@ debrief
You said it oo!!
there really is no point..

As i said earlier Stockholm syndrome and battered person syndrome are REAL and walking amongst us.

So now i hope you can fully understand my earlier attitude. heheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeee.

I understand and i am truly sorry...I didn't know it was this bad

debrief08: I have been checking my Bible and all passages concerning marriage for the last 30 mins I still have not seen the "till death do you part" place. Where is that found in the Bible? Most of us are quick to quote that to justify why people should stay in unhappy marriages and also please where is " what God has put together , let no man put assunder " found too? Are these biblical teachings or just words that have assumed a whole new meaning? Help am lost

My dear,

1Cor 7: 10-16 makes God's position on divorce very clear. Am not advocating for women to condone abuse. I'm only providing clarity on scriptures.

Tgirl4real:

My dear,

1Cor 7: 10-16 makes God's position on divorce very clear. Am not advocating for women to condone abuse. I'm only providing clarity on scriptures.

That is not my question oh, my question is what part of the Bible is "till death do you part" stated as it relates to marriage, I know the chapter on divorce, read it several times, I am asking specifically on these 2 phrases, "till death do you part" and who God has joined together let no man put assunder" Are they Bibilical verses or not?

Honestly, it baffles me why a man would beat a woman so terribly like this. But to be fair, the woman also deserves some part of the blame. Why couldn't she just leave? What made it so difficult? I think, until we start seeing divorce as a valid option in a marriage all these nonsense will certainly continue!

@Cotton101:
While l dont want a 1-to-1 direct talk with you on this topic (You will notice l NEVER mentioned your name or anyone's name, in my posts and l dont know how you concluded l was referring to you; funnily, Tobius thinks so too! ) l think we should be balanced in our judgement.

That your husband was violent with you does not mean he would be violent with another woman nor does it mean all men are violent.
That you MIL drilled something down your throat does not mean all MIL's do that.
Marriage problems are too complex to just wake-up and apportion blame to one spouse.

What l am saying IS NOT WHAT makes some women endure domestic violence nor does it make some men endure domestic violence, in anyway.

*Can you honestly tell me that ALL WOMEN know how to handle a man, even a violent one for that matter?
*Can you tell me that ALL MEN know how to handle a woman, a sharp-tongued one for that matter?
Dont we have individual degree of tolerance? Dont we have different "people-skills and marriage skills"?
Why cant we see the positive side of my posts?
I am actually hoping the younger ones who are about to get married learn one or two things from it before they take the plunge!

What l am saying in summary are:
1.) "Confrontational attitude" does not work in marriage, for the simple reason that we are not equally physically endowed! Only a silly boy picks up a fight with a stronger fella in the neighborhood, right? You can call him a bully but it does not take away the fact that, you're better off avoiding the bully than getting a black eye! In any human relationship, one person must be (or choose to be) the Sheep, if the other wants to be a He-Goat!
Some women will rather "slug-it out" with a man, in a physical fight!

2.) Women need to know their husband, study him properly and identify his weakness! believe me, men are easier to handle than a 10yr old boy, if you know their weakness! Especially Nigerian men, its all about massaging their over-blown ego, praising him when he deserves a face-smack (and he will probably get it in another obscure way! Now, Lastpage will soon read all my armory of tricks! )
But like my Mother will say, "if the sea is stormy, its not the time to paddle your boat harshly" meaning you need to exercise discretion of some sort in certain situations, it does not make you a stewpid wife but a "wise one". Most women feel if he brings it on, l am ready for it and would just take a walk (since the system will take care of me and my child!). This l think is a bad mind-set.
Children reared by one parent have a certain psychological deficiency/imbalance which does not show up immediately.

3.) Women who have a broken marriage, for whatever reason, should "take stork" instead of seeing themselves as the "Champion of divorce" or some idol/role model to look up to! They should coach other younger women about avoiding the mistakes they made, as a family unit, so that those ones can avoid same mistakes and therefore enjoy marital life, instead of admonishing them to "pack and leave" like that is the "ideal state" of life. I know we live in the 21st century and we are suppose to give our Teenager-child a hug if he decides he wants to be gay or lesbian since our moral upbringing is now in shambles.

