that has gone to search for survival,i bet if any wannabe wife would find such man,very rare to find,i mean, why would a busy man come home to do chores when hes got a wife at home,except if shes pregnant,it can be understandable if both are working and busy,then,its better for them to hire a maid.I would also tell to the men that they dont need to ask for any permission before they marry mathna,but they should fear Allah by treating all four equally,and wives should obey their husbands even if you have to wash his clothes,plates,mop,cook etc,as long as not against Allah's command.

Obinrin to ba gboran si oko lenu,awon omo won man ni Al-barka.

Alhamdulilah, my wife to be surname and my surname are exactly the same...what a good match

AbuHanifa: Alhamdulilah, my wife to be surname and my surname are exactly the same...what a good match

so no need for name changing. Allah will make it possible and easy for all of us.

uplawal: Asalamu Alaykum everyone,is doing household chores the duty of a married man that has gone to search for survival,i bet if any wannabe wife would find such man,very rare to find,i mean, why would a busy man come home to do chores when hes got a wife at home,except if shes pregnant,it can be understandable if both are working and busy,then,its better for them to hire a maid.I would also tell to the men that they dont need to ask for any permission before they marry mathna,but they should fear Allah by treating all four equally,and wives should obey their husbands even if you have to wash his clothes,plates,mop,cook etc,as long as not against Allah's command.

Obinrin to ba gboran si oko lenu,awon omo won man ni Al-barka.

Okay ma

okay sir.

uplawal: okay sir.

vedaxcool: Seconded, Nigerian men no too sabi pet! Truly only those married can answer why? Maybe they undergo petting fatigue who knows, women too should also join in the petting, and maybe we could start a loving your spouse more revolution, who knows? A verse in the Qur'an says Allah has place companssion in the hearts of men as a sign to mankind, so let compassionalise our spouses, charity begins from gida/home.

I support. let's see how it can happen

sino: @ no. 5, Love, romance, sex etc are topic that have been made difficult to talk about by muslims and no thanks to what the media has turn these lawful things to mean this days.
@vedaxcool, i support your revolution. Seriously speaking, going on a date with your wife and having a romantic dinner is not harram na? I can understand my pa and ma not doing so in their days, but not this generation.

okay. let the revolution start

I donno how Muslims came to assume such talks are unIslamic. it is really bad that many people go into marriages without knowing what is expected of them and when they need help, are too shy to seek it.

I tried sometime ago to get some sisters to have a lecture on divorce. You need to have seen the objection I received and of course it did not happen. God forbid that I ever have a divorce o But I just think if you'r going into a place, it is safer you know how to exit and that isnt even unIslamic.

maclatunji:

Is it impossible to marry as second wife a rich beautiful virgin for Jihad? The way you bolded 'poor' there got me asking the question.

you would have to tell me what makes her a jihad case then. what would the man have given as an excuse to marry her.