Thank you dear, i am so fed up of all these sob stories, they only come out when the woman is dead, then we sympatise and go back to the same old things, same old trash, I have had it jare, What exactly did she want from a man who had no interest in her failing health? Why add heartbreak pain and rejection to her situation, am sure it was the pain that got her der in the first place, she was killing herself to concieve for a man who had no interest in her welfare and the childs welfare, why didnt she love her self enough to put herself first for once? I can just imagine the kind of advice she must have gotten, endure, he will change, she was more concerned about him talking to her than about a successful surgery, that comes from constant physcological abuse and degradation you get to a point when you feel worthless I did but I took my life back and when I did even I was shocked at the guts and sturborness i displayed.
The day I saw my father crying by me bedside my world changed, he asked me if i would consider a seperation and I told him No I would consider a divorce, Immediately my lawyer instincts took over, I was battle ready, got the hospital photographer to take pictures of my briuses, gathered all the medical records, got the picture of my damaged spleen my Dad got me an wonderful lawyer. I had no interest from that day in going back even when he gathered his people to come and beg, my mother in law refused to follow them she also had enough, When he was served he swore he wouldnt give me a divorce, but my lawyer told tem we were prepared to charge him for aggreviated assault, attempted murder and showed him pictures of his handwork, I think for the first time he realised how far he had gone and said i can have whatever I wanted. Sometimes I felt so empty and miserable but at least I was free, better than being married, miserable and still empty. Take charge of your lives as hard as it may be. Simple

Her family did not know exactly what was going on till it was too late.This info from her fb memorial page,one of her family members commented and said that she was too protective of her marriage because some people were laying blame on them for not forcibly removing her from the situation.My own is now to say she had a psychological problem,if she went as far as protecting the man.So sorry for her and her children.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=196216413814716&set=a.196204520482572.27610.196164993819858&type=3&permPage=1

So why are people now cursing the man now? She loved him more than she loved her own life, Not his fault it was a choice she made, he made it clear that he didnt love her, didnt want her and didnt respect her. She made her choice, she did this to herself. Call me cold call me wicked but today i hope I will be wicked enough to shock someone doing the same thing to themselves enough to wake up and stop this stupiiddd slavery and self torture

So, that is the wowo man she was fighting for? Beautiful woman, ehn

This for me is the best post on that facebook page:
I'm happy to be a strong,beautiful,intellige​nt woman. I'm a medical doctor,. U N N graduate who married a bastard like kelvin in de name of Tochukwu Izuegbu of . Diamond bank plc,orlu international market branch,csm. He not only bedwets but snores loudly like a truck.For four yrs, i was battered even while pregnant. But jan dis year, i took de wisest decision in my life,sued him and left with my three beautiful angels. Tomorrow is my 28 th birthday and i'm happy to be alive celebrating it. Marriage is to be enjoyed not endured. Swt ogoo,i wish u had a mind like mine so u'll stay alive and enjoy with ur cuties. Now i'm living my life and enjoying it to de fullest.

Madam God bless you, As usual people are there shedding tears and saying RIP some are der waiting for "his side of the story" None of which can help Ogo now, this woman said it all for me, I am hoping someone with sense will listen today

^^
For some people,railing and screaming from pillar to post will work,for some sympathy and encouragement to leave the situation will work,for some brutish force will work.It all depends on the mental state of the person.
It was your father's tears that brought you out of your situation or at least gave you the final push.For her,who knows and who can tell?
She probably had the lowest form of self esteem,it's not like she wasn't a graduate she was a pharmacist.Everyone is different i guess and approach things differently so i definitely respect where everyone is coming from.Won't do any good now though cos she is dead.
I can only tell women/men to start from day 1 to instil self worth,dignity and self respect into your daughters.They watch everything you go through and if you sit back and say you are staying for them,you are damaging their psyche and they will fall into the same abusive trap when they grow up and the sons will either grow up to repeat what they have seen or become extremely timid.
You cannot love a person more than you love yourself..Is he/she God? In fact this is bordering on idolatry.Yes,people will call you madam or sadam divorcee that could not keep his/her home but it is better to be alive than 6 feet under while answering Mr/Mrs.There is no award for endurance.If you are carrying christianity on your head abeg separate till your spouse changes for the better through intense counselling(even though it takes heaven and earth for a bully/narcissist to change).