4.) No need to be so vociferous and quick to condemn, when we sense an opportunity to "bash men", simply because of our own personal experience! I recall the Ambassador Wigwe story, it was the same pattern of jumping to conclusions and bashing the man, until events later unfolded! Even a very popular Nigerian website "inducted" the man into their "hall of shame", only to apologize later and remove him! Just imagine the damage that was already done, especially in a globalized world of the internet age! We should be eager to read/learn but slow to react/condemn others.


Cheers.

Lastpage!

BTW: Shoe get Size Ooo, l would not even dignify some people with a reply cos 'Igi-imu jina sori' as th Yorubas would say! To your tenth, O Israel!
I dont subscribe to this 'bandwagon effect or herd mentality' as some women display here, na dem wahala, make dem acrry-go!

When have the deads started writing to the livings?By the way,this is her own side of the story,we need to hear from Kelvin too.unfortunataly,Kelvin is still alive,we might have to wait untill he‘s dead so that he too can write us from the land of the dead.....

last page replace everywhere you have written women in your post with MEN and do me a favour by taking your own advice

@1luvkipsus

dat one na stylish curse oooo..

shushu: last page replace everywhere you have written women in your post with MEN and do me a favour by taking your own advice

My advice is actually from my own personal experience as you would have noticed.

And like Mc Donalds, AM LOVING IT THE WHOLE WAY!

Cheers and Bye.

Lastpage!

shushu: last page replace everywhere you have written women in your post with MEN and do me a favour by taking your own advice

How dare you? Dont you know that it is only the woman that "builds " a home? As long as the man provides money, he should have no other role, he should be worshipped , massaged and adored, the woman shoud be "humble' enough to accept all his "fualts" and all the "challenges" in the marriage. "marriage is full of ups and downs" dont be a foolish woman like the divorce advocates here and end up "raising children as a single woman, a woman is worthless without a husband" " It is better to die than to be a divorcee"

Now l have to close, wasted too much precious time on this, though it was a very sad story indeed.
See you folks later, if time permits.

Lastpage!

BTW: "A wise woman build her home but with her own hands, the foolish one tears it down" - Proverbs 14:1 (No be me write Bible now? Or are we trashing the Bible as well?)
In case ladies dont know, the emphasis is on the "recognized role", a very important one, that a wife has to play, in the success or failure of a marriage. Women play a bigger role, even with a difficult man as husband. Anyway, they wont see it because they have "closed their mind" to it. I understand that.

God!This is heartbreaking,any man that abuses his wife should be hanged
Why does she have to suffer in silence!
Why can't she move out and Move on with her life!
Why does she have to wait till death do them part!
Why!why!Why!
So many why's i don't seem to understand.
Kevin will move on with his life and there you are lying in your grave.[b][/b]

lastpage: Now l have to close, wasted too much precious time on this, though it was a very sad story indeed.
See you folks later, if time permits.

Lastpage!

BTW: "A wise woman build her home but with her own hands, the foolish one tears it down" - Proverbs 14:1 (No be me write Bible now? Or are we trashing the Bible as well?)
In case ladies dont know, the emphasis is on the "recognized role", a very important one, that a wife has to play, in the success or failure of a marriage. Women play a bigger role, even with a difficult man as husband. Anyway, they wont see it because they have "closed their mind" to it. I understand that.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the curch laying down His life for her.
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind ( Love doesnt batter a spouse). It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud (Love doesnt involve having an ego that needs constant massaging and is not egoistic). 5 It does not dishonor others (its doesnt involve disrespecting your wife by cheating), it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered (Love doesnt include loosing your temper on your wife), it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection
Note only the husband is commanded to love oh, not the wife.

debrief08:
How dare you? Dont you know that it is only the woman that "builds " a home? As long as the man provides money, he should have no other role, he should be worshipped , massaged and adored, the woman shoud be "humble' enough to accept all his "fualts" and all the "challenges" in the marriage. "marriage is full of ups and downs" dont be a foolish woman like the divorce advocates here and end up "raising children as a single woman, a woman is worthless without a husband" " It is better to die than to be a divorcee"

LOL.
@shushu, I would advocate the same thing you said, make him go read the thing wey im post but reverse the roles so he sees how horrifying his 'advice' is.
It baffles me when men get angry with women that advocate ending abusive relationships. How twisted do you have to be to want to see others constantly abused? Imagine what he wrote about tolerance first.
So if the man cannot tolerate an acerbic tongue then he should beat the woman? Why not kill her as well since he is so intolerant? Why not just completely kill her?
He kept emphasizing the 'roles' women have to play in marriages, how they should worship the man and kiss his feet, what about the men now? Don't they have roles? Are they not supposed to love their wives?
And lastly, women DO NOT have a greater role to play in marriages. How can the leader of the house think that those he is in charge of have greater roles to play than himself? What type of lazy leadership is that?

