badmrkt: so what the fucck are you tryin to portray here?that you disrespect the person you're claiming to married?

By their response, u shall know them, I will appreciate if u dont ever quote me or reply to any of my posts here until u learn manners and how to talk in public, maybe u dont know, but their are some wordsyou dont use in a public forum except if ..........

@op, Like I said, decision concerning relationship/marriages can only and best be taken by individual, it is always easier to give an advise or to even give a go-ahead on something cos really one is not in the person's shoe, I do not need a seer to tell me u are already having serious thoughts over it, for u to even bring it to nairaland, I know a couple of matured peoplke on nairaland who can give you good and decent advice but I wont mention their names so that dia heads will not swell, lol, but to be frank, it is a decision you have to take yourself, think it through, and think it through, weigh the advantages. I know of a couple, the husband is 2 years older than the wife, but guess what, there are times when the wife will say, dear , I dont like the way you are treating me o, is it not only 2 years? So please, dont be deceived, u have to decide urself, dia are people who are married to guys that are older than them and yet do not enjoy da marriages, and wehave some who are age mates and are doing great. If you have any believe in you that u will make a good couple and u are ready to always respect him, whenever, all the time, then go ahead, because in marriage, you have to be really submissive.

afrobaby:

I know of a couple, the husband is 2 years older than the wife, but guess what, there are times when the wife will say, dear , I dont like the way you are treating me o, is it not only 2 years?

So if her husband is 10 years older than her, then she would be more accepting of his mistreatment? Is he her older brother or her father?!

It really doesnt' matter, as long as you are not robbing the craddle. Love is blind with eyes shut.
Do what's best for you. when you ask for other's opinion you get crazy stuff. Been there done that

Cougar

depends on how old you both are.

if even after the 5 years you "give" him, he is
over 25, then i see no problem with it.


having said that, don't date or marry someone
who you cannot respect or take lead from.


be well.

just take things slow and see where it goes.......

it doesnt mean, you can if the respect and maturity is there,

Dis is d problem i ave wit our pple. why agree to date som1 u place doubt about marrying. i'm in my early 20s yet i aven't dated a girl in my life because i wont dear date a girl i cant marry. u've been wit dis guy 4 so long to know wat level to take d relationship to . I can boldly tell u dat i ave seen 2 marriage where d husband is much younger dan d wife and dey worked perfectly without any trace or suspicion of d age diff. any such marriage nds absolute corporation and sacrifice frm both parties wit their family members excluding friends. friends shld not know d diff in age it is so important though it also amount to lying. U d wife have a lot of role to play and pray to God 4 d spirit of submission. personally, i will advise u not to get entangled to any1 wit a clause tag on him. God help u.

solelymade: Dis is d problem i ave wit our pple. why agree to date som1 u place doubt about marrying. i'm in my early 20s yet i aven't dated a girl in my life because i wont dear date a girl i cant marry.

very sensible. i am glad there are some young people like you who feel this way - keeping our values alive.

Are u ready to respect him becos marriage is not a one day thing o u must respect him no matter wat.wish u luck.make ur decision ur self o becos is ur life o

Personally, I believe love knows no boundaries but when it comes to an age difference of 5 years... I beg to differ, Its too much! The two of u's love cld sustain u for d mean time but later? U myt get some kindof funny attitude from d guy one day n u'l just b thinkin 'and am nt his mate o' pls lets b realistic

afrobaby: To be candid, I can't o, thank God am married, so it can't happen to me again. I am this kind of person that respect female more than male, as in, meeting a guy for the first time, except if the person is really really an elderly person that I will respect the person, if not, I will try to size the guy up, and think of whether to respect him or not, but if it's a lady, gbam, I can respect u from the start self even when u appear younger, it's just me, so someone like me can't date/marry a younger person o, n ba, I believe it's a personality thing sha

Ua very stupid to say such a tin u don't respect male which means u don't even respect ur husband look @ ur mouth na ur type D̶̲̥̅̊є̲̣̥y̲̅ get sugar boy full every where cos ur pussy is everly swollen

Op, stick with him but some girls are bothered in some occurence like this one. My ex-girlfriend was 1yr older than me and the day she realised this, walai talai, she cried! Imagine that but me i see no problem in that.

OP,



nairaland is not faceless afterall..

OP, fYI: i know you & I know the guy in question



anyway, I wouldnt advise you to condescend that low. however, if you are serious about this, can we talk: minajkindy@yahoo.com

solelymade: Dis is d problem i ave wit our pple. why agree to date som1 u place doubt about marrying. i'm in my early 20s yet i aven't dated a girl in my life because i wont dear date a girl i cant marry. u've been wit dis guy 4 so long to know wat level to take d relationship to . I can boldly tell u dat i ave seen 2 marriage where d husband is much younger dan d wife and dey worked perfectly without any trace or suspicion of d age diff. any such marriage nds absolute corporation and sacrifice frm both parties wit their family members excluding friends. friends shld not know d diff in age it is so important though it also amount to lying. U d wife have a lot of role to play and pray to God 4 d spirit of submission. personally, i will advise u not to get entangled to any1 wit a clause tag on him. God help u.

what you wrote is the reason why so many people fail in marriage. there is NO WAY you can possibly know if someone is marriage material before dating them and spending a LOT OF TIME with them (in a r/ship). anyone who sees marriage before dating someone is deluded BECAUSE marriage should ONLY be the outcome of discovering that this person is the RIGHT One thru month(if not years) of dating, and becoming "soul mate" (aka wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person).

anyone who can look at a stranger and say that they are going to get married with them CLEARLY has no respect nor understanding of what it takes to marry someone.

so pls, stop blaming your lack of getting a decent date on "looking for the perfect mate".lol

How old are u, and how old is he?