Ibobabe, the sympathy and encouragement should be for when you are alive, and sympathy should come with advice and options not the "divorce is not an option" advice or the change what you are doing to upset him/ her advice. Let the person weigh his or her options, I was ready to walk earlier but no one else seemed to have any options apart from staying put and enduring, My fathers tears were not the wake up call, his words were, those were the words I had been dying to hear from someone else, a way out, all I heard for years was stay and pray, change, dress better, cook, clean, let him have s3x when ever he wants to.
Go to the thread on "how to live with an adulterous man" you will see it all there. We only react when the woman or man is dead, enough abeg

Someone even commented that if she survived the surgery she would have still gone back to the man..It is probably very likely.Very horrifying and terrible thing to comprehend.I cannot judge her but somethings are just beyond normal.Lemme hug science and believe that it is battered person syndrome that she suffered from plus lack of self worth.I don't even want to think of my okija juju cos i have very close ties to the place..

^^
I have gone to the adultery thread and to say i am shocked is an understatement.Another shocking thread is the wife beater one in romance section.Some dude that beat up his gf for smashing his phone.90% were encouraging him,i saw all this yesterday..
I have heard debrief,i shall sympathize no further with the dead .I totally understand what you are saying though,pardon me for misjudging your story on your dad.

Ibobabe, no juju involved, visit the thread on staying with an adulterous spouse and see for yourself how many women and men think like she did. No Juju, just a sick society that makes women out to be robots and slaves,

"you must look good all the time, be ever ready for s3x, sickeness pregnanacy or even your periond is not an issue, be ready to give him all the time, you must make the house prim proper and clean all the time, you must cook very well, you must never question him even when you are hurt and he is wrong, you must not question his affairs, look away and pretend it doesnt happen, concentrate on your kids, Ignore whatever he does, do this and all still make sure you look beautiful, dress well and look sexy ALL THE TIme, and even all this doesnt guaranty he will treat you right but stay put, fast and pray. Never nag"

It took a lot of relearning for me to understand that i was a human and not a slave, i had a right to oppinions and expressing them, it was okay to question my husband, i didnt have to cook all his meals, I can actually leave food in the fridge for him to micro wave, s3x has to be consensual even within married couples, when I am sick or not in the mood it is ok to say "honey not today please" without worrying that my husband will go and get a mistress, nothing justifies cheating, it was okay to nag my husband and bully him a little(lol), it was okay to question his spendings and things I am not comfortable about, and My husband is instructed by God to love me unconditionally whether or not i can have kids or not, when I put on weight and when i loose it, when I put on weight, he can state his concern without demeaning me and so i dont have to starve my self or go to extreme measures to be thin and sexy so my husband wont cheat. Most importantly my husband is my spouse, friend and partner, with or without kids we have each other, it is not healthy to transfer the love meant to my husband to my kids.

Lol Dear, welcome to the club. Insanity, silliness, low self esteem and delusional religiousity spiked with wicked and judgemental ideas. So you understand how upset i am, I am done with the tears and so sads, if any woman wants to kill herself goodluck, dont expect me to cry or sympatise.

debrief - I think i am coming round to your way of thinking now and understand your anger. To be honest as you know its hard and like I said what saved me was being able to travel out and continue with my life in another country far from him, I don't know if I would have stayed if I didn't have options - my friends told me to leave but at the time I was pregnant and did the whole "i'm staying for my child" the child he actually tried to beat out of me.

my dear as a woman u get blamed for everything - your blamed for the beating and then when you leave your also blamed for allowing a man to beat you more than once.

where are all the men on nairaland who say its ok to beat a woman - they have all decided to hide.

Cotton, it is hard, if it was easy then it wont be so hard to be brave enough to do but it is very necessary. For the wife beating cheering crowd and stay till you die fans they wont come here, even if they do they will demand the husbands side of the story, they willl say she must have done something to lead him to this action. Abeg leave matter.

