Lastpage reminds me of Blazay without the Muhehehehe.

so she took ill barely 12 days after their marriage..(someone obviously had it in for her and i would point only in one direction- her husband's people who never liked her to start with).....when inlaws hate you mehn they can make your life a living hell.....and it 's all the fault of a man who did not take his vow to love and protect you as priority..

Tgirl4real:

My dear,

1Cor 7: 10-16 makes God's position on divorce very clear. Am not advocating for women to condone abuse. I'm only providing clarity on scriptures.

The bible also says that men should honor their wives and not provoke their kids to anger. Is beating or unfaithfulness part of honoring your wife?

God i'm in tears -but why would this woman allow herself die in this kind of misery? I think her misfortune started the moment she went 'extra mile' to get children.
Women always pray and hope on God for children or adopt if you're that desperate please. For me, divorce is the way forward the moment he refuses the option of adoption and still wont give me peace. Ogo RIP for sacrificing your life for love

I just dont know what to say cuz i'm in tears reading this woman's ordeal.I will only curse the husband and her family.May God put them through double of what this woman encountered.May the punishment of God and instant judgement be on them.sickness and suffering shall be theirs.may all of them die a shameful death.[b]And to all those who marry the wrong men because of wealth,[/b]this is a big lesson for you to learn from.
This lady saw the early signals of possible problem when she was reduced and classified as a pauper judging by her low standard but she went ahead possibly blinded by lust and got married to the monster kevin.It's also evil to prevent women to seek divorce in complicated marriages like this.Of what point is it to endure suffering just because of religious 'magality' ? She should have left when the storm was gathering momentum.This is more than tragedy,may her soul rest in peace.Honestly this just upped my hatred towards ibos.

~Bluetooth:

I just dont know what to say cuz i'm in tears reading this woman's ordeal.I will only curse the husband and her family.May God put them through double of what this woman encountered.May the punishment of God and instant judgement be on them.sickness and suffering shall be theirs.may all of them die a shameful death.And to all those who marry the wrong men because of wealth,this is a big lesson for you to learn from.
This lady saw the early signals of possible problem when she was reduced and classified as a pauper judging by her low standard but she went ahead possibly blinded by lust and got married to the monster kevin.It's also evil to prevent women to seek divorce in complicated marriages like this.Of what point is it to endure suffering just because of religious 'magality' ? She should have left when the storm was gathering momentum.This is more than tragedy,may her soul rest in peace.Honestly this just upped my hatred towards ibos.

OH FFS what the hell is this and tribalism?

In the west its cos ur black in ur own country ur the wrong tribe - i tire for human beings

ibobabe: MAKE UNA SEE OGA ABUSER'S DEFENSE..someone just posted it oo.

Kevin's side of the story. No justification, but interesting to note:

Kevin\'s Associate · 1 hour ago
Wonderful write up it is! But it's unheard that the dead wrote. The writer aim is to tell a story of a woman who labored and died to express her unappreciated love to her husband or a caution for women to not love their husbands, It is unfortunate that the writer had been able to capture the hearts of the audience to the extend where they had dished all manner of causes and comments on the late woman's hubby (Kevin). Possibly already achieving his/her aims; I would use this opportunity to caution our commentators to always show restraint till the full story is heard. First, I do not intend to join issues with the writer but I want to state that the story is lopsided. You might agree to some extent that every marriage have their expectation. If a couple who were married in 12yrs with 2 kids still leaves together, it means they had been able to surmount their challenges. This is while I would also advise our women. Don't ever think you are an island in the midst of your in-laws, it doesn't matter how beautiful you are. We are still in Africa were women are expected to marry men as well as members of the man's entire family and show them respect. For me, this is the easiest way to get aligned with the family. But when pride and possessiveness cause you to disrespect your in-laws, then you are bound to face problem. The writer of this story is very selfish, perhaps the late Ogo confided in the writer while she was alive. Possibly too, the late Ogo never also told the writer the many times Kevin sold landed properties to pay hospital bills, the many times a laboring husband came back home from work to fall on empty stomach without food at home or the number of year late Ogo had spend in the US of the 12yrs of marriage while attending to her health issues. As I mentioned before, every marriages have their expectations. If your expectation is to have children and they are not forthcoming, there is bound to be issues. If a woman who never showed signs of sickness prior to marriage suddenly started falling heal barely 12days after marriage, there is bound to be problem, perhaps she hid the sickness from her hubby before marriage, alot comes to the bare. While I share pains with Kevin for having to experience this sad phase of his marital life undermining hitherto the so much that he had spent to salvage the life of his lovely wife, for making several sacrifices to get the marriage going, close confidants such as the writer of this story is desperately trying to make sure more pains are inflicted. Please Mr/Mrs writer whatever you are stop this calumny. We don't know you but from your right up we suspect who you are. In retrospect, Late Ogo had done 7 surgeries in the 12yrs of marriage. The last was when she had the second baby during which she temporarily passed out. At recovery, she was warned never to have the 8th or any more surgeries in her life time as her ailment would henceforth be therapeutically managed. All of this fell on deaf ears because people such as the writer were envious of late Ogo and unfortunately, Ogo didn't live long enough to see it. Having just being referred to a specialist in Lagos, and agreed with her husband on the "No surgery Rules" she arrived the hospital and decided with one of her sisters, which I strongly suspected is the writer of this story to go for a surgery. As you all know, till today when a patient goes for surgery a guarantor is expected to sign on her behalf. Typically for married women, their husband. While Kevin was still at work and persistently invoking the "No surgery rule" late Ogo's sister signed for her to carry on with the procedure/surgery. Which was a grievous disrespect for Kevin. And the woman died!! If anyone is to be blamed, it is whoever signed against the "No surgery rule".....she signed Ogo's death warrant. Now, going to the internet to tell a story in order to mope up sympathy or perhaps exonerate self is uncalled for and would not solve anything, would only aggravate this problem. As an advocate of peace, I think the emphasis going forward is to ensure that late Ogo's legacy and dream for her children is met.

After all has been said and done, how did Ogo die?

Was it the Hubby that beat her to death or did she die having surgery she was told to avoid!!!

Fools rush in. . .

May God forgive us all

sad story!atleast,she didnt die as a result of d husband's beatings.that wud v bn terrible.my cuzin was dating one eediot who always beat her,but she always hid it.d day i found out,i went to d guy's house,punched 2 teeth out of hs mouth nd gave them 2him to count.he stil has d gap and am sure he wud neva lay hs hands on any woman.

She died while in surgery...

According to her story,she needed surgery to save her life(re read her story),but her husband's associates say she wasn't supposed to undergo any other surgery because it would be too dangerous.her husband's story implies that he was not in support of the choice of lagos hospital,her story suggests otherwise.I cannot tell.In the end,they say her sister signed the medical guarantor form for her
Only insiders know what the surgery was for.some say it was a surgery to keep the family together
No one said she was beaten to death oo

cotton101:

OH FFS what the hell is this and tribalism?

In the west its cos ur black in ur own country ur the wrong tribe - i tire for human beings

I'm alreading hating you for even quoting me.You need to see the comments being made against ibos since this thread went on circulation.check facebook and twitter pages and stop pretending that the case hasnt gone tribal.Cursed tribe !

ibobabe: STILL FROM OGA MOBIL'S ASSOCIATES

I think the rhetoric should be refocused on the issue of medical malpractice which we suspect ended Ogo's life, may her soul rest in peace. There is nothing to suggest that Ogo died from abuse, wife battering or neglect as the email proposes. I don't claim to know Ogo and Kevin more than the writer of this email, but it seems spooky to me that Ogo would be speaking from the grave for a relationship she lived in and never blurted these issues or I don't think she would have wanted her matter in the public domain. Its hard for me to see the stock value in the vitality of these insinuations. I've tried to learn something out of it and the only common denominator is the allusion that the Ibo culture needs overhaul. We all can agree to that. Evidently the writer has some insider information or access to a Ogo's journal but I think this is invasion of privacy by another party which quite frankly is not lawful

You see, Ogo had a medical condition (not sure if it was pre-existing) and Kevin never supported his wife being attended to in-country because of the peculiar and delicate condition of the ailment (I'll keep her ailment confidential if you don't mind). A week before she passed away, as the email mentioned, he sponsored her trip to the UK, as any husband should do, and she had to go in for a follow up procedure. He was hesitant to the choice of a Lagos hospital, but Ogo insisted the doctors asserted it was a simple procedure, it would just take a couple of hours. What she was not told was that anesthesia administration on a condition as hers was going to be very delicate. Unfortunately, Ogo never made it out of anesthesia. I challenged Kevin and encouraged him to sue for medical malpractice for negligence and so on. A grief-stricken Kevin told me that the line of action I suggested would not bring his wife back to life. I told him we would wait until Ogo is laid to rest and we will embark on the enterprise of bringing the rogue doctors in