@MRBROWNJAY,i neva said i'm desperate 4 a date far frm my priorities at d moment(d girls too much 4 my skol,church,neighbourhood just name d place).even getting a date is not d problem in naija but d quality of d date u want. My female friend just too much no be mouth and even admires. i can do almost anytin lovers do to dem except sexx because dem no dey cheap as such excluding 1 or 2. it is quite possible to date evry1 around u if u wish to do so. d tin wey happen to dis op was bound to wen due consideration was not done b4 agreeing to date d guy. why would i want to use my fiancee as a subject matter of discussion on a public forum when i no be small pinkin.@ certain stage of ones life u shld know wat u want and wat u don't. don't contemplate wat u can't justify.

op age na number ni
afterall a 21 yr old nigerian bobo jus got married to a 78 yr old german woman

I cannot and would not for the sole reason that I would not start what I cannot finish. To be honest, I would always have it at the back of my mind that I am older than him and I deserve his respect more than he does mine and such a relationship is just a disaster waiting to happen.
No matter how hard I might try to come down to his "level" it still would not be the same as, if he were older. Personally, I always desire that my spouse has a level of control and dominion over me otherwise, I'd find the relationship banal and go haywire.

This is not to say it wont work for you though, but it might be difficult. It just depends on your mind-set but with one like mine, it would definitely NOT work.

solelymade: @MRBROWNJAY,i neva said i'm desperate 4 a date far frm my priorities at d moment(d girls too much 4 my skol,church,neighbourhood just name d place).even getting a date is not d problem in naija but d quality of d date u want.

here is a question for you: have you still not found a girl that you dare to date?! if you havent then i am safe to say that you have a SERIOUS problem on your hands.

My female friend just too much no be mouth and even admires. i can do almost anytin lovers do to dem except sexx because dem no dey cheap as such excluding 1 or 2.

dont mix orange and apples. what your friends are doing with/around you is irrelevant here UNTIL YOU DATE ANY OF THEM.

it is quite possible to date evry1 around u if u wish to do so.

but you dont and that is why i said that maybe the problem is YOUR ability to actually DO IT.

d tin wey happen to dis op was bound to wen due consideration was not done b4 agreeing to date d guy. why would i want to use my fiancee as a subject matter of discussion on a public forum when i no be small pinkin.@ certain stage of ones life u shld know wat u want and wat u don't. don't contemplate wat u can't justify.

the OP is simply having cold feet because of the stigma of dating a younger man etc, which is quite common in 9ja. so she come to NL to feel better about herself and get positive response that she is doing something RIGHT.

@mrbrownjay,

please cut out the self-righteous banter.
Solelymade is speaking from a traditional point of view. He is referring more to real courtship than the typical kind of american casual 'dating' you are referring to. Besides he is still in his early 20s. most guys at that age are still thinking with their [i]peni[/i]ses and dating just to have stable sex. So we should give him credit for being more mature.

then again, I look at your profile pic and post record and wonder if you are qualified to give marriage advice. you must be in at least your 40s but are you married?


anyway,
@OP, marriage is much more than just "being in love." Ask yourself if you share the same ideals and if the age difference will pose problems for you later in your relationship etc

I personally cannot not marry a guy 5 yrs younger because that will make him 16 yrs old Even if he is the best guy in the world, my ideals and values will not allow me to go ahead with such a relationship.I will prefer to keep him as a friend only.
maybe if I'm 35yrs old and unmarried then yes, I can marry a guy 5 yrs younger. You really just have to use your common sense and see what works for you at this point in your life.

^^^^what has traditional way of dating got to do with anything? what has his age got to do with anything? after all he is the one who came talking about it. why should we give him any credits? so if he decides to be dateless he should get credits, for what exactly?! lol!

as for you checking my profile or post records, i wonder what you were hoping to find? lol! i certainly wouldnt waste my time checking your profile, as it is irrelevant to what you just wrote, duh!