My dear I taya abeg

I can just imagine a few years from now, the man will convince another woman that the stories were lies and she will be happy she has found a "good" husband who works in Mobil. Meanwhile he has sent someone to the grave.

I wish more women were strong and did not think they needed to sacrifice themselves to save face.

Yea,they will probably say she pushed him to it.
Na so life be,i will stay in my small corner with my hubby and make sure my children and brought up right.
I want to believe that women will learn to stand up for themselves.The time has come

@lurkee
you think he hasn't been seeing someone?Maybe you need to look at that his local face again.If i am to judge by looks,his type will probably justify himself and his mama will support.Some chick will definitely follow him,is it not naija again?I await her own story too.Oga mobil.
God forgive me for judging him but he looks very wicked and unrepentant.Bush rat

lurkee: I can just imagine a few years from now, the man will convince another woman that the stories were lies and she will be happy she has found a "good" husband who works in Mobil. Meanwhile he has sent someone to the grave.

I wish more women were strong and did not think they needed to sacrifice themselves to save face.

Convince ke, the lady is already there in waiting, doing thanks giving with her mother now, who may have been going to these wicked modern churches to pray for "fire to consume enemies of her daughters progress", there is another wife in waiting abeg, he has no legal case to answer so the guy no go waste time, person wey them don find second wife for am tay tay. Shameless low sp3rm count men always transering thier inability to perform on weaker people. I still blame her though, low self esteem silly love. The rest reading and cursing me, una doohhh oh, she too must have read Titilayos story said RIP and still stayed.

Meanwhile,the comments on linda ikeji are quite revealing
Someone posted that his family worked tirelessly to prevent the girl from marrying oga mobil cos of his family background yet she no gree.
This guy had been bad news from the start.Maybe he comes from a wifebeater/wicked family,I don't know but she was warned..
Nawa for this life.I don tire.

@ debrief
who will be cursing u naa?lol..unless its the WAGBAN crew(WAGBAN from the romance section-wife/gf beaters association of Nigeria)

Ibobabe my sister, there is also a DINAO crew oh (Divorce is not an option) who think I am wicked for saying divorce is an option and "constantly sharing my story". According to them I should accept my lot and move on and not "negatively influence" other women.
My sister this is so out of character for me, but i am really upset with this death, I am tired of this kind of news, It seems God is using this to show us that he has no hand in by force marriage and will not save you when you make wrong choices, yet we have refused to learn, from January to date I have seen over 30 of such cases where men and women were killed by thier spouses and it is still the same circle, "rest in peace" curses for the violent spouse, end of story. This one has totally broken me down.

cotton101: debrief - I think i am coming round to your way of thinking now and understand your anger. To be honest as you know its hard and like I said what saved me was being able to travel out and continue with my life in another country far from him, I don't know if I would have stayed if I didn't have options - my friends told me to leave but at the time I was pregnant and did the whole "i'm staying for my child" the child he actually tried to beat out of me.

my dear as a woman u get blamed for everything - your blamed for the beating and then when you leave your also blamed for allowing a man to beat you more than once.

where are all the men on nairaland who say its ok to beat a woman - they have all decided to hide.

They will come when the next victim of battering comes along to advise.
@debrief Not many have seen this side of you but i get where you are coming from.

@ debrief
Please keep on sharing,you never know who's life will be saved.I now understand where you are coming from,you don talk tire.
This particular man tied her with rope like an animal and flogged her with belt,threatened her with a knife and said no one would do anything if he killed her and she still stayed there..He said his mother is worth more than 'these things' -his own children!!
Kaii God!!Everyone who spoke about her said she was peaceful and quiet and kind.Who will care for these kids??Their father believes they are useless to him and did not even provide food for them to eat when she was away,what will happen now she's dead??.Wickedness plenty for this world.
We all have k-legs personality wise but no one should be treated like he/she is worthless.

For DINAO crew please consider separation till your spouse regains his/her sanity after intense counselling sessions.
For WAGBAN-I have no words,no man or woman should be abused emotionally,physically or otherwise

God help us all..but you have to start helping yourself first!

Interesting.