Wow, hadn't even read this before I made the earlier comment, hmmm. . .

blank: Ahhh. this story is so sad. It has given me a new empathy for abused women. My aunty (dad's sister) used 2 be abused n beaten in her marriage though she had an acerbic tongue. When she finally left her husband after a very serious beating, people were still telling her to return 2 d man. Her kids are same age as my siblings n I and the eldest had finished uni at that time yet people kept saying she shld stay for the kids. Her husband had not worked in 15yrs prior to this and it was her catering business that sustained the family.
This is almost 8 yrs after she left and people are still saying she shld reconcile with him esp her kids. I won't lie, I was also saying same cos 8yrs is enough 2 forget the horror of that beating but now I know better. God please forgive me and my family if we ever made her feel like less of a person for being separated. Grant such women the strength they need to move on and to overcome all obstacles.

Life is full of mysteries, people no longer think with their brains, before they act. To Kelvin : there is a reward for every thing you do in this life. Be ready, to face the consequence!

Most people just read the account of Ogo's sister (thinking Ogo herself wrote it) and them make their conclusions (which is what she actually designed this writ up to accomplish). The same sister who signed her death warrant in a Lagos Hospital o!
Dead people dont write now, abi?

Please read the sister's account, read the account of those who lived with them, those who worked with the husband, e.t.c and thn form your own unbiased and independent conclusion, afterwards.
Dont jump to conclusions so early.
As far as some people are concerned, all these "independent accounts" from peeps that know the parties well, does not count as long as they cant vent their spleen on "Monstrous Husbands" like Ken, like he was the one that signed her on for Surgery, despite good medical advise not to undergo more surgery!

Shior. really, only fools rush-in..
And as long as you dont join them to castigate the husband, you are not on their good side! Broke-arse humanbeings

Lastpage

ibobabe: She died while in surgery...

According to her story,she needed surgery to save her life(re read her story),but her husband's associates say she wasn't supposed to undergo any other surgery because it would be too dangerous.her husband's story implies that he was not in support of the choice of lagos hospital,her story suggests otherwise.I cannot tell.In the end,they say her sister signed the medical guarantor form for her
Only insiders know what the surgery was for.some say it was a surgery to keep the family together
No one said she was beaten to death oo

Not pointing the finger at you at all, just quoted your post cos na you dey supply the fresh gist.

But the story doing the rounds was she died as a result of domestic violence whereas when I read "her" story, what jumped out at me was:

*Her hubby who did not divorce her after 7 years of not having a baby

*the numerous "corrective" surgeries she was repeatedly having as a result of all the medical intervention she'd undergone in her quest to have a baby for her hubby

*her Hubby's reluctance to pay for "yet" another surgery abroad



Yet her side of the story made it look like she died as a result of her beating!!!

^^^its not her (ogo's) side of the story, its her sister's version, the same one that signed the Medical Guarantor form.
Thats the impression they want the world to think.
Its all just manipulation of a sad event.
Give a Dog a bad name so you can hang it. QED

Lastpage!

lol @ BusyBody
Your second asterick is supposed to be the reason she underwent the final surgery..according to some writers oo
She died because she wanted to please the man,he did not force her,but inference is that due to her suffering,she was going to do anything to secure the love and her place in the household.
(Still according to some writers)..I don tire to bring fresh gist though..
Was this her journal?Did someone write it for her?I do not know.But if someone was this close to her and did not advice her while she was risking her life and getting flogged..No words.
I just brought all sides of the story,everyone,read and draw your own conclusions.Some see the beatings,some see the husband paying for her medicals,some see the children being labelled 'these things',some see the sister as her killer,some see her relatives as being wicked for not bringing her out of a bad situation.No one knows.

I don draw my own,i believe in Battered Person Syndrome


She is DEAD

My heart is full of tears. Women, don't marry out of sympathy. No LOVE is BLIND again. Ladies, watch the kind of house you enter. Most Anambra, Enugu,Nuskka people are fond of this attitude with mother in laws.May Her soul rest in peace.