MRbrownJAY: ^^^^what has traditional way of dating got to do with anything? what has his age got to do with anything? after all he is the one who came talking about it. why should we give him any credits? so if he decides to be dateless he should get credits, for what exactly?! lol!

as for you checking my profile or post records, i wonder what you were hoping to find? lol! i certainly wouldnt waste my time checking your profile, as it is irrelevant to what you just wrote, duh!

again, the guy is in Nigeria not USA. you can't compare the two. dating has a totally different meaning in both cultures. most of Americans suffer from extreme loneliness hence the desperation to date. They don't have close friends and dating is the closest they get to having a real personal relationship with someone else. Therefore someone who is dateless must be a lonely loser. Americans date to have company and ease loneliness. dating is encouraged for children and all teens.
In naija and even many immigrant communities abroad, there is a strong community feel and you don't need a date to have a good time with friends of same and opposite sex. People date usually when they have found someone they fell in love with or someone they see a future with. Otherwise, they date when they reach a age where they feel they should find someone to settle down with in marriage.

I mentioned your profile and point of view so that solelymade can understand where you are coming from You both have totally different ideas about dating, marriage and anything relationship. period. so there is no need for argument.

^^^ again, this is the 21st century, most in 9ja have EVOLVED and are DATING before marriage. if this is uncommon to you then fair enough but dont make it seem like we are from another planet. in today's 9ja people DATE before marriage (unless we are talking of arranged marriage).

so again, i questioned the guy's dating record because he brought it up and it is IRRELEVANT here. if he supposedly has "many" great women around him then he would have found that "special" person by now.....and if it is a choice for him NOT to date anybody then why bring the issue on here then?

how can anyone fall in love with someone they practically dont know? as much as many are quick to say these words, we have to educate them and show them that whatever they are feeling is NOT love. you need to get to know someone THEN date them, THEN possible fall in love THEN think of marrying them if they have shown all the proper qualities in dating that you required. anyone who change this order is bound for failure, even if our ancestors (or people into arranged marriage) have accepted to lower their standards in the past.

of course you have to date before marriage.
people have always dated and courted before marriage.

the point is that you should date someone you feel matches your criteria for long term r/s ex. if marrying a younger man goes against your value, then don't date a younger man. If marrying a smoker goes against your values, don't date a smoker. If marrying a muslim goes against your values, don't date a muslim.if marrying an uneducated person goes against your value, don't date an unededcated person etc
then again, for some, dating has nothing to do with marriage so people most times date just for fun with no values attached. they go in and out of relationships as they see fit and based on attraction alone. little wonder why divorce rates are so high.

Dis is d problem i ave wit our pple. why agree to date som1 u place doubt about marrying. i'm in my early 20s yet i aven't dated a girl in my life because i wont dear date a girl i cant marry.

gbam!!
even I was tempted to date a guy last year that wasn't a fit for me. he was very attractive and nice but he was muslim and I can never see myself marrying a muslim so I just told him we can only be friends. save each other future headache. Now I'm in a r/s with a nice christian guy.

pato405: OP,



nairaland is not faceless afterall..

OP, fYI: i know you & I know the guy in question



anyway, I wouldnt advise you to condescend that low. however, if you are serious about this, can we talk: minajkindy@yahoo.com

I see, you know me and you know the guy in question. . . that's interesting

@C.four
first you go on this "traditional" scenario and now you are coming back to the OP story. pls, read my first post on this thread, to understand my stand on the OP's issue.

pls use your mind and FOCUS: the OP never said she had a problem with dating/marrying a younger guy, as she clearly stated that she felt that way before but after she met him she changed her mind. its the fact that she suddenly has doubts creeping up, like most people do before marriage............so you guys should stop focusing on the WRONG ISSUE here.

@MRBROWNJAY, wat will i learn about my partner dat is hidden b4 agreeing to date such and i d OP CAN'T DENY she neva knew d age of d guy in question b4 courtship.Dis issue shldn't come up 4 discussion at all if we get our values and principle right though mine differs from urs.U shld knw wat u ar kul wit frm d start of a relationship.If d op had said she discovered d guy had a baby hidden somwhere then i undastand dat.To me, d age diffence is not d problem here but knowin wat u want frm d start of a date.D only tin dat can change my idea is u telling me d difference btw dating and courtship.(sry OP, IF DIS TAKES ATTENTION AWAY FRM UR TREAD) Now, to d issue of me havin a date which u made into a kind of weakness. I made reference to dis because i nd to hama d point about dating because it is not mandatory to date for fun or emotion as most Nigerians do and such get entangled wit what dey can't compromise or rather doubt especially d obvious. i do not require or ask kudos 4 nt havin a date .@C.four i like ur ideas

age aint nothing but a number. There are 50yr old irresponsible men and 25 year olds who act so responsibly. If you are sure he treats u like a queen then go for it.

@op,
5yrs is a lot. If you were of the same age or he was 2yrs younger, it would have made sense.
For example, In community age groups, you guys can't even be in the same age group.
For you to live comfortably with this guy, you must be more than willing to endure a lot.
No matter how smart or mature he sounds, some of his utterances or behaviours is still gonna sound childish to you since you're older.

@ tuhott

If u love him and he loves u too. Go ahead and marry him 4get about all des stories. Keep age aside, it's just a number as long as u'll respect him.

Na only for Naija where age dey bi priority, abeg go ahead my dear.