The biggest lie told and spread by wicked men is that women have a bigger role to play, see the way love was broken down and explained as if God knew some thick skull men wouldnt get it. The woman is asked to submit so that when he loves her and does all these she will not become rude and arrogant. Still if we are to go by biblilcal principles, the husbands love is supposed to bare and endure all things including "failure to concieve.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

debrief08: Still if we are to go by biblilcal principles, the husbands love is supposed to bare and endure all things including "failure to concieve.

How will men hold up the end of their bargain in marriages when women don't even want them to hold it up? When women think they should bear being trampled on in order to be good wives. When they don't fight for what they deserve and think marriage is all about submission from them even when the so called leader of the house has not played his role by showing them love?

this is her fb account.
http://www.facebook.com/OgochukwuOnuchukwu

women,forget all these fine boy,fine body and fine pocket. marry a good man and u will enjoy ur marriage.
A word is enough for the wise.i know some pple would say `god forbid.why shouldnt i marry a rich man`[size=18pt][/size]

fellis:
How will men hold up the end of their bargain in marriages when women don't even want them to hold it up? When women think they should bear being trampled on in order to be good wives.

Toh see why i have no sympathy for women who dont have sympathy or respect for themselves. Even the bible knew how women need love and constant validaition hence the empahsis on love and care. Abeg my Sister, leave matter.

lastpage - i'm sorry to say this but its women like you that make some people stay in toxic marriages.

you are stopping very short from blaming wives for problems in the marriage. Call me naive - a lot of what I saw in my marriage was alien to me because my father NEVER raised his hand against my mum or me for that matter, he always came home at the right time and was a very loving and hands on father, so I grew up thinking this is how men are - fast forward my marriage and I saw something i only thought happened in nollywood movies - it was like an outer body experience for me and it was hell. please tell me how you want me to manage a man who cheats on you so brazenly that the only thing remaining is for one of his babes to call you mobile and ask if you are up for a 3 some

lastpage - i'm happy that ur husband is near perfect and he doesn't cheat or beat you up but please realise that there are some messed up irresponsible men out there that have no business entering marriage if they don't know how to conduct themselves as married men - there is too much emphasis on how a woman behaves that some men do as they please and don't care who they hurt in the process. u may not be talking to me directly but i do take offence the way you are saying things - for one second lets start blaming the divorced men - cos right now according to your logic I destroyed my marriage - what defence do you have for a man who tried to kill his own child all under the guise of correcting his wife.

Gosh naija culture - NO WOMAN GOES INTO HER MARRIAGE WITH THE PLAN OF BECOMING A SINGLE MOTHER AND DIVORCING HER HUSBAND

cotton101: lastpage - i'm sorry to say this but its women like you that make some people stay in toxic marriages.

you are stopping very short from blaming wives for problems in the marriage. Call me naive - a lot of what I saw in my marriage was alien to me because my father NEVER raised his hand against my mum or me for that matter, he always came home at the right time and was a very loving and hands on father, so I grew up thinking this is how men are - fast forward my marriage and I saw something i only thought happened in nollywood movies - it was like an outer body experience for me and it was hell. please tell me how you want me to manage a man who cheats on you so brazenly that the only thing remaining is for one of his babes to call you mobile and ask if you are up for a 3 some

lastpage - i'm happy that ur husband is near perfect and he doesn't cheat or beat you up but please realise that there are some messed up irresponsible men out there that have no business entering marriage if they don't know how to conduct themselves as married men - there is too much emphasis on how a woman behaves that some men do as they please and don't care who they hurt in the process. u may not be talking to me directly but i do take offence the way you are saying things - for one second lets start blaming the divorced men - cos right now according to your logic I destroyed my marriage - what defence do you have for a man who tried to kill his own child all under the guise of correcting his wife.