@Busy body: Don’t let these evil humanbeing deceive you by feeding you with half truths.
The reason Ogo went and was going for repeated surgeries is stated in this contribution by one of the people close to the family, in this post below.
It was NOT to satisfy her husband as being wickedly portrayed by ‘ibo girl’ an some of her gang on this Nland. she's been up spreading lies, like some of her “abused women” syndrome friends!

Agreed that they are bitter from their own failed marriage but at least it is not this Kelvin that abused them, na dem make a wrong choice of husband or probably made a monster of an otherwise decent man (since he was prince charming till they married him!).

Stop spreading lies and assassinating a man’s character because of your own flawed nature. The way some of them are going about this Ogo issue suggests that they are the “husband abuser” in their own failed marriage!

family friend: Every marriage has their issues, and it is a shame that this marriage ended this way. However, having known the couple personally all through the period of their marriage, I can strongly state that the story as written on your site has a lot of lies and untold truths in it. Though I think Kevin's family may not want join on issues with this story-teller who surely knows better, on a blog in the interest of the memory of the deceased, I think it would be right to put some facts about this relationship straight. First, it is true that Kevin and Ogoo were married for several years without children. However, it is untrue that Ogoo was taking medication early in marriage for fertility. Ogoo had a pre-existing medical condition prior to marriage to do with her lungs. She had several procedures/surgeries done in Nigeria, United States, United Kingdom, South Africa and Canada done to manage her lung disease, all at the expense of her husband, Kevin. Yes, Kevin did love her enough to send her to most of these places up to 7 years into marriage without children. All this was in a bid to manage the lung issue. At some point, the doctors told them it was safe to start trying for babies, and fertility treatments were recommended and taken. The two darling children, Kamsi and Chimamanda were born of these efforts. True, Kamsi may have been slow in development, but both his parents loved him very much, and I can personally attest to this. I am saddened that the person who wrote the letter, who knows this family very well, did not allude to all the love and effort that has been showered on Kamsi by his parents.
PART 2

When Ogoo was alive, she never failed to let friends and family know that her husband, Kevin had done a lot, morally, emotionally, and financially to alleviate her ongoing medical condition. True, they may have had their bad days, but which married couple can truly claim that they never had an argument, quarrel, or fight. Going by the pressures, strain and pain this couple suffered, I thank God that they even came this far.

Ogoo was not supposed to have more surgical procedures done after having her second baby, Amanda, but she had pains periodically which were proving difficult to bear. Her husband, Kevin, was willing to stick with doctors' recommendation saying that she manage her pains with medication rather than have further surgical procedures done. However, poor Ogoo was guiled by her maternal family to another procedure, which proved to be her last. They consented to the procedure, despite Kevin's trepidation. The surgery proved fatal.

Now Ogoo is gone, the writer of the letter who sees little to tie her to the benefits she and her kin gained from Kevin wish to blackmail him and his family by defaming them.

I say this to all who have read this story on the web and social networking sites. I have known the couple in question for a long time, even before they got married. They really loved each other, and because of the temptations they had in their marriage, they may have had interference from family members on both sides. But not more than any other couple with similar circumstances.

It is really unfair, shameful and in very bad taste for anyone to demonize Kevin and his family in their time of grief. Kamsi and Amanda if they were older would really want to have their single surviving parent to be alive, well and able to care for them till their adulthood. So let us let this family rest, and I'm sure the Ogoo's loving and peaceful spirit would want the semblance of love and care for her children, and her memory untarnished by falsehoods and disinformation. R.I.P. Ogo

Does this add-up, compared to what is being portrayed by Ogo's sister who wrote that story after taking her to that Lagos hospital and signing the Medical Guarantor "death-sentence" form (something that should have been done by the husband, if truly he supported the idea!)
All we need is a balanced report , appraisal and view issues involved, don’t gang-up against the man or accuse him of murdering his wife!

Lastpage!

Okay!!!

As expected,lol..

@ Cotton and DB your contributions and sharing of your story proving their is life after divorce is valuable, even with kids life goes on. Too bad Ogo did not have such friends and family members to show her this light. RIP Ogo

Even the Title of the Write-Up is very mischievous!
CRY FROM THE GRAVE!
This story was a well crafted, skewed rant about a man who allegedly, does not care a hoot about his wife, brutalized her through their entire marriage and who eventually murdered her.