The Kevin guy works for Mobil. I used to know him. I didn't know he was a wife abuser... we used to hang out those days in Eket when I came from Houston to work. Damn mehn. Hope his employers see this. Then this is Naija

God save us from our archaic mindsets esp me. I grew up believing that divorce was wrong n if u die, u will go 2 hell. Ii believed that d husband u have is the cross 2 carry for not choosing a better person. t took a lot of work on my part 2 change my mindset. Sometimes, I find myself falling back into those things.

I have seen my friends trapped in loveless abusive marriages but they are still hanging on hopeful that things change n I have prayed with them that it shld get better. When can we draw the line and support people when they make their choice 2 remain in d marriage?

z-murda

He will probably cook up a story as usual with these vile people,his wife is no longer here to defend herself and her nonsense love for him.I bet he feels he is untouchable and already paying bride price for his next victim.

There's no way on this planet that he didn't display some of his caveman moves early on.The more i comment the more my sympathy dries up.MBA!! no more commenting.

No oh the DINAO crew believe a woman should stay put, fast pray, cook, clean and ask herself what she is doing wrong because the woman must always do something wrong to deserve being cheated on and beaten. As for the tying and flogging with belt that one na classic, usually when they get tired of slapping and beating by hand, the next step na Flogging with belt, then the next time they will tie your hands and leg and flog you, it goes a step higher everytime.
Oluite my dear, thank you jare, i cried yesterday as if na my sister die not because of the death but because I know we will hear many more of such stories even after this. Why will someone feel so valueless to this point? However, even if she came here to post, they will tell her, "endure, cook better, dress better, what are you doing to provoke him, gold digger, look before you marry, fast and pray and Divorce is not an option, dont listen to nairaland home wereckers, marriage is not a bed of roses, concentrate on your kids"

Who knows, maybe she came here to ask for advise but this stoopid die in marriage people told her to keep holding on and fighting for her man. Anu ofia's, chukwu nna kpokwa unu nile oku diaaa.

Where are they I ask again? When the adulterous thread was first started, see the way the whole crew gathered there to give their silly advises now that one of them is dead shebi all of them have gone to hide under their beds, may rats fish you all out from under there, ewu ochas

@Outstrip

I hope you have spoken to that friend of yours that is being abused by her husband? talk now before that one goes down under like the rest.

Blank I know where you are coming from we all do and were raised like that, even me till today even with all my faith and knowledge of Gods words still have those thoughts ringing in my ears. Sometimes i ask myself in my silly moments if I should have stayed and worked harder perharps the marriage would have worked, sometimes i ask myself if I was too hasty, sometimes I ask myself If i will go to heaven, It is not easy to change a belief you were raised with all your life. I am happy you have an open enough mind to see things differently, Help others oepn thier eyes and mind too, how many more have to die before we start seeing and acting in line with present reality

Jenny hahaha, You no even try to calm me down today, lol. It is painfully sad abeg, have never been so hurt nd sad as long as i can recall. This is plain horrible because they will never learn, in two days they will still give the same advice. I have never seen a more wicked and judgemental set of minds like we have here, When I was with my Ex we had these group of abused and cheated women who come together and mop and cry, throw pity parties and go home to our abuse, when i left a lot of them stopped talking to me, when I remarried and got pregnant none of them talk to me they give me hate filled looks as if to say "how dare you be happy, you abandoned us and our fair and low self esteem and you are now happy and confident, how dare you be happy when we are still enduring"

I will shout and shout on this one

MAKE UNA SEE OGA ABUSER'S DEFENSE..someone just posted it oo.

Kevin's side of the story. No justification, but interesting to note:

Kevin\'s Associate · 1 hour ago
Wonderful write up it is! But it's unheard that the dead wrote. The writer aim is to tell a story of a woman who labored and died to express her unappreciated love to her husband or a caution for women to not love their husbands, It is unfortunate that the writer had been able to capture the hearts of the audience to the extend where they had dished all manner of causes and comments on the late woman's hubby (Kevin). Possibly already achieving his/her aims; I would use this opportunity to caution our commentators to always show restraint till the full story is heard. First, I do not intend to join issues with the writer but I want to state that the story is lopsided. You might agree to some extent that every marriage have their expectation. If a couple who were married in 12yrs with 2 kids still leaves together, it means they had been able to surmount their challenges. This is while I would also advise our women. Don't ever think you are an island in the midst of your in-laws, it doesn't matter how beautiful you are. We are still in Africa were women are expected to marry men as well as members of the man's entire family and show them respect. For me, this is the easiest way to get aligned with the family. But when pride and possessiveness cause you to disrespect your in-laws, then you are bound to face problem. The writer of this story is very selfish, perhaps the late Ogo confided in the writer while she was alive. Possibly too, the late Ogo never also told the writer the many times Kevin sold landed properties to pay hospital bills, the many times a laboring husband came back home from work to fall on empty stomach without food at home or the number of year late Ogo had spend in the US of the 12yrs of marriage while attending to her health issues. As I mentioned before, every marriages have their expectations. If your expectation is to have children and they are not forthcoming, there is bound to be issues. If a woman who never showed signs of sickness prior to marriage suddenly started falling heal barely 12days after marriage, there is bound to be problem, perhaps she hid the sickness from her hubby before marriage, alot comes to the bare. While I share pains with Kevin for having to experience this sad phase of his marital life undermining hitherto the so much that he had spent to salvage the life of his lovely wife, for making several sacrifices to get the marriage going, close confidants such as the writer of this story is desperately trying to make sure more pains are inflicted. Please Mr/Mrs writer whatever you are stop this calumny. We don't know you but from your right up we suspect who you are. In retrospect, Late Ogo had done 7 surgeries in the 12yrs of marriage. The last was when she had the second baby during which she temporarily passed out. At recovery, she was warned never to have the 8th or any more surgeries in her life time as her ailment would henceforth be therapeutically managed. All of this fell on deaf ears because people such as the writer were envious of late Ogo and unfortunately, Ogo didn't live long enough to see it. Having just being referred to a specialist in Lagos, and agreed with her husband on the "No surgery Rules" she arrived the hospital and decided with one of her sisters, which I strongly suspected is the writer of this story to go for a surgery. As you all know, till today when a patient goes for surgery a guarantor is expected to sign on her behalf. Typically for married women, their husband. While Kevin was still at work and persistently invoking the "No surgery rule" late Ogo's sister signed for her to carry on with the procedure/surgery. Which was a grievous disrespect for Kevin. And the woman died!! If anyone is to be blamed, it is whoever signed against the "No surgery rule".....she signed Ogo's death warrant. Now, going to the internet to tell a story in order to mope up sympathy or perhaps exonerate self is uncalled for and would not solve anything, would only aggravate this problem. As an advocate of peace, I think the emphasis going forward is to ensure that late Ogo's legacy and dream for her children is met.

You no go fear response, heheheeeeeee, so na the issues make you tie her flog her? I just love Nigeria always find a way to blame the victim, anyway, Na her do herself, see the plenty grammer without saying anything. I have no issues with the husband oh, i have issues with the woman who didnt love and respect herself enough to know when it was enough. Jeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, cant believe a human being wrote that. Hiaaaaaaaaa.

Kevin's associate,
Please,you did not address the beatings and flogging with belt.is that also the surmountable part of marriage?Is it also an expectation in marriage?So selling a plot of land to care for your wife and sons bills is justification to treat her like an animal?
Ala gbachapukwa unu anya there.Ndi ala.
What kind of local defense is this?This only solidifies the fact that this man was a conc abuser and a very wicked fellow.Ofcourse he will say she was proud and disrespectful.She is dead,can she defend herself?The man has NOTHING to say.Let him go weave this crap for his next victim.We are wise enought to read between the lines.It's Ogo i blame for not loving herself enough
Africa ko Africa ni.

obviously,the man has banded with his WAGBAN crew to come up with this useless defense.She hid illness from her husband,see excuse!You people are unbelievable o!Go and catch the person that wrote the story naww.ODE

SMH

OH NO HE DIDN'T - I HAVEN;'T EVEN FINISHED THE WHOLE SORRY SAGA AND HE IS TRYING TO SAY COS HE SPENT MONEY HE IS A GOOD MAN.



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