Gosh naija culture - NO WOMAN GOES INTO HER MARRIAGE WITH THE PLAN OF BECOMING A SINGLE MOTHER AND DIVORCING HER HUSBAND

Cotton i will flog you oh? What do you want from Lastpage, You are already a "personan non grata to him/her" forget it and move on, why do you feel the need to justify yourself to someone who knows nothing about you? I will flog you if you explain yourself again

debrief08:
Cotton i will flog you oh? What do you want from Lastpage, You are already a "personan non grata to him/her" forget it and move on, why do you feel the need to justify yourself to someone who knows nothing about you? I will flog you if you explain yourself again

don't mind me my sister. its so freeking annoying sometimes.

ok ok I will stop

charles316: women,forget all these fine boy,fine body and fine pocket. marry a good man and u will enjoy ur marriage.
A word is enough for the wise.i know some pple would say `god forbid.why shouldnt i marry a rich man

Abeg leave that talk. Pretenders are everywhere, you don't know who is actually good. These men that turned out to be abusive husbands, a lot of the time they do not show signs of being abusive before marriage. And do you think because the man is poor then he will not cheat? Besides if women marry poor men and then these men end up rich in future they will still cheat on the women.

cotton101:

don't mind me my sister. its so freeking annoying sometimes.

ok ok I will stop

These are people with a mindset already, whatever happens the victim is at fault, so explaining will never change their minds you must have done something to deserve your treatment, if your husband cheats you must have pushed him to it, that is their way of handling every situation, case closed

^^^See this one crying more than the bereaved!
I beg joor,l get husband expecting me at home.

"cotton01.
Forgive me, l would create time for a one-on-one with you. Your story os touching and l am speaking in general terms, not to you.
Doin this on my mobile.
Ltr.
LPge

the solution to all this is simple, let men be allowed as it is cultural in African culture to marry as many wives as they can afford. I know many people will begin to blab the civilization dogma here and a lot of ladies may not like this but if men are allowed to marry many wives you will see that all this modern day harassment and abuse of women will stop. What does a lady really want after all she just need her children and an man to take responsibility for them so if a man is doing all that faithfully and the woman is given her freedom there will be peace.
If a man has many wives and one is not yielding the dividends of marriage the man need to lose a sleep he moves on to the next. Similarly if the woman senses that the man is not tending towards her she knows what to do by the time she tries it in one or two places you may find out that the original problem may just be that they were not compatible from the beginning.

In the olden days all these stories were not replete like they are nowadays, so what is expected is for people to be free to be themselves. Imagine a well known playboy cassanova getting married is that not caging him he will be philandering about yet lies and lies to the wife or a woman about town getting married to a man how do you think she will be faithful.
So the solution truthfully is that men and women must be free, Marriage is never a do or die affair it is honorable that a man seeks to take care of a woman and make her the mother of his children just as it is honorable for a woman to point to a man and say that is our husband. Check it now, how come men have a successful relationship yet they cant stay one year successfully in marriage. It is the caging that is the problem, men and women living in bondage in the name of marriage.
People be free, live your life to the fullest.

I wept when I read this because the husband acted so unfairly towards her. However, why did she have to stay quiet for that long in the relationship If she had cried out, I am so sure help would have come her way. May her soul find rest with God and I pray God keep and preserve the children she left behind. With this, her family should be able to file to keep custody of her kids.

I thought lastpage was a man, he used to put 'm' in front of his name before, I am surprised to see this

lastpage: I beg joor,l get husband expecting me at home.

^^^me & my husband registered and share a single pseudo-name on NL. bt its nt diffclt 2knw when he's typin or when l am using it.
LP

I have always read and not comment. I want to use this opportunity to apologise to my former coursemate and friend, chijioke. She got married when wa were in 3rd year and divorced with a son before our nysc commenced . Her hubby who was with CBN then beats and brutalises her. We her friends were not happy with her,probably because she spoilt our illusions of marriage.we said unkinds things to ,that no man would marry now.that she is too young to answer a divorcee.that she should go back to her hubby. Looking back now, i realised how wrong we are.