It should have ready "TOO YOUNG TO BE MURDERED" OR "MURDERED BUT LOVED" or some other fancy, screaming headline that would reflect the contents of the write-Up!

If the dead could talk, l am sure the wife (Ogo) would have good things to say about her husband who stood by her for over seven years after marriage, without a child; about a husband who spent his entire fortune on his beleaguered wife, just to make sure she regains a healthy life! She might add that they do quarrel and it gets heated at times (and which marriage has not experienced that except that some are wise and matured enough to manage the situation and not destroy the marriage on account of that).

If Ogo could speak right now. l am sure she would not paint this fake, gory picture of a monster, one which she lived with for twelve good years, as painted by our new-found Agatha Christie, who incidentally was also the one that sent the lady to her untimely grave, as a result of her stewpid and selfish decision to push her sister into disobeying her husband and professional medical advice NOT UNDERGO SURGICAL OPERATION again, but rather use therapeutic means!

If this happened in the western world, the Doctors (Negligence) and the Sister writing this rubbish (manslaughter) would be in jail awaiting proper sentencing by now!
But this is Naija where the thief will even arrest the owner of the stolen property!

What this her sister did was to divert attention away from her culpability is her sister's death and shift the focus on her marital tribulation, like that was what killed her NOW!
Lets give it to her,: She is very smart, in an evil way sha. And there are "man-haters" in large numbers on Nairaland who see this as another opportunity to bash the men-folk, like na me say make dem no fit manage their home properly!

Lastpage!

BTW: I think NL should have a special section for "embittered, frustrated and loveless spouses" who have trashed their marriage, at least that way, we can be spared of their infectious, self-immolating rant!

ibobabe: lol @ BusyBody
Your second asterick is supposed to be the reason she underwent the final surgery..according to some writers oo
She died because she wanted to please the man,he did not force her,but inference is that due to her suffering,she was going to do anything to secure the love and her place in the household.
(Still according to some writers)..I don tire to bring fresh gist though..
Was this her journal?Did someone write it for her?I do not know.But if someone was this close to her and did not advice her while she was risking her life and getting flogged..No words.
I just brought all sides of the story,everyone,read and draw your own conclusions.Some see the beatings,some see the husband paying for her medicals,some see the children being labelled 'these things',some see the sister as her killer,some see her relatives as being wicked for not bringing her out of a bad situation.No one knows.

I don draw my own,i believe in Battered Person Syndrome


She is DEAD

Had already swallowed Ogo's story hook, line and sinker but twas that second point that got me in suspense and I kept reading thinking she possibly died during childbirth hence reason hubby was being blamed for her death.

You are right though battered person's syndrome and Stolkholm's syndrome is very real, and you also nailed it when you mentioned the "naija women doormat/sufferhead mentality" factor"

lastpage: @Busy body: Don’t let these evil humanbeing deceive you by feeding you with half truths.
The reason Ogo went and was going for repeated surgeries is stated in this contribution by one of the people close to the family, in this post below.
It was NOT to satisfy her husband as being wickedly portrayed by ‘ibo girl’ an some of her gang on this Nland. she's been up spreading lies, like some of her “abused women” syndrome friends!

Agreed that they are bitter from their own failed marriage but at least it is not this Kelvin that abused them, na dem make a wrong choice of husband or probably made a monster of an otherwise decent man (since he was prince charming till they married him!).

Stop spreading lies and assassinating a man’s character because of your own flawed nature. The way some of them are going about this Ogo issue suggests that they are the “husband abuser” in their own failed marriage!


Does this add-up, compared to what is being portrayed by Ogo's sister who wrote that story after taking her to that Lagos hospital and signing the Medical Guarantor "death-sentence" form (something that should have been done by the husband, if truly he supported the idea!)
All we need is a balanced report , appraisal and view issues involved, don’t gang-up against the man or accuse him of murdering his wife!

Lastpage!

I noticed a lot of holes in the story when I read it too and this was the first time ever that I'd read a story and decide to wait for the other side before commenting, moreso because it was coming from a 3rd party. . .solely painting the husband as a murderer.

And now that all gloves are off, someone raised a salient point that "the Hubby is still trying to arrange burial, etc, so why did wifey's side withdraw from looking after the children leaving them to their Dad to cater for them all alone" i.e. They initially provided relatives to come and help keep an eye on the children, but suddenly asked these relatives to leave!!!

Na wa

^^^^^You go wonder tire o! But the man is a monster so dont wonder!
Like l said in one of my previous post, the husband may not be a saint (like most Nigerian men) but we should only:

1.) Accuse him of what he did exactly, not what his wife's sister want us to accuse him of.

2.) Give him credit for what he did to his wife, to help her recover good health, not sweep it under the carpet!

3.) Not use this as a "front" to further cement the "battered spouse syndrome" as this case is not about a battered spouse!

Its just sheer wickedness to be "dropping hints" here and there as ibo babe and her "associations like debrief08" have been doing!

Its even funny once you disagree with them on an issue, they start calling themselves and "ganging-up" against you like they matter is some way!

Lastpage!

very sad story..we do not know who to blive now anymore

why her family left maybe they where asked to leave if they made the effort to come in the first place why not stay now she is gone? Unfortunetly we will never get the full story. Liek the saying goes in every rumour their is an element of truth.

I believe that our readers did not see the issue or factors responsible. The guy loves the woman and the people who made sure that it will not work is the mother and the brother in law who is the next of kin. They will neva allow anybody to take away the position from them and they can go to any length to destroy the marriage and the man's son. I believe the son's illness is more diabolical then medical cos no sign of down sydrome was noticed at birth, and for Christ sakes, he was born in America.the lazy brother and his wife. (Considering her first attitude towards the girl)has to answer to God. It was not ordinary. Its diabolical. I neva support woman to stay with an abusive husband.t

agiboma: why her family left maybe they where asked to leave if they made the effort to come in the first place why not stay now she is gone? Unfortunetly we will never get the full story. Liek the saying goes in every rumour their is an element of truth.

How could anyone leave a "supposedly" uncaring man whom "alledgedly" does not feed his children, with a challenging disabled 4 years old boy and a toddler!!!


@lastpages

I am up for arranging for some "awon boiz" to come and fix up any man who lays his hands on a woman cos we are the weaker sex, but I share your sentiments too, it is very dangerous going viral with this wicked tale painting the Husband as her murderer. Haba, don't people fear God anymore!!!

debrief08: please where is " what God has put together , let no man put assunder " found too?

It is found in Matt 19:6 and Mark 10:9

IMO, I think this can be applied when a third party is trying to break a happy/stable home.

PS: if you cant locate where a Bible passage is, just google the passage and you get your answer.

agiboma: @ Cotton and DB your contributions and sharing of your story proving their is life after divorce is valuable, even with kids life goes on. Too bad Ogo did not have such friends and family members to show her this light. RIP Ogo

don't thank me o cos i am also guilty of what some people do - unless ur husband is beating you I tell women/friends to stay in their marriage o! seperation/divorce I don't wish on anybody. I a few friends that complain about their husbands - these women have no idea what they have - if my only complaint was that he doesn't help in the house I would not be complaining - when you have been burnt with fire (yes it happened) a lazy husband is not an issue at all.

NO one is perfect but if you have a good wife/husband thank your God for that cos trust me the hell called an abusive marriage is like being a walking corpse.

anyway I have to leave now and watch the Good Wife (oh the irony)

Thank you Cotton01.
Marriage "is supposed" to be the best thing that happens to an adult but when it gets violent, it is a nightmare! Like l said before, l can "feel you".
From your post here and somewhere before, it is apparent that your "first impulse" wont be dont jump ship.
I feel you would have exercised a lot of restraint and probably your life was even at stake, before you decided to "leave and stay alive".

That is very understandable as compared to some so-called Westernized or society ladies who think single-motherhood is an achievement and a thing of pride (and like some of your complaining friends), would divorce at the "slightest marital inconvenience" like he does not cook, he does not clean house, he does not pay school fees, he does not buy me enough things, he is lazy, he is poor, he is unambitious, he farts at night, he drinks, he smokes, e.t.c ...Things/issues that can still be managed and resolved with a little perseverance, maturity and counseling!

This is where l defer with these kind of women; l look at the cost/benefit analysis of the current situation and then weigh it against the analysis of divorcing, its effect on my life, the life of the children involved, our health, e.t.c

Just walking out at the slightest provocation or even encouraging others to walk out on their family is a BIG DECISION, a life-changing one and should not be taken with levity or for some selfish reasons.

I also think matured women, those who have married for some years and "have real life marital experience" should be a source of wisdom to the younger ones about "the pitfalls of marriage", they should be a good guide as to what to do and what not to do, TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE, not a trigger on HOW TO BREAK YOUR MARRIAGE (Thats what the Bible also enjoins them to be!)

When l see a supposedly married woman, albeit now divorced, not exercising decorum on marital issues, the feeling l get is: Exactly, no wonder you cant keep your own home, if this is how you think and act!

Prayer, honesty and humbleness also helps to defuse a lot of "heated situation" in a marriage! If he blows hot, l wont aggravate the situation by challenging and daring his manhood (some women foolishly think that you're stewpid and not 21st century if you dont return fire-for-fire! ) except l have made up my mind that l dont care if it ends TODAY!(the Bible says "Harsh words brings strife", l take a stroll or keep to myself (in protest!).

Even if he is an animal, (traces of which he must have displayed before you married him, except you're blinded by the bulge in his wallet or bank account), he will have to calm down at a point! I am yet to see any man who locks himself all alone in his room and then starts fighting and boxing himself (You need an opponent to start a fight now, abi? and thats why l say it takes TWO to FIGHT in a marriage or anywhere).
Its not about who is "physically stronger", ofcourse why engage is a boxing match with a stronger opponent and then cry "abuser" afterwards? Common sens e dictates you engage "avoidance tactics" , right?

When there is no "available opponent or adversary", he has no choice than to calm down.
That is when a woman has liberty to now inject "common sense" into a man's head, in a subtle way (imagine l am correcting my 17yr old son and l start with a big slap to his face? What do you think would happen one unfaithful day? will he not say "Mummy, l am just looking at you or else l for return the slap"? ) Not to talk of his father and my husband, the head of the family or have you not heard of women who slap their husbands at the slightest argument?
....(Contd)

Lastpage!

Not taking-up a challenge to fight your husband is NOT a sign of weakness or bush-woman as some divorce/d-advocates are trying to imply, its even a sign that you're matured and wise, as the Bible puts it in Proverbs 14:1; You're wiser than the "egoistical husband" you have because by doing so, you have SAVED YOUR MARRIAGE (as against what the Bible called "the foolish woman" who returns fire-for-fire and the marriage breaks-down irrevocably!

It does not mean that a husband has no input in saving the marriage, it simply means the Bible recognizes the "inherent foolishness of men" when it comes to "humble conduct" in dealing with a weaker sex! That the "real world" as against "an ideal world".
We are created differently, we are physiologically different: men are "physical by nature, muscles and barrel chested" while women are "cranial, more intelligent and subtle". What a man fights for, a woman can achieve with sweet words or am l lying?

Some years back, my husband was trying to play some "Aristo games" and l caught him early. I did not slap him or pack-out (if l did l would be divorced by now, even now that he is even a better man and more matured. I handled it maturely and he had to own up and ask for forgiveness. He was begging for a whole month, promising and blaming it on the Devil (Devil koor, Devil nii) and when l eventually forgave him, l "fined him" a 4X4 as a replacement car! In appreciation, he worked hard for it and brought it home one evening (See, he is laughing over my shoulder now! Mr. Man, Tell them you did not beg me for like one month) .
Tell me, who is the winner in that situation, who is the wise one? The outcome could have been different if l chose another route to attack the problem. No marriage is without "challenges", that is what happens when two strange, grown-up people decide to live as "one person". Its a very daunting challenge!

I hope and pray all spouses exercise restraint and modesty in dealing with their spouse, so that peace can rain in the family, so that the children you both brought to this world can enjoy the benefit of "a family" ( father and mother, as it was designed to be) for a balanced, upbringing. So that even you the spouse can enjoy each other, especially when you grow past your menopausal stage (45-50yrs and above), when you both need each other's company the most. That is when it dawns on spouses, that living together as husband and wife, is very important for good living!

Once again, RIP Ogo, may your spirit destroy the handiwork of the devil in the life of those close ones you left behind, especially your husband and children.

Lastpage!